I nearly stopped in my tracks. He hadn't called me Zoya for months. He'd never used the Russian form of my name much in the first place, and when he did it was only because he was feeling at peace with himself. With us. They'd been rare relaxed moments when he'd forgotten all about Katya and felt like he'd found his place here. I hadn't expected to hear it so soon.
"What is it like?" I asked.
"There're lights everywhere," he began wistfully. "Our days are so short in the winter. It doesn't get light until ten and is dark by three. So there are lights everywhere. Every commercial building, most houses, strung up between streetlights and building to building. It's like... like living in a fairy tale land where magic chases the darkness away. The stalls are all in little wooden huts. Most of them are for tourists. They're filled with brightly coloured scarves, matryoshka dolls of all sizes, glittering key rings and jewellery, ushanka hats, music boxes with replicas of St. Basil's and the Kremlin... And there's snow. There's always snow. Lots of it too." He chuckled and looked down at me. "I see more snow in a season than you probably have in your entire life. Well... I used to. You can't imagine how much snow Russia gets."
"I'm not sure I want to," I said. I was cold anyway, and all this talking of snow was making me colder. "What's the fair like?"
"Like any other I guess. Small rides for children, food stalls, a big slide that goes round and round."
"A helter-skelter?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yes, helter-skelter. It's made to look a bit like a castle. A couple of years ago it was white and had some blue lights on the towers. There's a temporary ice rink too. We always spent a lot of time there. My brother, sisters and I. Mama stood at the side taking photos. And the GUM was all lit up and there was a set of lights that looked like a bow on a present. There were trees all around, all of them decorated differently and everyone was so happy."
"You miss it."
He nodded. "Always. Not as much as I used to and it gets a little easier each day."
I wondered if there was anything I could do in the long term to help. For now, I decided the only thing I could do was fall by on my old pal: humour. "It sounds pretty boring actually. I mean there aren't any really out there things like a vodka shot stall."
He laughed a little. "You could get mulled wine in a take away cup."
I felt my eye go wide. "Really?"
He nodded. "Sixty rubles a cup."
"How much is that?"
"Ah... sixty pence I think."
"So a ruble is about a penny?"
He nodded. "About. It keeps declining. Putin's an idiot."
"All politicians are idiots," I said. "And lucky me I get to vote this year. I'll be picking the lesser of the evils. None of them know anything."
"Got a point there," he agreed. "But things are better here than in Russia."
"Yeah. I g-guess I can't c-complain."
I could complain about being cold though. The skies had darkened and the temperature had dropped again. I couldn't feel my toes, my nose was dripping and my ears were so cold they hurt.
"You're freezing," Grigory said and began to take his coat off.
"There's only a c-couple of stalls left, I'll b-be o-ok. Look, there's some m-mushrooms."
I hurried over to the stall before he could take his coat off. I left him behind or maybe he didn't follow me so that he could check something else out.
"Alright there, miss?" the mushroom man asked. "I would have taken his coat. Your boyfriend looks like he can handle the cold."
I didn't help his argument by telling him that Grigory was Russian. "He's not my boyfriend."
"Coulda fooled me," he said. "What can I help you with, darlin'?"
"Uh... I have a list," I said and passed it over with a frozen hand. My fingertips were going blue. "Bloody hell," I muttered and stuck them in my pockets.
It started to snow.
"Bloody h-hell."
"Shoulda taken his coat," I was told.
I nearly snapped at him to just do his job. I fumbled money from my purse when he asked for it. Grigory still wasn't back. I decided that he could find me and went to the sweet stall a few yards away. It was ablaze with colours as warm as I wished I was.
"Why aren't you all wrapped up?" the guy asked.
I glowered at him. "Wish I was. C-can I have s-some pear drops p-p-please?"
"Sure thing," he said. "Want to try some winter spiced toffee?" He pointed to a plate of what looked like delicious goodness.
"I think it'll break my teeth."
He smiled. "Take some to go. All of it if you want. I've got loads I've been trying to get rid of."
"Since you're offering."
"Good, my wife keeps moaning at me. We've got loads of it at home."
He filled a large bag with pear drops, big and small, and then put the whole plate of toffee into a paper bag for me. I paid and still Grigory hadn't turned up. I growled. Of course he would disappear when it was snowing and I was freezing cold. I was going to die out here at this rate.
Then he appeared. With a huge knitted jumper. It was in shades of mauve, grey and lilac and should have been an absolute monstrosity, but it worked. It looked really warm too.
"Whose b-birthd-day is it?" I asked.
He just gave me a flat look and told me to take my coat off.
"Ha! N-no chance."
"Zoey, the jumper is for you."
I just blinked at him for a moment. "You did-n-n-n't have t-to do that. I'm —"
"Don't say you're fine," he sighed. "You're not fine. You're freezing."
"There's only one st-stall left."
"Zoey, it's fucking snowing. Put the jumper on," he snapped. In Russian.
