Staring up at the big ALOHA STADIUM sign knowing it's about to be lit up just for us is surreal.
With the sun beginning to set, a cool breeze sweeps over the stadium grounds as we make our way through one of the back areas. On our way over we see cars lined up, making their way into the main parking lot. We are driven in blacked-out SUVs so none of the fans can see us, but the recognition is clear on their face.
"This is Kikeona," Marty says as we stop by one of the security entrances. "He's the head of security for tonight's show. If there are any problems, bug him."
Jun salutes the man who somehow makes Marty look small. "Aye aye, captain."
"Hey, man. They tell us plenty kine not to ask for one autograph but you tink you can sign this for my niece? Just fast kine. Can look like scribbles if you want. She not gon' shut up if I leave here without one."
Marty sighs.
"Shoots," Jun laughs, taking the notebook. "No worries."
"Thanks, ah," Marty directs at him.
Kikeona flashes him a shaka. "Anything I can do for help, braddah."
I give Marty a shove. "Give him a break. You can't blame us for being so famous."
All of us laugh. Marty looks like he's ready to quit on the spot.
Once our guests have badges, we make our way through the lower part of the stadium where all of the rooms are for us to get ready.
"You're going to be great," Brendon says, while he massages the knots in my neck and shoulder. He leans down with his mouth to grab a piece of watermelon I hold over my shoulder.
"What if I fall in front of everyone?"
"You're not going to."
"I could."
"Stevie, respectfully, shut up."
I look back at him through the reflection in the mirror. Clear as day under these bright fluorescent lights, I'm taken aback by his striking beauty and wondering how I was lucky enough to find myself here with him.
"Do you think she's here?"
"I'm not sure."
"I won't ask again, I promise."
He runs his fingers along the base of my neck. "It's okay if you do."
I rub along his wrist until he takes my hand in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
Someone knocks at the door.
I catch a glimpse of Jenny leaning away briefly before returning to the doorframe. "Hey, I know you're busy but Nik is here. Wants to talk before he has to get ready to hit the stage."
"Of course!" I yelp. Scrambling to close my glass container of watermelon, I manage to stand up as he enters the room. "Hey! I'm so glad you're here."
Nikau Reed laughs before coming in to hug me. His black hair is pulled up into a bun at the top of his head with the sides shaved off; a look I'm not always fond of but he pulls it off well. He also packs a lot of muscle compared to the first time we saw him, but last I heard, he's picked up surfing so he's still lean for the most part.
After meeting him during the recording for Work, Wife since he was featured on Maverick's song and finding out he's part Māori, we've had our eye on him ever since. Inviting a fellow Poly to be our second opener was a no-brainer. We're happy he was able to make the trip from his hometown of Auckland.
"Thanks for having me, mate." He pulls back. "Was going to ask if Mav was here but Marty broke the news. I miss the little dude."
"No appearance by the spoon today but he's definitely missed."
"Revive and Escape Velocity have been on repeat, by the way. It's going to sound so good live."
I smile at him. "We're in good company in your playlist." I hook my thumb in my Aussie's direction. "This is my—Brendon. This is Nikau, the one from Mav's song on Work, Wife."
"Hi, Stevie's Brendon. You look kind of familiar."
"Might have seen me over the pond."
Nikau looks at me with amusement. "You're shacking–er, hanging out with an Aussie? Who knew you had it in you."
"I have a weak spot for accents. Sue me."
Brendon laughs.
"How are you feeling?" I ask. "You had some friends who were coming tonight?"
Nikau nods. "Yeah, I think they're outside. Let me get them."
Once Nikau excuses himself, Brendon's phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket. "I should get this. It's my sister. I'll go outside for a bit, yeah?"
"Sure."
He places his hand on the small of my back, rubbing small comforting circles, before pressing a soft kiss against my temple. By the time he's out of sight, Nikau brings a group in.
Two of them share similar features but the group comes off as more friendly than familial. They all look close to Nikau's age.
"This is my best mate, Anthony," Nikau introduces. "And this is his sister, Alex." He points to the brown girl in the middle—clearly kanaka. She surprises me by gifting me a lei of purple and pink flowers. "Her partner Zach and friend Emmie."
"Hi!" I wave at them after we all hug. "I'm sorry, I'd bring the rest of MARS in here but we kind of run around like squirrels when we're getting ready for a show. Feel free to hunt them down if you want.."
Now that they're back in formation, the one in the middle—Alex—looks nervous.
