20. "What makes night within us may leave stars."
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I leaned against the cave wall, waiting for the rain to stop.
My body was still raw and tingling. It was a strange and foreign sensation which submerged me. My heart still reeled in anger at the thought of giving away my first kiss to the monster, but the strange feeling overlapped the guilt and anger.
His surprisingly gentle touch was in stark contrast to his calloused fingers against chill bumps that stood to attention and awoke something deep within me. It was his deep and demanding kiss, however, that had irrevocably converted me.
I let my fingertips trail across my lips where his mouth tattooed every inch of my mouth. The memory of his lips, the steely silk of his muscles, and his musky scent slowed my breath and made my heartbeat stutter.
With a loud sigh, I fell forward over my eyes, and my hands slipped up to cover my face. The feelings I felt for Gabriel were far more terrifying than what I was told I would expect from finding my mate.
I was so tired of all this. I was tired of controlling my wolf who wanted him. But when I looked into his empty cold eyes, the darkness lurking underneath his emotionless exterior reignited my rage.
I held myself tightly together and tried to reign in my tears. I wish he was never my mate, I thought in despair.
I jolted upright as I scented him drawing near, some twenty paces away. My eyes focused on the approaching figure. His face seemed to have hardened into an intense frown. My eyes scanned his hardened features, dragging along the chiselled planes of his face; across his athletic-high cheekbones, his pronounced jaw-line; and lastly, his obsidian eyes piercing straight into my soul.
"Gabriel ?" I whispered. Speak of the devil.
He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry. His broad chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, and his hands clenched into fists, bulging veins trembling over his forearms; it seemed as though he was trying to reign in his wolf.
I wilted under his powerful gaze. My breathing laboured.
He let out a harsh breath, "I shouldn't have kissed you." He snarled as he lowered his head, releasing me from his penetrating scrutiny.
Instinctively, I flinched at his words. I had to force myself to swallow back the rage rising up my throat. I was angry at Gabriel for kissing me, but worst of all, I was mad at myself for allowing him to kiss me. At that moment, I wanted to kill him. The violent desire caught my wolf off guard, as she clawed against my ribcage in protest.
"It won't happen again." He ground his jaw. His expression grew more hostile as he watched various micro-expressions jump across my face.
"I never want it to happen again." I wanted to sound cold and confident, but I heard my voice escaping in a whisper.
He was silent for a moment. His eyes flashed with fury, but for a moment I thought I saw him flinch.
He rolled his shoulders as if to reset."Go stay at Night Star pack for a while." Gabriel demanded.
I shook my head in confusion. "Why?" I spoke in a weak voice, much to my dismay.
"Because I can't protect you..." He hissed through his teeth, his eyes darkening. His glare was vicious. I had never seen such intensity that I immediately shrunk back in fear. "I can't protect you from myself." He looked away once he realised I was frightened of him.
Against my command, tears collected in my eyes. My wolf reached out to him despite my human efforts to stop, hesitantly stepping forward with an outreached hand.
He cringed away, backing away until his back was touching the mouth of the cave. "Don't touch me." He whispered, his expression pained.
The silly hurt I felt at his rejection was painfully potent. I almost hunched over at the shock. I remained frozen in place, and my breath came out in a whimpering gasp.
The silence stretched out between us as we stared at each other, unmoving. My heart writhed against my ribcage as my wolf howled in agony. My eyes were brimming with tears, and I quickly squeezed them shut before he could see my weakness.
His brows drew together, making him seem more menacing than I thought possible. "You need to leave." His voice broke; it was a stark contrast to his cold demeanour.
He was backing away from me.
I let him go, too stunned to speak. I turned away from him, and he seemed to get the hint as he left me alone.
But suddenly, the thought of leaving him filled me with an inkling of hope, after long restless nights full of hatred and fear.
I longed to return to the way things were, to enjoy what most people took for granted. To laugh, to smile, to see my family, my friends. I wanted to return to my old life, a life without Gabriel, before a life filled with death and violence.
Despite my desperate longing, my heart remained uneasy.
Lurking underneath his words was a hidden promise to reunite. The reality drenched me in dread. My stomach clenched and pain lacerated through me at the thought. He would want me to return; my happiness was only temporary.
With a resetting sigh, I followed his scent under the colourless sky embellished with foreboding clouds.
My feet led me towards the clearing where his pack had gathered. As soon as I was a mere foot away, I looked for him. And in that halcyon of laughter and chatter, I found him staring back. He was so handsome with his chiseled features and tousled dark hair, my wolf almost broke free at the sight. There was so much I needed to ask him, but as I took in the sudden change in the atmosphere the words choked in the back of my throat.
Despite the sun being a figment of my imagination, as the dark threatening clouds held it prisoner, I still felt like a spotlight was trained on me.
Still, I gathered myself, undaunted by the undisguised stares of his pack, and plastered on my brightest smile, which almost made my cheeks hurt with effort as I walked towards them with a hesitant wave. I saw the looks they passed between them, but my senses were far too hypersensitive to contemplate the emotions that flickered in their eyes.
My lips parted, but I couldn't speak. My voice suffocated in the silence.
"I heard you're leaving us." Raphael was the first to break the silence, with an inviting smile, flanked by his mate Sera and Nathaniel.
"Don't say that." Sera slapped his arm in reprimand, "you make it sound as though she's leaving for good." Sera hugged me carefully, her dark brown hair brushing against my arm as she breathed in my scent. "We'll miss you." Despite her kind smile, I saw a flash of hurt in her eyes.
