[A/N: Hello my lovelies! Here is the next chapter for you all! I apologize for the cliffhanger of the last chapter, but I assure you there is a reason! These next few chapters will be revealing more backstory and how it pertains to the present. I love you all and hope you enjoy! -K 🖤]
[🌿This chapter is long, contains swearing, sexual insinuations and references, as well as saddening angst.🌿]
***
With an exhausted sigh, I hauled the hangers for the dry cleaning over my shoulders and adjusted my purse into my elbow. I was more than drained and absolutely spent after a busy and partly-stressful day. I hurried my steps up the stone walkway, admiring my flowers as they bloomed beautifully against the house.
"Look at you!" I happily exclaimed, craning my neck to reach for the hanging baskets of purple blooms as they fully opened themselves towards the bright sun of the afternoon. "I asked Will to water you, but he must have forgotten." I hummed, seeing the dried and dehydrated leaves slightly crinkle around the vibrant green edges.
I quickly focused on my task at hand, forcing my hair back over my shoulder and digging into my purse for my house keys. With a rushed shimmy, I unlocked the front door and entered, smiling at the familiar and comforting scent of a candle that I had previously lit before I had left.
"I'm back, Will!" I excitedly mentioned, kicking the door closed behind me. I shoved off my shoes onto the mat next to the door and trudged around the corner. "I picked up your dry cleaning!" I called out, walking towards the island of our kitchen and resting the suit jackets over the back of the chair.
Before I had left to complete my errands, I made sure to tidy up and clean, especially dusting off some figurines that resided on a few scattered decorative shelves. My entire collection, which was minuscule in the grand scheme of it all, was confined to other areas of the house.
Will preferred it that way, and as long as it made him happy, I didn't mind to only leave a few glass figures scattered around.
I gently rested my purse on the countertop and gazed over the mail that had been carelessly tossed onto the granite. "Bills...bills...garbage..." I muttered as I shuffled the mail in my hands. My eyes flickered to a new addition besides my bouquet arrangement in the center of the island. "And you...were not here when I left."
An ornately wrapped present rested against the rose bouquet, the same bouquet that I had bought for myself a few days earlier. With a smile, I gratefully reached for the gift and inspected it, admiring the bow and small note that had been tucked under the ribbon.
Maybe Will actually remembered?
I removed the note and carefully opened it. My eyes scanned over the lines as a familiar, yet foreign feeling began to settle in my chest.
'To: (Y/N),
I'm hoping you don't have this one. I tried to be sneaky and search your bookshelves to make sure I didn't get you a second copy, although it wouldn't be the first time that it happened.
Happy Birthday, Angel.
I hope this year will be the best one yet. You deserve nothing but the best.
-Santi :)'
Tears swelled in my eyes as I forced down the pressure in my throat. Santi must have stopped by while I was out running errands, and very important ones at that. But it was strange, he had been with me for one of them.
How did he manage to sneak this present under my nose?
And he remembered my birthday when my fiancé didn't.
"Will! Maybe we could go out to dinner tonight?" I beckoned again, gently tearing into the present and silently gasping at the massive book in my hands.
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy was sitting in my hands as I inspected the beautifully designed cover. It was a significantly older copy, my preferred method of collecting literature. Santi was right: I didn't have this book.
But I had briefly mentioned it weeks ago when he had stopped by to visit with Will.
I wanted to immediately call him and thank him for his thoughtful gift, but was distracted by a thump coming from upstairs. I tucked the note beneath the front cover of the book and safely situated it next to my purse.
I was so excited to finally tell Will.
With bounding and ecstatic steps, I hurried up the stairs, keeping my balance by holding onto the wooden railing. "You'll never believe it, Will." I began, venturing down the hallway to our bedroom. "After months of searching, I..." My voice trailed off as I reached for the door handle, but paused momentarily, thinking I had heard another yet unfamiliar voice.
And it didn't belong to Will.
Did he leave the TV playing?
"God, Will!" A female voice suddenly cried out, followed by lewd moans and obvious groans. "Yes, yes! Just like that, baby! Don't stop!" The voice screamed, causing my hands to tremble.
"...I found my wedding dress..." I whispered, finally opening the door and covering my mouth in misery and immediate despair.
