Flashback
my 7year old self slowly walked down the stairs after mommy opened the door and told me to come eat, it's been 3days since she locked me in my room with no food or water. She said I was being a bad girl . I don't know what I did but mommy said I deserve it.
I quietly followed behind making sure to keep up with her not wanting her to get mad for my slow pace. she walked into the kitchen with me trying to figure out what I did now. She sat at the tiny table in the kitchen. I stood there not knowing what to do? Do I sit too or is this one of her games that are not fun at all.
"Sit" she ordered kicking the chair a little so I could sit. She didn't look happy at all I quickly nodded sitting down making sure my head was down I don't want her to hit me again, mommy said she doesn't like the colour of my eyes they remind her of someone she didn't like.
I could feel her eyes on me but I know better than to look up. "So since you've been good I've decided to cook you something" she muttered pushing some type of plate in my direction. "it's your favourite" she told me. my eyes widen slightly "Y-you did? " I asked my voice coming out small.
"What did I say about that fucking s-stuttering" she mocked seeming on the edge already. I took a deep breath biting my inside cheek "I'm sorry" I replied. She hummed in disapproval and I knew it's just a matter of time before she gets really mad. "I made it with love baby eat up" she said I swiftly looked up to see her smiling but I didn't miss the look in her eyes.
One I've become too familiar with I know that look and it never means good things. "What?, are you deaf now too" she gritted out. I shook my head lifting the spoon taking a bite chewing slowly. it's not so bad I thought eating more.
"I got something for you." She said taking out her phone I quickly glanced up to see her smiling widely at it.
"It's a gift from your Dad." She said my head snapped up so quick I swear I got whiplashed.
"M-my Dad?" I asked shockingly.
"No Jesus, the fuck did I just say?" She raised a brow.
"Sorry." I apologize clearing my throat.
"Right, here you are enjoy." She said placing the phone infront of me pressing the play button.
'Happy birthday, happy birthday happy birthday to you. Hip hip hurray, hip hip
Hurray!! " Dad and the boys cheered as the 8 year old blew out his birthday candles.
"Diego." I mumbled quietly.
"Do you see that?" Mommy asked."You've been crying to see your dad and he couldn't even care less about you." She said making tsk sounds with her tongue.
'Wow Daddy I love it, this is so cool thank you." Little Diego beamed at his new race car.
'Anything for you son." He smiled ruffling up Deo's hair. 'Dad! You're ruining my swoosh." He groaned smoothing out his hair. 'My bad.' Dad chuckled at Diego."Go on it's happening' Dad urged.
"Have fun boys." Grandpa said.
"Nonno?" I mumbled feeling my lip quiver.
"Hey Diego it's time!" Lorenzo yelled from across the room clapping his hands excitedly.
"Your brothers couldn't care less about you either seems like their having the time of their lives." Mommy spoke.
Diego entered a balloon filled room.
"Your so called family looks so happy." Mommy smiled. "Everyone seemed to have forgotten you." She said pouting.
'Scavenger hunt begins now you know the rules already.' Elijah spoke over the microphone.
"Don't screw this up for us, I bet a lot of money on you." Romano and Rodriguez yelled. "No pressure of course.' Ricardo added quickly.
"Well too bad because Andres is winning me that money." Enrico said smirking.
"We know we said no pressure but now you seriously need to win." Romano yelled.
"Good luck." Sebastien and Damien scoffed simultaneously.
"1,2, 3... Go!!!" My uncles and aunts broke out into more cheers as the hunt began.
"Watch out for the- ooohhh" Elijah hissed. The others looked away trying their best not to laugh.
"I'm sorry.." Ruelio began laughing uncontrollably when Diego fell face first into the cake.
Everyone laughed along with Ruelio.
Papa and Nonno chuckled shaking their heads.
"The other one too." Ace said to him.
"I get to light up two this year?!" Diego asked excitedly licking some cream of his face as he got ready to light the fire crackers.
'Yeah, it's your birthday after all.'
"It's mine too." I whispered sadly.
"This is the best birthday day ever. Thank you. You're the best." Diego said hugging dad.
Everyone came together giving Diego multiple gifts smiling widely and happier as ever as everyone danced together on the dance floor.
