Listen To: "Film Out" by BTS
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"Shhhh, El-ssi. It's me. It's just me. You're okay, Shhh," I hear Hyun-Jin's voice as he has me pulled tightly against his body. My whole body thrashing against his; kicking as he lifts me off the ground. I feel like i''m unable to calm myself down from the immense fear and sheer anger I'm feeling. Tannie is trembling in my arms and yipping as he feels my fear.
"It's just me, El-Ah. I've got you. Let me take you the members, they're all waiting for you," he says to me. He keeps his arm around my shoulder as we walk down the street, to an unmarked black car. He opens the back door for me and Tannie and I get in. We are close to the house so we arrive within a few minutes. He opens that door for me and leads me inside the house. The first set of eyes I land on are Tae's. I hand him Tannie and run down the hall into the bathroom. I slam the door shut, lock it, and once again, empty the contents of my stomach into the white porcelain. I feel like someone has taken my guts and twisted them around.
After a few moments. I flush the toilet and rip my clothes off; I feel like I'm heavy; my chest tightening as I try and fill my lungs with air. I can't catch my breath and every article of clothing I'm wearing feels like it's suffocating me. Once i've stripped myself down to my bra and panties, I lean back against the bathtub, letting my head fall on the ledge. I hear the small knock on the door. I can't talk to them or see them right now. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm exhausted.
"I just— I need a few minutes, please" I say out loud. "I'm fine, I— I just need a few moments," I communicate. If therapy has taught me anything it's that I need to let them know how I'm choosing to process what I'm going through.
I feel like I'll never get used to this life; the life of constant scrutiny and eyes on us. I thought I was a strong person and I'll fight until the end for us, but when it's coming from every single angle, it's hard. I don't know why this guy is incessant on making me pay for the way I defended myself but what I do know is that I hate that I feel trapped. Like, walking on eggshells unable to be myself or do anything because I'm afraid of an instagram post, a media article, a person wanting to get revenge. I love my boyfriends more than anything in the whole world, but this life, it's rough. I don't know how they do it; I don't get even a minuscule fraction of the attention they get, and they deal with it so eloquently. I wish I could be that good, that amazing, but I can't. I'm weak. I'm stupid and I'm angry; why can't this asshole just leave me the fuck alone? Some people really can't seem to take rejection well.
I stay locked up in the bathroom until I feel like I've finally come down from my anxious, angry, and overwhelmed state of mind. My heart has stabilized and my breathing is normal. It seems as if it's only been a few minutes but when I look down at my watch, I realize it's been over an hour. I've been sitting on the bathroom floor for over an hour. I slowly pick myself off the ground and go to open the door.
As soon as it opens, I see them. A few of them sitting against the wall, others laying on the ground, their exhausted faces break my heart but every single one of them is outside, waiting. Proving, once again, that no matter what, they are always there for me. I stand at the door, looking at each of them. Jungkook is the first to notice me. He stands up and immediately wraps me in his arms, instantly warming my body up.
"Baby, you're going to get sick. Where are your clothes?" He asks me worriedly. The rest of them get up and start crowding around me. My arms are firmly around JK, suffocating him with my embrace but I just need to feel him; need to know that I'm safe and he's here.
"Felt like I couldn't breathe; had to take it off," I say to him. He pulls me tighter and move his arms to create friction and warmth on my body.
"-m sorry," I say to them as my eyes go around to meet each of theirs. "I just feel like I am so bad at this; I'm just so stupid. I make dumb choices and I don't know how to deal with the bad press, the awful people, the constant worrying about my safety. I just needed some time to process instead of running away and giving up, which is what I wanted to do; which is what I always do," I say to them.
"And I'm mad. I'm so fucking mad. Why won't he leave me the fuck alone? This is the second time in the span of days that he's harassed me. I hate him," I tell them. "I'm going to file a harassment order. I'm done with thinking I can handle all this shit on my own and i'm done with people thinking that I'm an easy fucking target," I say out loud. I detach from Jungkook to step back and look around at them. They're faces are lit up and smiles are creeping on their lips.
"What's so funny?" I ask, putting my hand on my hips, my brows furrowing in confusion.
"There's my sassy, badass, girl," I hear Seokjin say out loud.
