A/N: Edited 05/28/2023 or 28/05/2023
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You had woken up confused as to all hell what was going on. You don't remember anything except that you went on a mission. You don't know anything else. You forced your eyes open only to close them again since the sun went right into your eyeball. You turned your head slowly away from the window, the movement making you a bit disoriented but, you opened your eyes to a sight. In front of you, well technically beside you on a futon was Kyojuro. He had a decorative eye patch and he looked fine. He didn't seem to be hurt at all. You glanced down to see he had a grip on your hand which was fine. You took a few seconds to observe him but, you coughed making you whine a bit at the pain on your side. It woke him up because that one eye opened wide to stare directly into yours. He blinked before bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss.
"You're awake." He looked at you for a little longer until you coughed again spurring him to get water. "I got you, it's okay. Drink it slowly." You noticed he was talking softly and was being soft with you but, your brain wasn't comprehending anything. You were just going with the flow.
"Ow." Your side was pulling and, it was making you a little nauseous.
"Don't strain yourself. Here." He held you up with one arm as he arranged pillows with his other for you to lean against. Once you were propped up, you were able to drink the water easier. You had closed your eyes resting your head praying the water will stay down feeling his stare on you.
"I'm glad you're okay Kyo." You were genuinely glad that he was okay. He said nothing but, you heard him leave. Probably to go get Shinobu or one of the butterfly girls. You were teetering between sleep when you felt fingers prodding your sides. You turned viciously ignoring the way your world spun to see who was grabbing you with such force. It was Shinobu.
"I'm sorry but, I have to check." You looked at her neutrally as she worked even though you were twitching and, wanted her to stop touching the ouchie spot. She was helping you though so you sat through it. "I'm all done. I will inform the others that you're awake." She refused to meet your eye and, had left. Kyojuro was back but, wasn't looking at you. He was holding your hand staring at it while running his thumb across your knuckles. You felt like you did something wrong as you racked your brain. You guys won. You almost died yes, it was a miracle you were alive but, you guys won. The fourth strongest demon in existence is dead, no doubt Muzan was looking for a replacement but, you won.
"You were out for five weeks and 6 days. Almost six weeks. Your heart stopped one time but, Shinobu was able to restart it. A lot has happened in the last weeks." You wanted to interrupt but, you felt it wouldn't be right to do so right now. "Uzui-San retired after fighting and defeating Uppermoon 6." You were surprised. Tengen retired? What injuries did he sustain to make him retire? That makes two upper moons dead now. All lower moons were gone too."He lost his eye and hand. Kamado, boar head kid, and yellow head are all healed and, taking it slow with training." He hasn't looked at you since he started speaking. His voice was monotone. You didn't like it.
"Why you're not looking at me?" You didn't like that he wasn't looking at you. That wasn't Kyojuro. Finally, after a breath, he looked up and, you saw nothing but pain and turmoil. You went to say something but, you heard the others coming so he separated your hands and, moved a bit away from you. You ignored the pang of rejection in your chest in order to pay attention to the rambunctious boys.
"Y/N-CHAN!" Tanjiro and Inosuke were the first ones to grab you with Zenitsu right behind you. However, Inosuke's knee somehow ended up right where you got punched through and through. Stars clouded your vision as you tilted completely sideways with a high-pitched whine sound.
"Get off her." You barely registered Kyo's voice as he snatched and threw Inosuke off of you with the other two giving you space. You were faintly aware of hands-on you and someone cursing. "She's bleeding. Get Kocho-San now." His voice was no joke, especially judging by the throbbing on your side and the warm blood you felt. You knew Inosuke didn't mean to do it but, it did hurt a lot. You didn't move from your spot even as Shinobu cleaned and rebandaged your wound this time a little tighter. You didn't make a sound or move which concerned her a bit.
"You're still with me, right? Don't go dying yet." You moved your eyes to her giving her a thumbs up. You had found a comfy position and didn't want to move. She looked at you but, said nothing. "Let her be in that position if she is comfortable" Nothing was said and, you turned your head to see Kyo had left as well. You were left by yourself and decided to get comfortable on the floor and take a nap since you weren't going anywhere.