Shocked I did as I was told. I smiled as I put the jumper on. It was really, really soft and really, really warm. I pulled my coat on over it and before I had it done up he pulled a hat over my head. It had earflaps and tassels that hung passed my shoulders. Then he wound a scarf around my neck and put some gloves on my hands.
I looked up at him, surprise and gratitude in my eyes. "I would have been fffffine with just the j-jjumper."
He put a gloved hand on my face and smiled at me. "You would have been fine, but not warm."
I smiled a little too. "You didn't have —"
"Just say thank you, Zoya."
"Thank you."
He kissed my forehead. Even though the hat was in the way I felt more warmth simmer through me than when I'd pulled the jumper on. Grigory picked my bags up and asked me something.
"Huh?" I asked.
"Where next?"
"Oh, fish. Just down there. Then the car and then the butchers. And doughnuts."
The last bits of shopping didn't take long at all. We took the bags to the car and soon enough warm dough in the shape of an 'O' was in one hand, and a very bad but so needed hot chocolate was in the other.
"Can you eat a whole doughnut without licking your lips?" I asked.
He laughed. "I'm twenty four. I think I can manage it."
"Go on then," I challenged. "We've got three each, let's see who lasts longest."
He waited a moment to see if I was joking, but when he decided that quite clearly I wasn't, he said, "Alright."
I counted us in and then we began eating looking each other in the eye the whole time. I was sure we both looked absolutely ridiculous, but I didn't care. He was smiling at me. In the midst of people complaining about the cold, hurrying to get their chores done and getting somewhere warm, Grigroy and I stood still ignoring all of that and were having a silly doughnut eating competition. It was a ridiculous and childish thing to be doing, but it was fun. A moment of bliss after months of worrying about him.
"Ugh, you win!" he said and licked his lips.
I laughed and cheered a little. "Ooooh, 'I'm twenty four. I think I can manage it'!" I ate the last bite of my last doughnut and smiled at him, lips covered in sugar. "How do you fail at that?"
He chuckled. "I was always bad at that. I'm surprised Sergey hasn't already told you."
"He gloats about it?"
Grigory nodded and sipped his drink. "Only at every opportunity."
I gulped down my drink both for the warmth it gave and so that it was gone a bit sooner. It really was a terrible hot chocolate.
"Did you want to go to the fabric stalls?"
I shook my head. "I kind of just want to get home. I'll be out of time on the metre soon as well."
We headed back to the car and as soon as we were in it I turned the heating up full blast. The snow got a heavier and the wind picked up. I nervously looked out of the windows.
"Keep your gears low and your speed down," Grigory softly coached.
I nodded and turned my lights on. "This does not look fun."
"If you want to get a bus —"
"No," I said. "I've got to drive in the snow some time. May as well do it with a Russian in the car."
I turned the engine on and slowly pulled out of the parking space. And stalled the car. I never stalled the car. I growled a sigh and restarted the engine.
"Take your time," Grigory soothed. "Better late than —"
"Please don't finish that."
He smiled a little. I flicked the window wipers on.
"Since when do we get fucking blizzards in February?" I muttered when we were half way back.
Everyone was going at about seven miles an hour. It was only supposed to be a fifteen minute journey. At this rate it was going to take an hour.
"I mean, come on weather. Think about the lambs!"
Grigory sniggered. "Lambs?"
"What? They're tiny when they're born."
"I'm sure they'll be indoors, Zoey." He looked out of the window and muttered, "This is ridiculous."
"Do you want to drive?" I snapped.
"I meant everyone else," he said. "There's only an inch of snow."
"Some of us don't masquerade as Inuits for half the year," I muttered. And stalled the car. "Oh for —"
Twenty minutes later we were home for which I was grateful. I parked up and let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank god that's over."
"You did really well," Grigory said. "I'd let you drive in the snow again."
"Really?"
He nodded. "You know your limits. That's the most important thing, more important than your driving ability."
I smiled a little. "Thanks. But can you hurry up and get a new car so you can drive?"
"When you get used to it it's not so bad."
"I guess, but I'd rather not accidentally kill someone."
"You won't."
He got out the car. A moment later I followed him and we separated out our shopping and headed to our houses. I stumbled into mine and was quickly helped my Mum. Dad had grabbed the dog before he could run out the door.
"You got some extra things," Mum said.
"Only some sweets. And lots of toffee which I got for free," I said.
"I meant the woollies."
"Oh. Grisha got them for me," I smiled. I gave her some of the bags and we headed into the kitchen.
"He feel like doting on you?" she asked.
"It started snowing and I wasn't dressed for it. I was turning blue when he wrapped me up."
Mum smiled a little soppily
"It wasn't romantic, Mum. He swore at me because I refused to accept them."
"He what?" she asked.
"He swore about the weather at me," I waved off. "Dad, I got loads of tomatoes to go with the fish." I passed them to him. "Have fun."
I went up to my room to take my coat off and put my new woollies away. The dog, I still had no idea what his name was, followed me out to the stairs, but no further. I tripped up the last one and more or less fell into the room. Dan was in there reading a book on his bed. He looked up.
