Chapter 6 - When The Night Ran Cold
"Darkness, Darkness"
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That night, Aurelia could barely sleep a wink. Her mind was consumed with the thought of becoming a Jedi. What would that be like? To be one of the major people to keep peace throughout the galaxy? To wield a lightsaber? To fight evil? It was an overwhelming thought that tugged her in both directions. She longed to be a part of a bigger purpose than just a lost Princess with the Sith after her. She wanted to be useful. Do something more to help. But then again, she also needed to return to her people and give them hope. She was already away from them for too long and she needed to get back. But then there was Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Her face flushed red just at the thought of him. He had been there for her every step of the way toward accomplishing total control over her power, and he had given her the encouragement that she needed most. Her heart fluttered at that fact. Even when she refused to take help, he forced her to take it, and it ultimately benefited her in the long run. He knew that she had potential even when she didn't see it. He could see that hurt and loneliness in her eyes, and he was there to comfort it. To bring warmth and a sense of love into her life at the lowest moments of her trialing mind. He had captured her heart and sent that running chill down her spine whenever she saw him first in the morning at breakfast and then while learning about history and the ways of the Jedi in the Archives. She would be lying if she said that she wasn't lovestruck.
But then that dark voice came to her again. "He'll never love you. He's held to the Jedi Order, the Jedi Code. He is not allowed to love nor will he ever love you and sacrifice anything for you. Forget about it. Forget about him."
Aurelia immediately sat up in her bed, quickly placing her hands on her head. She could believe it. She wouldn't let it. But she also couldn't deny the truth within that statement. She knew he was bound by the vows he had committed to as a Jedi, and if she were to become a Jedi, she'd have to follow that same rules. But she also couldn't deny her heart. Even in a strange world, vastly different from life on Earth, she still and always will hold on to her values and morals, and way of living. A world where compassion and love are essential to get through difficult times. One can never do anything alone. And that was what she knew for a fact, having come from experience with running her kingdom. It may have been small, but it was large enough to teach her that she couldn't handle it on her own. So she had appointed several of her close friends as her aids and close help. It was a bit more professional than she had wanted but she was thankful to have them at her side through it all.
She also knew that feelings were a major part of being human, being real. That's why she cried a lot more than she wanted throughout her training. It was her way of displaying hurt and tiredness. To show that she needed help and at least a small bit of aid or encouragement. And she was overwhelming thankful when Obi-Wan and Anakin had obliged her with the help she needed. However, there were still many instances when Obi-Wan continuously told her to keep going, to suck it up temporarily, and push forward. Even though it was excruciatingly painful and harsh to push forward from the ground, she did it anyway and rose to the top. But her emotions remained to be a major part of her personality and life. She wouldn't give them up for the world.
However, the sneaky small voice that buried itself in her brain remained there, pressuring her mind enough to where it almost burned with a migraine. She couldn't sit still anymore. She had to move, she had to walk.
It wasn't new for her to get up in the middle of the night to walk around the halls of the Jedi temple. No one was awake during the hours she walked, so she was completely alone. Most of the time it was due to the same issue, that small voice pressuring her enough to drive her insane in the loneliness of her room. In an attempt to ease her mind, she'd escape into the moonlit halls of the Jedi temple. It was the most peaceful experience, coming very close to her nightly walks in the countryside of her island. And they helped ease her mind a lot.
Aurelia stood from her bed, pushing the sheets off to the side, smoothing out her light Victorian nightgown. She had made it herself from the scratch, using the same linens that her Jedi robes were made from. Back on Earth, she had built up the hobby of creating her own clothing. It was a past-time for her, something she could do in the late hours of the night to distract her from the stress and anxiety of her role as the monarch. But to be able to make her own nightgown in the style from home made all the difference in the world. It was smooth and soft, but light on her with lace lining the rim of the skirt and her sleeves. It was perfect for her and a reminder of where she came from.
She quietly opened her door and crept out into the hall with her bare feet padding the ground. Then she slipped out of the dormitory hallway and into the large open halls of the Jedi Temple. The stone walls reflected a sense of calming comfort to her that eased her tense shoulders. She hadn't even realized how stressed she was until she had reached out and touched the cool stone. The lighting was dim and tranquil, the very thing she needed at that moment. The thing she needed to feel at peace.
She rounded a corner discovering an open door. She curiously peeked around the door frame, finding nothing but an empty training room for the younglings. She let her body ease at her presence being alone in the small room. All around the walls lined the determined writings of the students, voicing their declarations to become a Jedi; their dream. It all put a smile on her face, her fingers delicately brushing against the papers. Though it barely looked like a school to her, the room still gave her the essence of a school room, filled with innocence and childish determination that sparked the young fire in each of the younglings. She had watched a training session one day, observing how at such a young age, the mind of a child could create so many new possibilities and jump like a wildfire.
