~this is my first time writing, so I'm sorry if its not very good. I'm trying my best. hope you like it :)~
Katsuki POV
I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. When someone upsets me or I'm sad, I lash out. It's just my way of holding back my tears. When I'm alone, my emotions are a mess. Sometimes I feel empty and hollow which leads to me doing things to myself that I shouldn't do. Other times, I'm sad. I just stare into the mirror and cry, thinking of what I could be and who I'm supposed to be. Every once in a while, I'm happy. It's nice when I'm happy. The shitty nerd is the reason for it though. And sometimes I suffer in silence, feeling abandoned, trapped with my thoughts.
I wish Deku would notice. The way I look at him. He's so beautiful, he doesn't realize how much his smile lights my day up. All I want in life is for him to love me. If he loved me, then maybe everything would be okay. What am I thinking?? There's no way he could love me, after all the shit I've said to him. He deserves to be happy, even if that means I can't have him.
I don't even know how I feel. I don't really know what love feels like, but I think it would feel like this. If it's not love, then I don't know what it is. But.. love... it's such a strong word. it can make you feel like you're on top of the world or it can make you feel like you've been dragged through hell over and over. I hope it's the first scenario for me. But it's me. I deserve to be dragged through hell then forced to watch the people I love suffer because of the harm I've caused them. I want to take back all the words I said to him. Every last one of them. I want to make it up to him. Then maybe we could at least be friends.
Would he want that though? He's always been friendly, but I wouldn't consider us friends. Hell, I told him to take a swan dive off a building. I'll never forgive myself till the day I die. I need to apologize to him. And maybe confess, too. I don't know about the confession part, but I definitely need to apologize.
-Katsuki was so lost in thought, He didn't even realize he had been standing in front of Izuku's dorm room door for 10 minutes.-
Izuku POV
I love Kacchan. I've always loved Kacchan. Even more than I love All Might, and that's saying something. If it wasn't weird, my room would be Dynamight or as I call him, Kacchan themed. I wish he didn't hate me so much, but I don't think there's much I can do about it. Maybe one day we could be friends. I already consider him my friend, but I don't think he considers me his. I would love it if we were more than friends, but I just don't see that happening. Ugh. Love. It's such a stupid yet amazing concept. I wish I could have the type of love you read about in romance novels.
Kacchan and I have been together since the beginning. Not in the way I want, of course. Nothing seems to work out the way I want. Kacchan has always been a little aggressive, but I think it's cause he's hurting inside. He's never said anything, his ego is too big for that, but I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. His eyes are full of so many emotions that I can't recognize. If only he would tell me how he feels. I wish he felt the way I do. That would make things so much easier. Then I could decorate my room with Kacchan posters, and walk up and hug him whenever I'm feeling down, or kiss him when he looks at me like that. WHAT?? IZUKU. What are you thinking?? He doesn't even like you, you big idiot.
My room is an absolute mess. I better go put that laundry in the wash.
-As Izuku began to open the door, he heard a loud thud. When he looked down, he saw the man of his dreams, Katsuki Bakugou. He was rubbing his forehead, which was now red from being hit by the door-
--
"Kacchan! Are you alright?" Izuku said, putting his hands on Katsuki's shoulders. He quickly retracted them when he realized how close he was to Bakugou.
"I'm fine, nerd. Get away from me." Katsuki yelled as he noticed where Izukus' hands were placed.
"Okay.. what are you doing out here?"
"I was on my way to Shitty Hair's room" He lied, knowing that his true intentions were now ruined.
"You should really be more careful, Kacchan. I don't want you getting hurt." Izuku said, slightly concerned.
"Yeah, whatever. Go to bed, don't want you falling asleep in class, Deku." I really need to be more nice to him if I want to even consider telling him how I feel.
Was Kacchan just nice to me? No.. he must have just wanted to get out of having a conversation with me.
--
-Katsuki decided to head to his friends room, like he told Izuku he was doing.-
3rd Person POV
"Come in!" Kirishima yelled as he heard someone knock on the door. "Oh hey Bakubro. Why didn't you tell me you were stopping by? I would have cleaned up a bit."
"I don't care if your rooms a mess, you piece of shit." Katsuki said back, muttering the last part.
"What did you need? Ya come to hang out with your best friend? Huh? Huhh? C'mon, you know you love meeee!" Kirishima said, trying to get a reaction out of his friend.
"WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T LOVE YOU."
(The only person I love is Deku) Katsuki thought to himself.
"Are you gonna answer my question or are you just gonna stand there?"
"I need some advice.." Katsuki said, regretting even coming to Kirishima for help.
"What kind of advice? OOO you got girl problems Bakubro?" Kirishima was still trying to make his friend angry.
"Well.. kinda? Not really.. Can I tell you something?" Katsuki asked his -not- friend.
"Yeah, of course." His tone changed once he realized that this meant a lot to Bakugou.
"Have you ever.. been attracted to a guy?"