"Hate to say it 'cause I love the guy but I think this is a bigger turn-out than Bruno's show a few years ago," Anthony comments with a smile.
"You went?" I ask. He nods. "Me too! God, that was a show if I've ever seen one. 24K Magic is definitely in my top five of all time."
"Yeah, I took Alex as her birthday gift. So much fun."
Alex nods, still silent.
"Also, thank you for bringing this guy back here." Anthony slaps Nikau on the shoulder. "Took too long."
"Sorry, mate. But you're all overdue for a trip down to New Zealand so—" Nikau flashes him a toothy grin before sliding his arm around Anthony's shoulder.
"I'm still dying to go to Aotearoa."
"Too busy going to Australia, eh?"
I laugh. "Something like that."
"I for one have never been more excited for a show before," Emmie chimes in. "I think the scar from the chicken who attacked me while I was camping outside for these tickets finally went away. Worth it, though."
"Don't worry, there will be huli huli chicken on the menu tomorrow in your honor." I take a look around. "Also, friend of a friend. You're invited, of course. Big luau."
Zach nudges Alex's arm before leaning down to whisper something in her ear. She glances up at him for a brief moment, specks of glitter and sunlight dancing in her eyes. The two of them sway toward each other as if being pulled by some magnetic force.
"We are not ones to turn down free food," Alex finally says.
"Perfect." I peek at the clock. "Do you guys want a quick tour? We can wrangle those other bozos for a picture if you want."
The group agrees while Nikau excuses himself to finish getting ready before his set. Even from the lower levels, the sound of fans up the stadium, and the buzz builds the excitement.
Things are busy, so we have to dodge crew members as we twist down winding halls and open up doors in search of my bandmates. I point out notable members of our crew that have been traveling with us, but there are a lot of local hands working as well. We tell them apart for obvious reasons but also because they're the ones throwing up shakas and howzit's every time we pass.
Anthony leads most of the group, sticking by my side while the other three follow behind. Alex tends to stay in the middle of the other two, occasionally grabbing Zach's hand when she gets excited or a little nervous. When we walk down a hall lined with signed pictures of different athletes that have played here—including a picture of UH quarterback Timmy Chang—we pass by a giant signed photo of Bruno Mars and his crew. Emmie jumps between Alex and Zach, latching onto both of their shoulders and forcing them to look at it.
Once I'm able to corral MARS, we take a large group picture, including one with Marty and Jenny. Our slightly dysfunctional family—and I think this applies to the small cluster we're hosting as well—manages to look halfway decent. MARS enjoys their company and invites them to the luau tomorrow, not leaving until they confirm at least three times they're going to be there.
Before I head back to my dressing room for a quick touch-up, I catch sight of Alex huddling together once again with Zach. She briefly looks at me before turning back to him, exchanging another round of words. Something tells me to stay behind for a second, which I do. As she starts walking over to me, I realize I made the right choice and see Zach nudge Emmie and Anthony away from us.
"Hi, Stevie?" She walks until we're pressed up against the wall, leaving space for the crew to move past if they need to. "Sorry, I don't want to hold you up but I just wanted to say something. If you have the time."
Alex gets my undivided attention. "Of course."
She takes a second to gather herself, with her eyes closed as if trying to remember a script she prepared before coming. I wait as long as it takes for her to say what she needs to.
"You know, when I first heard about you guys, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I was. I almost didn't believe it 'cause, you know, people from Hawaii hardly get noticed on that kind of level. And then to watch all of you skyrocket the way you did...It made me realize a lot of things, and I just—"
Alex takes another breath before looking at me with glassy eyes. My breath catches in my throat and I force myself to swallow.
"I don't know how often you hear this but I think it's important for you to hear so I just want you to know, as a fellow kanaka, how proud I am of you. I grew up without this kind of representation and it took a while to realize how much that hurt me. How I devalued myself because of it, because I felt like I would never be seen by the rest of the world. Seeing you and all of your success has inspired me so much. And it reminds me time and time again that we are here, and we will be seen and heard. I'm proud of you for always standing up for yourself and your people, and for being that representation I so desperately needed when I was younger. Hawaii is so thankful to have you represent us. I want you to remember that. No matter what anyone says or what you think the rest of the world thinks of you, you are loved by your people. Don't ever change. Continue to be you, unapologetically. I'm honored to be here tonight and can't wait to see what else you accomplish because this is only the beginning. I just know it."
By the time Alex finishes, tears stream down my face and I can't see more than three feet in front of me. I rush forward and wrap her in a warm embrace, squeezing tight as if I'm never going to let go.