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"Be quiet so you won't wake her up." You vaguely heard a voice right by your ear that sounded like Suma. You opened an eye to see Suma literally inches from your face with a smile.
"She's awake!" Before you can turn you felt a weight where you had the bandages and Suma getting her hair pulled.
"I told you to be quiet!" It was Makio leaning on you and, you sat up real fast dislodging both of them. You tensed protecting the side she leaned on.
"You leaned on her bad side Makio" Hinatsuru scolded her as Makio turned to you with a sad look.
"I'm sorry! I got excited." She was pouting and you smiled at her. Tried to, but you're pretty sure it came out more like a grimace. You finally turned to the last occupant who didn't say anything. He was wearing a fancy eye patch and his left arm where his hand used to be was wrapped up. He saw you staring gesturing to his eye instead.
"Fought uppermoon 6. You can guess who won." You smiled at him.
"They did." He snorted so you continued "I'm glad to see you're okay. One less eye and hand but, you're still flamboyant as ever." You leaned back this time with a hand protecting your side to prevent any further mistakes. You closed your eyes for a few hearing footsteps leaving the room and, closing the door behind them. You opened your eyes again and this time it was just you and Tengen and, you flinched since he was almost on top of you this time.
"You scared me." You gave him a look ready to say something but, he placed a finger on your lips to prevent you from speaking "I have never seen Kyojuro look so distraught. He was crying" You looked down in guilt. You wanted to apologize to him for scaring him. "He told us what happened. You took a hit meant for him. You almost died killing uppermoon 3. It was...scary when you weren't waking up but, we all took turns seeing you. You were never alone. That's when my mission came up since my wives went missing and Kamado and his friends came with me. I protected them during the fight because I know they mean a lot to you. His sister is amazing too and I see her as an official member of the demon slayer corps." You smiled genuinely at that placing a hand on top of the arm he placed over your waist. He had moved his hand from your lips to cup your face. "The same way you don't want us throwing our life away. I would like for you to follow the same rules." You were not sorry for killing uppermoon 3.
"I am not sorry for taking the hit. We defeated upper moon 3 and, I was able to save Kyojuro. You guys care and love him way more than you care about me. I am replaceable, he is not." You gasped feeling your face cheeks getting squeezed tightly. You looked up at a very pissed Tengen.
"I do not know who told you that you are replaceable but, you are not. Never was. Never will be. Yes, we care about Kyojuro but, we all care about you. I care. Kyojuro cares. I don't know what the hell I got to do to get it through your head but, I will do it. We all will." He leaned forward placing a kiss on your cheek before leaning back and letting your face go. You were silent for a minute.
"I'll apologize to Kyojuro whenever he wants to see me." Tengen smiled as he turned around to the door.
"You can come in bestie!" That was so Tengen-like as you watched Kyojuro walk in sheepishly at having been caught snooping. He didn't look at you until he sat down next to Tengen.
"I am not sorry for saving you. I never will be because you are safe and we defeated uppermoon 3." You watched as his jaw clenched, a single eye glaring at you. "However, I am genuinely sorry for scaring you. I wasn't planning on doing that. The only thing on my mind was saving you, I didn't...want to see you any more hurt than you already were. You might think it was silly of me but, I think it was the best decision I could make at that moment." It was silent as you stared between Kyojuro and Tengen waiting for a reaction, a response.
"I do forgive you." You smiled at Kyojuro but, he gave a look. "I do have to agree with Tengen though. You are not replaceable. We all do care about you including me. Please stop treating your life so carelessly." It was your turn to be sheepish as you scratched your head a little bit. He placed a hand in yours squeezing it a bit before pulling away.
"...I promise." It was less than what you really wanted to say but, it meant so much more to them than an entire monologue
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In a couple more weeks you were back on your feet finding out the bleeding was more from a scab than anything. Your wound was completely closed but, you were still very bruised and tender so you were instructed not to go too hard. This meant that you avoided fighting and, training with Sanemi because he did not comprehend the idea of going easy and, thought it meant going harder. He was a whole menace.
"Come on, fight me just one time. We don't have to use swords. We can pummel each other with our fists." He had a crazed grin that had you sweating. You were not in the mood for his shenanigans and, you were trying to convey that to him but, it wasn't going through his crazed mind. Whoever is listening up there please give you strength.