"Bakubro.. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way towards you." Kirishima misinterpreted the situation, leaving Katsuki annoyed.
"Shitty Hair, that's not what I said." Katsuki was pissed off at his friend's reaction.
"I'm asking cause I... I have a crush on a guy. I have for a long time, and I can't hold it in anymore."
"Awwww! OOH let me guess, Midoriya, right?" Kirishima was sure of his answer.
"What!??! NO! Maybe.. whatever. How'd you know?? You been talking to my Hag?" Katsuki only told his mother, whom he called "Hag" about his feelings for his childhood friend.
"Aww that's so cute! And it's pretty obvious bro, I think the only one who doesn't realize it is him. You haven't told him how you feel yet, right?" Kirishima was speaking a little too loud. The surrounding rooms could definitely hear parts of their conversations.
Katsuki was looking down, trying to hide the very obvious blushing on his face.
"STOP YELLING! And no of course I haven't told him. He'd think I'm an idiot. Why would I go from hating him one day to confessing my love to him?
"Love...? You love him? I thought this was just a crush, Bakugbro. You definitely gotta tell him how you feel. Holding in those feelings for too long can change you."
"What? I did NOT say love. Why would anyone love that useless nerd?" Katsuki was trying to stay away from the "L word."
"I just.. like him."
"Well I still think you should tell him. Aw then y'all could be a happy gay couple!" Kirishima went back to irritating Bakugou.
"SHUT UP! I'M NOT GAY YOU IDIOT!" He could feel a blush creeping on his face. Katsuki wasn't really sure about his sexuality yet. He's always found women attractive, but he's never really been interested in them. Men, on the other hand, he's always been drawn to them. His eyes couldn't stay away sometimes.
"Well I'm pretty sure being in love with a guy is at least a little gay."
"I'M NOT IN LOVE!" He whisper yelled the last word, scared someone would hear him.
"Whatever you say bro."
--
-As Katsuki headed back to his room, he thought over some of the stuff him and Kirishima talked about.-
Katsuki POV
Shitty hair was no help. I'd have better luck talking to a wall about this shit. I can't believe I was blushing. I only start to blush when Deku gives me those puppy dog eyes or when he stands too close... or when he smiles like there's nothing to worry about. Damnit, Katsuki! Stop thinking about him. Think about combat training. Ah damnit we went up against each other today! I did like the warmth of him on my body when he held me down, though. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!? Liked the warmth?? I sound like an idiot. It was nice though.. I wish I could be that close to him all the time. Goddamnit I need to figure out my feelings.
Izuku POV
That was kinda weird... Why was Kacchan so close to my door? I guess it doesn't really matter. He looks so... hot... though. I love when he wears those black tank tops with the black sweatpants. He has no right to be that attractive. What?? What is wrong with me? Do I really think Kacchan is hot? I mean, he's definitely attractive, but hot? Ugh. I'm so stupid.
Combat training was nice today. I liked being so close to him.. I could feel all his muscles really well and if I'm being completely honest, I got a little bit.. hard.. But that doesn't mean anything. Maybe I was just horny and the presence of a person under me sorta set it off? Yeah right. Izuku, get yourself together. You know how you feel about him, why don't you just tell him? I could never tell him. Then he'd just hate me more than he already does. But.. maybe if I did, he would feel the same way? I doubt it.
-Izuku decided to head to Kirishima's room to find Katsuki. When he got there, he could hear a bit of yelling in the room. He decided to wait outside but he overheard some stuff..-
Did Kacchan just say he likes me?? WHAT? I can't let him know I know. He would be so mad if he found out I knew.. I better get back to my room before Kacchan catches me out here.
-Both of the boys went to their rooms and fell asleep thinking of each other.-
--
Izuku POV
I had the weirdest dream.. as if Kacchan would ever like me. I must be going crazy. Oh, I never did my laundry. I got distracted by.. IT WASN'T A DREAM. What do I do now?? I know he likes me, and I like him, but would he want to date me? I doubt it. I guess I should talk to him about it.
-He hadn't noticed he had walked to Katsuki's door.-
Katsuki POV
Ugh stupid alarm clock. "Shut the hell up!" Is someone outside muttering?
"OI WHO'S OUT THERE?" I didn't know Deku was out here.. I wouldn't have yelled if I knew it was him.. But I should have suspected it. He's the only one in our class that mutters so much.
"Sorry Kacchan! I was on my way to get breakfast.. Hey, actually, can we talk?"
Why is he looking at me like that? Ugh he's so cute.. I just want to hold him close to me. Goddamnit Katsuki get yourself under control.
"Sure nerd, what do you need?"
"I uh.. um.. could we go inside your room first?"
"Yeah whatever you need Deku." What?? I'm making it sound like I'm in love with him or some shit.
"S- so, um.."
Why is he blushing? And stuttering too?
"I just wanted to let you know I heard a bit of your conversation that you had with Kirishima last night.. "
He heard..? So..he knows?