It had been a long while since she was a child. Not just one in age, but one in heart and mind and spirit. She had to grow up fairly quickly when she transitioned into her teen years. She had to give up her childish stature and begin training to become the next Queen of Sleadia. She lost many of her adventurous friends from the village in that harsh change, but she was thankful that her best and closest friends remained by her side to give her hope and reassurance. She hated all of the etiquette classes she was required to take for manners and politeness. It infuriated her that she had to close her real feelings and ideals for the sake of respect for another leader. Especially ones she despised and had done terrible things for their country and the world. She had almost gotten in severe trouble for abruptly bursting out at a dinner party. But she had to comply, especially after the deaths of her parents in her late teens. She felt as though she owed them at least the final peaceful cooperation to the classes and responsibilities of the thrown.
But even so, she still hadn't gained the title of Queen thanks to the Prime Minister's ruling. He had envisioned her as a corrupt piece of an old monarch that needed to be replaced with a democracy. He petitioned for a newly written constitution that would change the way the monarch would work. Similar to England, the monarch would simply be the visual of the country. And Aurelia couldn't have more exaggerated the word country compared to kingdom. The Prime Minister didn't want a kingdom, he wanted a country. A country he could rule for himself. But Aurelia saw between the lines and caught him in his scheme. She exposed him to the world, ultimately putting him in jail to serve a sentence of mutiny; 50 years. The people were thankful that she had brought this to their attention and put their trust in her full-heartedly. They even overwhelming voted to pronounce her the true Queen of Sleadia. However, that didn't go as planned. The invasion stopped the ceremony and she was instructed to run. She did as told, but was left with the remaining thought that her people hadn't survived the slaughter.
Aurelia continuously asked Obi-Wan about the fate of her people, but he always beat around the bush on his answer. He never truly did answer her. But maybe that was because he knew that she knew what had become of her people. That they were all gone and that there was nothing to return to back on Earth except for the other countries around the globe. She hated the thought and resented ever reconciling with it or accepting it as fact. But she couldn't bear to hear it from another's lips, especially from the lips of the one she loved.
Tears began to fall slowly down her cheeks as she gazed out of the windows of the school room. The view over the city and the Capitol was stunning, but she hurt too much to really take it in. And as her gaze remained fixed on the black horizon with the gentle glow of the city lights, her heart mourned for the loss of her people and the life she once lived. She had so very little left to remind her of that life, but she would never forget or regret anything that had happened on that planet she called home. Earth.
But even in the moonlit room, that pestering voice returned to her mind to torment her broken heart even further. "It was all your fault." It seethed. "If you hadn't let yourself be caught like you were instructed not to do, your people would still be alive. You would still be living in that grand castle with all of your belongings and family heirlooms around you. If you hadn't failed your family, your people, your country, and your world, they would still live to this day. But they are not because you couldn't live up to your name. You failed them. And that's all that remains for you. Failure."
Her sobbing became harder and louder, soon transitioning into eternal cries for relief and love. She fell to the ground in anguish, folding her body into the wall in despair. The voice had been right, and she knew it. She had failed her people and her world. She could never live up to her power, her name, or her status. All she had for her was a failure.
That thought circled her mind, almost digging itself into her brain and possibly even her soul if it hadn't been for the hand that reached her shoulder, knocking out of her lonely grieving. Her eyes slowly lifted from her knees to the bearded man beside her. His long hair was disheveled and messy, and his robes were hurriedly wrapped around him, but his eyes were awake and full of compassion.
Out of pure desperation, she flung herself into his arms and cried out in anger, sadness, and loneliness. Obi-Wan could feel it all. It was what had gotten him out of bed in the first place. The Force cried out to him through a dream. A dream of a girl who was frightened and alone. He knew exactly who it was, and flung himself out of bed to save her from her overwhelming grief. And he did as he had planned to do. He comforted her, rocking her trembling body back and forth within his warm embrace.
If it wasn't for the situation at hand, his heart would've been beating faster than any speeder on Tatooine. It was an unnatural feeling to him, but it had started the moment he had laid eyes on her. Both as a mere hologram and then when he had first seen her in their rescue. His emotions were no longer stagnant within him, they were like water boiling in a pot. Though he kept his outward composure strong and versatile, his heart always jumped at the sight of her every morning and every evening. But at this moment, he laid those feelings aside to focus on aiding her broken figure.
"I-I-I feel so lost, Obi-Wan. Without my people. My home. But I know. I know that they're all gone. There's nothing I can return to. I'm-" But that's when he heard enough. She'd lost her hope, her fire. He couldn't let that die. He had to ignite it again.
"Aurelia, you are not lost. You are here. With me and with Anakin. You have been found. I know it's not anything like what it used to be, but you are not alone in this. You were and are never alone." He held her tighter, placing his lips gently on her head, though she did not notice in her grief. "I know you are strong and resilient, and the most respectable person I have ever met. I know there is pain right now, but if you trust me and Anakin, we can get through this together."
