A loud bang sounded from the top of the stairs as Gus entered the basement. I stayed focused on the TV screen as I smashed the buttons on the controller in my hand. I didn't look up until Gus' large frame stepped in front of the TV.
"Move, fat ass," I snapped trying to look around him.
"Now is that the way you greet your brother that you've known since the womb?" he chided shaking his finger at me like a parent.
"Gus!" I groaned.
Suddenly the sound of a squish and the 'game over' tone sounded from the TV.
"No!" I cried jumping to my feet, "You've gotta be kidding me! That took me twelve hours! Augustus!"
He just smiled cheekily as I glared at him.
"Good, so that means you've been down here all night and most of this morning. Time to go outside," he chuckled taking the controller and tossing it on the ground.
He started to turn me around and push me towards the steps. My service dog, Joyful, hopped up from her spot on his bed and trotted over to us. Still angry about the game, I dug my heels into the carpet pushing back against him. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.
"I guess we're doing this the hard way," he grumbled.
Before I could protest, he swept me off my feet and started carrying me. I squirmed in his arms.
"Gus put me the fuck down! I wanna finish my game!" I howled, "You are such an ass!"
"Cleo, language," Mom called from the kitchen as Gus carried me through the house.
"We're going to Isaac's support group, we'll be back after," Gus called over his shoulder bending down to grab my shoes before walking out the door.
"For a one legged guy, you don't seem to have much hinderance," I grumbled as he set me in the car.
He just gave me another cheeky smile before opening the back door to allow Joyful to get in. He then got in the driver's seat and pulled out of the driveway. I pouted the entire way. When we finally came to a lurching stop in front of some church, I was ready to throw a full on fit.
"Why am I getting dragged into this?" I grumbled following him with Joyful at my side, "I don't need a support group."
"Yes but Isaac does and he invited us," Gus answered simply.
"No he invited you," I retorted, "I've never even seen Isaac before. You two never leave the basement."
"And you never leave your room when he comes over," he replied walking into the building.
I huffed resolving to cross my arms over my chest and just glower at everyone. Right as we walked in, Gus ran into someone. They both looked at each other kinda surpised.
"My bad," Gus muttered looking at the girl with a small smile.
I rolled my eyes. Is he being for real?
"I...I'm sorry," she mumbled blushing but not looking away.
Gus just gave her another flirty smile before turning to walk away. He looked back over his shoulder just in time to run into a door frame. I snorted as he embarrassedly smiled and disappeared into the hallway. I looked over at the girl examining her. She was pretty in a 'I'm being me and I don't care what you think' kind of way. She seemed to just notice me when Joyful bumped her hand with her large fuzzy head.
"Oh, hi," she said with a little wave.
"Hi," I replied, "I'm Cleo Waters. That's my twin brother Gus, you know the guy that was flirting with you."
She blushed clearing her throat awkwardly, "I'm Hazel."
"What's your full name?" I asked her as we started to walk towards the stairs.
"Hazel Grace Lancaster," she answered, "I've never seen you before. Are you new?"
"I guess," I shrugged, "I got dragged here by Gus because his friend wanted him to come. I am a cancer patient though. A tumor in my brain that I've lived with for about four years now. It appeared right after my fourteenth birthday and the first time I got my period ironically."
"Wow, that's pretty close to what happened to me," she replied nodding.
Only when she said that did I notice the tubes sticking out of her nose. They went around her ears before joining together and connecting to a large canister thingy that she rolled at her side. We reached the room where everyone else was and sat down. On the opposite side of the circle, Gus sat with who I assumed was Isaac. Gus' eyes were latched on Hazel though. I glanced at Isaac only to see him already looking at me. I subconsciously tucked a lock of my plain brown hair behind my ear. I was a little surprised because he was actually kind of cute in a dorky, nerdy way. He had fluffy, soft looking brown hair and bright brown eyes that were magnified a lot by his glasses. He was tall like Gus, but not sturdy looking, more lanky.
"Hello everybody," the man leading this thing stepped up suddenly.
I rolled my eyes with a sigh. I've seen too many people like this. These overly happy, joy joy people that wanna pretend like everything's okay like we're not dying, like we're not slowly drifting off into oblivion. Suddenly Hazel bumped my arm and I refocused back in on the conversation only to see everyone staring at me.
"Stand up. He asked you to say your name and how you're doing," Hazel whispered in my ear.
"Oh," I mumbled before standing up.