"I just feel like I've made so many dumb choices so much and I'm done. I'm done with it all. Fuck it. Fuck all of it," I say out loud. Taehyung takes a step toward me and cups my face firmly and leans in to press his mouth to mine. His tongue licks the seam of my lips, asking for entrance. My knees go weak at the way fire spreads throughout my whole body at his touch. He sucks my bottom lip into his teeth and gently bites down and I cannot handle it. A moan leaves my mouth and the arousal pooling in my belly makes me feel completely unhinged.
"Fuck," I moan against his lips and my hands tangle in his hair and I jump up to wrap my legs around his waist; his hands instinctively grabbing my thighs. I push against him, rutting my hips firmly, needing to feel the friction, to bask in the pleasure that's seeping through my veins; completely forgetting that we're surrounded by everyone.
"Bedroom. All of you. Now," I say out loud. Taehyung leads us to my bedroom and I see them all following us, the fire in their eyes is so fucking hot that I don't know how I'm going to make this work but my excitement at being able to have them all is overwhelming.
We walk into the bedroom and I wiggle out of Tae's arms and turn around to face them. I walk to Seokjin, in the middle of them, and wrap my arms around his waist. His hands land on my ass as he leans down to capture my lips with his. I push my tongue against his and sigh deeply. He lets out a deep, guttural moan that makes my whole body vibrate.
"Holy shit," I hear Jungkook let out beside us. I turn and allow Jin to move his mouth onto my neck.
"Kiss me," I tell him and he turns his body to me and his mouth finds mine in a feverish, haze. I'm fucking floating. Seokjin's hand moves up to the small of my back and let's JK's hand fall on my ass as he squeezes hard.
"If you all wanted my ass so badly, you could have just asked," I tell them with a small laugh and I know— I KNOW, I'm teasing them and honestly, I'm ready to deal with the consequences. I look around to see them all completely losing their minds. I look and see Jimin grab pull his hoodie over his head, a fitted tshirt following every curve of his immaculately carved body. I feel Jungkook's fingers making their way to the seam of fabric as he tugs down on my panties, eager to get them off of me. I see Taehyung walk over to the bed, pulling my decorative pillows off. I feel hands behind me and look to see Namjoon working on the clasp of my bra, pulling it off my body. Hoseok walks toward the door and dims the lights. And Yoongi, fuck I've never seen him look as completely dark as he is right now. I watch him sit on the edge of the bed, the others placed sporadically around him. He extends his hand out toward me. I place my hands in his and he pulls me onto him, leading me to straddle his lap. I feel hands on my back and see Jimin behind me, kissing the nape of my neck, working his way all the way down my spine.
All eyes are on me. I know exactly what they're thinking and honestly, I'm surprised it took us this long to do this. When we first all got together, we talked about the possibility of smaller groups at the same time and even the possibility of all of us together. Obviously all of us together would be something we knew we would have to work up to but I'm 100% ready now. Something about them all watching me makes me feel like my whole body is on fire.
I feel Yoongi's mouth working my chest, his tongue flicking at my nipples as he sucks and nips at my skin and Jimin in behind me, focusing on my back and neck. I hear shuffling on the bed and areas in front of me and I look up to see Joon, Jin, Hobi and Tae watching me intently.
"We don't want to overwhelm you Sweet Thing," Namjoon says, his hand rubbing at his dick over his pants. "Please promise you'll be honest if it's too much," he tells me. I pull him down toward me and press my lips against his.
"Want all of you" I mutter onto his lips and then gasp as Yoongi bites down on me.
"Okay baby, we're yours," he whispers in my ear. I'm losing my mind at this point; completely overwhelmed by need; the need to be with them, the need to love them, the need to feel each of them. They each offer me something so individual and specific and I need all of it, from each of them, right now.
"I've wanted this for so long," I let out in a soft moan as Jimin works his mouth up toward my shoulder and neck. JK is sitting right next to Yoongi, on my left, Taehyung on his right. Yoongi's mouth continues to leave fire against my skin. Seokjin, Hoseok, and Namjoon are all standing behind Jimin, watching as the Tae and Jungkook let their mouths fall on my body, joining Yoongi and Jimin.
"Fuck, you look so beautiful. Ride me, now" Yoongi tells me firmly. He knows that I am weak for him when he demands things from me. He kisses my mouth and then pulls me up by my hips and then pulls himself out of his pants and motions at me to sink down onto him. Just as Yoongi's length fills me and stretches me fully, I feel Seokjin's breath as he leans over Jimin, his mouth meeting my ear as I start to roll my hips in a delirious dance against Yoongi.