My fiancé had been had been home the entire time. And right now, he was gripping onto the thighs of a woman as she straddled him, naked and begging in ecstasy.
"You like that? Let me take care of you, baby." William grunted, suddenly sitting up and grabbing around her waist as he forced her onto him roughly, causing both of them to moan simultaneously. "Oh fuck...yes, yes..." He groaned, holding onto her blonde hair as he fully sat up.
Our eyes met and he paused as soon as he beheld me standing in our doorway.
Embarrassed and shameful tears rolled down my reddening face as he pushed the woman off of him. She hurriedly gripped onto my sheets and covered her exposed body as she scrambled further into my bed.
"(Y/N)..." Will whispered, slowly standing and reaching for his shorts of the floor. He donned them hurriedly and stood up from the bed with open hands. "I-I can explain."
"Will! Baby, you told me she wouldn't be back for hours!" The woman shrilly complained, glancing at me as I balled my hands into aggravated fists.
'Baby'?
My jaw tightened as I peered around my perfectly neat bedroom, tidied before I left. Her clothes, along with William's, had been haphazardly tossed around my room. Her bra was hanging from my nightstand and my closet door was open.
I didn't leave it open when I left.
My breaths had increased into furious tufts as I further surveyed the bedroom, attempting to ignore the giant fucking issue in my bed.
The book I had been reading the past few days had been carelessly tossed onto the floor, the bookmark removed from its position as it slipped out when it was knocked off my nightstand.
I was paralyzed in hell-raising anger, every limb burning with sudden hate and loathing with extreme bitterness.
"My beautiful Angel." Will attempted to comfort me, approaching me as if I was a wild animal. My eyes flicked to him, flaming with resentment and betrayal.
I had been with him for three years, two of which we had been engaged.
And it was all a waste of my goddamn time.
"Don't. Fucking. Call. Me. That." I menacingly growled, pointing my finger at William who was still walking towards me.
I never wanted to hear that fucking name again.
He gulped harshly, continuing to leave his hands raised. "Okay, okay." He was breathing harsher as my jaw clenched in abhorrence as I glanced over his sweating chest, noticing how nervous he had become now that he had been caught. "We can talk about this, okay? Let's talk." He suggested, nodding with a forced smile.
"Get out of my house." I replied, staring at the woman who had buried herself in the sheets I had recently bought. She raised her eyebrows in shock, hurriedly looking to Will as if he was going to protect her from my wrath.
"...What?" She meekly questioned, sitting up and pulling the sheet closer to her neck. She remained motionless, gawking at me in confusion and as if I was in the wrong.
Ever since I had opened the door, I knew something had broken within me. I was filled with animosity and vehement rage. I had been betrayed and alienated within my own home. I had been lied to and manipulated. I was thoroughly used and utterly embarrassed.
I was so happy before I had walked to my bedroom that I could have flown to the stars and back.
My wings had been brutally and mercilessly detached from me, permanently grounding me and forever cursing me to walk the earth for the rest of my days.
I had been pushed over the edge, falling from a heavenly grace, and harshly landing where I was always intended to be in the first place.
With a new inferno of detestation, I ventured into my bedroom and towards my vanity. I forced the drawer open and reached inside, feeling the comforting grip of an old friend. "Maybe you didn't fucking hear me." I murmured, racking the pistol and turning around. "Get out of my fucking house." I repeated, causing her to immediately scream and escape my bed. She rampantly picked up her clothes and adorned them in a panic.
"Jesus Christ! Are you batshit crazy?! Y-You're the Devil!" She screamed, backing towards the door and still waiting for William to beg for her not to leave and protect her from me.
With a smirk, I raised the pistol and tilted my head. "You have no idea." I responded, inspiring her to flee in a rush of shouts and trampling footsteps down the stairs. My breaths remained heavy as I heard the front door slam close.
"Are you fucking serious, (Y/N)?!" Will shouted, turning to face me fully. His expression was contorted with countless emotions as he observed me now aiming the pistol towards him.