Happy.
Together.
Without me.
"Do you see that?" Mommy asked pausing the video.
"Nobody even remembered it was your birthday." She sighed.
"Your Papa, Your Nonno, Alejandro everyone was too busy having fun." She explained.
"They don't care about you.. They abandoned you and now they threw a whole party to celebrate that they finally got rid of you." She told me. I shook my head in denial.
"N-no." I whispered.
"Oh you need more proof? Look at this." She said showing me multiple pictures of the whole family.
"Look how happy they are without you"
"Without us."
"They don't love you, but it's not their fault."
"It's all you" she gritted. Tears slipped out of my eyes watching all their pictures.
"N-no" I mumbled more quietly shaking my head.
"This was took on the day we left the house. Remember when your father promised he would come get you.." she showed me more photos this time they were on a beach looking happier as ever.
A sob left my mouth. "What's wrong with me mama?" I cried. "Why doesn't Papa want me?" I whimpered.
"Oh baby everything's wrong with you. It's not their fault." She frowned.
"You only have me now okay? Forget about them they don't care about you." She cupped my cheek smiling sadly.
"I always be here for you." She said pulling me into a hug.
"But if you want mommy to love you stop talking about people who don't want you alright?" I nodded hugging her tighter.
"Your father's a liar, He broke his promise, he abandoned you, he sent you away and he forgot about you."
"Just like everyone else but I would never lie to you" she said pulling back. Placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Okay now enough of that go get ready. Daniel wants to see you today." She smiled.
"M-mama- no please" I begged. "I-i don't-" I stuttered she cut me off when she hit me.
she grabbed me by my hair yanking it up forcing me to look at her, with tears streaming down my face I felt warm prickles of something dripping from my nose.
"You want mommy to love you right? You don't want to be an ungrateful bitch yeah?" she glared her hand tightening around my hair. I was gonna shake my head when I remembered she prefers verbal answers when she's mad " Y-yes but mama I-i it's just I don't f-feel - he- he" I didn't finish speaking my head whipped to the side again.
She kicked me causing me to fall down wheezing on the ground. "That fucking s-stutter." She mocked angrily.
"Get up get ready now." She gritted out.
"And go clean your bloodied nose. You're getting it all over my floors." She grumbled.
" You're gonna make him happy today right? Make mommy alot of money tonight okay." She said ushering me upstairs.
"Right" she seethed yanking my hair once more.
I nodded. "Speak!" She yelled.
"Y-yes." She pushed me towards the stairs. "Good girl now go."
••
I hate getting flashbacks of things I don't want to remember.
But they all keep on forcing themselves through.
I can't stop them.
I sighed tiredly.
I sat in my room blankly staring at my plain bedroom walls. Deep in thought.
She was right about everything.
My father.
Me.
Everything.
She has always been right about the fact that I only had her. Because at the end of the day she never lied to me. She was honest all though her honesty always led to me being severely injured or half unconscious in my own pool of blood.
At least she made it known she didn't want me. That she hated me.
It wasn't her fault I reminded her of my father. It wasn't her fault I had his eyes that she hated so much.
Her fucked up ways of showing that was evident enough for me to know she loathed me with every fibre of her being.
But she never abandoned me.
She could've easily left me in the street but she didn't. She stayed.
But then again it wasn't my father's fault he didn't want me. Or that I was incapable of being loved. Or that I was never good enough and probably will never be. It wasn't his fault.
How many more scars do you have to justify, because you love the people holding the knife?
I'm stuck between I brought this upon myself and it wasn't my fault.
But honestly how am I supposed to believe that I'm not at fault when everything that ever went wrong was because of me.
How am I supposed to believe I am not at fault if I've been told differently basically my whole life now.
I'm tired.
In the end all I'm learning is how to be strong alone.
Because it seems like I can only trust myself.
There's a part of me that really hopes she was wrong. That it was just a dream.
That I'm wrong.
I sighed shaking my head in attempt to rid myself of my gloomy mood.
I glanced towards the window noticing the sun is about to go down.
It's almost dinner time. I sighed cautiously getting up. "Fuck." I hissed when I took a step forward. Okay so the antibiotics wore off quicker than I expected.