Aurelia lifted her head to him, finding his benevolent eyes gazing down at her. Her heart skipped a beat, heat slowly rising to her face as her tears slowed down with it. Their faces were so close to each other that they could feel their breaths hitting their cheeks. But neither of them acted upon their feelings, unaware that the other reflected those feelings. They both knew what it would mean if they ever were to reveal their deepest sincerities, but for a moment they only stared into each other's eyes, relishing one another's presence.
She sighed, and rested her head on his chest, letting her body relax. "I know." She breathed out.
They remained like that, Aurelia nearly in Obi-Wan's lap as he cradled her healing body, in silence. It was a comforting one, something that they kept within their hearts. But soon time became a quick burden and they were forced to release each other. The two of them stood and walked in peaceful and restful silence, both communicating nonverbally that they were okay and comforted. It wasn't until they arrived at Aurelia's dorm door that the silence was broken.
"I want to become a Jedi," Aurelia said, suddenly. Obi-Wan was almost taken aback by her abrupt statement, taking a step backward. But Aurelia stayed headstrong in her answer, knowing exactly what she wanted. "I want to become a Jedi, Obi-Wan. If I can no longer help my people from Earth because of the Separatist and Sith threat on my life and the galaxy, then I want to at least do something to stop them. I want to be a Jedi."
It took him a minute to fully process what she had said, but then he had the urge to tell her his mind. "Do you realize what kind of a task that is to take on? You'd be changing your entire lifestyle, your own morals, and values." He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. "Aurelia, being a Jedi means that you have to leave what you knew behind and begin new like a blank canvas. Everything you've known and loved would have to be locked away."
She only smiled at him. "Who said it'd have to be gone forever? I'll always remember what I had and how I lived. It's part of me. Besides, if I ever forget, I'll have you to remind me of who I am, right?" She lightly punched his arm playfully.
He looked upon her with sorrowful yet joyful eyes. He loved her the way she was. Becoming a Jedi would mean that everything would change. She would have to learn extreme discipline and change the way she expressed herself, withheld herself, and used her emotions. He wasn't ready for what that would look like. However, he also knew her views about how the Jedi taught about emotions. She had told him her honest opinion about the matter only about a week ago.
"They have it all wrong." Aurelia blatantly told Obi-Wan as they sat in the Jedi Archives, reading up on the old Jedi traditions.
He looked up from his catalog with a puzzled expression. "What do you mean?"
She let out an annoyed sigh, clearly not pleased at the information she had just read from the glowing book she held in her hand. "Look at this ridiculousness! It says that a Jedi must withhold his emotions and attachments in order to become the Jedi Knight. The ultimate Jedi warrior and peacekeeper. They must not love, nor be attached to anyone, not even their own families. Now doesn't that seem a bit sketchy to you?" She asked him, plopping the book down in front of him.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I grew up that way. I was taken from home when I was very young and given to the cause of the Jedi. I was raised here and trained within the Jedi traditions and doctrine. It's all I've ever known, I guess."
Aurelia's mouth nearly dropped to the ground. "What!?" She shouted, but quickly lowered her voice. "What? You mean they stole you from your family just to train you to become a Jedi?"
At that moment, something hit him differently. He had never thought of the Jedi as cruel or malicious, but after further review of his childhood, he truly wondered what the Jedi cause was. "Yeah. But times have changed from then to now. The kids have the right to choose what they want to do with their Force sensitivity. Many of them still choose to become a Jedi Knight, training as younglings then padawans." He explained, coming to a final result of his thoughts.
Still, Aurelia couldn't completely wrap her head around the thought of cutting off attachments. It didn't seem morally right. "It can't be okay to do that. You need people in your life to hold you up, to stand beside you. One of the strongest bonds between people is marriage, for instance. One example would be my parents. They had gone through several seasons of terror and fear leading up to their untimely deaths. But they stood strong, and they even seemed to be stronger together, holding on longer than if they were alone. Love binds that and brings hope. Not the Dark Side." She paused, seeming to catch an idea in her head. "But something from that does lead to the Dark Side. Fear of losing someone doesn't lead you to the Dark Side. You fear of losing your life, but you don't turn to the Sith just because of that, do you?" He shook his head. "Well, it's the same thing with love for another. You can fear of losing that person, but if you let it overtake you, then you get trapped. It's all a matter that is up to the person and who is beside that person. If he is truly alone, then he will surely turn to the Dark Side."
Obi-Wan had kept that conversation in his mind as time went on, and he eventually learned from it. He knew she was right. Love and attachment weren't the problems. It was dependent on the person. And that was another reason he was so desperate to get to her. He knew that if she wallowed in sorrow and grief alone, she would soon turn into that person he dreaded the most. She was like a child or a blank canvas. So innocent and so pure that she had been tarnished by neither the Dark nor the Light Side. She was just Aurelia. And he wouldn't change that for the world.
He nodded to her with a smile spreading across his face. "Yes. You will."
Her smile brightened at him, then she was gone.
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A/N : Two chapters today! I know it's a bit late. It's like midnight where I am so yeah. But the story is coming along so well! Next chapter will be interesting! Love you all! ❤️
- 6/6/22
- 3551 Words