I tried my best to put the start of my day into the back of my head. I wanted to enjoy Allegra as much as possible and not think of my shitty parents and the shitty way they made me feel, which was easier said than done at first. We swung by my favorite coffee shop, and I bought her a lavender latte, myself a black coffee, and a couple pastries to share and then we hit the road for Malibu.
Allegra had begged me to take the top down on the Jeep which excited me more than it probably should've. Most girls that had been in my car were more worried about their hair, but Allegra wanted the thrill. Sure, it made talking a bit difficult, but that was okay. I didn't feel much like discussing what had happened that morning (or in my childhood) anyway. Instead, I got to watch her laugh and enjoy the wind in her hair. We sang (or screamed rather) along with the radio and just existed together for the entire hour drive. It was like she knew exactly what I needed without me having to say it, and that was definitely something I wasn't used to.
"You have a beach house?!" Allegra shrieked as I pulled into the driveway of a little white house.
"Kind of," I stated, throwing the Jeep into park. "It's not just mine." Allegra gave me a curious look and I sighed. "Lana and I both own it. She's not here a whole lot so it didn't make sense for her to buy it herself, so we went together on it."
"You bought a house with your fuck buddy?" Allegra questioned, hopping out of the car.
I chuckled. "We actually did it during one of the points we weren't fucking, but yeah, I guess." This was uncomfortable. Any other girl I'd brought to this place freaked out when I mentioned owning it with another woman, so I was waiting for Allegra to react the same, but instead she gave me a smile that made my heart clench.
"She means a lot to you, doesn't she?"
I could feel my face heat as I wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and squeezed. "Yeah, she's um... she's pretty close to the only constant I've had for... a long time."
"Well, I'm glad you have her," Allegra stated, her smile no faltering for even a second. We just stood there for a second, grinning at each other like idiots from opposite sides of the car, and then she started bouncing again. "Now I want a tour!"
I laughed and nodded my head as she skipped to my side. "That I can do."
We spent pretty much the whole day either on the sand or in the water. My spunky little pixie was apparently also part fish, and it was impossible to take my eyes off her. Especially because she'd worn that damn crocheted bikini that had been burned into my brain since the first night we met. We talked and laughed and had more than one water fight and by the time the evening rolled around, I'd damn near forgotten how the day had started, which was exactly the result I'd been after. As the sun began to set, I started a fire in the pit behind the house while Allegra rooted around in my Jeep for a sweatshirt.
"We should stay here tonight," she stated as she reappeared.
I looked up to find her in an old UCLA hoodie I didn't even remember owning. The thing was entirely too big for her, the hem reaching the middle of her thigh. It looked like an oversized dress and yet somehow it was the hottest fucking thing I'd ever seen. I cleared my throat and turned my attention back to poking the fire into starting. "You sure? I don't have a whole lot here."
"We can run to the gas station up the street. I'm a pretty easy girl to make happy," Allegra stated with a smirk as she settled into the patio chair to the right of mine. "Get me a Sprite and some Hot Cheetos and I'll be good."
"A Sprite? Dang girl, take it easy."
Allegra giggled and reached over, giving my shoulder a shove. "I know, I know. It's not the usual Dom 'n Lobster that the usual girls you date want, but..."
"There aren't any 'usual' girls I date," I stated, dropping my fire poking stick and settling back in my chair with a sigh. "I don't date at all."
"Like you don't even go to dinner? You just... fuck random girls?"
I choked, either from the smoke or her bluntness, I'm not sure. "Um... I guess sometimes there's dinner involved. Not often though. It's mostly meeting at clubs or parties... or anywhere really. I don't usually have to many issues pulling."
Allegra rolled her dark eyes, and I couldn't help but notice the way I could see the fire dancing in them. "So cocky."
"I'm not being cocky!" I argued with a laugh. "It's just the truth. A lot of girls, especially the ones here in LA, don't care about much more than the name and how cool it'll be to tell their friends."
"That's sad."
I gave her a one shoulder shrug and picked up one of the beers I'd grabbed from the barren fridge. "Better that way when you're not looking to fall in love."
"I have a sinking suspicion that more than a few have probably fallen under your spell," Allegra chuckled as I extended the second, and final, bottle to her.
I shrugged again. "I'm not saying they haven't, but... I definitely make it clear that I'm not interested in more. There's a few I've seen more than once, but that's more of a... need than a want."
"You use them for booty calls."
"Do people still say that?"
Allegra shrugged and tipped the bottle to her lips. "I do."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Is there something wrong with that?" I asked. "Isn't that what you and Trevor were?"
"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it," Allegra argued. "And Trev and I were... I don't know. We were different. We hung out and didn't have sex sometimes. We were more friends with benefits."
"And I do... strictly benefits."
"Do you hang out with girls and not fuck them?"
"I haven't fucked you," I stated matter-of-factly, before taking another pull from my bottle and nearly gagging. This shit was gross. I definitely wasn't a beer guy. Or a least not this ritzy IPA Lana had left behind the last time she was here.