I don't realize until she says them how desperately I want to hear these words. How much I need to hear them. And by the way she shakes in my arms, overrun with her own happy tears, how much she needs this too.
There are a lot of moments in my career that I will always carry with me. But this one—this will stay with me the most. Proud to be Hawaiian. Proud to be the representation I needed when I was growing up. Proud of myself and all of our people—always.
...
Here I am once again ready to step onto the stage like I'm walking to the edge of the cliff and watching my life flash before my eyes.
What I didn't realize when we first started playing live shows is how long this feeling will last. I'm certain it'll never go away. I will never be able to step onto a stage in front of a crowd, no matter how large or small, and not feel like it's the most terrifying, electric feeling in the world.
"'Til the end," Rami says as the lights in the stadium dim.
"'Til the end."
Silence rings out around the stadium. Complete darkness. A low buzz of anticipation coursing through everyone's veins. Not even a single breath to be heard. If a feather dropped to the ground, the entire crowd would hear it. That's how steadily everyone waits.
That's when I realize what it means to live this kind of life. It's not a single moment or even bursts of them. It's a constant state of wonder, of dreaming, of building up further and further into some end goal that's never in sight because it's never meant to exist. Maybe that's why our industry is so scared of getting lost in the drive. Succumbing to the whims of a world that has no rules can elicit terrible consequences.
And that's what makes my friends my saving grace time and time again, through every galaxy in the universe, and until the very last star dies. We are one and we are always. If we fall, we get back up together. If we fail ten times, we succeed a hundred times more because we do it all together.
Jun strikes the first chord and the crowd screams. Lauren joins in, creating a perfect harmony of notes. Through the shadows, I see thousands of figures rise to their feet, arms reaching into the air as if trying to capture us in their hands.
Seira starts playing, notes falling into the silence like raindrops in a puddle. Rami comes crashing in to get the rhythm going.
When the lights finally flash onto us, the music stops. We wait for the applause before slowly, the lyrics unravel from me. Slowly Hypnotically. Like I'm the sorceress casting them under a spell. Seira's notes trickle back in as more lights dim. Streaks of pink, purple, and blue make their way across the stage.
The sound of Escape Velocity bounces around the stadium. Last one out on the album, first one out at our homecoming. The crowd comes alive to new heights. Down the stage we strut, with Lauren tossing her braids back and forth along with the thrumming baseline and Jun letting the music take control of him. A quick look over my shoulder shows Rami breaking a sweat, and Seira is just as wild as the rest of us.
We run through the first part of the set with high-octane speed. High Voltage, Sex After Cigarettes, False Deities, and Bite My Tongue. After playing a handful of songs from Nuclear Fusion, we stop to ask the crowd how they're enjoying the show so far.
Music plays as we race backstage for a quick outfit change. Oohs and ahs make waves as they react to the baby pictures on screen. Visions of us as keiki growing up on these islands. Whether Brendon realizes what he's doing or not, he kisses my forehead as I watch the small screen showing what's playing outside, and it's at the moment a picture of my dad and me is high above the skies.
Once we're ready, we make our way back onto the stage. Thunderous once more; gods and goddesses descending upon their thrones on Mount Olympus.
"As some of you are aware, we just released an album—"
(Cheehoo!)
"—And while we've had the pleasure of meeting a lot of wonderful artists since our debut, there was only one person who could ever be on Escape Velocity. Someone we all call friend, and who we aspire to be one day. Please give it up for our friend, Maverick!" Applause. "Mav, even though you're not here right now, I know this will find its way to you. Thank you for the gift of a lifetime. We are nothing without you. And to everyone here, we hope you enjoy this cover of Back To Life because this is what music sounds like."
Above us on the two big screens, a picture of MARS inside the studio with Maverick appears, followed shortly by one of just Maverick and I. As I sing his lyrics to the crowd, they echo back to me and pride builds in my chest.
A moment crafted by all of the members of MARS as an ode to our incredible friend, but one that rings truest to me. Because while Jun has always been the person I consider myself closest to, I can't help but think of the purity of the relationship I share with Maverick. Maybe a soul can be separated into more than two pieces, and maybe Maverick is one of those lucky twists of fate with which I've managed to string myself together. A home away from home. I hope we can bring him here one day soon to show him off to Hawaii.
Another mixture of Nuclear Fusion and Escape Velocity songs are cycled through, with equal highs and low, blood-pumping and wound-soothing sounds. There's a distinct connection artists create with their audiences every night, and the one present at tonight's show is unique in its own rights. As intimate as playing a one-on-one performance for someone in their living room, and as fantastic as standing in front of the entire world. The perfect mixture of every chaotic feeling blended into one night.
