You spend the next days trying to get more out of your room. Hanging out with Natasha as much as possible, she makes you feel good, at least better than before. You wouldn't know how to live without her.
You spend all day with Natasha and Clint on a mission, it wasn't huge. But you got out of the tower, you actually felt useful.Theres just something about tying up old white men, kicking them until they can't breathe.. Seen in retrospect it might not be the best way to cope with being depressed but it certainly worked.
You finally arrive back at the tower, looking like a complete mess, you can't wait to take a nice hot long shower and then get a good night of sleep. You open the door to your room, when your heart stops for a second. Sighing heavily as you realize Thor is sitting by your desk. He looks happy to see you, which only makes you even more infuriated.
You walk right towards him, trying to get into the bathroom, without saying a word to him. You shut the door behind you, taking a shower. And you sure do take your time. You pray to whatever's up there he'll be gone when you're done.
As you dress yourself walking back into your room, you're slightly surprised to discover he's sitting in the exact same place, with the exact same smile on his lips.
"What do you want thor?" You sigh. Trying to find something useful to do in your room, to distract yourself from him.
"I come with good news my princess" Thor says , it's hard to be mad at him, when his voice is so damn kind.
You look at him confusedly hoping he'll continue.
"You seem upset, is it something my brother did?" Thor questions, he seems just as confused as you.
"No I did not speak with your brother, and yes I am upset Thor. And to be honest with you I would rather you leave than see me cry" you shout frustrated with his lack of sympathy for you.
You wait for him to answer. He keeps furrowing his brow waiting for you to go on. You push past him sitting down on the side of your bed. Why is he doing this to you, he shuts you out, telling you he never loved you. And now he's back a few weeks later wanting to be your best friend again.
You hadn't been to see Loki since that night, you couldn't look at him, knowing he hated the person you've become.
"Just leave Thor I don't want your good news, frankly I don't want any of your news" you scoff.
"I'm sorry y/n if I did anything to offend you" Thor apologies.
"You are unbelievable" You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Offend me?" You chuckle. "You did nothing of that sort"
"Is it Loki bothering you, I can take him off your hands if you need me to" He smiles subtly.
"I don't need anything from you.. What you said hurt Thor, your words have consequences"
Thor sits down beside you, looking at you with sadness in his eyes. He seems so clueless.
"I respect your decision, but I don't understand how you could ever believe those things" you say quietly.
"Said what?" Thor asks.
"The conversation we had?.."
Thor looks at you questioningly.
"You told me about what your father said to you.. banishing me from my home" you add.
"Banishment?"
You look at Thor confused. Then you realize Thor has the exact same expression as you. He truly has no idea what you're talking about.
"You didn't come to visit me three weeks ago?" You question raising your eyebrow.
"Y/n I haven't been here since I told you about your legacy. I came here to tell you good news"
You get up pacing around the room, searching for any logical way to explain this.
"But I talked with you, you told me you didn't want anything to do with me" you whimper quietly.
Thor stands up grabbing your arm. He looks deeply into your eyes. "I would never say such words.." Thor assures you.
You feel a heavy weight lifting from your shoulders, as you take a deep breath.
"If that wasn't me you talked to.." Thor trails off. "Then who?"
Suddenly realization hits you like shot through the heart. Your body fills with anger, as you clench your fists.
"I think I might have an idea" you scoff.. "I'm terribly sorry Thor, for ever believing you'd say those things to me" you smile softly.
Thor smiles kindly.
"I have a thing or two I need to discuss with your brother, if I may"
"I will make sure to talk with my brother, he's not getting away with causing you pain" Thor says angrily.
"No" you spit out quickly. "I've got this"
You let out a deep breath as you walk determined down to Lokis room. You thought him to be a lot of things, but you never thought he would intentionally hurt you.. seems like you're not the one who's changed for the worse.
Loki had never lied to you before.. never.
You push open the door, searching through the room for Loki. He's no where to be seen.
"Loki get out here now"
He doesn't answer.
"I will send your ass right back to Asgard, so you can rot away in prison for the rest of you life if you don't get out here now" you yell.
