You wipe away you tears quickly, looking up to see Steve standing with a smile on his lips. God he looks amazing.
"I'm perfectly fine Captain thank you" you say firmly, resting your head against the door.
"You don't look fine" Steve says softly. He sits down beside you, wrapping his arm around you. You hesitate for a moment before leaning onto his shoulder. He even smells amazing, this isn't fair. "What's on your mind?"
"I just think I made a mistake.. I shouldn't have moved in here" you explain, Steve looks intensely at you. "I hoped everything would go back to normal, that somehow I could just keep pretending everything's fine.." you add. As you look into his eyes. "But it's not fine.. everything's so far from fine"
Steve gently wiped away your tears, you let yourself be completely consumed by his touch. "Have you ever though about doin something selfish for once?" Steve questions.
"What do you mean?" You ask confused. You feel like everything you've done lately has been selfish.
"When I met you back then you spend your every waken hour trying to fix other people's messes, helping me.." Steve shares. "Now 70 years later you're still risking everything to help other people.."
"It's what I do"
"Let me help you.. it's okay to not be okay all the time" Steve assures you, fighting his grip around you.
"I don't need pity" you assure him.
"I would never pity you" he exclaims. "I just want you to know whatever you need im here for you"
"Thank you" you whisper, as another tear rolls down your cheek. "He doesn't want anything to do with me you know"
"Stark?"
"Him too, but I was talking about Loki.. he hates me." You explain. "He thinks I left him, that I didn't care about him, he looked me right in the eyes and told me I was dead to him" you sigh.
"I'm sorry" Steve says, it's clear he doesn't know what to say.
"It's fine, I just need a distraction. Something to take my mind off things" you exhale deeply, turning to look at him again.
You and Steve's eyes meet, and for a moment you let yourself be taken away into his eyes.
"Does it make me a terrible person I really want to kiss you right now?" Steve chuckles kindly.
"No" you slowly shake your head. "But it does make me a shitty person for wanting you to" you whisper.
Steve cups your face slowly leaning in to kiss you. Your lips barely touch when you're interrupted.
"Unbelievable" Tony scoffs, before walking away.
You look up at Steve, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry" you whisper as you run after Tony, calling for him to stop, but he keeps walking. You follow him into the common area.
"You need to move"
"What?" You say shocked. You can see the pain in his eyes, unable to stand still.
"This isn't working for me, I can't co-exist with you anymore... it's too damn difficult for me" Tony says coldly, shaking his head back and forth.
"If it's about Steve tha-"
"It's about everything" Tony yells, making you flinch, this is just like you're back in time, breaking his heart all over again. "I don't want to see you kissing him, god I don't want to see you kiss anyone else" his words hurts more than you could ever imagine.
"Then what do you want Tony?" You ask frustrated, you'll do anything you can to make this better.
"I want you out of my life" Tony scoffs, turning away from you, barely able to look you in the eyes.
"You're seriously kicking me out.. just when I've started to make progress?"
"I can't be around you, you ruined my fucking life, seeing you around here everyday I just can't" Tony says still not looking at you.
"I ruined your life?" You ask with sadness in your voice. This couldn't possibly be any worse.
"Yes. You fucked me up" Tony yells, as he turns around. "you fed me lies to cover up even more lies.. I can't believe I didn't see it back then" Tony chuckles irritated."you're a selfish whore just waiting patiently to fuck up someone's life, then leave like it meant nothing"
"Stop that" you plead.
"It's embarrassing.. you call it love but it's not love.. you know nothing about love" Tony keeps yelling, and all you can do is stand your ground taking it all in."You're not a person, you're a triple imposter.. Gosh is there anything real about you?"
"Tony stop it" you plead once more.
"You wouldn't know love of it was sitting in front of you. You made me fall in love with you, just to leave me. I fucking hate you for leaving, and I hate you even more for letting me love you" His voice echoes through your head.
"You know that's not what happened" you say quietly.