And It was my last one.
Oh how great.
Damn my life.
Shuffling came from outside my door and hushed whispering could be heard.
"Could you just knock on the damn door." The voice whispered yelled.
"What if she's asleep I don't want to disturb her" the different voice said back.
"He's right there's like still 40 minutes before dinner let her sleep awhile longer." A different voice reasoned.
"But I wanna spend time with bela though." Another hushed voice said.
"Me too" multiple voices simultaneously say.
"Downstairs now, we can spend as much time with her when she's up for now let her rest." The firm voice said.
Grumbles were heard before the footsteps slowly disappeared.
I waited awhile before I was sure everyone was gone. I pulled the door slightly open peaking to find the coast cleared.
I made my way downstairs with ten minutes to spare before the De Luca's arrived. I walked slowly in the hall noticing a picture frame against the wall I've never really noticed it. It was a picture of the whole family. They were smiling widely they looked extremely happy. Of course I wasn't in the photo.
They looked pretty happy without me if you ask me.
I stopped at the top of the stairs as
I watched my cousin brothers and brothers happily conversing laughing and smiling. My father, grandpa, uncles and aunts nowhere to be seen.
I dug my nails into my palms feeling extremely out of place.
I don't fit in here. I inhaled a breath biting into my tongue ready to go back to my room.
"Izzy? You're up." Ace said catching my attention as I looked to him seeing my whole family now looking at me. "Come join us." He said nodding towards where they all sat.
"No, no I just came to get a cup of water and go to bed." I said quietly.
"But you have to eat first right, don't you think.?" Elijah said appearing from the kitchen.
"Yeah Mama and our aunts are cooking they're speciality sorella come on." Damien said making everyone else nod in agreement.
"Guys i-" I began before being cut off. "Nope, come you're sitting by me." Leonard said pulling me with him. When did he even get here?.
I sat by him. Playing with my fingers. "Can you teach me how to braid my hair like yours." He asked me. "Uhm sure." I shrugged as he positioned himself comfortably laying his head on my lap.
Okay.
"Firstly you part it into three sections like this."I demonstrated as my youngest older brothers recorded me. When I asked them why Matteo said 'So we can practice it and master it anytime.' he said and they all agreed to what he said. Even Ace and my older brothers listened carefully as I easily braided own row.
"See" I said turning his head to the side "easy" I said.
"Can I try?" Alfonzo asked.
"Sure remember loosen your fingers a bit." I reminded he nodded taking my place.
He parted the hair way to easily braiding the second row. It wasn't perfect but it looked good for his first try. "You got it." I smiled"I did." he smiled excitedly.
"Me now" Diego said making Leonard violently shake his head no. "Nope ,no anyone but you." He said pointing a finger at him.
"Come on, I can do it too." Diego frowned.
"Just lemme try." He said.
"Fine but if you hurt me I will get Armando to murder you." He deadpanned.
"Yeah, yeah" Diego waved him off rolling his eyes. He sat patting his lap Leonard hesitantly placed his head on his lap.
"Yeah this isn't going to end well." Matteo scoffed shaking his head.
Making my younger older siblings snort. "This is going to bad." Santiago sighed crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm so here for it." Alfonzo chuckled.
A few minutes past of me trying to instruct Diego on how his supposed to have three rows for it work. "Maybe you shouldn't do that." I warned as he obnoxiously chewed the gum continuously blowing it out and popping it back in.
"Oh don't worry-" he cut himself when the gum fell from his mouth onto Leonard's hair. "O,shit" he cursed lowly.
"What happened.?" Leonard asked alertly.
"Nothing... Everything's fine." He chuckled nervously staring down at the gum.
I don't know how Diego did it but he managed to somehow tangle his fingers into Leonard's hair trying to get the gum he just dropped in. "Oh no." I breathed. This is definitely not good.
"Shit you're hurting me." Leonard groaned at Diego. "I'm sorry you're hair won't let go." He said trying to pull his fingers out. "No , no don't pull you're gonna hurt him and create bigger knots in his hair." I said trying to undo the other knots he created. I don't know know how I did it either but i somehow ended up tangling my fingers in his hair and now I'm stuck too.
