Chapter 16: The Cold Night Part II
Victoria Abbel's Point of View
They say, that life is worth a shot but I say otherwise. Our life has no intrinsic meaning. And yes, humans are insignificant. Natatawa na lang ako ng pagak sa sarili ko habang iniisip ko ang dating ako. Na walang araw hindi nilulubayan si Trevor. I thought that was my life's purpose – to be with Trevor and make him happy in a way that I know. Pero dahil sa kabaliwan ko sa kanya, instead of pulling him to me, I drove him away. My life... has been getting simple and simple and simple... until it gets to nothing.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang itong pumasok sa isip ko habang naglalakad si Trevor palapit sa akin. He's wearing a maroon hoodie and blue jeans. When I looked at his eyes, I know how tired he is. What is tiring him? Lumabas si Trevor na may hawak na beer in can, boring his eyes on me. His lips pull into a half-moon of a smile. Fuck! I don't think he smiled like that at me for the years I've known him. Lagi na lang kasi itong nakakunot ang noo at nakasimangot sa tuwing tumitingin sa akin. He's literally scowling at me but now... he's fucking smiling. I don't know if he's smiling at me or it's just that there is something funny inside his head and so he's smiling. Either way, it made me feel giddy. Trevor must be older than me which made him completely unattainable and unavailable. I always find myself staring at his smirky kind of mouth and owning it. I want to own his lips. That's the kind of vibe he's giving me. Even after all these years, I don't know what his lips taste like. Sana all na lang kay Georginna.
"Hey," bati ko sa kanya nang umupo ito sa tabi ko, isang talampakan lang ang layo namin sa isa't isa. When he looked at me with those dazzling eyes, my hands started to sweat. Remembering my old teen self, I should have thrown myself to him now. Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko, dahil masyado na akong nahihiya sa pinagagawa ko.
"What are you doing here all alone?" His voice was low, almost magical. Bakas pa rin sa mukha ko ang pagka gulat. Is he insane? Bakit niya ako kinakausap. I thought we had already established the fact that I am just a kid and I don't deserve to be near him. He stares at me and I stared back. But the kind of stare he is giving me is blank. Okay, si Trevor pa rin talaga ang kausap ko.
"Nothing, just want to drink my beer in peace." Sambit ko at umiwas ng tingin. Napansin ko rin na tumingala siya at tumingin sa kwarto na ginagamit niya. Ilang segundo siyang nakatitig don bago niya binuksan ang hawak niyang beer at tumingin sa madilim na kaulapan. I didn't dare to move from my place. Afraid that he will vanish before I knew it. Sana naman ay hindi niya narinig ang pagtatalo namin ng mga kapatid ko.
"This place is nice." He commented while drinking his beer, draining it in half. Nilibot ko naman ang buong paningin ko sa buong lugar. He's right. The front yard is nice. Lalo na at may mga naka kabit na mga ilaw dito, may mga tables, at sofa na pwedeng higaan.
"We used to have our barbecue party in here." Bigla ko na lang sinabi sa kanya.
"Anyway, ano naman ang nasa isipan mo at bakit ka bumaba dito?" I said. That was supposed to be a joke, but the way I said those words was in a harsher tone. Oh my! That was not what I intended to do. Siguro ay hindi pa rin mawala sa loob ko ang pagka-irita ko sa aking mga kapatid. I saw how he clenched his jaw and narrow his eyes on me.
"You know why?"
"Why?"
"You look so miserable to the point I want to join you." Natahimik kaming dalawa sa sinabi niya. I looked down at my flip-flops sandals and think. It takes me a second to process what he'd told me.
Bigla akong tumawa nang malakas. I burst out laughing until my throat feel sore. I take another gulp of my beer. He raises an eyebrow at me. Siguro ay hindi niya inaasahan ang magiging reaksiyon ko. Ano ba ang akala niya? Iiyak na lang ako? Miserable? Me? He gotta be kidding me.
"Am I that awful?" Napailing na lang ako sa sarili ko habang tumatawa ng mahina. Kelan pa ba ako tumawa ng ganito kalakas? Hindi ko na matandaan kung kelan. I shake my head.
"Trevor, why are you so fucking honest." Sambit ko sa kanya. I rest my body weight on my elbows and lean toward him. He is not afraid to show his feelings toward me. Hindi rin niya finifilter ang sinasabi niya sa akin. When my laughter died down, he didn't even utter a single word. Okay, did I piss Trevor the Almighty? Hope not. Having a companion right now isn't bad at all. Lalo na kung isang Trevor Dmitri ang makakasama mo.
"I'm not miserable if that's what you're thinking. Gusto ko lang magstay dito bago. Besides, I am happy."
"Okay," He sounds not convinced.
"I am really happy," pilit ko sa kanya.
"Okay," He repeated.
"I am," I firmly said.
"Yes, I heard you. And even if you are happy you don't have to make me believe you. You can't impress the people around you by insisting that you are happy. Anong gusto mong gawin ko? Throw a party? Okay, let's celebrate you being happy." He makes a sound that's something between a grunt and a laugh. A kind of throaty laugh. His lips kind of parted. Weirdly, I am not offended by his statement. Maybe because I keep focusing on his lips. Tumaas ang tingin ko sa buhok niya. I want to run my fingers through his hair.
"Ha ha ha. Funny," ito na lang sinabi ko upang maiwasan ang pagtingin sa kanya. I am literally checking him out. Lumayo ako ng konti sa kanya dahil baka ano na lang ang magawa ko. We shouldn't be drinking outside, with no stars in the sky, with just the two of us.
Nanaig ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa habang patuloy lang sa pagiinom ng beer. A bottle is followed by another. We sat there in the sofa, a throw pillow sitting on my lap. Darating pala ang araw na mapipigilan ko ang sarili kong magsalita. I always want to talk all the time. Because if not, I will suffer from my thoughts.
