"I'm never drinking ever again," I said after I slammed the palm of my hand in my forehead instantly.
Sarah laughs at my reaction and shakes her head. "It's been two years since the last time you got this drunk and threw up in front of everyone. It had to be done again."
"Ugh— don't remind me."
The first time I drank pretty heavily, irresponsibly, and stupidly was when college started. I had to learn my limit with pure vodka straight from the bottle and when to actually stop. A few flashbacks and videos from the night before gave me the perfect trauma to never do that again. Of course, I never wanted to drink again. At least those were the thoughts the next day, but hey, here I was completely embarrassed for getting out of hand with the alcohol I consumed.
The worst thing was that after I made that huge mistake everyone thought it was going to happen again. Of course, who would have thought that now I have better alcohol resistance than most of my friends? Not me.
So drinking pretty heavily last weekend was what made everyone look at me so shocked. There must have been a reason, and that one is for being so fooled to fall in love with the only man who looked perfect, made me so physically and sexually attracted to him, and who was smart and strong enough to be in the world of business just like I wanted to.
We shared the same passion for business. We shared a similar vision. And that made me feel attracted to his mind. He was the perfect man that every woman wishes to be with. The perfect man that every mature woman would be smart enough to get herself involved with.
But then again perfect seemed too surreal. Too unrealistic because behind that man with a black suit, lies a young lonely boy who grew within big walls covered with expensive portraits and wide halls that reminded him of the lonesome and rich privilege of his life.
Behind that cold face and bitter attitude, there used to lie a scared kid who only wanted to be loved.
As a kid, he never cared or fully comprehend the value of money. Never understood the importance of his parent's jobs or the way they should have taught him about personal values or guided him toward finding a true sense of himself. As a kid, he never knew that everything he saw, heard, or felt could determine his adulthood. That's why the love he saw from afar from other people was the only one he believed existed.
Maybe that's why it's hard for him to love me. Maybe that's why I'm trying to come up with reasons because I'm not trying to convince him but myself that I can teach him how to love me. But then again, I contradict what's wrong and what's right.
It's not my responsibility to fix him. But my curiosity, my intense love for him blinds me to what is right.
"By the way, how did I end up in your bed?" I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear meanwhile, we walk towards the main library.
"Umm, that's a great question." Sarah smiles and looks around, making sure that that person is not near us. "His name is Adam—"
"Oh God." I immediately stop walking and close my eyes. His name sounded familiar and that's because he was one of the guys I was flirting with. Couldn't remember how he looked or what we talked about, and not recalling anything uneases me.
"Did I try kissing him or anything?"
I look at her worriedly but she just laughs and shrugs.
"No idea but we both know how flirty you get when you drink. So—maybe you did or maybe you didn't." She takes a sip from her cold coffee drink and smiles again. "But whatever you did or said, he couldn't care less if you embarrassed yourself in front of him, he was very respectful and nice when carrying you back home." She quirks her eyebrow teasing me. "I was walking behind you both, keeping an eye on you meanwhile, you talked about Luke."
"Oh God—"
"And he was invested in the story I'll tell you that." Sarah looks at her phone and immediately starts walking away.
"Don't feel bad. What are the chances of you seeing him again?" She shrugs and smiles. "Going late to my next class, see you later."
She waves and I wave back as I'm left jaw-dropped from last week festivity and my own decisions. Sighing, I take my student ID and walk inside the library that apparently was empty, thank goodness. I buy myself a chocolate bar before going upstairs to the second floor, where most engineering and computer science students studied.
Most of them kept working and others talked with their friends beside them. I walked towards the end where it was mostly empty, and sat down in one of the chairs before placing my laptop in front of me.
In matter of seconds I placed my airpods and started working in next weeks due assignment. A pitch I was getting myself ready for because I was going to do it in-front of three sections. It was only twenty minutes which I had to be precise with. And ten minutes that were only for questions which I had to be quick to reply.
My group idea was technology related, basically improving a golf ball to reduce the environmental effects it had. And be a b2b project.
It was nerve wracking when my group chose me to represent the group, which I didn't mind doing. I was good in public-speaking and this was a good way to improve my skills. However, I haven't stand in front of more than twenty people in a room for a presentation. So I was scared of screwing this up.
An hour eventually passed by, and my eyes shifted towards two guys who were sitting across from me.
"Adam did you finish Carlisle's project?"
One of them looks up from his laptop and our eyes lock for an instant. I feel my cheeks heat up and look away.
"Not yet," he replies.
His voice sounds familiar.
"When you're done do you mind if I see it so I can guide myself how to do it," the other guy says as he stands up and begins to collect his stuff.
"Yeah sure."
"See you later."
I clench my jaw and pretend I'm typing again. Was he sitting across from me all this time? Maybe he is not who I think it is.
I curiously look at him again and see him typing again, his focus shifting towards his work as well meanwhile, I take my time looking at him.
He was a bit taller than me, at least that's what I suspected. His hair was dark brown, long but short enough to look so beautifully in waves. He wore glasses that hid his dark colored eyes which probably were green but I wasn't sure of.
He looked of my age but was probably a year younger than me. My eyes shifted to his black sweater and rolled up sleeves, his arms gave away that he rarely went to the gym but was probably in a sport.
Is he strong enough to have carried me around? Am I too heavy or too skinny for him?
It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to him at all or that I looked forward to develop a sort of feeling to fill the void in my chest, no.
I was just too embarrassed for letting him see me at my worst. He probably sees me as the drunk girl who can't get over her ex—who wasn't her ex at all. Why am I caring about his opinion towards me anyway?
"Nice to see you again, Lenna."
My heart skipped a beat. Oh God.
He casually looks up and smiles at me.
"Busy stuff?" He continues to type and ignores my face full of shock and embarrassment.
"Umm yes."
"Same here," he simply replies into our casual conversation as if we had known each other for so long. "This kind of assignments are the ones who make me want to change of major."
I hide my smile and every uneasy feeling I had left a few seconds ago.
"Yet here we are," he continues.
His eyes find mine and I try my best to smile.
"I—I'm sorry if you saw me in that state where I was—" I stumble in my words. "It was you, right?"
He nods. "It was me."
So it was you.
"And you don't have to apologize. It has happened to me before. Believe me, I've been worse than you."
The heavy feeling in my chest fades and I smile at that. "Really?"
"Yeah and two friends had to carry me home." He shrugs. "You're not the only one who has felt embarrassed the next day."
"Happens to the best of us," we both say at the same time.
My smile widens. "Indeed it does."
"Indeed," he replies.
We look at each other for a slight moment before I look away first.
"So you are Adam?" I finally ask after a few seconds of hesitation.
He nods and stand up to shake my hand. "And you are Lenna."
We shake hands before I straightened as he did.
"And you are in engineering program?"
He nods. "And you are in business."
I clench my jaw once again and look away. "What else about me did I tell you about that night?"
"Please tell me if I said anything embarrassing," I continue.
He smiles and looks at me with wonder. I tilt my head and that's when I notice his green dilated eyes.
"Nothing you've said about yourself was not worth hearing." I furrow my eyebrows trying to understand what he meant. But I let it go once his phone began to ring.
He apologized before picking up the call and walking away for a while.
I sighed in relief and sat back down meanwhile, he continued to talk. Grabbing my phone I texted Sarah rapidly.
Lenna:'Oh my God. What are the odds of finding Adam in the library?
Sarah: 'No fucking way.'
(Typing)
He's hot right?! Bet he is into you!
I roll my eyes.
.