I looked up to see everyone trying not laugh. "Oh god" i groaned as Ruelio let out a snort breaking the ice making everyone laugh.
"Ouch!" Leonard hissed. "I'm so sorry Leo." I winced.
"Hahaha okay the jokes over now please help us." Diego smiled as sweetly as possible.
"Don't feel like it" Ruelio chuckled.
"Maybe later." Damien sighed leaning back.
"cagne" Diego grumbled under his breath. (Bitches)
"We heard that." Enzo warned.
"Good luck getting out of that." Alexander shook his head laughing along with everyone else.
"Psst, psst bela." Leonard whispered.
"Yeah?" I whispered back. He nodded towards me then nodded back at the boys. I furrowed my brows confusedly he repeated the gesture but this time he pouted his lips and made puppy dog eyes nodding at me then at them again.
I furrowed my brows more. 'what?' I mouthed. "He wants you to ask them." Diego whispered quickly.
My eyes widened I gave him a single nod. Clearing my throat.
"What are you guys planning?" Enrico quipped with a raised brow Diego and Leonard responded with small smirks.
"Zeke?" I said softly.
He looked at me and stopped laughing. "Yes bambina." He asked smiling softly at me.
"Can you help me please." I requested.
His eyes softened "Of course" he said quickly coming to me before being pulled back by Elijah.
"She's trying to trick you." Elijah said amusedly.
"No I'm not I just needed help." I said trying to untie the knots.
"Ruelio?, Can you help me?" I asked his eyes softened too he immediately came to me before he was pulled back too.
"You really do have them wrapped around your finger." Alexander laughed.
"Xander." I said in a soft tone. "Help me please." He folded pretty quickly coming to me just like most of my brothers before they pulled him back as well.
Little shits.
"Tony?" I called he was already looking at me his stare was cold with an almost unnoticeable amused smile just like the rest of my older brothers.
"Can -you uh help please." I asked him. He stared at me for a good 3minutes before his eyes softened he got up only to be pulled back by the twins.
Oh come on.
The door bell rang. "Oh our guests are here." My brothers laughed getting up to go towards the door.
They laughed giving me quick kisses on the forehead going to the door.
"Ale?" I reluctantly called. "Yes farfallina?" He asked his voice laced with amusement. "Please." I said as softly as I could.
He just raised a brow at me. His eyes were cold not one glimpse of softens in them. "Okay." He stood when Armando
pulled him to the front door with everyone else.
I huffed blowing my hair out of my face.
The three of us looked at each other Diego and Leonard nodded. "Zia Veronica!" They called out making me jump a little. "You good?" Diego asked.
"Yeah you just startled me." I replied.
She immediately appeared from the kitchen. "What's wrong?" She asked urgently.
"What happened here." She frowned. We explained what happened she chuckled quickly untangling our fingers from Leonard's hair.
"There you go my babies." She smiled before disappearing back into the kitchen.
"Remind me to never let you braid my hair." I said to Diego. "Ditto" Leonard groaned massaging his scalp.
"At least the gum didn't get stuck this time." He shrugged trying to defend himself.
"This time? This has happened before?" I asked.
"You'd be surprised." Leonard sighed running his hands through his hair.
Everyone soon reappeared my brothers ,uncles, nonno and my father appeared from the front door with Andres and another man that looked very familiar.
"Hello" I squeaked clearing my throat awkwardly. "Angelo" he nodded his head in acknowledgment."it's good to see you." He smiled and I smiled too. "Yeah" I nodded tucking the curl behind my ear.
"Bell?" The man's voice sounded I turned seeing a way older looking Andres his father.
"Zio Andriano." I smiled weakly.
"It's good to have you back you have no idea how much I missed my one and only goddaughter." He smiled as he gave me a big bear hug.
"Me too." I smiled a little.
"Dinners ready." My aunts announced after greeting Andres and Zio Andriano.
I sat quietly across from Andres as everyone conversed.
I looked up to find him already looking at me. His eyes lit up as our eyes met. He raised a brow at me I just shook my head. Looking back down at my plate.
"So Isabela tell us about yourself." Zio Mathias said gaining everyone's attention on me.
