"So, Obi-Wan, what do you think about ...?" Anakin slung one arm over the back of his chair, twisting around to greet his friend as he entered the room. But he trailed off as he caught sight of Obi-Wan's sullen face. "What is it?"
Obi-Wan shrugged off his cloak, flicking it onto the couch and skulking into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.
"Obi-Wan?" Anakin was half-amused, half-confused, pushing back his chair and walking to the door leading into his room. Perhaps Obi-Wan had forgotten that they had stopped sharing an apartment three years ago.
Anakin raised his knuckles, hesitating a moment, before knocking quietly. "Is everything okay?"
When he was met by the sweet sound of silence, he started to get concerned. Obi-Wan had just returned from an investigatory mission to Mandalore, and it wasn't uncommon that meeting the beautiful, fiery Duchess Satine would put Obi-Wan in a strange mood. Anakin had long known that Obi-Wan and her used to be a sort of forbidden lovers, but duty had divided them from each other for years.
As Anakin stood undecided, his concerns deepened. What if the mission had gone badly? Anakin hadn't known the particulars, but he'd had no reason to suspect tragedy. Obi-Wan was meticulous in all his dealings, leaving minimal chance for error.
Anakin waited a moment longer, then knocked again. "Obi-Wan, it's Anakin," he said quietly, his ear millimeters from the door. "I'm coming in, okay?"
Assuming permission was implied, he opened the door and entered the room, padding softly across the carpeted floor. The blinds were half turned, allowing slated afternoon sunshine to cover the floor and bed. It bathed Obi-Wan, alighting on him as he lay uncharacteristically still on Anakin's bed — Anakin's bed — his legs tucked up and his arm pillowing his head. He didn't stir or look up when Anakin neared, didn't even flinch when the bed dipped as Anakin sat on the other side.
Anakin rested one hand behind him, twisted around to face Obi-Wan, but he couldn't decide whether to speak or not. Obi-Wan couldn't hardly have been plainer if he had strung a flashing sign around himself, saying, "Do not disturb!" But he hadn't shooed Anakin away, and presumably he had specifically chosen Anakin's bed as his resting place. That he was permitting Anakin to see him in such a vulnerable state was either a touching display of open trust or a desperate need for comfort. Anakin didn't know which was better.
Despite how much Anakin wanted to say something — anything — some instinct told him to keep silent. So he turned back to face the opposite the wall, dropping his hands into his lap, and waited.
Time passed, and the silence dragged on. Obi-Wan didn't move once, except for his slow breathing. Anakin wondered if he should leave.
When the sun had slipped off the bed, retreating back out the window, Anakin straightened carefully. With a final glance at Obi-Wan, he headed for the door.
"I saw Satine."
Anakin froze, his fingers ghosting the panel to open the door. Casting a look over his shoulder, he observed Obi-Wan still in the same position.
"She was beautiful, Anakin."
Anakin took his words as an invitation, creeping back to his bed, this time perching on the end.
"The mission went well. There were no issues, nothing to fix, and no problems to solve. It seems the Force is taunting me, Anakin. How do you do it?" Finally, Obi-Wan moved, pushing up with one arm until he was sitting with his legs over the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped. "How do you balance your love with your life?"
Anakin was thoroughly unsettled by his question, his mind jumping immediately to Padmé. Did Obi-Wan know? Had he guessed? Or was he simply asking in general terms?
But perhaps he was only thinking out loud, and Anakin didn't have to answer. Hoping for that, he remained silent.
"She's the most beautiful, the most independent, and the most incredible person I have ever met." He sounded wistful, yet also enraptured, his eyes set out the window as though just beyond the plexiglass was this gorgeous woman he described. "She's inspiring and invigorating, and frankly, I don't know how I can live the rest of my life without her. But I can't leave the Jedi Order. It is my duty, and I pledged to serve in the Order. I couldn't leave my friends here. I couldn't leave you." Here, he looked at Anakin, his kind eyes filled with a sort of hopeful sorrow, and Anakin finally got a good look at him. His face, wrinkled and wearied by years of labour and grief, was flushed from having been squashed into the bed for the past hour. But on the cheek away from Anakin was a faint pink smudge, more than what would have been caused by his lying position. A parting gift, then. Obi-Wan probably didn't even realize.
He reached across the bed and grasped Anakin's hand, squeezing it tightly. "You are the reason I stay in the Order. I could leave, but I haven't. I couldn't leave you after ...." He stopped himself.
He didn't need to say it. Anakin knew.
Anakin looked down. How could he express what he was thinking and feeling? How could he tell Obi-Wan that he only wanted what was best for him, despite how much that would shred his soul?