"How much exactly did you hear you damn nerd?" Maybe he didn't hear me say that I like him
"I uh.. The um.. Part about y- you being.. Uh, gay."
So he didn't hear all of it?
"I'm not gay. I'm not sure what I am but are you sure that's all you heard? Nothing else"
"That's it. I won't like, tell anyone. I promise."
"Yeah whatever. Get outta here."
Thank All Might he didn't hear anything else.
Izuku-
Why was he so nice about it? He didn't care that I listened in on his conversation? Of course I didn't tell him what I actually heard, I got too scared. He probably would have been mad if he knew I heard that.
"Oh! Before I go, do you want to train together later?"
"Yeah sure.. Just get out."
He looks nervous.. Maybe he actually does like me. I can't wait to train with him. I love how it feels when I'm up close to him. I wish it could be like that all the time.
"Hey! How are you?" Mina said.
Her personality is so bubbly
"I'm good, you?"
"I'm great! Some of us from class are watching A movie tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to watch with us? Just so we can think about seating and stuff."
"I'm training with Kacchan later, but that should work. I'd love to hang out with y'all." Maybe I could convince Kacchan to go too. Probably not though, he doesn't really like people.
--
3 hours later
--
"Hey Kacchan! So, do you want to battle? We could train without our quirks to strengthen ourselves."
"Yeah sure whatever Deku."
They stood across from each other. Once they started, it looked like Katsuki was going to win. But at the last minute, Izuku flipped Katsuki over his back, onto the ground and sat on his stomach.
(What is he doing? He's so close. He's gotta be messing with me. Why is he looking at me like that?) Is he.. Katsuki thought
(I want to kiss him. He's so beautiful. Oh no. I feel it again. I better get off him before he notices.)
"Uh, sorry! I um, spaced out."
(Maybe he didn't notice) Izuku thought to himself.
"Quit apologizing, nerd. You won, good job Deku." (He was definitely hard.. why? I did like how close he was to me though..)
The two boys headed to the locker room to change.
-In the locker room-
(Kacchan is so hot.. I want him to do me.) Izuku thought, staring at Katsuki.
"Oi Deku what you staring at?" (Why is he looking at me like that? It's the same look he gave me when he was holding me down..)
"Oh uh, sorry.. I spaced out.." (Get it together Deku! Idiot.)
"It's fine.. don't let me catch you again."
"O- okay Kacchan." (I don't know when to tell him that I know.. what if he was talikg about someone else and I'm just so self absorbed that I thought he was talking about me? That would definitely ruin things between us.. )
(He looks nervous again.. maybe I should mess with him a bit.)
Katsuki began to undress like he normally would, but this time he decided to take an extra layer off so he was fully exposed.
"Hey, so.. AH KACCHAN WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!" Izuku yelled as he turned around, seeing the blonde naked. He quickly covered his eyes and turned away to hide his blush.
"What's the matter? We've changed in front of each other a million times." (It's working.. he's so easy to make fun of.)
"Y- yeah but I've never seen you fully naked!" (Why is he doing this? He's gotta be messing with me..) the greenette began to blush.
"It's just one layer Deku. Quit being a pussy." Katsuki said smirking.
"Just get some clothes on!!" (Oh no.. it's happening again, I'm.. UGH! Why does he have this type of control over me? He's never teased me like this before.. maybe it's cause I know he's gay? Er, not straight?)
"Ah, actually, I don't have any other boxers in my locker. Gotta go to the laundry room." (That ought do it. The laundry door is right next to his locker)
"Fine! Just hurry!" (I hope he doesn't notice.. I really shouldn't have changed into grey sweatpants..)
(Oh I know what to do!) Katsuki thought, walking in Izuku's direction.
He just barely grazed Izuku's thigh with his own.
(AH! HE WAS SO CLOSE! HE TOUCHED ME! WHAT DO I DO?? Okay calm down Izuku. It was probably an accident, didn't mean anything..) Izuku thought, trying to hide the very obvious blushing on his face.
"You alright there? Looking a little red." Katsuki said, walking back into the locker room, clothed. (He's blushing? Maybe I went too far.. I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable..)
"I'm fine.." (I wish he would stop teasing and smash me already. To the point where I can't walk.) Izuku thought to himself, embarrassed.
"I um, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to." (Goddamnit, why do I screw everything up?)
"It's okay, you didn't make me uncomfortable." (Shit, I'm so horny now. I definitely got a boner. I really hope he doesn't notice.)
(Is Deku hard again..? He's so easy to turn on. That's good to know) Katsuki had a smirk on his face.
"Let's go, Mina and some of the others invited me to watch a movie tonight. I don't wanna be late. Oh, I meant to ask you, do you wanna watch too? If so, she needs to know ASAP." Izuku said, remembering the plans he made earlier.
"Yeah sure, let's get out of here."
•I didn't know how to end the chapter so I just stopped. I hope you liked it•