"I well I'm Isabela. " I replied shrugging my shoulders.
"There isn't much I can tell you besides that." I quietly said.
"Oh don't flatter them did you you know she speaks multiple languages." Diego said excitedly.
"And she learned all this while being homeschooled." Matteo added making everyone look at me with impressive looks.
"You were homeschooled?." Nonno asked.
"Yes." I replied. He nodded giving my father a look earning him a nod in return.
"What else are you good at.?" Luciano asked.
"Well I make really good cheese sandwiches." I sheepishly smiled and they all chuckled.
"Really?" Emilio smiled widely.
"The same ones Alejandro won't shut up about." Alexander asked with a raised brow.
"Yeah?" I replied unsurely.
"Interesting you should make some for us when we come by tomorrow. Pretty please?" Lucas asked.
"Your order has been placed." I jokingly replied making him smile.
"I had a thought."Diego said.
"Oh no." They sighed.
"It's a good one I promise." He quickly added.
Is it considered murder if you say sorry after?" Diego wondered.
"Not if you don't get caught." Salvatore replied.
"Then you'll be doing serious jail time. And I'll tell you jail is no fun." Leonard sighed stuffing his mouth.
"You've been in jail before?" Sebastien raised a brow at Leonard.
He nodded his head swallowing"Once, in Monopoly" he replied.
"Seriously Leo?" Andres groaned along with everyone else.
"Don't look at me he's your son." Armando shot back looking at Zio Fernando.
"Do you guys really have to discuss this over dinner."Zia Sofia asked.
My eyes met my father's ones he smiled at me but I immediately looked away.
I can't look at him right now.
I just need to know why.
Why he did what he did..
Why he abandoned me.
What was so wrong with me.
Am I really just being dramatic?
Perhaps.
I can't help but think how would it have been if lived with them instead. Worse or better?
Just because they're being nice now doesn't mean they won't show their true colors anytime soon. Who knows they might be worse than Margarita.
This is what I get for being naive. I was so quick to trust them.
I trust easily and when it's broken I always look for someone to blame when it's my fault.
It's always my fault, isn't it?
"E-excuse me" I swallowed hard quickly making my way out of the dining room.
"Are you okay?" My father's voice stopped me by the door. "Y-yeah." I replied shakily.
"See I'm telling you there's something wrong with her." Matteo voice was all that was heard before I disappeared into the downstairs hall.
I looked around to see more picture frames but I was yet to be seen in any of the photo frames.
You don't fit in here.
You should just leave.
They don't need you.
You heard them even they know something's wrong you. They only see you for what you are.
Pathetic.
Weak.
Not good enough.
Unwanted.
Undeserving.
The voices in my head kept on pressing on and on slowly killing me.
I felt extremely out of place feeling like I was going to explode any moment.
They lied to you.
They abandoned you.
They never fucking wanted you in the first place.
Shut up.
They pity you.
Shut up.
This is all an act
Stop.
I can't breathe.
I closed my eyes trying to calm myself.
The last thing I need is a panic attack.
I sat by a corner in some type of room.
I didn't know whose room. I didn't care I just needed to fresh my mind.
"Hey, there you are I was lookin-" he stopped mid sentence he stood there for awhile before slowly crouching down beside me .I could feel his eyes burning at the side of my head but I didn't turn to him we were both quiet I could still feel him looking at me but I kept my focus forward I didn't want to look at him "Are you okay" he asked me sincerely. I paused for a second bitting my tongue hard not really trusting my voice right now so I just nodded my head instead. he sighed now sitting next me "Isa, look at me" he said softly.
The lump in my throat was getting harder to swallow "please" he said quietly I took a shakey breath and looked up locking eyes with his.
Hazel to Honey.
"Are you okay?" Ace asked once more. I looked away and inhaled deeply nodding again. He brought his hand to my chin turning my face back to his "I need a verbal answer bela talk to me" He said almost pleadingly. Seeming as if he wasn't going to drop it until I answered him I sighed looking into his eyes " I'm fine" I replied barely above a whisper trying my best not to plead for help with my eyes.