With an aggressive growl, I rushed to my side of the bed. "You must not know me at all, William Miller!" I threw the pistol at him, roughly connecting with his chest as he groaned in pain. He reached down to grab it, realizing that there was no magazine loaded in the pistol. "I always keep my loaded firearm in my fucking nightstand." I whispered, opening my drawer and seeing it still tucked safely away. I slammed the drawer closed and turned around.
With a sob, I picked up my book and the bookmark, placing both onto the nightstand. "H-How could you do this to me?" I asked, trudging toward my closet and seeing my dresses scattered on my closet floor. "Did...she try on my clothes?"
I slowly spun around to see that Will had silently closed the distance between us. "Angel, let me explain. First, I love you. I love you so very much, okay? We'll be married very soon and-"
Without hesitation, I rammed my fist into his nose with every ounce of violence and cruelty I could muster. William stumbled back, retreated to my bed where the sheets had been dirtied and misplaced.
My safe place, my home, my sanctuary had been desecrated. Every inch had been violated and disrespected. My belongings had been ignored, and better yet, someone else had been pretending that my things had belonged to them.
I had no sanctuary anymore and was no longer safe.
"No." I whispered, wiping my bloody knuckles onto my jeans. Will was cradling his injured face as he peered at me in confusion and bewilderment.
"I-I deserved that! That's on me!" He explained, the blood pooling from his nose and onto my rug that had been misplaced during their promiscuous escapade. "But...no? What do you mean, 'no', baby?"
My home didn't smell comforting anymore, but it reeked of rotten betrayal and the sinful temptations that had occurred without my presence within.
I couldn't stay here.
I glanced around my room that had been infringed upon and where transgressions had been taking place.
"How long?" I questioned, not caring to watch William as he sat up from his pained position. I closed my fingers tightly again, preparing to disfigure his face should he lie to me again.
He was delusional to ever fucking betray me in the first place.
He cleared his throat and shamefully stared at the floor. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His eyes met mine and he easily read the hellfire that was written upon my features. "Seven...months. I was going to end it." He took another step, "She was just- Shit! She was just some top, okay? But you're the best thing that ever happened to me."
My eyes closed in torment, realizing how long I had been deceived for. I breathed harshly for a few silent moments, dropping my head and considered my next few seconds. How badly I wanted to call the guys and weep to them about what happened in their absence.
We had all just been together as they were the ones to go with me to the bridal shop.
All I had desired was to feel protected.
Never against would I feel safe, nor trust anyone with my heart ever again. As a matter of fact, I believed that my heart was forever displaced when I saw them together.
What did I do wrong?
"Okay." I finally stated, nodding in resolution. I raised my head and studied Will's surprised expression.
"O-Okay? That's it?" He inquired, closing the space between us. "I promise you won't regret this second chance, Angel." He mumbled, attempting to reach for me.
I ruthlessly slapped his hand away. "You can be the one to inform the guys that Angel...is dead." I returned, slipping past him and exiting the room. His footsteps quickly followed mine as I descended the stairs.
His breathing had become more worried as concern laced his tone. "What the hell does that mean?!" He shrieked, following me into the kitchen.
I looked around my house, allowing more tears to slip as I memorized how much I planned into this home and the care and dedication I had asserted in creating the home of my dreams.
Just days ago, I imagined how different the kitchen would look if a highchair was introduced.
Never again would I be trapped and mocked in a cage like this, a prison of lies disguised as a home, like a circus animal on display, laughed at and ridiculed for being deceived so easily.
I swallowed hard and grabbed my ring on my left hand, ripping it off my finger and slamming it onto the counter. I hurriedly traded the Will's ring for Santi's book. "Here's your fucking dry-cleaning, Miller." I growled, not sparing a glance as I left everything behind.
"You're not trying?! You don't want to fix this?" William cried after me, blocking me from opening the door. I forced my shoes on and stared into his face, not caring how splotchy my cheeks were nor the amount of tears I had allowed to be released. "I made this place into heaven for you! And now you're fucking leaving?!" He shouted, pointing down at me in anger. "That's a fucking mistake. You know what? She's right! You're evil! The fucking Devil!"
This wasn't my fault.
Was it?
I mercilessly shoved my hands into Will's chest, slamming his bare back into the front door. I was seething, shaking with a never-before-experienced and purely unbridled rage. "The Devil has nothing on me, William Miller. And if you don't get out of my way, I'll show you just how fucking evil I can be."