But Obi-Wan continued speaking, not granting Anakin opportunity in his earnestness and haste. "I love her, Anakin, and I always have." He had slid around next to Anakin, sitting with his shoulder pressed against Anakin's, his eyes shining with excitement as they were set keenly on Anakin's. "I have denied my feelings for so long, but these last three weeks, they've been the happiest in all my recent years. She brings me such joy and focus in my life; I feel I've finally found my purpose. I only stayed in the Order for you, Anakin, but now you are a Jedi, and I daresay the greatest to have ever lived. I have fulfilled my wish and my promise. Do you think ... would it be possible ... could I write a new chapter of my life, Anakin? Could I do that?" His words were so rushed and breathless, his grip so tight on Anakin's hand, his tone so sincere and timidly hopeful. Anakin had never heard him speak like this.
Why, he didn't know what to say. How could he respond to such a rare display of passion and emotion? Of course he wanted nothing less than the utmost happiness and prosperity for Obi-Wan. But "the happiest weeks of his life?" Had Anakin meant nothing to him in these last thirteen years? And what had happened to "being unable to leave the Order?" He had flipped around so fast, Anakin scarcely knew what to think, much less say.
Obi-Wan misinterpreted his silence as disapproval, his energy and excitement deflating fast. His grip slackened, and his shoulders slumped again, his gaze dropping to the floor. He looked for all the world like a child that had just lost a balloon. Anakin was quick to rebuke whatever words were to come, but Obi-Wan was quicker, unseeing of Anakin's attempts.
"Listen to me," he sighed. "What a sad, disloyal fool I am. To think that I, Obi-Wan Kenobi, would be anything more than a Master Jedi and member of the Council. Of course, I'm your friend, Anakin, and that means more than you could ever know. But I am a man of my word." A little spark returned to his eye as he looked up at me once more. "Don't worry, Anakin, I will never —"
"Don't say it!" Anakin interrupted him, still unable to meet Obi-Wan's eye. He could feel his surprise; he didn't need to see it, too. "Don't make a promise that will make you unhappy for the rest of your life."
"No, Anakin, it won't make me unhappy for the rest of my —"
"No, you listen to me. You are the most selfless, generous, and kind person I have ever met. You have devoted the better part of your younger days to training me, protecting me, and-and nurturing me. You have given so much of yourself, and not just to me. The galaxy owes you something it will never be able to repay." Anakin managed to face Obi-Wan, managed to avoid looking at the pink smudge on his cheek. "Go to her, Obi-Wan. You're not being selfish. She deserves you."
Obi-Wan's eyes filled with tears that glistened in the twilight. He squeezed Anakin's hands tightly, searching for words but finding none. He pulled Anakin into the tightest embrace, breathing his thanks. "I'll never forget you, my friend. You have to come and visit me, and you have to come to our wedding."
"Obi-Wan!" Anakin interrupted with a shaky laugh. "She hasn't said yes yet!"
He grinned sheepishly. "You're right. I should ask her first."
"Then get to it, rascal," Anakin said cheekily, cuffing Obi-Wan lightly across the back of the head. "That question isn't going to ask itself."
He hesitated, then pulled Anakin into another hug. "I'm going to miss you so very much, my friend. I couldn't have asked for a better padawan, friend, or brother."
"Nor I, a better master," Anakin murmured back, speaking carefully around the lump in his throat. "I'll miss you, too." A hundred thoughts swirled around Anakin's mind, a hundred questions, a hundred comments, but he could find no way of expressing them.
But he was too late to say them as Obi-Wan stood up, joy radiating off him as he bid Anakin a fond farewell, heading to the Council chambers to explain his next course of action. The rest of the day flashed by in a blur, and Anakin knew deep down in his heart that Obi-Wan would be happy.
But this was an ending Anakin could never share in. He could not leave the Order. Not yet. He had to stay ... for her.
>><<
And let's just assume that she-who-need-not-be-named did come back, Anakin saw how happy Obi-Wan was with Satine, and all of them left the Order for good, making the galaxy a better place whilst living happily ever after with their respective loves of their lives. The little lady might have stayed single, I don't know, that's not on me. Palpatine probably tripped down the stairs, bonked his head and blabbed the truth, living the rest of his life as a changed man. You decide. :}
Anyways, I loved seeing Obi-Wan so messed up by Satine, then Anakin and him finally talking. My boys are bros, and I love them very much. No slash here, just to clear things up. :)
Anyways, what's next, do I hear you ask? Why, thank you for asking! I've got a couple ideas, so let's just see where they take me. Let's say one of them is a bit of angsty fluff, and another is a completely different AU that probably deserves it's own entire book lol. Wanna sneak peak? ;)
Thanks again so much for reading and all your support, I love you guys so much! ^-^