"I can't believe it took me so long to realize you're nothing but a spoiled whore with parental issues, you're nothing Emma, Jones, y/n or whatever the Fuck your name is" His yells gets louder and more painful " just leave... Don't make me hate you even more.. loving you is already painful enough as it is"
"Oh my god will you just stop. Are you even listening to yourself right now?" You yell, leaving him completely silent for the first time in minutes. "You think I just woke up one morning and decided to stop loving you. I spend a decade loving you, I never stopped loving you." You explain "So You don't get to call me a whore, you don't get to call me selfish. I left because I didn't want to hurt you." You add, as you look him right in the eyes, feeling as you try to hold back your cries. "When I met you I thought I had finally found another chance at happiness, so all the one night stands, the family issues, my past it didn't matter cause I had you" you yell, trying to catch your own breath"You don't get to hate me just because I loved you. Hate me for killing your father instead." As soon as you say it out loud you want to take it back.. you didn't mean to say that..
"What?" Tony murmurs.
"Why'd you think he even went to that stupid convention in the first place... he was trying to help me. Look what happens to the people around me Tony." You sob quietly, sitting down on the floor, looking up at him.."So If you want to hate me fine. But I did love you. If you just opened your eyes for once. God you're unbelievable" you scoff, resting your head in your hands. There's a moment where everything is silent, then you grab a hold of the table, lifting yourself from the ground walking out the door.
"Wait" Tony calls out
"No" you yell, as you turn around facing him, feeling as the tears are filling up your eyes. "you want me to leave, you never want to see me again, done" you hiss. "the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you, i hate me enough for the both of us" you scoff, walking off. You walk into your bedroom letting your body fall onto the madras. As the world crumbles around you. This day couldn't possibly be any worse. The first love of your life doesn't want to see you, and now another man you loved hates you. Great.
You take a deep breath as you grab a bag starting to pack all of your belongings. You thought you could handle this. But it's to difficult, there's to much pain involved when you're around.
"What are you doing?"
You turn around, Nat is standing in the doorframe looking like a damn question mark.
"I'm leaving" you say confidently"coming back here was a mistake, being around me only causes pain" you say as you close your bag. "Now let me go" you say coldly.
"You can't leave" Natasha says blocking your way out "we need you... I need you" she pleads.
"I'm sorry Nat, but it's for the best, I hurt people that's just what I do" you explain.
"Just tell me what's going on" she begs, grabbing your hand.
You take a deep breath sitting down on the bed, then you tell her everything from the very beginning. Growing up alongside Thor and Loki, how you feel in love with the two princes. The stolen moments you shared with each of them, and the accident. How you don't remember anything else than falling, endless falling. You tell her about your time With Howard, your small romance that turned into the greatest friendship you've ever known. The meeting with a small scrawny kid from Brooklyn you fell head over heels in love with, but before you could do anything about it he died protecting his country. The endless years on the run, searching for a cure, and the funeral where you met Tony, the countless of lies you've told him, and the wonderful times you spend together, how you fell in love with every aspect of him... How you broke his heart because you were to scared to tell him the truth. And Lastly you tell him about Stephen, how you never went back to him after the Budapest operation. No matter where you go there's everlasting pain, because you don't know how to love... as hard as it was to tell her, it felt like a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. Because for once you just told the truth.
"Okay that's messed up" Nat says after a moment.
"I know"
"You should have told me" She says with a hint of disappointment.
"I know" you say again.
"But even though you made some really questionable decisions.. you're not a bad person" she assures you. "You dared to fall in love.. and I honor you for that.." she smiles.
"What should I do?" You ask.
"Firstly you unpack that bag, then we go out for drinks, dance all night. And then we just take it one day at the time okay?" Nat smiles.
"I can do that" you exhale deeply.
"I know you can"
You don't know how she managed to convince you to stay here. Some part of you knew she was right, it wouldn't solve anything running away again, it never solved anything. And yes Tony said he hated you for being around the tower, but you know he'll hate you even more if you decide to walk out on him now. Then you're just as bad as he thinks you are. And you have changed, you want to do better... you can do better now.