"Ah, Sir Fince,you've returned. I hope this crisis hasn't kept you from your skulking." Krieg says,as the council is gathered in the throne room.
"I've been gathering intelligence we sorely lack. Seems your band of fools is missing. Safe to say you've sent Vox Machina to their doom?"
"Doom? We don't know the meaning of the word." The council turns to see the said group standing in the room.
"Uh,I certainly don't." Grog says,the group ignores him.
"Sovereign, hold onto your goddamn crown. We've discovered the creature is none other than a blue dragon!" Scanlan announces dramatically.
"We know." They all say at the same time.
"Well,that was anticlimactic." Isona said.
"Did you kill it?" Allura asks.
"I wouldn't say 'kill' really." Keyleth says.
"We're still kind of working on that part." Pike explained.
"I can't believe you made it out alive. How did you make it?" Krieg questioned.
"Trade secrets, I'm afraid, Kriegy."Scanlan grinned.
"We hid and it flew away." Percy remarked. Scanlan slouched in disappointment.
"Way to make us sound like wimps." Isona muttered. Grog starts laughing.
"Wait,how did we survive that?" He asks when he stopped. Isona and Vax notice Vex wince and grab her head.
"These blabbering fools are useless,Sire." Fince speaks up. "Perhaps if we made an offering to the dragon. Gold in exchange for peace?" Isona snorts.
"Why don't we shake it's hand and offer it a fucking pint." Vax says.
"Might as well ask it to dinner while we're at it." Isona adds. Vex steps forward.
"A dragon can not be bartered with. If it desires Emon's destruction, it will not relent."
"You heard her Sire. You know what must be done." Krieg states.
"But what if it attacks the city? We'll be sitting ducks." Kima said.
"What would you have me do? Let it burn more farmland,slaughter more innocents?" The Sovereign snaps. He then stands. "No,we will bring the fight to it on our terms. General,you may move our soldiers at dawn."
"But Sire,you know as..." Uriel cuts off Kima.
"I have made my decision,Lady Kima." Kima frowns but bows her head at him.
"This council is adjourned." At those words the guards begins shoving Vox Machina out of the throne room.
"Hey,hands off buddy,I know how to fucking walk." Isona says while slapping of the guards hands. The group gathers outside the doors.
"I felt it again,that same feeling I had around the dragon."Vex told them Trinket brushes through the group to stand in front of her. "There must be a connection. One of them is working with that fucker."
"I bet it's Allura. I never trust anyone prettier than me." Scanlan states.
"I knew it!" Grog exclaims.
"No you dipshits,Fince." Vex says while pinching the bridge of her nose.
"I fucking knew it! That man is a walking corpse,and downright creepy." Isona shudders.
"So what do we do now?" Keyleth questioned.
"Vax and Isona go to Gilmore's. Buy us a weapon that can kill a dragon." Vex orders.
"With what? We're flat fucking broke." Vax states.
"Please,with the way that man dotes on you,I'm sure you can work something out." Vex tells him,Isona snickers. Vax pinches her cheek in retaliation on the way down the stairs.
***
The couple make it Gilmore's shop. Vax holds open the curtain that is the front door and Isona enters,Vax right behind her.
"You have entered a realm of mystery,of magic,of marvel. Welcome to Gilmore's Glorious Goods!" Gilmore announces. We walks over and stops and gasps when he sees who it is.
"Why,if it isn't the mysterious Vax'ildan? And is that his beautiful girl,Isona?" Gilmore walks over and hugs Vax. "I was hoping you would swing back through again." Gilmore kisses Vax's cheeks. He winks at Isona,who smiles back. Isona is very much aware of the flirty relationship the two have. While it did bother her at first,she learned that Gilmore means no harm,its just the way he is. They're both aware that Vax would never leave Isona. She just finds the flirting funny now.
"Glad to see you've lost none of your charm,Gilmore." Vax says,snapping Isona out of her thoughts.
"Oh,listen to you. Don't.Stop. I can't take it. So are you here on business or pleasure?" Gilmore inquires has the couple follow after him to the front desk.
"Business, I'm afraid." Isona said as she looks around the shop. Gilmore always had interesting things.
"We need information of blue dragons. Particularly,how to kill them." Vax informed. Isona stops to read a book. She always lets Vax to all the talking to Gilmore.
"Well,for 20,000 gold,I'll sell you this handy dandy magic Lance of Dragon Slaying. A fantastic bargain." Gilmore says while showing off the lance. Isona slams the book shut when she realizes its a smutty romance novel. She shuffles over next to Vax.
"We presently can't afford such a weapon,but perhaps some advice for a tiny fee?" Vax suggested. Gilmore puts the weapon away.