Joyful hopped up immediately thinking we were going to walk but sat down again when she realized I was just standing.
"Um..my name's Cleo Waters. I'm Augustus' twin sister. I have a tumor in my brain that can cause a number of things including, but not limited to, seizures, massive migraines, amnesia, aneurisms, and black outs. The most common being black outs and migraines of course. So I've got Joyful here," her ears perked up when I gestured to her, "To be honest, I don't know why I'm here. Gus literally picked me up and threw me in the car. So yeah."
A few people chuckled while Gus just sat there smiling smugly. I started to sit back down but the leader guy stopped me.
"And do you have any fears? Like oblivion as your brother stated," he asked.
I snorted shaking my head a little as I looked over at Gus who raised an eyebrow at me.
"Oh god no, I'm no where near as pretentious as Gus. My only fear is silence," I replied.
"Silence? Like not being able to hear? Or not able to talk?" the guy prodded seeming vaguely interested.
"Neither. Silence of the senses," I responded easily, "The absence of sound, or of taste, or of sight is quite terrifying to me. Because without these things we wouldn't know what the world was. Or rather is. Nothing would matter such as what color shirt to where, what food to eat, which flowers to smell. All of it would be gone and our living would be pointless. And a pointless life isn't worth living or remembering or forgetting. Now that I think about it, I guess in a way I fear oblivion too. But not Gus' oblivion. No, I fear silent oblivion."
No one spoke when I sat down. Gus just smiled his same old smile and Hazel looked perplexed. Soon it was over though and we left, as the leader called it, "The Literal Heart of Jesus".
"You know, I think you are just as pretentious as Augustus is," Hazel commented as we walked out of the church.
"I'm blushing, really," I sarcastically chuckled.
Just then Gus walked over. He and Hazel talked for a bit before he pulled out his pack of cigarettes.
"Gimme one," I said holding out my hand.
He rolled his eyes before handing me one. In sync we put them in our mouths without a second thought. Hazel stared at us like we'd just told her Santa Claus wasn't real. I frowned raising an eyebrow at her. She began ranting about how terrible it was to have bad lungs and how stupid we were to be smoking and what not. By the time she was done, her face was pretty red. I chuckled causing her to stare at me.
"It's a metaphor," I explained simply.
"What?" she frowned.
"You put the killing thing right in between your teeth but you don't give it the power to kill," Gus further explained.
She looked between the two of us trying to see if we were joking. When she realized we weren't, she shook her head and laughed. I turned to observe the parking lot. I regretted that decision instantly as my eyes landed on the couple making out as if they weren't in front of a church. I made a face wincing when the boy started grabbing at his girlfriend's boob in a way that looked really painful.
"That looks painful," Hazel observed making a face as well.
"Tell me about it," I snorted putting my hands over my own boobs, "It hurts just watching."
Gus laughed rolling his eyes at me. I stroked Joyful's head and looked down at her. She looked back up at me panting a little.
"Promise me you'll intervene if someone ever does that to me," I told her.
She made a small barking noise and nuzzled her head against my leg. I'll take that as a yes.
"Always," the girl said suddenly.
"Always," the boy repeated before attacking her face again.
Now I was just confused.
"Is that Isaac?" I questioned glancing over at Gus.
"Indeed it is," he nodded rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, "And that would be Monica, his girlfriend."
"Oh," I nodded feeling a small ache in my chest at the word 'girlfriend'.
Well I guess that option's out the window.
"What's that 'always' stuff about?" Hazel asked the question we were both thinking.
"It's like their thing. They'll always love each other or some shit like that. They've probably texted it to each other a million times," Gus answered.
Suddenly a cherry red car pulled up in front of us. I assumed the lady driving was Hazel's mom a) because she looked just like her and b) because she asked Hazel if she was ready to go home.
"I'm gonna watch a movie with Augustus and Cleo Waters," Hazel told her mom smilig over at me and Gus.
"Woohoo!" I cheered even though I didn't remember Gus ever inviting her over.
Must've zoned out when that happened. Augustus drove us home probably scaring the crap out of Hazel with his shitty driving. By now, I'd gotten used to it. I was also used to being a third wheel so it wasn't weird to me when they spent the whole ride talking not even bothering to mention me. It didn't matter to me though because I had Joyful who dutifully laid across the seat with her head in my lap. I started to nod off as we were driving and decided to get in the sleep that I'd missed last night.