"See you soon, Harper," Raphael spoke into my ear as he put his arm around my shoulders.
Michael nodded politely, a stone's throw away, as he stood behind Gabriel.
I ripped my eyes away from Gabriel and stared at the ground before my eyes could flood with tears. "Bye," I muttered, praying it would be the last time I saw them.
But it was too late for prayers. My fate had been sealed several weeks ago, from the moment I locked eyes with that monster. I veered down the path of destruction when I refused to heed the warnings of Journey and Johnny the day he attacked Night Star.
"Nathaniel," Gabriel clenched his jaw, the muscle bulging. "Go with her." The order resounded around us, sonorous and imperious, leaving no room for debate.
At the sound of his name, Nate lifted his head in surprise before his eyes narrowed and his lips stretched into a wide sunny smile. "Road trip!" He shouted with a laugh.
I was suddenly fascinated by the family resemblance between Nate and Gabriel - just like his Alpha, Nate had a similar facial structure, with high cheekbones supported by hollow cheeks and a strong nose. But as similar as they were, they were like night and day.
"Good riddance." Raphael chuckled, musing Nate's hair. "Maybe, it'll be more peaceful around here for once."
Sera snorted as she wrapped her arm around Raphael and leaned into his embrace.
"Hey!"
A laugh went around the group. As they chatted amongst themselves, Gabriel jerked his head towards my tent, motioning me to follow.
I felt oddly cheerful as I followed behind. Freedom was so close I could almost touch it, tase it. But there was a strange feeling I never wanted to admit to myself, a bittersweet feeling. I tried not to think of it and forced myself to look on the bright side - soon I would be away from this pack, back home where I belong, and most importantly, away from this monster before me.
I sighed as a sudden ache welled in my heart.
At the sound, he swung around and motioned to the travel pack left at the entrance of my tent. "Get your things; you'll be leaving before sunset."
Smiling wryly to myself, I began to stuff what little clothes I took from my pack and a few other items. The bag was half empty by the time I finished, and with a heavy sigh, I zipped it up and placed it outside.
When I looked up, my desire for freedom dried up instantly.
"Dariel," I called out with outstretched arms.
Dariel ran towards me, mirroring my position, his face bright and his wild hair whipping against the wind. He flashed a bright smile before hugging me.
I closed my eyes before he could see the glistening tears. In my heart I faced the gut-wrenching realisation; that I would be leaving someone who trusted me behind. I hung my head in shame as I hugged him tighter. I felt as though I had failed him. I had taken him out of the cave with promises of comfort and hope, but I was abandoning him.
When I opened my eyes, I found the boy scrutinising my face to decipher my expression.
Maybe, Gabriel might let me see him once in a while.
I shook my head a few times, trying not to think about the future. With a resetting sigh, I patted his head and smiled down at the innocent boy.
"I'm going to miss you the most."
He cocked his head, not understanding, and disentangled himself.
"Don't worry; I know I won't be gone for too long." I sighed, knowing my taste of freedom was far too good to be true.
The boy blinked with a wide hollow stare like he was struggling to understand my words. With a frustrated huff, the boy tugged at my arm and pointed to the flowing river, where he liked to catch fish.
I shook my head. "Another time."
His eyebrows pulled together, and he whined. When he realised I wouldn't relent, he glowered before he scampered off, a bird in flight catching his attention.
Smiling, I watched the child sprint into the wilderness as he chased the bird with a predatory growl.
A few minutes later, with my pack of clothing in hand, I walked towards the river, where I spotted Gabriel. He was about ten feet away, and his eyes slowly dragged over my body, warming every inch of exposed skin, before his gaze snapped to mine.
We both stared at each other for a long moment. It felt as though time was suspended. The way he looked at me made every hair on my body stand to full attention.
He was quiet and observant as he watched me as if he could see all my secret thoughts and emotions flicker through my eyes. His scrutiny was discomfiting, it almost made me want to look away, but something within held me in place.
My irises expanded to take him all in; his thick black hair, his strong brows drawn together in contemplation. My eyes dragged down to follow the line of his jaw and the outline of his full lips. I knew I should be viewing him as my enemy, but I was uneasy enough to admit that the emotions I felt for him right from the start were far more complex than what I had wanted.
"Don't go." He said so softly that I almost didn't catch it. But those two words penetrated through the howling winds, down my body and latched onto my heart.
"What?"
His eyes paced between mine. "Nothing," His black eyes hardened, masking the emotions that swam closer to the surface than he usually allowed. "Forget what I said."
Rage courses through my veins at his dismissive tone. "Despite what you say, I'm going; it's far too late for you to change your mind," I spoke briskly, attempting to conceal the anger lacing my tone.
His midnight eyes widened infinitesimally before dropping into crescent slits, and his nostrils flared with his inhale. He was silent, frozen, standing in a somewhat unsure pose. But suddenly, his cold demeanour was back as he straightened, putting on his emotionless mask.
"You're right; you should go." His face hardening, his vicious gaze unwavering. "You deserve better." he spat, turning away from me.
I opened my mouth to respond, but his words struck me silent.
"Stay close to Nathaniel, he will protect you, but if at any point he thinks you're in danger, I will have you dragged back." His voice was like gravel and nails. He glanced at me one last time - this time without so much of a poker face I could almost see the regret in his eyes before he turned and walked away without a backward glance.
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How's my favourite person?
Thanks a lot of reading.
Your secret admirer,
Morbid Bacon
P.S. If you don't comment or vote I will end this book on a major cliff hanger.