"If anything makes you uncomfortable, even slightly, you tell us to stop. Got it?" He says to me authoritatively.
"Nothing any of you could ever do would make me uncomfortable, but okay," I say to him. Yoongi kisses me, deeply; his tongue gently gliding along my bottom lip.
"I love you," he whispers.
"I love you," I tell him as I rotate my hips onto his lap. I push hard against him and let out a low moan, the feeling of him hitting the spot that makes my whole body tingle.
"Fuck I can't— I'm so close," he moans into my ear. I pull my face back and look at him, pushing his hair back.
"Come for me, baby," I say to him. I hear JK growl to my left. I feel Yoongi's hands go to my hips as he holds me still and thrusts up into me, causing me to whine from delirium.
"God, yes..." I moan out as I lay my head back and land on Jimin behind me. His lips ghost over my temple as Tae and JK continue moving their mouths on either side of my body. It's only a few moments later when I feel Yoongi tense beneath me and he releases inside of me; moans of my name floating through the air like the most beautiful song.
"So good," he mutters against my lips as I lean forward and kiss him off his his high. I feel hands behind me helping lift me and pull me off Yoongi. I stand and Yoongi does as well, he kisses me again before he steps off to the side, settling in to watch me continue. I turn around and grab Jimin behind me; pulling him to stand in front, and I push him to lay on the bed.
"Take your pants off," I demand from him. I hear JK suck in a breath next to me as he watches my whole demeanor change; knowing that it drives Jimin insane when I take control. Jimin starts pulling his pants down and I lean forward and pull off his shirt. I run my hands up his thighs as I bend forward to get closer to him.
"Hi Baby Boy," I whisper against his mouth as he tries to capture my lips but I tease him. "I need you," I tell him and finally let him kiss me.
"God Damn," I hear Namjoon somewhere behind me.
I bend down, kissing a trail down Jimin's torso, licking and sucking on every inch of his beautifully sculpted body. I reach the skin on his hips right above where his hard dick is twitching and kiss him softly. I hear him moan out in desperation. He looks so incredibly divine; his lips parted slightly, his eyes hazy, his jaw tense.
"So good for me Jiminie. Ready for me?" I tease him. I hear his breath hitch as he feels my breath on his sensitive skin. I push my tongue out and lick him from his base until I reach his tip, wrapping my lips around him and tasting the salty beads of precome.
"Mmmmmmmm" I moan out and I hear him curse above me. Jungkook and Tae continue to move their mouthes on my skin, hungrily, desperately. As soon as I've taken Jimin's length in my mouth fully, I fell hands on my hips and a raspy voice in my ear.
"Ready for me princess?" I hear Hoseok ask. My mouth being preoccupied in continuing to make Jimin come undone beneath me, I simply push my hips back against him, signaling to him that I want nothing more than to feel him inside of me. His hand comes down on my ass hard, the sound ringing through the room. I hear a few gasps around the room, a few of the others not knowing that this is how my relationship is with Hobi. A needy whine vibrates through my mouth, working onto Jimin and I hear him groan.
"Always such a perfect girl for me, baby" Hobi says as I feel him run his tip up and down my opening, teasing me mercilessly as moans escape my mouth.
"Fuck," I hear Jimin moan at the exact time that Hoseok pushes himself into me and my eyes roll to the back of my head.
"This is the best day of my life," Jimin says in between gasps for air. His hips push up and he hits the back of my throat and Hoseok thrust into me, the stimulation of being filled completely by them is overwhelming.
"Easy," I hear Seokjin tell them protectively. Hobi's fingers dig into my hips as he starts pushing into me relentlessly, chasing his high. I feel Jimin's thighs tense beneath my hands and his hands go to my face as he motions at me to look at him. I find his eyes and he looks so deliriously fucked out; it's the most intense feeling ever. I hear Hoseok losing his own battle with his orgasm as he pounds into me harshly, moans of pleasure filling the room.