"Hopefully,what your're offering isn't too tiny." He says and sits down. Vax tosses the two silver coins on the desk. "I-I suppose size isn't everything."
"We need to if blue dragons have any weaknesses." Vax says while leaning on the desk.
"Weaknesses,eh? Well, to start,they're egomaniacs. They hate being insulted and have tremendous vanity. Not that I can relate." Gilmore chuckles.
"Right. Is there anyway to stop them?" Isona asked,leaning next to Vax.
"Honestly,there is no simple way to kill a dragon." Gilmore snaps his fingers and a book appears in front of them. "Even in tomes of old, legends of their destruction are largely poetic drivel." Gilmore blows the dust off the book,making Isona cough. He opens it.
"Ah, 'The Wyrm shall only find defeat in the gorge where the twin rivers meet.' See? Cute but..."
"Useless." Vax concluded has he and Isona look at the book.
"While dragon anatomy is a topic for many a scholar,anyone close enough to find out seems to get themselves snapped up. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful,but you get what you pay for."
"Better than nothing, I guess." Isona shrugs.
"Gilmore,this is all very helpful. Even the bullshit. If we survive this...I owe you dinner." Vax tells him.
"You owe me more than that,my handsome half elf."
"Alright you too,foreplay's over. We should go find the others." Isona says,dragging Vax with her our the door,not without throwing a wink over her shoulder to Gilmore.
***
The couple walk hand in hand,when Scanlan runs up to them. He tells them that he and Grog saw Fince sneak into a house and to meet with the others there. He then mumbles something about getting Grog a sandwich. The group then gather in front of the house,Grog sitting on the stairs eating his sandwich,Keyleth,Scanlan and Pike stand in front of the locked door.
"Sturdy lock. Nothing a little magical song can't handle." Scanlan begins singing to activate his magic,it doesn't work. He starts pushing on the door.
"What if I heat the metal and melt the lock?" Keyleth heats up lock,unfortunately catching Scanlan's sleeve on fire.
"What the hell,Keyleth? This is imported silk." Scanlan scolds as he pats out the flame.
"The lock doesn't seem to be magical. I'm not sensing anything." Pike observes.
"Can you people do nothing right? It's just a damn door." Vex snaps at them.
"I think it's time to work your magic." Isona nudges Vax. He smirks down at her,then goes and takes the toothpick out of Grog's sandwich,and picks the lock.
"All it takes is a little finesse. Armatures."Vax tosses the toothpick and walks in. Isona sighs dreamily.
"I'm so in love with him." She says and follows after him.
"This place is fancy." Keyleth observes.
"Apparently Krieg lives here. And has dreadful taste in art." Isona follows Percy's gaze to a large portrait of Krieg at the top of the stairs.
"Oh shit. I bet Fince is here to assassinate his ass." Scanlan said.
"Oh you think? Why don't you three head to the second floor." Vex starts telling people where to look,but Vax cuts her off.
"Or maybe we all go check the cellar?" He asks after pulling a rug revealing a trap door. They climb down and spot Fince putting scrolls in his bag.
"Aha! Caught you blue handed,chicken humper! Drop your blade." Scanlan exclaims to him.
"What? No,no you don't understand. I'm not stealing anything."
"Trust me,I know a thing or two about stealing,and it looks like you are." Isona tells him.
"And that sword isn't to murder General Krieg with,either,right?"Pike accuses.
"Pike,I think it is." Grog whispers to her,she ignores him.
"You must listen to me.These documents are evidence. General Krieg is planning to..." Fince is cut off by a sword being stabbed in his back and through his chest. The group gasps when they see none other than Krieg behind him.
"Nice bloody technique. How do you stay so quiet in that armor?" Vax asks him. Their moment of peace was broken by Vex shouting in pain.
"He's the one in league with the..."
"Of course it was me. I championed you because you're a bunch of witless oafs who no one gives two shites about. You've been lucky so far,but you have no idea what you gotten yourself into." Krieg glowered at them. The group glares at him,Isona tightens her grip on her sword.
"I've got him." Vax says and throws his daggers at Krieg,who knocks them away and turns and runs. The group follow him into a study,only for him to not be found.
"He's gone."
"Keen observation,Scanlan." Percy says as the group put away their weapons and look around the room. "Look for some kind of fulcrum." Isona scans the books on the shelf.
"Wait,a fuck room?" Grog asked confusedly.
"That's what I heard." Vax says,he winks at Isona,who rolls her eyes but smiles anyway.
"A lever. A button. Just stand over there Grog,and don't touch anything." Percy points to the other side of the room. Isona turns back to the books.