He let go and ran his hand through his hair "No you're not" he replied pulling me into his chest. Instantly hitting me with the scent I feel strangely attached too. My breathing became heavy once he wrapped his arms around me, my throat felt dry, my eyes burned with unshed tears that I was too stubborn to let fall. I tried getting out of his arms but he only tightened his grip not enough to hurt but still hard enough for me not to get out "let go of me Ace" I say my voice cracking at the end. He didn't move. I tried to push him off me but he wouldn't budge. "I said let go of me Ace" I say slowly getting angry.
Why can't he just leave me alone?
"Not until you tell me what's wrong" he said stubbornly. Fucking hell. "Nothing now please let go of me and leave" I coldly replied. He didn't seem phased by my tone "please" I quietly pleaded. "No" he simply replied I was getting madder by the second and he knew that yet he still chose to stay and piss me off " Isa talk to me, what's wrong? and don't tell me nothing because I can see there's something wrong. And it's killing you and it's killing me to see you like this." He said.
"Why do you care." I scoffed.
"Isabela you are my little sister of course I care." Ace said.
"I know I might not act like I care much or like I pay attention but I see the pain in your eyes bela. What's going on?" He asked me softly.
"Leave me alone.." I breathed out.
I tried to get out of his grip but he wasn't having it. I tried and tried but he just wouldn't fucking leave me. "Why can't you just leave me alone? ..." I choked out. I couldn't fight it anymore I leaned in his chest and cried. Hard. My body was shaking with every sob that left my mouth.
I didn't care how loud I was being nor did it he seem like he cared either, I probably got everyone else's attention but I didn't care, all I cared about was letting it out .
"I don't like seeing you like this please tell me what's wrong bela?" He said worriedly. He pulled back holding my face up with both his hands. "What happened Izzy." He asked softly looking at me with nothing but concern.
I just cried more he pulled me back into his chest trying to calm me down.
He didn't even seem to care that I was getting his shirt wet with my never ending tears. He just kept his arms around me tight and protective. "He lied to me" I muttered between sobs."Who" He asked softly but still had his arms wrapped around me "How could he do that to me?" I asked crying harder. "It's okay I'm right here let it out" He ran his hand through my hair massaging my scalp and I felt my now tense muscles relax slightly. My breathing calmed down a bit.My tears still flowing as I listened to his heart beat in attempt to calm down.
Realization hit me as I jumped back from him. "I-I'm sorry." I said wiping my face quickly getting up. "I should leave." I replied not even waiting for a reply as I ran out of the garden. "Isabela" Ace's voice came from behind me.
"Bela?" Diego questioned as I ran past him and Salvatore.
Bumping into a hard chest as large arms wrapped around my waist. "Woah" Andres said before he saw my face and frowned. "Angelo why you crying what happened?" He asked me urgently. I shook my head. "Nothing." I rasped stepping back. "Wait " he said grabbing my arm gently. "What happened?" He asked me softly.
"Let go of me." I sighed.
"Angelo-" I cut him off.
"Please Dre." I pleaded. He slowly loosened his grip around me.
I was about to go upstairs when my father stopped me.
"Isabela?" He said as I stopped in my tracks slowly turning around. The family stood down there looking at me worriedly. "What's going on with you?" Ezekiel asked softly coming to me.
"Don't come any closer to me." I warned moving back.
"Isabela?" My father said cautiously. "What's the matter dolcezza?." He asked me concerned.
"I don't get it" I murmured shaking my head. Everyone looked at me alertly Enzo looked at me sadly, Matteo and Diego, Leonard and the triplets looked sad, Xander along with everyone else looked confused and worried. My aunts had panic and fear written all over their faces. My uncles Dad , Nonno and Alejandro looked emotionless but their eyes said different.
"Izzy-" Ace began.
Before anyone could say anything else I turned rushing towards the stairs and of course because my life freaking hates me I slipped twisting my ankle and fell. hard. hurting my ribs. "shit" I loudly cursed hissing.
Fuck my fucking life.
So much for a dramatic exit.
Fuck!
=°=°=°=°=°=•=•=•=•°•°=°=°=°=°=•=•=•=•=•=•
Part 3 will be up tomorrow I personally didn't like this chapter.
But I'm trying guys.
Until next time loves 💕
Lots of love ♥️
-Destiny 💓