"Shinazugawa." You both turned to the right to see Gyomei standing up with his prayer beads. "L/N-Sama is still healing and, cannot deal with your exuberance as of right now. Either fight me or find someone else to fight if you cannot bring down your enthusiasm." He waited for Shinazugawa to make a decision. He simply huffed and, disappeared screaming for Obanai or Giyu to fight him. You took a breath turning to Gyomei thankful for his presence and for intervening.
"You're a lifesaver Gyo." You loved giving them nicknames and, judging by the soft smile and, the way his scent went sweet he also enjoyed the endearing nicknames you gave him.
"Would you like to focus on strength training with me, or honing your other skills?" He was giving you suggestions that you gladly took because one on one fighting was not that appealing to you. He hummed holding out an arm and, you grabbed on as the two of you walked away to where you saw him training with literal trunks of trees and boulders. "We are not within hearing distance of anyone. Please tell me how your fight went with uppermoon three." You blinked but, figured he would have preferred to have heard it from your own mouth. So, you did tell him. You told him about lower moon 1 getting defeated by the Kamado squad and, how Kyojuro defeated a lowly demon before uppermoon 3 made an appearance. You explained how Akaza wanted to make you the exception to his no-killing women rule because you're an Alpha and, wanted Kyojuro as his mate. You explained how at the end when Akaza was getting desperate he was going to deliver a fatal blow to Kyojuro but, you jumped in and, the blow turned hit you more on the right side instead of the center like how it was going to with Kyojuro.
"I am lucky to be alive. It's thanks to Shinobu but, I am sorry for worrying everyone. That was not my intention. However, I am not sorry for saving him. If I would have died I would have been okay with it. Everyone tells me I'm not replaceable but, I feel like it sometimes. I feel like all of you would be better off without me." You were focused on a spot on the ground as the silence continued. You were going to move to start on a boulder but, you were grabbed with a firm and gentle grip by the arm. You turned only to be encompassed in a hug. Gyomei was bent over hugging you around the waist firmly against his chest. You felt tears hit the top of your head as he sniffled.
"Your very soul radiates so much pain. You went through so much and, you're tired. You're so very tired and I am sorry that you are tired. I am sorry that I couldn't take away your pain or prevent it from happening. You deserved so much better. You deserved to be a child. You deserved to be loved." He was holding you tight and, his words, his scent, the warmness had you clutching to him tears spilling from your eyes. You felt your legs grow weak as the two of you went to the ground. He pulled you into his lap never letting you go. "You can tell me. It's okay to talk. I will not force you but, I will always be your safe space." You believed him. He was the most truthful and purest Hashira ever. He felt your drunk telling was not right. He wanted you to tell him yourself whenever you were ready.
"...I was forced to be a Courtesan from age eight to fourteen. I hated it. I wanted to die. So many different people touching me. It's where I got addicted to alcohol because it made me compliant and made it easier for four or five men to take me at a time. Drugs were horrible. I was never paid because I lived there. I lived there and even became a part of that horrible fucking world because that whore I called a mother didn't believe me when I said my brother touched me." You sobbed a bit "I hope they both rot." The string was finally broken as you wailed in his arms. He never let you go as you clung to him. You felt him placing soft kisses on your hand and the top of your head but, he never let you go.
"I'm so sorry. You never deserved that." He smoothed a hand down your back leaving it on your lower back to bring you closer to him. As if he was using his body to shield you. "I'm truly sorry for the life you were forced to live. You can always come to me whenever you need. I will be here for you. Now, later and in the future. I'll be here." You sobbed and choked on your snot and spit. You felt movement before tissue was used to wipe your face. You looked up to see he was looking down with those unseeing eyes at you. "Your soul may be fractured but, it is still beautiful. You are a beauty." That brought on a fresh onslaught of tears but, not as severe. They were more quiet sniffles as you snuggled into his chest. "Stay here as long as you want. I am not moving from here. Rest is good." You took a few deep breaths stopping the crying. You felt exhausted and, drained. Taking him up on his offer you took a whiff of his scent and used him to fall back to sleep.
"Love you Gyo..." You slurred it falling asleep quicker than you thought. In your sleep, you were unaware of a pair of lips on your cheek.
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