Allegra chuckled. "Not for lack of trying."
"Touché."
There was a moment of silence and I could tell there was something she wanted to say, but she was questioning whether or not she should. "So... do you think your relationship phobia comes from Liv or your family?"
I stroked the tip of my tongue over my teeth. "Both, I guess? I don't know. Haven't really thought about it."
"That's bullshit."
"Fine. I've thought about it, but I'd rather not."
"Have you ever..." Her voice trailed off for a moment. "Have you ever talked to anybody about what happened? When you were a kid?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Don't you think maybe you should?"
I shrugged. "I think I'm doing just fine."
"Liam..."
"Can we talk about something else please? I was in a perfectly good mood until about four seconds ago."
Allegra's voice came back a hushed murmur. "Sorry."
I groaned and rubbed my palms into my eyes. "No, don't be sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I just... I don't like talking about it because that makes me think about it and if I think about it, I go to a really dark fucking place and I try my fucking damnedest to not go there."
"Is that why you pretty much live your whole life as a party?"
I scowled at her as I took another sip. "Are you an undercover therapist or something?"
Allegra laughed softly. "No. I just... the Liam I've spent the last few weeks with... he isn't the same guy the rest of the world sees. He's not even the same guy my brother, his supposed best friend sees. I figured there must be a reason for it."
"You're entirely too good at this shit. We're gonna need more booze." I rose from my chair and extended a hand. "Come on. Supply run."
"Oooh! Hot Cheetos!"
I laughed as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, Hot Cheetos, but we're getting something a hell of a lot stronger than Sprite."
"I don't even think the guy at the gas station recognized you," Allegra stated as we wandered back into the beach house about thirty minutes later. We were each carrying sacks of snacks and booze. It looked like we were about to have some kind of slumber party, which I guess in a way, we kind of were.
"He did," I argued, "but it's different here. A lot of these houses are owned by celebrities, so the locals don't freak out over it. They're used to it."
Allegra's eyes were wide as she set her sacks on the island in the kitchen. "Like who?"
"Like who what?" I asked, digging the bottle of tequila I'd bought out of one of my bags.
Allegra did the same with the bottle of whisky she'd chosen and then got up on the counter with a hop. "Who else lives around here?"
"Uh..." I thought a second. The houses changed ownership so often in this area, it was hard to keep track. "Jennifer Lopez has one a few blocks away. The one next door, one of the dudes in One Direction used to own but I'm not sure if he does still or not."
Allegra gasped. "Which one?"
I shrugged. "I don't know their fucking names."
"If it was Harry Styles, I'm going to die."
I laughed. "Fuck. You are a secret fan girl. I knew it!"
She scrunched up her cute face and chucked a kitchen towel in my direction. "You're just jealous I'm not one of YOUR fan girls."
"Oh, I think we're getting there."
"You're insufferable."
"And yet you've agreed to spend the night, stranded alone with me in my beach house." I smirked, tipping the bottle of tequila to my lips. I winced as I swallowed. Shoulda not stuck to the bottom shelf. "Seems like you might be at least a little bit interested."
Allegra rolled her eyes and gave her head a wave. "I'm admitting nothing."
"That's fine. I'll get it out of you one way or another."
Just as she ripped open her treasured spicy cheese curls, her phone started ringing from the giant pocket on the front of my hoodie. She acted like she couldn't hear it and just went to munching on her snack.
"You gonna get that?" I asked with a chuckle.
Allegra shook her head. "Nope."
"Why not?"
"It's Trevor."
I arched an eyebrow. "How do you know?"
"The ringtone."
I stuck my hand out and waved my fingers at her. "Gimme."
"Why?"
"We're gonna make sure he doesn't call again. Gimme."
"Liam..."
I closed the distance between us and reached in the pocket myself, grabbing her phone and answering it as she swung a grabby hand in my direction. "Hey pal, what's up?"
"Where the fuck is Allegra?" Trevor's voice growled from the other end.
"Mm. In the shower. She got real... sticky if ya know what I mean."
"You mother..."
"Now, now, now. I've always done my due diligence. No little Cohen's out there running amuck," I stated as Allegra cupped a hand over her mouth to hush her giggles. "Is there something I can do for you, because last I heard, you were explicitly told to leave my girl alone."
"YOUR girl?"
"She's a hell of a lot more mine than she is yours," I retorted. I then pulled the phone away from my mouth. "Yeah, baby? I'll be right there!" Allegra damn near spit Hot Cheetos across my kitchen as I went back to Trevor. "Sorry. Duty calls. Ain't tired her out yet apparently."
"You're a piece of shit."
"Bye friend!" I hung up and gave the phone a chuck, landing it on the couch in the living room a few feet away. "That's better."
"He's gonna be PISSED," Allegra laughed.
