I stared blankly at the ground. My back's against the wall, sitting down the corner. Hours have passed. The walls that were previously tinged orange by the setting sun has gotten dark.
It was cold. I can still smell the usual strange odour of burning metal with slight hints of burning flesh.
He's still up there. Still hung up by the chains, shackled to the torture device. He had burns on some parts of his body, and his eyes are shut.
I was actually the one who closed them. I had to lower him a bit so I can reach his face and run my palm over his eyes to close them before hoisting him back up again.
I glanced at him one more time to see that nothing has changed after some hours. He did not budge a bit. Not a single twitch.
I felt mortified about myself... I felt bad for what I did.
At some point, a part of me felt devastated. The pain I inflicted him is somehow getting back at me.
I closed my eyes...
I was on my way back home from a mission.
I slid my hands in the pockets of my hoodie as I walk by a narrow, secluded alley around the city.
Woof woof!
The sound came somewhere around the corner.
Woof woof!
It sounded like it was by the trashbins...
Woof woof!
In my surprise a little critter was wagging its short, stubby tail in front of me. I was delighted to see its big sparkly eyes flutter back at me. I knelt down to pat its head.
It looked so happy and cute that I picked it up and it gave me back a lick on my pale, fleshy cheeks. "Hahahahaha!" I giggled in joy.
"Brownie?!"
I paused for a while upon hearing a voice. The little critter, startled, twitched an ear, jumped down from my arms and ran towards the voice I just overheard. It finally disappeared after it turned left at the end of the alley.
"Aww bummer..." I pouted, and slid my hands back to my pockets...
As I eventually left the alley, I saw it again!
But this time with another child my age.
He was happily running around, playing with the little critter. He would throw a stick and then the little critter sprints away towards it to catch it before running back to the kid with the stick on its mouth, wagging its tail at him.
"Good boy!" The kid scooped it up in his arms, while it gave him a lick on the cheeks too like it did on me... "Hahahahaha!" The kid giggled as well. They looked so happy...
"Hm?" The kid stopped laughing the moment he noticed I was looking at them. I quickly shifted my eyes away from them, trying to avoid interaction.
WOOF WOOF!
Surprisingly, the little critter jumped down from his arms and ran towards me...
I was happy to know he remembers me, I was about to bend down and pet him...
"His name is Brownie!" The kid spoke to me. "He seems to like you!" He gave me a smile. "Are you new here? My name is Kai! And you!?" He enthusiastically asked me.
I smiled waveringly... "I am..."
I was cut off the moment I felt 'his' cold stare behind me. 'He' was watching me... 'He' was just somewhere around the vicinity. I can't see 'him'. But I know 'he's' there...
"I gotta go!" I averted my eyes from the kid and quickly fled.
"I told you not to make friends..." Aniki admonished in his usual monotone. "I strictly warned you..."
"But... He was the one who..."
"Avoid eye contact. Avoid being seen. I have always reminded you, but you showed yourself to him..." He continued.
He never screams at me, he never hurts me either. But his words always have been authority to me. I can never go against him. I have always feared him. I know he is mad right now. The way he stresses his words despite the calm, monotone. Yes, he used to be void of expressions and stoical. Not everyone can tell the difference between his expressions and the intonations when he talk does not reflect any emotion. But I am very certain when he is mad. And I must not wait for the time until he finally snaps and screams at me!
I locked my guilty gaze at the ground. I feel guilt. Not because he was mad at me. But because it feels wrong that I ditched the kid. He wanted to make friends with me! But I can't make Aniki get mad at me. I can't...
"Kil!" He called me out. I raised my head to look back at him. "Are you listening?"
I nodded. "S..." I stuttered. "Sorry, Aniki..."
He sighed.
"I know you're still learning..." He bent down and placed his hand on my head. "I can understand it's pretty difficult."
I quivered.
"As a child, you are still curious about the things around you, specially the ones outside this mansion, behind the stone walls that separate us from the outside world. You still don't know how to view and deal with them... Don't worry, Aniki is not mad at you..." He pat my head.
I somehow felt relief.
He sat down to face me and held my shoulders. "As long as you listen to what Aniki, Dad and Gramps say, and do as what you were told, things will be fine. You will finally learn how to deal with them. Don't feel bad about it. Just don't do it again okay?" He scratched my head before finally standing up.
I was left staring at the ground. I don't understand why. Why would something as nice as friendship be forbidden to us? We are humans too! We aren't too different from the people outside this mansion! How can't they see how fun would it be hanging out with other kids, talking to them, playing with them... If I can play with Alluka, why can't we play with other kids? I bet he haven't tried having friends! This is why he doesn't understand!
"Kil..." He called me again.
"Sorry..." I finally started moving to catch up to him.
"What's bothering you?" He asked as I walked along with him.
I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know if he ever had friends. And why does he strictly forbid me from having one... Why is everyone else in the family like that...? Why would someone betray you if you don't do anything bad to them in the first place? Why would I also have a reason to betray them?
"Aniki..."
I tried to speak up... I wanted to ask him. But I can't. I ended up staring at the ground again, fiddling with my little hands in hesitation.
"I get it..." He stopped walking too. He bent down and scooped me up to hang me on his back for a piggy-back ride.
"We're going out..." He spoke as he walked, carrying me on his back. "I'll just ask some butler to get us my car, we're going to the city."
I held on to him, wrapping my short arms around his shoulder anyway and rested my head on it. His hair was short then.
I don't know what is he up to. I ended up not being able to ask him again. I just can't. I simply can't start a casual conversation with him. He's too different. He's too far, high up there...
He's basically out of my reach...
"WOOOOOOWWW!"
I squealed in delight! I looked around every corner to see nothing but dogs! I ran around the establishment and checked out every cage!
I am actually happy to see them in real! I only see them in books. We have our own 'DOGS' at home. But they're not like THESE!
"I like this one!" I exclaimed. "And this one!... AND THIS ONE TOO!"
Aniki walked up to me. "Have you chosen one yet?"
"Mmmmm..." I still looked around. I'm confused which one to choose! I liked them all that I just wanted to buy all of them!
"You can't take care of all of them at the same time..." He told me.
"I know!" I pouted.
I resumed on checking which one would I bring home until one caught my eye...
"THIIISSSS!" I squealed, frantically pointing at that one in the corner...
It looks a lot like the child's dog I've seen a while ago! I can't be wrong! It's the same kind!
"Aniki!" I tugged at his sleeve, dragging him up to where I saw my pet of choice. "Aniki, Aniki! I want this one!"
He sat down to my level and looked at the cage. "Hmm..." He nodded. "It's cute... Are you sure about this one?"
"DEAD SURE!" I waved my hands enthusiastically. "Please? Pretty pleeeeaase?!"
"Alright, alright..." He stood up. "No need to flash those eyes on me. I brought you here for this."
"YAAAAY!" I thrusted a fist in the air, jumping in joy.
"Just stay right there. I just gotta go to the counter and pay for it..."
"OKAAAY!"
END OF CHAPTER 17
NOTE:
Reference : Hunter x Hunter 1999 ver, Episode 30.
-At one part of Killua and Illumi's confrontation at the hunter exams, Illumi compared Killua's situation to Gon with getting a pet dog and running tired of it in the end. That dialogue Illumi delivered was not present in the 2011 version.