***
I rang the doorbell and stepped away from the door, biting my lip as I turned away and faced the road. I had been walking for hours and was exhausted, still extremely upset about the day's events.
The door suddenly opened behind me. "(Y/N)?" I could practically hear the smile in his voice. "Hey, what are you doing here?" He questioned, inspiring me to turn around and face him.
"Hi, Santiago." I mumbled, grinning and trying to hide my depressing sadness. He was staring at me curiously and I studied his clothes, noticing the paint that decorated his pants and hands. "...bad time? I'm sorry, I'll just...come by later." I muttered, backing away.
He reached for my wrist and held it softly, preventing me from running away.
"No! No, it's a good time! It's always a good time with you." He returned, smiling as I turned back to face him again. "I'm just surprised is all. It's your birthday. I would've thought that Will would've taken you out for a fancy dinner."
I swallowed the sob that threatened to rise in my throat. "I-I um...I wanted to stop by and tell you that..."
Will shattered me.
I'm leaving tonight.
I love you.
It's always been you.
"Thank you, for my gift." I decided, motioning to the book that was the only thing I had carried out of the house with me. It was my last possession after walking away from it all. "I don't have this one, so..." I smiled, hiding my trembling lip as I wiggled the book in my hands. "Thank you, Santi."
"Oh, yeah! Yeah, you're welcome!" He fully grinned and shook his head. "I've been inhaling paint fumes for a few hours, so you'll have to excuse my lack of fucking manners. Please, come on in." He offered with a chuckle, opening his door and allowing me access to enter his home.
"That's fine...thank you." I quietly chuckled in return, walking into the threshold and marveling at the beauty of Santiago's home. Every time I stopped by, my breath would be taken away. It wasn't necessarily a large and extravagant home, but it was perfect in many ways.
Santi closed the door behind me. "Thirsty? I think I might have your favorite still..." He pondered, ushering away to his ornate and completely renovated kitchen. I quietly removed my shoes and followed him in the familiar path. This was a kitchen I could only dream of.
Matte, charcoal gray cabinets, beautiful alabaster brick backsplash, marbled countertops, and refurnished hardware met my eyes as I stood at the bar portion of the island.
"Don't be a stranger, Angel. I've already told you. My home is your home." He called over his shoulder as he searched through his refrigerator. I cringed in agony at hearing the nickname that had been desecrated hours earlier. "Here we go. Some Moscato Rosé..." He over-pronounced, chuckling as he retrieved two wine glasses from his glass-paned cabinet.
He returned to the bar and placed the wine beside the glasses. With a shuffle, he ushered out the chair at the island and motioned for me to take a seat. "Thank you." I smiled, accepting and sitting in the barstool. He hummed as he returned to the wine and generously filled the glasses.
"To the birthday girl." Santi guided the glass towards me. "May this year and the next few be the happiest of your life." He toasted, raising his own glass. I lifted mine with a small grin and clinked them together, the both of us drinking in silence. "So, about earlier..." He finally stated, causing my eyes to widen in surprise.
Did he know?
Did Will confess to him?
"I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to be one of the people that went with you...to find your wedding dress." He hurriedly finished, taking another swig and replacing his glass onto the counter. "You looked..." He sighed and licked his lips from the sweet alcohol. "You looked absolutely beautiful. Divine. Will is a lucky man." He nodded and I released a shaky breath upon hearing the memories about the dress and Will. Santi immediately noticed my discomfort. "Hey, hey... What's wrong?" He inquired with a sudden seriousness lacing his tone.
I drank the wine from my glass, wishing that I could drown my sorrows forever, as it would take an eternity to heal from this. "Um... I... Will and I..." I gulped, closing my burning eyes. "Will and I...are no longer. That's all I'd like to say." I whispered, averting my gaze to the marble countertop.
A warm hand encased mine as Santi stood closer to my sitting figure. "Okay. I'm sorry." He apologized, searching my downcast face. "I won't pry, but..." He lifted my limp hand and encased it between his warm palms. "Are you okay?"
Hearing the words triggered the reaction I was hoping to keep confined. I released an afflicted whimper and returned my glass to the island counter and began to weep, hanging my head as I inadvertently poured out my broken heart to Santiago in his most beautiful kitchen.