"Maybe not miserable. I take that word back. You seems like having a bad night." I nodded and put my hands on my neck. Chills envelop my body. May kalamigan na rin sa labas.
"A little." Sabi ko sa kanya habang inaalala ang mga nangyari kanina.
"Oh no, wag mo sabihin narining mo ang paguusap naming magkakapatid?" Histerikal na sambit ko.
"Not that I want to hear it. Sadyang malakas lang talaga ang boses mo, Tori." Mahinanon nitong sabi. Na para bang pinipili niya ang mga salita na sasabihin niya sa akin. I thought he find it amusing whenever he hurts me with words. What is this behavior, Trevor? Ito sana ang gusto ko sabihin mabuti na lang at napigilan ko ang sarili ko. I won't spoil our peaceful night together. For the first time in many years, we've finally talk without arguing or hurting me.
"You are not gonna ask about our argument?" Umiling ito sa akin habang patuloy na nilalagok ang kanyang beer.
"It's a private matter, y'know." I swallowed, hard. He's definitely not interested.
"But maybe next time, Tori. If..." Trevor's eyes darkened as if remembering something bad.
"If what?" Curious na tanong ko. My cousins are right, I've always been curious. I always want to know what's running inside someone's head. It's just that our brain is small but it's capable of producing ideas equivalent to all the stars. How the mind works fascinate me. Just like how Trevor fascinates me.
"If I am willing to know you. Tori." Bullseye. Isang mahabang katahimikan na naman ang namuo sa aming paligid.
A heaviness settled in my heart. At dahil sa sinabi niya, bigla na lang may ideya na pumasok sa isip ko. Maybe after this, he will be curious about me, too.
"Trevor," I called his name trying to break the silence between us. Lumingon siya sa akin at nagtama ang aming tingin. The moment our eyes met, I know I don't have to say something. He never looked at me like that before. All the staring lasted for just a second but I felt it much longer. I got carried away. Dahil lang sa isang makabuluhan niyang titig sa akin ay agad akong bumigay. I didn't think twice about my action. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkaupo at lumapit sa kanya. Little did I know, I crash my lips into him, aggressively. I definitely caught him off guard. He parted his lips in shock, suddenly I have my way inside his mouth. I thought he will pull out. Kung kanina ay siya ang nagulat, ngayon naman ay ako dahil bigla niya ako hinila palapit sa kanya. At dahil ako ay nakatayo, samantalang siya ay nakaupo, napaupo tuloy ako sa kanyang kandungan.
Our position is so awkward since I am sitting on his lap and my legs are widely spread. When we parted our lips, we both catch our breath. I thought that that one time kiss is enough. I thought that was enough for him to be curious.
Pero doon ako nagkakamali, dahil nagpapahinga lang pala kaming dalawa. Before looking at my lips for three seconds, he then kissed me fully on my lips. Shit. Am I in utopia? Is Trevor Dmitri really kissing me? I was practically seeing stars right now. My body is pressed against him and I take the chance to comb my finger against his smooth hair. Ipinulupot naman niya sa bewang ko ang kanyang kamay at patuloy niya akong hinahalikan. I kissed him back with the same intensity he was giving me.
My lips are melting against his, our tongue colliding in a wet and delicious madness. I've been waiting this day to come, to kiss Trevor. Now that it's happening, I can't put the feeling in words. Masyado akong nalulunod sa mga halik niya. At tama nga ang inaakala ko, he's such a good kisser.
His lips are soft like marshmallows and taste like beer and something cold. His lips aren't thin but not thick either. His pinkish lips are plump as if his lips are made for kissing. I couldn't help the weird sound coming out of my mouth while he was kissing me frantically. Ang sarap pala mahalikan OMG. Edi sana matagal na akong nagpahalik. Now, I understand Georginna three years ago. The feeling of being kissed by him is such a blessing.
He gave me the chance to breathe when his kisses started to travel from my lips to my jawline to my neck. I arched my body to give him more access to my neck. Shit, no one had ever kissed me the way Trevor Dmitri was doing in my body now. He's doing it right.
Hindi niya lang ako hinalikan sa labi ko pati na rin sa aking leeg.
"Ugh... Tre... vor, you taste so good," I called out his name. Our kiss was interrupted when my phone keeps on vibrating because of the notifications I received. Kahit si Trevor ay napatigil sa kanyang ginagawa at napapatingin na rin sa phone ko.
"Shit," biglang sabi ni Trevor na ngayon ay nag sisink in na sa kanya kung anong ginawa naming dalawa. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa naging turan niya. Para bang may ginawa siyang isang malaking pagkakamali. I hurriedly get up from his lap. Para akong pinagbagsakan ng lapit at lupa nang narealized ko rin kung anong ginagawa ko. I am not drunk and so he is. Ilang beer in can lang naman ang nainom namin. Siguro ay nadala lang kaming dalawa sa ambiance. When he looked at me confused as hell, I blinked a few times. We just kissed. Based from the expression he's making right now, he's not liking it. Bago ko pa marinig ang pag hingi niya ng sorry sa akin ay agad kong kinuha ang phone ko mula sa lamesa at patakbong pumasok sa loob.
I don't want him to feel sorry for our kiss. Kasi nagustuhan ko ito. I like the way our lips melted with each other as if we are a perfect couple. I don't want him saying sorry for something that I enjoy. I will only feel bad. I want to savor this feeling, kahit sa saglit na panahon lang. Ang problema ko na lang ay paano ko siya haharapin.
Nang makapasok ako sa loob ng aking kwarto ay doon ko lang nakita kung bakit vibrate nang vibrate ang phone ko. Ohh shit! I forgot that I have a friend and we've never heard each other for a week.
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