Chapter Sixty-Seven:
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"Cause I've been on this train too long
People getting off and on
I'm prayin' that I don't forget where I belong
And every time I ask myself
"Am I turning into someone else?"
I'm praying that I don't forget just who I am
I really wanna understand
I just wanna understand
'Cause we all get lost sometimes, yeah
We all get lost sometimes
Don't leave your heart behind."
Eirene's POV
"He went through hell and back without you, Eirene. Those were the toughest six months for my brother. I had never seen this distraught." Alec said as he gently squeezed my hands that were held in his.
"I know. I can understand." I whispered.
"I'm so glad now that you're here. We all are." He smiled.
I smiled back at him through tears and nodded my head.
It was now my fourth day here. His family had come to see me today and after spending the evening with us, they were now leaving. Alec just stood at the door with me while everybody else was already out the door.
"Don't cry, okay? You're with him now. And with us, too." He said and gave me a hug.
"Thank you." I hugged him back.
"Get away from her, Alec." I heard Darius's voice from behind him and looked up.
Our eyes met and he had an unimpressed expression etched on his face.
Alec scoffed and pulled away, "Still the same." He whispered.
I chuckled a bit and nodded my head, "It's better this way." I whispered.
He grinned and turned around to climb down the stairs.
Darius came to stand beside me and gently grabbed my hand in his, “How was your session today?” He asked while looking ahead.
I gave him a side glance and pursed my lips, “It went fine.”
He briefly glanced at me, “Good. Let’s go inside.”
His hand left mine as soon as we entered inside and he closed the front door.
“Goodnight.” He wished me and went in the direction of the stairs.
I closed my eyes and sighed quietly.
Ever since that night, we have been sleeping in separate rooms because he did not want to overwhelm me and wanted me to have my space before I get adjusted to all of this, once again.
Honestly, I barely sleep when he’s not around. It was like I was all over again in Russia. There was not one night when I had slept peacefully. I would often wake up after getting two to three hours of sleep.
“Darius.” I called him just as he reached the foot of the stairs.
He stopped and turned around to face me, “Yeah?”
“Is this why you stopped me from going back?” I asked.
His eyebrows furrowed slightly, “What?”
“Is this why you stopped me from going back?” I repeated.
He exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, “Where do you want to go, Eirene? This is your home.”
I shook my head and started to walk towards him, “This is not my home, Darius. You are. And, I’m sorry for not realising this when I should have but I need you to know this now.”
He stared at me for a few seconds before answering, “I know that. And, we already had a discussion about this yesterday, Eirene. Your actions were unconscious and you did not realise the consequences. Your behaviour because of your mental state was justified. I’m tired, let’s talk about this tomorrow?”
I came to stand in front of him, “I need to talk about it, now.”
He clicked his tongue and folded his arms across his chest, “Okay. Talk.”
“I want you to talk.” I sighed out.
“About?”
“About you, Darius.”
“What about me?”
Infuriated, I kept staring at him, and after a while he sighed and cupped the side of my face, “I have nothing to tell you.”
After saying that, he turned around to go upstairs but I stopped him by grabbing his hand.
“Just because my medical analysis states that my PTSD was triggered, did it not hurt you?” I asked quietly.
His back muscles tensed and I gulped, “Say something.” I whispered after a solid pause of two minutes.
“Yes, it did hurt.” He whispered without turning to face me.
I went to stand in front of him but he avoided my gaze, “Then tell me that. I wanna hear it from you. Tell me, I hurt you. Intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. Complain to me. Punish me, scream at me. But, don’t do this. Don’t just care about me. Let it all out.” I pleaded.
He shook his head, “I want to sleep.” He said right before he side-stepped me and made his way upstairs.
“Can you sleep that easily?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Came his reply.
A few seconds later, I heard our bedroom door being shut and it broke my heart. Not because he did not talk to me, but because he still did not want to talk about his pain.
I went up to my room and changed into an oversized knitted jumper with some cotton shorts.
After washing my face and patting it dry, I grabbed my phone and made my way to our room.
He must be asleep.
That's what I have been doing ever since I came here. I would go to sleep next to him late at night and wake up before him to go back to the other room.
I quietly opened the door and was surprised to see him sitting on the floor, facing the balcony doors that were open. The curtains swayed with the gentle blows of wind and the only source of lighting were the bedside lamps.