"Oh, sweet girl..." Santi whispered, immediately approaching me and wrapping his arms around me as I grasped for his shoulders in comfort. He pulled my figure into his chest as I buried my weeping face into his neck. His hands affectionately rubbed my back as he said nothing, only listening to the shuddered sobs that wracked my body. "Come on, I wanna show you something." He lowly said against my ear, calming me as his recently shaved cheek caressed mine.
I raised my head and curiously peered upwards into his eyes that were searching mine. His lips parted as my gaze drifted from his eyes to his mouth. The house was silent except for our slightly panting breaths against each other.
"I've been working on it for a while..." He continued, holding my hand and guiding me from my chair. With careful steps, he led me up the staircase and down a hallway with several closed doors. He halted before a door, this one barely different than the rest.
With a turn of the handle, he ushered the door open and allowed me to peek inside.
It was a massive and almost empty room. There were paintbrushes and cans of white paint littering the sheet-covered floor. I advanced slowly, noticing the gorgeous windows on the far side of the room, perfect indentations for a sitting ledge or nook against the window.
"I've been painting for a few hours, but it's far from being finished." Santi placed his hands onto his hips as he surveyed the room around us. "The owners before me really didn't use this room. I'm thinking I might...add some shelves. I haven't decided yet, it's an ongoing project." He nodded, turning to me as I inspected the room.
"It's amazing, even if you're just painting. You could do as you said as add some customs shelving and maybe turn those windows into sitting nooks and," I gasped, noticing an abandoned fireplace on the farther side of the room, "Reinstate the fireplace! Santi, a working fireplace would make this the most perfect lib- study. Office." I suddenly realized that I had been mindlessly rambling as I perused the room. "It'll make a great office." I decided, allowing my dreams to fail me once again.
By the time I turned back around, Santi was already staring at me with a small smile. I blushed in embarrassment, realizing how stupid that my muttering must have sounded.
As I admired his paint-covered clothes, I realized sadly that he was creating the most beautiful sanctuary for his future wife.
His future family.
My lip trembled as I had recently found out, due to today's circumstances, that I was not fit for either position.
"Do you like it?" Santi breathlessly questioned as he ventured closer to me. I hurriedly nodded and glanced to the floor, knowing that I'd be halfway around the world by the morning. "Good. I'm not that great at decorating, but...maybe you wanna help me with this? It'll be like 'our project' or something, and you can design it however you want." He suggested, reaching for my hand and holding it softly. "We could start tomorrow if you want, whatever makes you happy."
I bit my lip, feeling the conviction and condemnation torture my soul as I kept several secrets from him. My chest expanded with heavy breaths as Santi's broad chest touched mine softly. "I..."
I love you.
"I want to make you happy, (Y/N)..." Santi whispered, cupping my cheek gently as he removed my tears with his thumb in soft swipes. "Don't cry, please don't cry." He begged, wrapping his other arm around my waist and securing me within his embrace, protecting me from everything I feared.
My eyes trailed up Santi's chest, up his neck, and finally to his face. He had created and fixed the most broken of things, yet he would always be the most beautiful masterpiece to ever exist. I caressed his cheek with my fingers, inspiring him to close his eyes.
"Don't...don't do that, Angel." He begged, whispering silently as I admired his ethereal countenance. "Please don't."
"Why?" I whispered in return, feeling his fingers grip into my hips as I shuddered in unexpected pleasure. I desired him, yet never acted on my incessant need for Santi. I remained faithful to Will throughout our entire relationship and would never jeopardize our committed dedication to each other.
But Will and I weren't together anymore.
I closed my eyes and leaned into his neck, inhaling his comforting scent as heat pooled into my stomach.
Santi whimpered quietly, feeling my grip on his shoulder tighten as his own fingers continued to bury into my hip. "Because I might do something we'll both regret." He admitted, suddenly pressing his forehead against mine. I gasped and held onto his neck as his nose brushed against mine, our breaths intermingling as we struggled to fully breathe in each other's presence.
