Sam
I couldn't stop thinking about Noah and Wesley. Specifically the timeframe for when they started... being friendly with each other? I didn't know what they were to each other, but part of me knew it was more than coworkers. I mean, why was Wesley going to Noah's apartment that late for? One obvious reason; sex.
So question was: when did that start? For all I knew, Noah could've lied to me nine months ago when he told me Wesley had only kissed Noah on the cheek at some gay club. What if they did more?
At first that thought made me feel a little queasy because Noah was a good liar, but I didn't think he'd lie to me about something like that. Then I started thinking; if Noah did do more than he said with Wesley that night, then he had no reason to be upset at Carter and I.
That's when my nauseousness turned to anger. Angry thinking about how hypocritical Noah was.
"Yo, you okay? You're sandwich is falling apart," Kai brought me back to reality. The reality of me eating lunch with Kai only because he was too nice to turn down. So, we ended up at a small sub shop that was walking distance from our building.
I looked at the sandwich in my hand and the bread was caved in from my strong grip. Sighing, I placed my food down on my plate and asked, "Remember that guy I told you about who Noah basically cheated on me with while he was drunk at a bar?"
Kai nodded. I had given Kai the rundown of my past year the other night. I also got his life story rundown and basically him and his girlfriend have been inseparable ever since elementary school.
"I saw him yesterday when I went to go drop off Noah's stupid container. He was going into Noah's apartment with Noah while I stood there like an idiot."
"Oof, yeah, that's awkward. But, hey, they could just be friends," he offered innocently.
I gave Kai a pointed we both know that's a lie look and said, "it was past eleven, no way he was over just to watch movies with Noah."
"Hm, well... I mean, does it matter to you?" He asked genuinely.
"It's the principal of the matter. I don't care who Noah dates, but just... why Wesley?" I groaned because I knew how that sounded; like I was jealous.
"You have Ben," Kai pointed out with with a kind smile.
"I know..." the stupid pool of guilt filled up in my stomach again. I knew I shouldn't be caring so much and I hated that I was so fixated on Noah's love life when I had my own. And I liked mine. A lot, so why was I so concerned with my ex?
"I like Ben..." Kai began, bringing me back, but then added, "Sorta."
"Sorta?" I perked up. "What do you mean sorta?" Kai had met Ben only three times, there was no way he'd made conclusions about my boyfriend already.
"Well... he's good to you, but... he's a bit controlling... and also a bit misogynistic at times," Kai spoke casually as if that wasn't news to me. It was. What the heck.
"What? Misogynistic?"
"Yeah, like- you weren't in the room, bathroom I think- and we were talking about our jobs and he said 'I was pissed she was making more than me when I'm literally a man.'"
My jaw was agape when Kai told me that. "Ben said that?" Kai nodded while taking a sip of his soda. "He thinks that men need to make more money than women?"
Kai shrugged, "from what he said."
Ben. My Ben who's sweet and kind to every single human we've come across, doesn't believe in equal pay for everyone? There had to be an explanation for that. Maybe miscommunication between Kai and Ben?
Then I remembered what else Kai mentioned. "You said controlling?" I questioned nervously.
"Yeah..." he started sheepishly like he felt bad that he had to tell me Ben had major red flags. "There's been a few incidents where he told you what to do or what not to do, but" Kai shrugged, "nothing major, I guess."
"Hm," is all I responded with, but my gut felt mushy and acidic like I needed to throw up. And then I thought about when Ben told me not to speak to Kai again. Oh jeez.
"I'm sorry," I looked back up at Kai when he apologized, "I thought you knew, but I suppose it's easier to see flaws from an outsider point of view. But, hey, I only met him a few times, maybe I read the situation wrong," he offered for my sake. And then, like a dog seeing a squirrel, Kai glanced over my shoulder, perked up and said, "Ooo! A lesbian couple. Imma go see if they'll let me do a quick photo shoot. Stay here." And he stepped out of his booth with a big, excited smile as he walked up to the two girls who I've definitely seen walking around campus.
Sitting alone in the booth, I thought back to different moments with Ben. Maybe there were some controlling, but I thought it was unknowingly. Like maybe I just had to talk to him about it and he'd realize.
The misogynistic part? I had no clue and I couldn't recall a moment where he said something sexist to me, so maybe Ben didn't mean to say it like Kai had said.
I wondered if all my relationships were like that; controlling with noticeable red flags.
Noah wasn't controlling, but he had flaws like his anger issues, but everyone had flaws. His anger wasn't necessarily a red flag because Noah did try to maintain his anger, it was just hard for him and it wasn't like he got physical with me when he was angry. But it was still a flaw.
But he did lie a lot. Lying was Noah's red flag.
Being sexist might be Ben's red flag. I really hoped it wasn't.
**
Hmmmm
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-Xoxo, Bert