"Fuck— so good. So perfect for me," Hobi moans out. I push my hips back against his, knowing exactly what I'm doing, and his hand comes back down and lands on my ass again and my whole body is flooded with arousal. There's something about the sting of his hand on my skin that makes me go completely feral. I let out a small whine and as soon as the shuddering of my voice hits Jimin, his hands go into my hair and he pushes deeply into me and releases fully. I swallow around him, taking every single drop of him. I pull away, licking at his length and then I move my way up and lean in to his him. As soon as my lips find his, Hobi thrusts deeply into me and I feel him let go; the tremble works his way down his body. He pushes my body into Jimin's and I feel his arms wrap around me as Hobi comes down from his high.
"So beautiful," Jimin whispers into my ear. I don't know how much time has elapsed when I feel Hobi pull out of me. I feel so out of it, like I'm high on the best kind of drug.
"You okay baby? We can stop right here," I hear Jungkook say into my ear.
"I'm fine, So good. Green. Keep going," I tell him. I push myself off of Jimin and turn to face Jungkook, I tangle my fingers into his hair and pull him to me, kissing him hard, deep and passionately. I lay with my back against the mattress and pull him on top of me.
"Please make love to me Kookie. Make me feel so good," I whisper into his mouth.
"Fuck," he moans.
I pull off of him slightly and turn my torso back and reach out for Taehyung. I motion for him to stand next to where I am. I lay myself back down on the bed and JK adjusts himself in between my legs. He looks down and his hand starts pumping himself to full hardness. I turn my face to look at Taehyung.
"Kiss me, please," I tell him. He leans down and his mouth finds mine, like magnets that are destined to always be together. His lips melt into mine and a shiver runs down my spine. I feel JK press his tip into my entrance and he rolls his hips into me, stretching me to fit him. I reach my hand to find Tae and start pumping him in my hand and I hear him hiss into my mouth. He pulls away from me and adjusts so that his hips are right near my head and I lean forward to take him into my mouth. I hear him let out an exhale as he feels my lips wrap around him.
I let my tongue wrap around his length and feel him softly push himself in and out of my mouth. His hand is stroking my face as he watches me intently. His eyes are so fully of love and affection; his fingers tangling into my hair. It's raw and emotional and I am overcome with the amount of love my heart hold for him.
Jungkook is slowly thrusting his hips back and forth, euphoniously building up a rhythm that is harmonious, deep and beautiful. He leans down and his mouth places his lips on my neck, leaving a trail of fire on my skin in it's wake. I go back to this but each and every experience with them is so different. Jungkook and Tae being so gentle, so romantic, so sweet is a drastic change from Hobi and Jimin's passionate, unhinged, and maddened movements but I love them all the same. They balance it all out and fulfill me in ways that I can't even describe.
"You're my everything," I hear Jungkook mutter against my ear as he continues to languidly roll his hips into me, the feeling of him dragging me closer and closer to my own release, my body overcome with pleasure. I close my eyes and groan out, Taehyung let's out a sigh as he pushes himself into me. His tip hitting the back of my throat. I relax my jaw to allow him to fully fill me without feeling like my gag reflex is being triggered.
Jungkook continues to bite down on my neck and ear and just as I start to loose myself in their rhythmic motions into me, I hear Jungkook keen in my ear.
"Think you can come for us and for hyungs?" He moans resonant and plangent into my ear. I shake my head as Taehyung starts loosing his timing, his movements becoming erratic and sloppy as he starts to lose himself in his pleasure.
"Okay baby girl, come for us ya?" I hear him say to me and as soon as I hear his words, I allow my body to fully focus on the way he's making me feel. The way he's pushing into me slowly, torturously, and agonizingly deliciously makes my whole body tense with my impending arousal. Taehyung runs his fingers down my jaw and pulls me up slightly to look at him and the moment our eyes meet, I'm done. I come in the most astounding and mind blowing way; my whole body trembling with pleasure. I feel Tae let go, his salty release coating the back of my throat at the same time that I feel Jungkook's warmth fill me. It's lascivious, shameless and lewd but the most inconceivably incredible feeling. I'm exhausted but have never felt so indescribably happy in my whole life. I feel them both pull away from me; Jungkook leaving kisses down my spine as he pulls out and Tae leans down and captures my lips with his, pouring every ounce of adoration into me. Each of them stepping away from me as I collapse onto my belly on my bed, they're sitting around me, looking at me in a way that I've never seen before and I only feel an overwhelming sense of love.
"We don't have to continue baby girl," Seokjin says as he leans down and whispers into my ear. Joon's laying next to me, his fingers grazing up and down my back.
"It's okay Sweet Thing, no one is expecting anything from you," he adds.