"Whoa,you guys,everything in this room is magical." Pike says while scanning the room. Grog has taken notice of the portrait of a half naked of,what Isona was guessing,a dragon human hybrid.
"This guy really has a thing for dragons." Isona pointed out. "I mean look at these books,Dragons: A History,Dragon Anatomy 101,Dragon Mating and Reproduction." Isona cuts herself off with a disgusted noise.
"Grog,it's rude to stare." Keyleth tells the giant. He continues to giggle and stare at the painting. "Grog,you're being gross!" Keyleth throws a book at him,it bounces off his head and goes through the painting. Ah,it's a portal.
"Keyleth,you found it!" Pike exclaims.
"Nice work Key,quite brilliant." Isona tells her.
"Oh it's nothing." Keyleth said while blushing.
"Listen,if we're going to fight Krieg,we have to do this as a team,all right? Organized. As one." Vex says.
"Please,we don't do organized. Look at us,we're Vox Machina. We fuck shit up." Scanlan laughs.
"Can we at least try?"
"Can we at least go,already?" Vax says in annoyance. He pushes Grog,who was still staring at the painting,through and Isona followed. Scanlan tried to stay behind,until Vax reached through and yanked him in. They emerge from the portal,to end up in a freezing and icy cave.
"It's so cold. Where are we?"Keyleth asked.
"High in the mountains,I'd say." Vex answers. Isona shivers and rubs her arms for warmth.
"Where ever we are,it's a long way from Emon." Vax says as they stop on a cliff. The cliff overlooked a large cavern covered in ice,but what caught the groups attention was large piles of gold.
"Gold!" The group laughs and runs forward,Isona,Vax,Percy,and Keyleth trail behind them. The group starts gathering gold and treasures. Isona scoops up some gold coins and lets them fall back,like sand. How did this gold get here,and why is it here,Isona wondered. As if she read her mind,Vex suddenly spoke up.
"Wait,wait,wait. This gold didn't fall out of the fucking sky. This is a horde! We're in the dragons lair!" Vax and Pike drop the gold they were carrying. Keyleth walks over to a rock and looks at jewels embedded in it. The jewels turned out to be eyes,as they open and stare at her.
"Intruders." A mysterious voice said. the rock crumbles.
"I must say,I'm impressed." Everyone looks up and sees Krieg standing over them on a cliff. "To tell you the truth, I was certain you would die the moment you met you met the mighty Brimscythe. But it seems some vermin are harder to kill than others."
"You wanted Uriel to send the entire army out of Emon. So your dragon friend could wipe them out." Vex accuses.
"The Age of Man is coming to an end. There was a time when dragons ruled all of Tal'Dorei, when we ruled the entire world."
"Did he just say we?" Isona asked nervously. Krieg let out a loud growl,then shape shifts into a blue dragon.
"Didn't see that one coming,did you, Vex?"
"Holy fuck,what a plot twist!" Isona yells. Brimscythe flies up and shoots lightning at them. They all jump out of the way,electricity travels along the lines of gold coins,shocking Grog who was touching it.
"Are you alright?" Percy asked him.
"Um,no."
"Hey,gold conducts electricity,don't touch the gold!" Isona exclaims. Brimscythe roars and shoots at the group again. The twins and Isona runs out of the way. The lighting strikes a stalagmite,causing a piece to break off and fall on Vax. Isona stops to help him,Vex shoots a fire arrow at the dragon. Isona shoves the rock off of Vax and helps him stand.
"A tickle,let me return the favor." The dragon says and shoots at Vex. Vax pulls her out of the way and runs,Isona right behind them.
"Vax,did Gilmore give you any insight on how to beat this thing. Or did you two flirt the whole time?" Percy shouts.
"Shit,right. Uh,uh,dragons are vain,arrogant egoistical..." Vax was cut off by Brimscythe appearing behind them,Vax pulls Isona's hand.
"I know that already. I studied them,remember?" Grog tries to hit the dragon,only for him to fly away.
"Doesn't matter. We can't to shit if its in the air." Pike calls. Vax and Isona hide behind a rock,Brimscythe charges up his lighting,Isona sees a familiar looking mark on his neck.
"Where the twin rivers meet." She says. Vax notices.
"You see that? We have to get it on the ground. Vex,you hear me?" Vax yells out. He and Isona run after his twin,avoiding getting hit by the dragon.
"Yes! This way,I've got a plan."
"Another one?" Scanlan exclaims.
"Shut up." The group gathers,the runs as Brimscythe starts shooting lighting at them. Vex speaks up.
"Look,okay,for once,you were right. Maybe we don't fight this one. Maybe,we do what we do best."
"What? We have no best." Keyleth shouts as they all hide behind a large rock.