"Who the fuck cares? That guy's a dweeb." I took a pull from my shitty tequila and grimaced. "I really should've gotten a chaser. This shit is terrible."
Allegra smirked as she pulled a bottle of Sprite from her sack. "Good thing I got two."
"Jesus Christ, are we in high school?"
"Fine. Drink your shitty tequila by itself then." She stuffed the soda back in her bag and hopped off the counter, heading for the patio doors.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to the fire! And I'm taking my Sprite with me!"
"You're the devil!" I called after her. She barely got all the way out the door before I grabbed my own grocery bags and headed after her.
I really needed that Sprite.
"Okay, okay," Allegra stated, waving her hands wildly. "Truth or dare?"
A few hours had passed, and we were both way past drunk. We'd moved from the bottles of liquor to the case of beer I'd gotten and things were only getting dumber with every passing minute. How we ended up playing Truth or Dare, I couldn't remember, but so far, I'd gone skinny dipping in the ocean and called Lana to confess my deep undying feelings. Needless to say, Lana didn't buy it, and coming out of cold ocean water wasn't exactly the way I wanted Allegra to first see my dick, so I was losing this battle, but the Pixie seemed to be enjoying it.
"I don't wanna do this anymore," I groaned, polishing off probably my sixth beer.
"PICK, COHEN!"
"Fine! Truth!"
"Scaredy cat."
"I'm not looking to shrink my dick again, okay? Fucking truth."
I could see the wheels spinning in Allegra's head as she sipped on the bottle in her hand. "Did you mean what you said last night?"
I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "About what?"
I could see her swallow before she answered. "About... this. About wanting to see what it was... or could be."
"Of course, I meant it, Legs. I don't make a habit of saying things I don't mean, despite what your brother may think of me."
"It's not about Joey," Allegra stated with a sigh. "You constantly talk about how you don't date. You don't even go on dates, so I guess I'm just... What makes me different?"
"Besides everything?" I asked with a smirk.
"I'm being serious!" Allegra exclaimed, tossing her empty Cheeto bag at me. "All the girls I've seen in LA are super fucking hot and I'm just... me, so I don't get it."
"Alright, stop it." I lifted my ass a bit and scooted my chair over until it was practically on top of hers. "First of all, YOU are super fucking hot. Don't let all these fake, Barbie looking clones get to you. You are sexy as fucking hell, and I've spent all day thinking about untying that bikini with my fucking teeth."
"Liam!" Allegra giggled, giving me a playful shove.
"Not joking. Secondly, your fucking energy, man. It's intoxicating. Your smile literally lights up a fucking room. I was in this black hole this morning, and you walked in and in... four damn seconds, there was sunshine again. Being around you is like... wrapping myself in the coziest, fluffiest blanket in the world. I feel genuinely happy around you, and making you smile or laugh... it only makes it better. That's how I know this is different, Allegra, because I haven't felt this way about someone in... maybe fucking ever."
Allegra pressed her lips together in a sweet little pout and stroked her palm against my skin. She smelled like her sweet pea scented body spray and the ocean, and it made my head spin. Or maybe that was all the booze, but whatever. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."
My eyes locked with the molten chocolate pair across from me, and I instantly felt my heart speed up a bit. "It's the fucking truth, okay? I'm not just trying to get laid or just saying what you want to hear. I mean every fucking word. You get me more than people I've known for years do, and that means something to me, okay? I need to figure out what this is, or I'll regret it for the rest of my life."
She gave me another sweet smile, her hand still pressed to my cheek, and nodded. "Me, too."
"Also, if I was just trying to get laid this would be a really stupid time to do it because I'm not even sure little Cohen here can get going. That was a LOT of tequila."
Allegra burst into laughter and pushed at me again. "You just had to ruin it, didn't you?"
I struggled a bit to wrangle my arms around her, but I managed. "Just being honest."
Allegra tipped her head onto my shoulder and sighed. "I'm sleepy."
"Me, too," I said into the crown of her head before I pressed my lips there. "Let's go to bed."
"Fiiiiiine." She rose to her feet and stretched, my hoodie riding higher on her thigh as she reached toward the stars. "How many bedrooms in this place?"
I pouted as she extended her hand to help me up. "Just because my dick might not work doesn't mean we can't snuggle."
"Oooh! He wants to snuggle now! Things are getting serious!"
"Listen here, mouth." I wrapped my arms around her waist and hauled her tiny frame over my shoulder.
"IF YOU DROP ME!"
"STOP SQUIRMING AND I WON'T!" And then I stumbled in the sand and started laughing so hard that I had to set her down.
"Fucking Liam!" She shrieked as she slapped at me. "I told you!"
"I didn't drop you!"
"I'm going to bed!"
"I'm coming with!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!" I poured the waiting bucket of water into the fire as Allegra fake stomped back into the house and for the first time, in the last ten years, I knew I'd be perfectly fine if my dick didn't end up inside the girl I was with. And that?
That answered her question more than my words ever could.