"No," I tell them as I turn myself around on my side, using every ounce of energy I have left in my body, to face Seokjin. "I need you, I want you both. Please," I tell him. They both lay on either side of me and it's Joon who presses his body against my back, the hardness of his dick pressed against my lower back.
"I'm ready for you baby," I say to him as I reach my hand back and tug on his hair, his mouth nipping at my earlobes. Jin's mouth moves it's way down toward my breasts, taking my sensitive nipples in between his teeth and littering small bruises all over my skin. I feel Namjoon lead himself into me and I can't help the hiss that leaves my mouth as he pushes into me, the overstimulation making it hard to focus.
I knew that by the time we reached the final two, none of us would last very long; me having had 5 others before them and them having to watch me and hold back. So, it comes to no surprise when Namjoon starts to feverishly thrust into me; recklessly and wild. Seokjin's mouth catches every single moan, every single whimper, every single sound that leaves my lips.
"Baby," I hear Joon moan into my ear softly as I feel him empty himself into me. I am so overstimulated that I feel the tears fall down my cheeks; Seokjin catches each one with a kiss. I just need to release, I need to just let go.
"I got you baby," I hear Jin whisper as Joon pulls out of me. Seokjin sits up, leaning his back against the headboard. He gently leads me up and before I focus on him, I turn around and I see them all looking at me. Seokjin cups my cheeks and pulls me to him.
"Let me take care of you," he says to me. I straddle his lap and let myself fall against him. His hands rub up and down my back, comforting me. His hands go down to my hips and he slowly lifts me, grabs himself and then pushes me down gently to take him. I melt into him, feeling incoherent and deranged. Although I'm exhausted and physically pushed to my limit, I can't think if anyone else I'd want to be with right now, than Seokjin.
He's spoiling me; making love to me in a way that's so emotionally intimate and connected. He's drawing out every movement in a way that my pleasure, my happiness is his only goal. He's so intensely intune to my needs; emotionally, mentally, physically. He makes me feel so loved, so adored, so safe. He reads everyone of my movements, knows every sound, and understands all of my ticks. He knows me like the back of his hand, like the lines of his favorite song, the plot of his favorite show; he proves to me over and over again that he knows me better than I know myself.
He continues to roll himself up into me, the tip of his dick pressing into the spot inside of me that's begging to find it's release. He pushes, gently stimulating me softly but intently. I feel the warmth spread all over my body, arousal pooling in my belly and my toes going numb. My fingers grasp his hair and my mouth hovers over his as I start to roll my hips in tune to his, unable to catch my breath.
"El-Ah," he moans out. I feel him tense beneath me and I know that my own climax is about to implode. "Love of my life," he whispers as his mouth gently sucks down on my neck and his words, sweeter than sweet, while he thrusts into me in precisely the perfect spot, sends me spiraling down the rollercoaster of my climax.
I completely go limp in his arms, every single ounce of energy has been depleted from my body and there is no way I can do anything. The last thing I remember is Seokjin stroking my hair as i'm laying on his chest, as he mumbles into my ear.
"I love you so much," I hear him say before the whole world around me goes dark
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I feel an overwhelming heat take over my body and I can feel the sweat start to form on my skin. Before I open my eyes, I know that can only mean one of two things, either i'm in bed with Jungkook or I'm in bed with several of them. I open my eyes softly to see I'm completely surrounded. I center myself and take in my surroundings. We are all laying on my bed, fresh sheets and bedding covering all 7 bodies laid around me. I look down at myself and see that I'm wearing one of Namjoon's Fear of God tshirts and what looks to be a pair of Versace boxer briefs that could only belong to Hobi.
I stretch my neck to look at the clock and see that it's 4:44 am. I silently close my eyes and tell myself to make a wish; a habit I've had since I was a young girl. My mother used to tell me that if I caught Angel Numbers, I was to always make a wish and angel numbers meant they would be more likely to come true. Silly, silly, fairy tales.
The families are all coming into town late tonight and then tomorrow is the surprise party so I feel like I have a million things to take care of. I scheduled the house cleaners to come in this afternoon while the guys are at work, and I'm going to go meet with Jaebeom for coffee. I have to call the bakery, the caterer, text the Eomma's, make sure to confirm with the other guests and make sure I go get tableware for our dinner. I'm suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.