"Nice hat," he said.
I realised I still hadn't seen it. I took my coat off and hung it up and then took the hat off. It was dark purple and shot through with thin bits of silver and above the right ear in black thread were the words Don't hesitate. I gasped softly wondering how he knew.
"You ok?" Dan asked.
"Yeah," I mumbled and waked back out of the room.
I figured Grigory would be in the kitchen either putting his shopping away or making tea so I headed out the back door, hopped over the low wall that ran between our back gardens and let myself in.
"Zoey?" Grigory asked with a little shock.
"How did you know?" I asked.
He frowned with his eyebrows.
"About don't hesitate?"
They were the words that my favourite literary character lived by and they'd struck a chord with me too. What was the point in living if you were going to hold yourself back? That wasn't life it was... giving in.
"What about it?" he asked.
I shook my head feeling a little foolish. Of course he didn't know. I'd never told him. "Never mind. I'm sorry I just — I should go."
I turned to the door.
"It suits you," he suddenly said.
I paused and turned to face him.
"That's why I chose it. Because you don't. You see a challenge and you head straight for it, you set yourself challenges and never back down. You'd jump in and help a perfect stranger. You don't hesitate with anything. You don't back down either."
"Call it a character flaw," I mumbled. I had no idea what to say so of course I said the first dumb thing that came to mind.
"No," he said eyes shining bright and intense as he stepped closer to me. "It's what makes you... astonishing." He tucked some of my hair behind my ear and let his hand caress my face. "Astonishing to behold," he whispered.
And then he kissed me. He slowly dipped his head towards mine and gently tipped mine up. It was more of a brushing of lips than a true kiss, but it sent me weak at the knees and my head spinning.
"I forgave myself," he whispered. "For what I did to Katya and to you. I haven't forgotten you, Zoya, I could never forget you. I need a little more time. Just a little."
"A little, a lot. It doesn't matter. I'm here."
"Spasiba."
I kissed his cheek and went back to my house.
* * * * *
Dinner was every bit as boring as I thought it was going to be. All they talked about was gardening and books. And then they started talking about business things which was when the party broke up a little. Dad and Dan sat in the lounge with the TV on a low volume and I was feeling a little ill from being out in the cold for so long earlier so I went to my room.
Things got a little weird when the guy knocked on the bedroom door.
We'd thought that dinner was just going to be Mr. and Mrs. Yamimoto, but they'd brought their son Hikaru along as well. Never flustered Mum poured another glass of wine, set another place at the table and made it look like we'd been expecting him the whole time. It was a sort of casual business meeting after all. The Yamimoto's were looking to help the hotel chain Mum worked for expand into Japan. The plan was they'd be the overall managers of a couple of hotels and the business would expand from there.
So Dan and I had had to dress up. I was in a white, knee length cocktail dress Mum had come home with yesterday and my hair was in an up-do and held in place with some pins that had silver wire flowers on them. I'd gone the whole hog and put make up and heels on as well.
I was just taking my shoes off when the knock on the door came and Hikaru's head poked around the door way.
"Are you looking for the bathroom?" I asked.
"No," he said and opened the door all the way. He was in a business suit, his short hair was styled to perfection and frameless glasses were perched on a slender nose. He was about six foot six, lean and all straight lines and sharp angles. He was twenty eight but looked a little younger.
"Then... what are you doing up here?" I asked making it a soft question instead of a harsh on like I wanted to be, Mum's business opportunity making me be polite.
"I was looking for you," he said simply. He smiled a little showing perfectly straight teeth. He just had to have been locked in braces for a while. For some reason I hoped they were the sort that meant you had to have a frame around your head.
"Why?" I asked.
He shrugged in a lithe movement. "I wanted to talk to you."
"About?"
He smiled and took one step into the room. One step too far. "Why don't you pick?"
Reluctant politeness changed to veiled attack. "I said I'm not feeling very well, Mr. Yamimoto. I'd rather go to bed."
"You have a cough, yes?" he asked. From an inner pocket he produced the cough medicine from the bathroom and tossed it over to me.
I managed to catch it, but that was because he'd aimed straight for my abdomen and it was a good shot. I threw it straight back at him. "Put it back and go back down stairs."
He smiled. "If you take it, we can talk."
The light bulb flashed. The gloves came off, Mum's business deal disintegrated to dust, and I almost crossed my arms over my chest, but I was in a dress that accentuated my boobs enough I didn't need to add more fuel to the fire. "We both know that talking is the last thing on your mind."
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When I get around to editing this properly, the whole last bit with Hikaru probably won't stay in, it's something I added in when I was just trying to complete the chapter.
The picture is of the GUM chopping centre in Moscow. I really wanted to load a picture I took when I was there a couple of years ago, but none of them are on the internet so... yeah. Trust me, Russia has the best Christmas lights I've ever seen!
The song is Baby It's Cold Outside by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan
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