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𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒋𝒖𝒏 let out a small breath through his nose and nodded his head lightly, looking at the floor for a second before averting his eyes to the end of the room. he honestly couldn't understand, how the way soobin looked at him could mean something else, how the way soobin smiled to him could be meaningless, how everything they had could be nothing. maybe not nothing, but for sure not as much as it was for him.
the demon didn't cry, didn't felt empty or sad, didn't asked why or questioned if soobin was sure. the truth was, he wasn't surprised. the red haired was rejected his whole life, he was disinherited, he was discarded by his brother, he was left by his mother, even if the woman didn't want to do so, he was looked down by every single person in limbo, he was explored by the council and now, rejected by the only person important enough to make him fight for something.
he felt pathetic for genuinely thinking he could be loved.
"dan-" the younger called hesitantly and yeonjun's eyes looked at him. soobin stopped middle sentence when the gentle and caring stare was replaced by a cold and empty one. he didn't know what to do, or what to say, how to react or explain something that didn't have explanation to the other. in the end, it was useless to talk.
"i will ask for taemin to take you to heaven. he will explain things to the royal family and take the spell from you." the red haired said calmly, putting both hands in his pockets while looking at the taller. he decided into convincing himself he didn't mind, he didn't feel any pain, and to ignore the hate, for himself.
yeonjun deep down hated himself, for the first time, for being who he was.
"danny, i-i-" the black haired stopped again, not really knowing what to say, simply because there was nothing to be said. he wanted to, he really did, wanted to be able to say the three words, but he couldn't. and saying them as a lie was worst than not saying them at all.
"you?" the demon tilted his head, scoffing softly when soobin kept quiet. he wasn't mad at the angel, he couldn't even blame him.
yeonjun was a monster, after all, wasn't he? a creature, a curse, a freak, something to be feared, something to be looked down, something not deserving of love, something to not be trusted, something to be discarded. soobin was just doing what everyone else did, leaving.
the older got closer, holding the crimson crystal on his hands. the necklace made of his mother's crystal, the necklace he gave soobin because he loved him, cared for him, wanted to protect him, because he was important enough to carry a piece of the only thing his mother left him after dying.
"you can keep it." his eyes went to the angel's ones, he saw how they were teary, how soobin was the one almost crying when he was the one who got his heart broken. he would've hated the male now if he could. "i don't have anyone else to give."
it was true, because he didn't love anyone like he did to soobin. no one beyond the black haired was worthy enough of having it, and keeping it himself would be more painful than losing it. yeonjun didn't want something he gave to the other, it would be almost as a cursed object, reminding himself over and over again he wasn't, or did, enough.
"i d-don't-" soobin felt stupid, he couldn't say anything, only stuttering like a fool. he didn't felt stupid because of the way he couldn't speak though, but because he wanted, needed, to say something, but didn't know what. it was like something was stuck on his throat, words that had to be spoken, but he somehow couldn't bring himself to discover which were.
"no need to say anything, soobin." the younger didn't felt his cheeks heating or heart racing this time when hearing his name, not when the older's tone was void of emotions, as if soobin was a stranger. maybe he ended up being, yeonjun thought he knew him, but it seemed to not be the case.
a lot of things seemed to not be the case.
"it's n-not that, i-" the taller tried to said something again, but even before he could, yeonjun cut him off. stone cold eyes on him, burning his soul with indifference.
"your place is in heaven." it shouldn't, but the words felt like a knife going through soobin's heart. he would never belong to heaven, right? he was supposed to stay with daniel, right? he didn't know. the angel didn't know why it all hurt so much too, why his heart felt like getting turned into ashes, why he felt a lump in his throat and his stomach dropping.
soobin didn't know why the thought of leaving yeonjun seemed to be the most painful thing ever, he didn't know why the look on the demon's face turned his heart dark, he didn't know why he felt like crying, like begging for yeonjun to not leave him, like asking for forgiveness until the male accepted him back.
the gentle smile, the caring stare, the soft touches, the way he called his name, the way the hugged and caressed him, the dirty smirk, the intense stare that made him feel like the only person in the world. soobin didn't know why he preferred losing his wings, losing himself and his life, than losing all of that.
he didn't love yeonjun after all, did he? no, he couldn't.
"i-" the taller raised his hand slowly, taking a step closer to the older with glossy eyes. he had to try, maybe they could solve this, right? maybe soobin hadn't ruined everything, maybe soobin could still stay in the only place he ever felt like he belonged to; yeonjun's embrace.
"don't." the red haired was the one to step back this time though, but he didn't stop there, turning around and making his back face the other, as if he couldn't look at soobin anymore. because he actually couldn't, not when looking at him only made it all worst. "leave."
"d-daniel-" soobin tried again, he didn't know what to say, what could make him stay, what could make yeonjun look at him again and hold him close. he needed the male, he craved for him, he breathed him, bled him, cried and begged for him, so why? why he had to lose him? why things needed to be like that? why he couldn't love yeonjun back?
"leave." the red haired only turned his face to the side slightly, making the taller look at his side profile, no expression on his face. he didn't seem to be hurting, he didn't seem to be even feeling anything, as if he had killed all his emotions the moment the angel pulled away and didn't answer the i love you. "i don't want you here anymore."
soobin froze in place, crystal tears running down his cheeks slowly and shining under the moonlight the room seemed to have. it was probably the purest thing he had in himself, the salty water that seemed to carry part of his heart in every droplet dripping from his chin and gently hitting the floor.
the angel couldn't, he couldn't leave, he couldn't lose yeonjun, but he couldn't stop it all to happen too. so instead, the red haired did, tsking softly before leaving the room and soobin alone. the demon left the most important person to him inside the most important place he had.
maybe he was bonded to lose things he loved.
yeonjun walked with his head held high, as if nothing had happened, as if his heart hadn't just gotten thorn apart as an old and ragged doll, as if he hadn't gotten rejected by the love of his life, as if he hadn't lost his darling, his angel, his queen. he was used to it, wasn't he? he went through it too many times, didn't he? so why it still hurt like the first time? why he wanted to cry? but why he couldn't bring himself to?
the demon felt numb.
he could still feel the feathers against his fingers, the soft skin against his, still see the dimpled smile and crescent eyes, still her soobin's voice calling him and still feel the angel's heartbeat against his when they slept. his heart was still soobin's, his soul was still soobin's, they would probably always be, because yeonjun knew he couldn't love someone else, even if he tried.
soobin was the one and only for him. but he didn't seem to be the angel's.
yeonjun just had to rip his heart off his chest and burn his soul then. he had to set fire on the touches and memories he had from soobin. he had to get over it, just like he did with all the previous rejections. he had to keep being the monster, the curse, the creature.
the red haired couldn't cry, couldn't grieve, couldn't regret everything and feel angry after. he never could, he didn't have time to when his life was in danger years before, when he had to learn how to live by himself with eleven years, when everyone looked at him as a freak, and when he had a kingdom to rule.
yeonjun didn't have time to let himself heal when he had to take care of his people. so he needed to forget soobin, to ignore him, to bury him deep enough to not get affected.
he had to rule hell, as best as he could.
but without his queen beside him.
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