I look to my left to see Hoseok, his face pressed into my chest and his arm wrapped tightly around me. On my right, Taehyung's chest is pressed against my arm and his fingers are intertwined with mine. The intense feeling of heat starts to stir the nausea in my stomach and I'm willing my stomach to comply with my orders today. I reach slightly over to grab my phone from the nightstand, pulling away from Tae slightly. Once my phone is in my hand, I open the notes app and start to draft up a "statement". I don't even know what to say, but I know I need to say something. So I just type what's in my heart:
I feel so incredibly honored to be living in such a beautiful country; filled with incredible culture, amazing people, and more opportunities than I've ever been awarded. My transition from living a stereotypical western lifestyle to a way of life that's more conservative and traditional, here in South Korea, has been a bit of a struggle. While I can not deny some of the things that have been written about me; about my past, I can say that I'm no longer that person and I strive to become better every single day. I work with an amazing array of idols; I will never be able to thank them enough for trusting me with their visions. That being said, my relationships with each of the men I've been romantically linked to, has been a relationship of professional intent and friendship; nothing more and nothing less. I would appreciate that my personal life be just that, personal and private. If and when I'm ready to share with the world who I've decided to share my life with, I will do so on my own accord. Lastly, i'd like to say thank you to the people who support me and those who have followed me because I've worked with their favorite groups or idols, I am so thankful for your support and look forward to bringing you a more amazing and more beautiful side of my work and I hope that you all show it so much love and support. I am so grateful to have been so graciously accepted by so many. Thank you so much.
-Eleanor Lopez
I screenshot the message and go to my twitter account and upload it with just a simple black heart as a caption. I then move on to instagram and do the same. I'm hoping that opening up, just a tiny bit, will help. I've been completely shut away from the outside world; solely focused on my work and my relationships, maybe it's time I pay attention and give those that support me a little bit more of me in return.
I gently pull away from Hoseok and Taehyung's grips and am able to get out of the bed. I need air. Need a bit of space to breathe. As soon as I've tiptoed my way out of the room, I go to the kitchen, serve myself a glass of cold brew that I made yesterday and then head to the library and sit on the soft chairs. I look out the window to see the dark and gloomy skies. It's still pretty early on, only November 18, but I have a feeling the first snow is coming much sooner than usual for Seoul.
I look down at my phone and see my screen glitching, trying to keep up with the notifications on both instagram and twitter. I'll never understand why people like me, but I'm so incredibly thankful for it either way. Their fondness of me, of my work, is what allows me to do the things I love. I wonder if they'd stick around if they knew that the guys were my boyfriends. A wave of sadness hits me, not because I know they probably wouldn't be happy about it, but because I could only image what it would feel like to know that the person you connect with, you love truly, even though you might not actually, physically know them, has connected with someone else. The only thing I can do is vow to always be good to them, always treat them the way they deserve and love them so irrevocably that even the outside world can see it.
I pull up my inbox and send an email to my lawyer asking to draft up a no-contact order against the dancer (who's name I've learned is Pak Yeosang). I explain what happened and tell him that I'm willing to take a penalty if needed for having hit him but I need him to stop coming near me and to leave me alone.
I hear footsteps coming toward me on the wood floor, the scratch of slippers sliding across the planks quietly. I look up as I take a sip from my glass to see Jungkook. His eyes are half lidded and sleepy, his hair a mess over his forehead. His hands are buried inside his long sleeve shirt and he stops to look at me and scrunches his nose when I motion for him to come and sit. I stand up from the chair and he sits then pulls me down onto his lap. I rest my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around me tightly; his lips pressing against my forehead.
"Did I wake you?" I ask him. He lets out a small laugh.
"Kind of. We all have alerts on your social media accounts so my phone rang when you posted," he tells me as his fingers dance though my hair.
"Shit, I'm sorry. Go back to bed Bun. Come on, let's go," I say as I try and get up off his lap.
"No, stay here. I like it here. Talk to me," he replies. We stay like that for a few more moments; enjoying the quiet. His hands hold mine as he hums quietly while watching our fingers lace together and connect us.
"We have to do something about this guy," he says after a few moments of silence.
"I know. I already emailed my lawyer. I want to be done with him and his bullshit," I say.
"Also, I know you aren't going to like this, but I want you to go back to having someone with you when you go out," he tells me.