You stand in silence for a moment when you hear his quiet footsteps from his bedroom.
The door opens slowly as you walk into his bedroom. The whole place is a mess, looks like he's not used to cleaning up after himself. Then your eyes lock with his.
"You lied to me" you say softly. "You purposely chose to hurt me"
Loki scoffs, walking away from you. He seems completely unbothered with the fact he hurt you. He seems amused by it.
"Why?"
"I thought it would make you change you mind.. that perhaps finally you'd see the truth you're so desperately hiding from yourself" Loki growls darkly. "They don't love you"
"How dare you?" You shout, grabbing onto his arm. "You lied to me...you've never lied to me before" you stammer.
Loki turns to look at you once again, his face only a few inches from yours.
"It hurts doesn't it? Being lied to?"
"When have I ever lied to you Loki?" You ask. "I always told you the truth, even when it hurt"
"Yet you're lying to yourself" Loki grins. "You have been lying to me ever since you brought me here"
"What?" You question.
"Finding my old self, getting the old me back.. making me realize my mistakes" Loki mocks you. "It's a lie.. you're not here because you care for me.. you just don't want to admit that you're the reason I became this way"
"Don't blame me for you mistakes" You yell.
"I don't love Thor like I love you.. I'll never love anyone the way I love you" Loki repeats your past promises to him.
"That's not a lie" you admit. "I have never loved anyone the way I love you"
Loki scoffs, rolling his eyes. "The soldier.. the tinman?" Loki interrogates. "Did you not love them?"
"I did.. some part of me still do. But I never loved any of you the same way. That would be impossible." You explain.
You slowly take a step closer towards him, you can almost feel his breath against your forehead. You take a deep breath as you kneel down before him. Looking up at him with pleading eyes.
"Im down on my knees for you.. begging you to.." you trail off as he finally looks down at you. "Please stop" you beg him. "Stop trying to change me.. stop hating me.. and please start being my friend again"
Lokis gaze softens, as he reaches down his hand, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
"I don't hate you.. I don't.. I don't want to change you" Loki admits, you finally recognize his voice again, his eyes again. Him. "I just can't loose you again.."
"You lost me the moment you lied to me" you say looking down at the ground.
"No y/n.. I lost you the minute you fell into that river" Loki sighs.
He slowly kneels before you, lifting your chin up.
"I just thought if I could get you to hate these.. mortals. You might change your mind"
You hesitate for a second, cupping his face. "Why don't you just stop.." you plead with tears in your eyes. "Show me I didn't make a mistake letting you stay here.."
"I'll try"
Loki wipes away a tear, and his touch feels magnetic. It's nostalgic, it's everything you've needed from him.. his touch.
"Thank you" you query my whisper.
Lokis finger trails along your cheek, in one swift motion he reaches his hand around the back of your neck. Pulling you to him as you lips connect.
Your heart races in your chest, as you feel the magnetic energy spreading from your lips all the way through your body, pulling yours closer to him. You deepen the kiss, hungry for more. It feels so right that it's wrong.
You break the kiss looking up at him, yet your mind still lingers on the kiss. Every impulse in your body tells you to do it again.
"We probably shouldn't" you say, trying to catch your breath.
"I'm showing you, that you didn't make a mistake" Loki whispers, as he kisses you once again.
This time the kiss is longer. It feels so natural like this is what you should have been doing all along. Your tongues intertwine, writing a melody only the two of you can understand.
A weird sensation you've never felt before grows in your body. As you see flashes of images in your head. Like a movie playing out right in front of you. You can't tell what it means, everything happens so quickly, you try to pull yourself away but your body is frozen in time. You see Loki and yourself as kids, at first it seems like memories. But then you see things that never happened. Loki gets crowned king, you're by his side as queen. Flowers and extravagant parties. Thrones and golden palaces. A life where Loki got everything he desired, and you're right in the middle of it.
Then everything turns black, as you body crumbles down onto floor, your head crashing against the hard wood. Your hear Lokis muffled screams as he cries out for help.
Whatever you saw wasn't a memory.. and it surly couldn't be the future. It was glimpse into what could have been. What Loki had dreamed of all those years.