At one point, the lights dim once more and the music grows quieter, softer. The intro to Run the Red; the most intimate power ballad we have on any of our albums. Raw emotion in its purest form, and at a whopping ten minutes too. Seeing it get nominated for song of the year was a lovely surprise, and something I wish I could have celebrated with Lauren because it is truly her song through and through.
Before I sing, I look back at Lauren. She's distracted by the crowd, reveling in its glory. And that smile on her face—god, that smile hits harder than it should. I miss my cue because I'm too busy walking over to her.
Lauren pulls herself away from her mic and covers it with her hand. "What's going on?"
"Sing it."
A blank stare into space. "Huh?"
"It's your song. Sing it. Show the world who you are."
"Are you—" Thankfully, we work with some talented friends, so they improvise while we stand there. "Stevie. That's not—I'm not the one they want."
"But you are. And even if you weren't, I wouldn't care. This moment belongs to you. Take it. Please."
Relegated to the background doesn't suit Lauren. She's a star who deserves all the spotlight she can get. And no one recognizes that more than her friends. So when she continues to stare at the crowd with a blank look on her face, Seira turns off her keyboard and signals to one of the crew members to let a backing track take over her part. Without any time lost, she appears by Lauren's side and gives her a supportive nod before turning out to the crowd.
"Hey, Hawaii. Can you all show some love to my sister, Lauren?"
Lauren! Lauren! Lauren! Lauren!
Holding back tears, Lauren turns to me and mouths a thank you in my direction. She takes the mic from my hand and takes off her bass guitar so I can take over. I share a look with Jun and Rami, signaling a restart and it happens seamlessly as if it was all part of the plan in the first place.
When she steps to the front of the stage, the crowd screams back at us. At her. I watch a star born right in front of me. With Seira harmonizing, they take the stage by storm. Proving their worth a million times over. The talent. The magic. The beauty of women who love and hurt and become reborn. Toward the end of the song, I join them at the front, swinging the guitar around so I can grab Lauren's free hand. We all take a bow together.
Run the red, ladies, we say to the crowd with our stance. Show the world we are not ones to be stopped.
After another quick intercession, we come back out for the final segment of our show. I can't tell if I'm more hardwired or exhausted from all of it. But we keep our feet pressed hard against the pedal, flying right past the chequered flag and never stopping.
"The night is almost over, and we hope you've been having the time of your life so far. We want to take this moment to be raw and honest with you. Living in this very privileged position that we do comes with a lot of struggles we are quite vocal about, many of which I'm sure you've heard of, but it also comes with a huge responsibility we do not take lightly. No version of us can stand up here and listen to you all so lovingly and graciously support us without being explicitly clear about how much we support you and the rest of the world. So let us be clear: we use our music to give a voice to those who are ignored and excluded from the conversation. We stand by those who believe in equality and support the rights that we as a group so desperately believe we all deserve. Whether that is equality for everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community, for Black lives, for reproductive rights that are health care, a human right deserved by all, or the fight for Hawaii, her sovereignty, and reparations for the atrocities inflicted on our kingdom by the United States of America, both of which are embarrassingly overdue. And that's just the beginning of it. Know that we will never be silenced and we will always stand by your side. Midterms are coming up soon and we want everyone to do everything they can to support the candidates who stand for equality. Those who will fight with every breath until they see the change the people demand. And if they don't, hold them accountable. Because we deserve nothing less from our elected officials." Applause. Enough to pierce every layer in our atmosphere. "And with that, we will finish off the night with a few of our favorite songs. Some that we feel most represent who we are and what we stand for. No matter where life takes us, know that we will always remember the night for as long as we live. From all of us in MARS, the warmest mahalo."
Although I never want this night to end, it is what all good things must do. We play our final round of songs, ending with Overnight Rush. Each word is sung back to us in perfect pitch, perfect harmony, perfect rhythm.
These are the moments we live for. And there's no greater place on Earth for us to experience it.
When the show ends, we wait backstage, hearts racing and spirits not coming down yet, when the chanting breaks out.
Hana hou! Hana hou! Hana hou! Hana hou!
Who are we to deny them?
Our encore is a medley of Eternal Sunshine of A Thoughtless Mind, Nuclear Fusion, and Abstract Blue. The songs that started it all; a perfect note to end on when we're back at the place where MARS was born.
Coming home has never felt so good.