"Every single time? I just— I get it, it may not seem like it but I have learned from previous mistakes," I say as my whole body shudders remembering how stupidly I handled things with Zane . "But maybe not every single time I go out?" I say to him.
"Eleanor, we worry about you. You being out alone. People know who you are now. You going out alone is not as safe as you think it is," he continues. He's trying to be firm but still respectful of my own choices.
"I know, I get that but I just feel like it seems excessive. I'm not an idol, I'm not a celebrity, I'm just me. That being said, I know I have to be careful because my actions could affect you guys and I don't want to do that. I just need to be more vigilant and maybe not slap random men in clubs," I say, trying to break the tension I see riddling his face.
"Let's compromise?" He says. I smile, thinking about how 10 months ago, I didn't think this man was emotionally or mentally capable of being in an 'adult' relationship and now here he was, compromising, and having mature relationship centered conversations with me. I'm such an idiot; I should have given him more credit in the beginning.
"Tell me," I respond.
"You can do whatever you want as long as you're driving, being safe. But you tell us the moment anything does happen; no sparing our feelings or trying to protect us. Just be honest with us and you let us know where you are at all times. But no more going out on walks alone, especially late at night. I don't know what I would have done if he had done anything to you," he says.
"Okay, that seems fair. Honesty, Communication. No late night walks alone. Got it. Thank you," I tell him.
"For what?" He asks with slight confusion tinging his face.
"For always having my safety as a priority," I say, riddled with the memories of previous relationships where I had to fend for myself. It's why I am the way that I am; I never had a partner, it was always me against the world. I've never had someone to fight with me, for me.
"You're the single most important thing in my life and I will treasure you with everything that I am," he says tells me softly, my heart skipping at his confession.
"So, do we have a deal?" He asks smugly. "Kiss on it?" He tells me with a smile.
"Usually people shake hands, Jungkook-ah" I say to him.
"Not me, I need more reassurance," he responds. He puts his hand on my jaw and pulls me toward him. His lips envelop mine in a way that makes my whole body go weak. I exhale as his tongue glides across my lips.
He leans his head against mine and starts to hum again, the melody so hauntingly beautiful.
"What are you singing?" I ask him.
"It's a new Japanese song we are recording for the Japanese compilation album and as the OST for a movie. Suga-hyung and I have been working on it and it's stuck in my head," he says to me.
"Sing it to me," I tell him.
"It's in Japanese," he informs me as his thumb runs across my lips, biting down on his own softly. I feel fire running through my body. How I can still be so physically affected after last night is so beyond my own comprehension but I am, my body never fails to react to their touches. I will never have my fill of them; needing them in every single way as much and as often as possible.
"Sing it and then translate it for me. I should work on my Japanese either way," I tell him as I kiss the pad of his thumb.
"You, in my imagination
浮かび上がる君は
Are so vivid, oh-oh
あまりに鮮やかで Oh-oh
As if you are right there
まるでそこにいるかと
But I reach out my hand
手を伸ばすところで
And you suddenly disappear
ふっと消えてしまう
From all the memories stored in my heart
淡々と降り積もった記憶の中で
I gather up the ones of you, link them together
君だけを拾い集めて繋げて
Gazing at them projected across the room
部屋中に映して眺めながら
I feel you with every burst of pain
込み上げる痛みで 君を確かめている"
I feel my heart pounding in my chest; my heart reacting to the words in a way I wasn't expecting. They're beautiful; deep, meaningful and perfect. Their talent never ceases to amaze me.
"Those might be my favorite lyrics of any of your songs. It's gorgeous," I say to him as my lips press against his. My hands tangle in his long hair, pulling him to me, wanting him to see how his words, his melody, his art touches me in ways I can't put to words. After a few moments, I'm panting against him, completely overtaken by him. They've ruined me— no one will ever compete with the love I have for them.
"Are you okay after last night?" He asks me as he slowly pulls away, his thumb still stroking my cheek.
"Yeah, I kind of passed out hard but it was so good. Fun. But definitley something that is going to require some pre-planning next time," I say to him with a smile.
"You did amazing babe. Always such a good girl for us," he mutters onto my lips.
"Kook-ah," I whisper. I can feel the familiar tightening in my core, his mouth moving down my jaw and neck, placing soft kisses as he moves down.
"Tell me to stop," he mutters against me.
"Don't ever stop," I say to him and that's all it takes for us to get lost in each other...again.