"I...regret a lot of things, Santiago. But you could never be one of them." I confessed, feeling him tense before relaxing completely. He grumbled incoherently, mostly in Spanish, which caused me to clench my thighs together as his lips ghosted over my ear.
Before I realized it, Santi had backed me against a wall, glancing down at me with intense huffs as he removed his hand from my face, placing it on the wall above my head. With his other hand, he brought my hips against his, arching my chest against him swiftly. He eagerly eyed my lips and I suddenly understood.
"Yes." I stated, which was followed by Santi lowering his head to meet mine and passionately pressing his lips against mine in a heated kiss. Our eyes closed in a long-awaited satisfaction and for the first time in a long time, I felt as if I was in heaven.
I moved my fingers into his long curls and softly tugged, earning a gasped groan from him. Hearing his sounds caused me to whimper in return, knowing that just his voice held significant power over me.
I gingerly licked his bottom lip, causing him to respond by pushing his tongue into my mouth, which I had been craving. I craved his taste, the way that the alcohol stained his mouth and lingered on his breath.
He was intoxicating.
Santi's hand hurriedly moved down my hip, traversing down my thigh and grabbing onto the back portion of my skin. He gripped it and tugged it upward, holding my thigh up and against the side of his hip.
He gently dug his hips into mine and I leaned my head against the wall behind me, feeling his body press me further against the hard surface. "S-Santi..." I whispered, whimpering when he captured my lips again and ground his pelvis against my own.
"(Y/N)..." He panted, hiking my leg higher and moving his hand further up the back of my thigh. I attached my nails against the back of his shoulder and lightly dragged them downwards, never before feeling this pleasured, even when I had laid naked under Will. "Angel, my Angel..."
Tears streamed down my face as I finally experienced everything I never thought I would. And I wouldn't ever again.
Santiago's lips beautifully abused mine in the most loving of kisses, nipping on my lips and tugging them with insatiable desire. I removed my lips, closing my eyes and leaning against the wall as he met my hips with a deeper grind. I whined and clawed at his back, begging for more.
"Sing for me, sweet Angel..." He prayed, kissing down my cheek and pressing sloppy kissing against the heated flesh of my neck. My heart was beating unceremoniously fast, my breathing was labored, and every part of me desired Santiago more than life itself.
"I...I..." With huffing pants, I grabbed his face and forced his lips into mine once more, crying as I kissed him for a final time. "I have to go." I whispered, causing his perusing and exploration of my body to pause as he heard my acclaim.
He pulled away and searched my face. "I'm-Oh my God. I'm so sorry." He fervently apologized, but I silenced his pleas as I softly kissed his lips in a feathery caress.
"No, no, don't apologize. No regrets, Santi." I palmed his cheeks and still felt his hips flush against mine. If I didn't have a flight to catch, I'd probably beg Santi to show me his room for a most private of tours. "There's something I have to do."
"Right, right, okay..." He nodded with a smile, rubbing gentle circles onto my thigh before gently setting it back onto the ground. "I, um..."
I nodded, "Me too." I sighed and attempted to catch my breath as he stepped away from me. "Thank you, for the book, the wine...the kiss." I licked my lips, still tasting Santi on me.
"No, thank you..." He responded, taking me by the hand and guiding my out of the room and down the stairs. With a glance at the hanging clock, I didn't realize how much time had passed while it his house.
I hurriedly slipped my shoes on and turned to face him.
"You'll come over tomorrow? And we'll start planning that room?" He begged, motioning behind him towards the stairs. He was incessantly searching my face as I bit my trembling lip and nodded in response.
I grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open, needing to leave before he gave me another reason to stay.
Before I could run from his house, Santi approached me from behind and angled my face towards him, sealing his lips onto mine for a last time. "See you tomorrow, Angel." He grinned, allowing me to step across the threshold.
"Goodbye, Santi." I softly waved, hiding my tears until I had journeyed far enough from the front door and it was closed by the one that I truly adored and desired.
My plan had worked successfully.
I had returned the book to where it deserved to belong. Back to Santi, back to the one who truly cherished my belongings and possessions. I knew he would take care of it and safely store it until I returned.
If I returned.
And so I abandoned my love, my life, and my most sincere sanctuary behind as I tossed my cellphone into one of the neighbor's nearby garbage cans.