JAMES HADN'T EXPECTED Stevie to be phenomenal, but he definitely didn't expect her to be as horrible as she was. They had been on the Quidditch Pitch for about five minutes, and James could tell he had his work cut out for him.
"How did you even get on the team," James asked as Stevie struggled to get on her broom. "Scratch that, how did you even pass flying lessons in the first place?"
"I didn't," Stevie said as she finally got on her broom ("aha!"). "I'm pretty sure my dad blackmailed Professor Holloway or something. He tends to do that a lot."
"Now I know where you get it from," James said as he rolled up the sleeves of his button-up before hopping on his broom. Stevie chanced a glance at the way his hands gripped the handle, one of them moving up to mess with his already messy hair—
"You okay there, Wood?" James asked, a lopsided smile on his face. Stevie could feel her face warm up.
"Yeah," she said, a little too forcibly. "Let's just get started already. I have homework to do."
For the next hour, Stevie felt as if she was in hell. James made her start with laps around the pitch until she was dizzy. Then, he basically chased her around, trying to steal the quaffle from her. The only thing that kept Stevie going was the fact that Slytherin's first match was in two weeks, and without training, there was no way she'd be ready in time.
When both James and Stevie were exhausted, they flew down to the ground, James landing much more gracefully than Stevie, who fell on her butt and just stayed there.
"So, what do you like about Sunny?" Stevie asked, catching James off guard.
"What?" he asked, slightly confused, slightly panicked for some reason.
"If I'm going to help you date my best friend, I'm going to need to know whether you're worth it or not. So, what do you find most desirable about her," Stevie pressed.
"Okay, first: ouch; second: don't say 'desirable,' it's weird," James said, laying down beside her. Stevie turned over to look at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Fine. I guess I like how independent she is. Like, she speaks her mind about stuff that she likes, or doesn't. And she has a nice smile, too. Like, it makes my stomach cramp whenever I see her smile. It's weird."
"And they say romance is dead," Stevie said softly, still looking at James' profile. She noticed how he had a bump in nose she couldn't see from the front. She wanted to trace it with her finger, but she didn't, because that would be weird.
"So, am I worth it?" James asked, finally turning toward Stevie, that familiar lopsided smile on his face. She couldn't help but smile as well.
"I guess."
_______
"DO YOU THINK they keep your clothes on when you get cremated," Stevie asked Albus and Scorpius as she scooped a large portion of mashed potatoes onto her plate.
"Why would I think about that," said Scorpius, his knife scraping his plate as he cut into his steak.
"I'd think they wouldn't let you keep them on," said Albus, his brows furrowed, "because of like pollution—polluting the air, y'know."
"So you think they strip the dead body," said Stevie, "couldn't they like rip the skin—"
"Why are we talking—"
"But they're going to cremate you anyway," said Albus, gesturing wildly with his fork. Scorpius caught his write as he neared the blond boy's eye.
"But no one wants to see some random dead person's genitalia," said Stevie, raising her eyebrows.
"And I think that's enough for me," said Scorpius, pushing his plate away.
"Your boyfriend is too sensitive," Stevie said to Albus, who frowned.
"His boyfriend can hear you," said Scorpius, rolling his eyes. Albus patted him on the shoulder before turning back to his food. Scorpius watched in amazement.
"Anyway, you're blackmailing my brother," said Albus, continuing to scarf down his broccoli.
"He told you," asked Stevie, her brows raising in surprise.
"Of course he did," said Albus. "Don't worry, it makes me like you even more."
"Really," said Stevie, "Otto said that it was illegal and immoral."
"That's 'cause he's a Hufflepuff," said Scorpius, "they care too much about morals."
"Yes," said Albus, "but your fellow snakes admire your ambition and dedication to your craft."
"I'd hardly call Quidditch "my craft'," said Stevie, "you've seen me play—I'm shit."
"Yes," said Albus, "but you'll get better."
"Wow," said Scorpius, "a rare showing of positivity from the Albie Potter!"
"I hate you," said Albus.
"You love me," said Scorpius, smirking.
"I hate both of you," said Stevie. "Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm going to go puke from witnessing large quantities of PDA."
_______
AFTER BUNDLING UP to fight off the cool October chill, Stevie made her way down to the Quidditch Pitch just in the nick of time. There were about five minutes left of practice, and she was determined to use those five minutes to analyze James' behavior around Sunny in order to understand just how much help the boy needed, which was—despite the boy's above average looks and charming demeanor—a lot. She had to stop herself from gouging her eyeballs as she watched James attempt to flirt with Sunny and fail miserably.
"Wow, Potter," Stevie said, causing the boy to jump. Practice had ended ten minutes prior, and she had waited for him outside the locker room. "That was painful to watch."
"Were you spying on me?" James asked as he pulled on his sweatshirt. Stevie caught a glimpse of his toned stomach as he raised his arms over his head. She had to avert her gaze in order to not go red.
"I prefer the phrase 'analyzing your behavior.' How am I supposed to help you if I don't know how you interact with her," she pointed out. James shrugged and began to walk. "So, I've concluded that we're going to need to start from scratch—really go over the basics of flirting if you're going to win her over."
"I don't think that's necessary," James said, beginning to walk toward the Black Lake.
"Really, because I watched as you tried at least three different pick-up lines on her, which all failed miserably, might I add," Stevie said.
"How could you even hear what I was saying?"
"Irrelevant. You've really got to stop fighting me, Potter. Just accept that I am the all-knowing and all-powerful when it comes to everything—except for Quidditch, of course."
"Are you going to give me pointers or not," James said impatiently. He leaned against a tree as they arrived in front of the Black Lake.
"Okay, Mr. Cranky-pants," Stevie said as she plopped down across from him, laying on her stomach. "Based on the few conversations that I've had with Sunny about what she looks for in a partner, there are about three pieces of advice that I can give you. One: she hates cocky people. When you're around her, don't talk yourself up—I know that will be very difficult for you, but try—and instead of talking about yourself, maybe ask her how she's been doing. Maybe start out talking about Quidditch and then move towards more personal things. Are you following so far?"
"Yeah," James said, very focused on what she was saying.
"Are you writing this down," asked Stevie, fighting back laughter.
"I hate you."
"Wow, no so nice...Two: she's very independent. You already knew this, but it's important. Don't try to talk to her everyday. There's some days when she doesn't want to talk to anyone, so try to pick that up. She hates clingy people...And three: she just got out of a relationship, so maybe stop flirting with her for a little bit. Maybe try to become acquaintances first, like try to get her not to hate you. Then maybe you'll have a chance."
"Well that's promising," James said sarcastically.
"What can I say, Sunny's very picky about who she likes. She actually despised me first year. But she couldn't resist me for long, since I'm obviously so likeable," Stevie said, starting to get up.
"Where're you going?" James asked, looking sort of concerned.
"Contrary to popular opinion, I actually have more important things to do in life than be your flirting counselor," she said, dusting the dirt off her sweater. "Don't miss me too much."
"Yeah, yeah," James said, rolling his eyes. "Training tomorrow."
"Wouldn't miss it for the world!"
_______
NOTE.
this is prob my fav chapter I've rewritten, and I barely rewrote anything. double update bc I'm so kind
also, albus and scorpius <3