"So,what do you want us to do? Run out and yell, Hey dragon man we don't know what the fuck we're doing." Scanlan asks Vex. She smirks and nods. Isona realizes what she means.
"You think you can hide in my lair?" Brimscythe says. The dust clears and on a cliff,revealing Vox Machina standing at the ready. Grog shoves past Percy.
"Hey,taint smear!"
"You're in my way again,you ape." Percy yells at him.
"What'd you call me? Maybe I'll squash you too." Grog says as he turns to Percy.
"Oh as if either of you could kill anything. A preening, peacoated peacock and a witless goon." Vax glowered at them.
"You watch yourself,peasant."
"Hey,you watch yourself, you stuck up tightwad." Isona snapped.
"If the four of you will shut up already and let me kill the inflated windbag." Vex reprimanded.
"And let you get all the glory? I don't think so sister." Isona glares at her. Brimscythe drops to the ground in front of them.
"Kill me? I am the iron storm. You are nothing but insects!" He shoots lighting at the group,making them all scream,dust surrounds them.
"Pathetic." He laughs. The dust clears,revealing Vox Machina was alive and well. "What?" Familiar purple magic swirls,making the group disappear. Scanlan clears his throat.
"Gotcha."
"Now!" Vex orders. Keyleth runs and shoots out vines to hold one of Brimscythe's wings,Percy shoots a stalagmite and it falls and pins his other wing. Brimscythe shoots at the ceiling,making rocks fall. Vax and Isona run towards him,trying their best to avoid the falling rocks. A large one almost lands on them,but Scanlan's magic purple hand crushes it and grabs the couple.
"Scanlan's hand!" He sings as he throws them. Isona pulls out he sword and Vax gets his dagger. They stab Brimscythe's neck,they slide down and slice the middle of his neck,making him roar.
"Light him up,Vex." Pike says and enchants Vex's arrow,who shoots right where Isona and Vax sliced the dragons neck open.
"I will sunder your bones." He cries out.
"Look who's nice and low." Vex tells Grog,who smirks.
"I would like to rage!" He yells,the runs towards Brimscythe,who also runs to him. Grog leaps and hits the dragon in the head with his battle ax. The impact causes an explosion of lightning. Once the dust clears,the group sees Grog standing in front of a now dead Brimscythe.
"Is it dead?" He asks.
"We did that." Keyleth says while chuckling softly.
"It would seem being a bunch of assholes has its merits." Percy says. Grog takes one of the dragons teeth.
"Souvenir?" Scanlan asks him.
"Proof we killed the scaly turn."
"Huh,you know you're a lot smarter we give you credit for,Grog." Isona speaks up.
"Yep,I'm a genius." He says,and puts the tooth in his pants. The ground suddenly shakes as the lair begins to crumble.
"Aw,fuck this day." Vax said.
"Exit strategy?" Pike asks.
"Run!" Vex yells while running past with an arm full of gold. The group runs after her. They make it to the portal.
"Wait,the loot!" Scanlan yells as he runs with a box. He trips and drops it. Keyleth uses a vine to whip him into the portal and follows after him. Soon it's just Isona and Vax,who pauses.
"We got him,kid." He says and tosses the bloody coin,then the couple run through the portal.
***
"Vox Machina,for your selfless heroism,I proclaim you all protectors of the realm,and honorary members of the council of Tal'Dorei" Uriel announces as the group stands in front of,what's left of,the council. The group look at him in disbelieve. "I know. I can hardly believe it myself." The council laughs.
"Oh,how I've missed respectability." Percy says smugly.
"Yes,yes,yes, that's all fine and good,but where is the..." Vex was cut off by the box being put down in front of them. The twins and Scanlan excitedly go to it,and open it. Only for there to be a scroll and a set of keys inside.
"Keys? Parchment? Where's our reward?" Scanlan asks.
"You're holding it. The deed to your new keep here in Emon. We need our protectors close at hand to, you know,protect." The group chuckles and smiles.
"Uh-huh. Hypothetically if we sold it,how much do you think we..." Scanlan trails off when the council glares at him. Vex grabs the deed out of his hand.
"Sister,we have a home." Vex smiles up at her twin. Isona watches them with her own smile.
"Wait till I tell my father! Oh,the Ashari will never believe this. I bet..." Keyleth trails off as the twins give her a look.
"I'm ruining a moment,aren't I? Yep,I'm going to go over here now." She slides over next to Isona.
"As protectors,you must understand that the treat is still far from over." The Sovereign speaks up. "We suspect Krieg may have been part of a larger plot. As such,I have arranged an important banquet to discuss the security of our realm. It'll be quite delightful,really. We have a wonderful cook."
"We trust you will all attend. In fact,several dignitaries should be on their way as we speak."