I closed the door behind me and his head leisurely moved to the side as I started to walk in his direction.
He knew it was me.
His legs were stretched out in front of him and even though the wind was freezing cold, he sat shirtless with a cigarette hanging between his lips.
I sat down between his legs and put my legs on both sides of his body.
"So, I was right. You sneak in here to sleep every night." He commented after blowing out the smoke.
I shrugged in response, "And, I was right. You weren't able to sleep, either."
His eyes roamed my face for a few seconds before making eye contact, "I haven't been able to sleep properly since you left."
My heart skipped a beat and I nodded my head, "I know."
"You'll catch a cold." I said.
He put out his cigarette and my eyes went to the bullet scar on his chest. I traced it with my finger and I felt his body shiver under my hand.
My eyes snapped up to see he was already staring at me.
"I almost had a heart attack when I found out that you left Greece. I went to see Angelo that night and he told me that you were in Russia." He spoke quietly.
I felt something break inside of me as soon as he said that. My hand slid up to the back of his neck and I started to caress his hair.
He took a hold of my chin between his thumb and index finger suddenly, "Why'd you leave me, hm?"
I gulped and rolled my bottom lip in my mouth.
"You were right. Even though you were somewhat right and didn't do all of that intentionally, it still hurt. I needed you. Didn't you know? I need you like I need oxygen to breathe."
"And I kept wondering, wouldn't she have done the same thing if she were in my shoes? Maybe, if I had done something earlier, this all could've been avoided."
Tears pooled in my eyes and I looked down. He sounded sad. And lost.
And it was because of me.
"You made me so fuckin' addicted to you, Eirene. Worse than a drug, or any alcohol. I told you, you are my achilles heel."
"How did you live without me? Was it that easy?" He questioned.
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him, bringing his head to my chest.
"Not at all. It was very hard. Being away from you." I told him truthfully.
"Then why didn't you come back sooner?" He countered.
"It was too late, I thought." I whispered.
"It wasn't. And if you so much as even think of leaving me again, I swear to God Eirene I will kill you." He warned.
I smiled and hummed in response.
We remained quiet for the next few moments before I decided to speak.
"You know, Darius, every life is as important as mine. As a human being, I feel as if we're all equal and no human should survive at the intentional cost of another human being's life."
"Throughout my life, people have sacrificed for me. If I am counting correctly, six people have died because of me. Including Julia, because if she hadn't died, I would've."
Darius pulled away and scowled at me, "All of them loved you, Eirene. Except that bitch of a sister you had."
"My bodyguards loved me?" I raised a brow at him.
He clicked his tongue, "That's not the point, baby, th-"
"The point is that I can't be a liability anymore. I feel responsible for all those deaths. And if something had happened to you, I would've died." I intervened.
My heart melted at his endearment but I kept my expressions straight.
"But you saved me, despite being hurt yourself." He whispered as he tucked my hair behind my ear and cupped the side of my face.
"I didn't come to see you until your condition got out of hand." I admitted.
He hummed in response, "I know. And here I thought, my wife would cry a river or two for me.”
I chuckled and wiped a lone tear that had slipped out of my eye, “I did everything except that. And everything that I stood against. Violence, guns, murder, everything.”
“Angelo told me. I thought that bastard had escaped again but you didn’t let him.” He said.
I nodded my head, “When I came home, he was here. Sitting in our living room. For a moment, I was scared. I was scared that he’d do to me what he did to my mom.” I paused and took a deep breath.
“Nevermind, I just killed him.” I whispered as I traced patterns on his bare arm with my finger.
Darius chuckled and I looked at him in surprise.
“Is it bad that I am actually enjoying hearing you say this so casually?”
I nodded my head in response, “Mm hmm, it is.”
“If you look at it this way, you finally overcame your fear yourself, it’s good.” He stated.
I rested my cheek on his shoulder and sighed softly, “I don’t wanna look at it, anyway.”
He ran his hand down my back in a soothing manner and I traced his sharp jawline with my finger.
“You have to accept it.” He said.
“I’ll do that tomorrow.”
“What do you wanna do right now?”
“Absolutely nothing.”
After that, we kept sitting in silence for quite some time. I grabbed the fleece from the edge and wrapped it around us.
“Darius.” I called him.
“Hm?”
“If you ever wanna do something for me, fight to live for me.”