XV.
SITTING IN THE KITCHEN I was listening to my mum rambling on and on down the phone in an attempt to get my dad to babysit me, hearing his response when he repeatedly told her I was old enough to be left alone and she's done it many times before. A smug smile pulled at my lips when I placed my hands over my mouth so she couldn't see my satisfaction that for once she wasn't getting her way, her usual response was to hang up after getting the last word in. I didn't see why calling my dad would have ever been an option since I don't talk or see him, the only thing I have in contact with him is when he pays money into my bank because he doesn't want it to go into my mother's pocket.
However, her response for the other night is to ruin my whole social life, already disliking the fact I go to school with Amanda and have a class with her. A few days ago she said she was, 'this close,' to making me go stay with other family member and how I'm lucky I have exams and need to be in school.
As I took a sip of my water, I watched her hold the phone back up to her ear while I zoned out when she left the kitchen to answer the front door. I heard Ryan's voice from down the hallway when he wished my mum good morning, even though today has been a shit morning but whatever.
When Ryan stepped into the kitchen he had a smile on his face only for it to fall when he glanced at me, probably sensing that something is going on when he sat on the barstool next to me. He didn't say a word and just looked at me with a concerned expression while I shook my head, already knowing it was my mother. Having been my friend for as long he has, he knows that whenever my mum comes home my mood shifts and changes. He knew I had a strained relationship with my mum and we would always buttheads and rarely stay on the same page.
Ryan and I sat in silence while I tried to eavesdrop on what she was talking about on the phone and who it was, dreading what master plans she has dug up when her voice sounded slightly happier, leaving me to groan and rest my head in my hands. Wishing I could just disappear from this house. She has no right to be acting like this, especially when it comes to who I was to see, regardless of if it's a boy or girl. At least I know where I stand now with her and I didn't have to keep guessing if she liked me because right now I know she hates who her daughter is becoming, when I finally felt like my feet were in place and I was happy with myself.
I lifted my head from my hands when my mum walked back into the kitchen a smug smile on her face that made my stomach start to feel sick. I still haven't told Ryan about Amanda and me, never finding the right time and now with my mum finding out what if Ryan hopped onto her bandwagon. I tried to fight back the urge to cry, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of breaking me down more than she already has.
"I have to go away for a few days," that sentence grabbing my attention when I sat up, feeling somewhat hopeful.
"Does that mean I can have my car back?" not letting her finish whatever it was she was going to say.
"No, I've arranged for you to go to your aunts for a few days while I'm gone." Her voice sounding triumphant at making her daughter miserable. Also, I have nothing to do with the rest of the family, this is more torture than being cruel.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I half-shouted as I got up from my stool, the legs scraping along the slate floor, feeling Ryan take my hand like I was going to lunge for her. "I have work and exams. I'm not going." Trying to stand my ground.
"What's going on?" Ryan perked up as he looked between the two of us when he had no idea what was going on.
"Rebecca has hit a brick wall," my mother began to say when I let out a scoff at her lack of imagination on the problem at hand.
"I'm climbing the brick wall." I shrugged when she glared at me. "Ryan, she has just found out her daughter has been fucking a girl and the only one who's hit the 'brick wall'," I air quoted, "is her. So no, no I'm not going." My hands clenching into fists while tears started to brim my eyes.
"Well tell them something, you're not staying here." She snapped. Noticing Ryan hasn't reacted nor recovered from my big secret I blew out of the water.
"No, I'm not doing it." I practically snarled her way.
"She can stay at mine." Ryan piped up after being silent. Now the both of us looking at him.
"No, while I'm gone I don't want her seeing that Amanda girl." My mother told him before looking back at me like I was dirt on the bottom of her pricey shoes.
"I'll make sure she doesn't, I don't like the girl and she'd be the last person to step foot in my house. And I can take her to and from work and school." He smiled while I looked at him, not knowing what his game is here but I felt like he stabbed me in the back and was dragging it down.
"You know what, fuck you Ryan, and fuck you too." Leaving the kitchen and going straight to my room after hearing my mum agreeing with him. I don't think this week could get any worse.
Once I was in my room I slammed the door shut, the noise reverberating from off the four walls. What I said about last week being my all-time low, that was just the surface this is just getting worse as the days dragged on, I felt like my mother was just getting started.
"When you finish work tomorrow, I want your bags packed to go Ryan's tomorrow." She called up the stairs.
I let out a sound of annoyance as I sat on the edge of my bed, staring around my room before I lay back on the bed, my hands running over my face. I could always take the easiest way out of this mess, I could tell her it was a mistake, an experiment. It didn't mean anything. Me being me though, I'd never take the cowards way out, for once she isn't getting her way. I let out a shaky breath before looking up at the ceiling.
The last time I spoke to Amanda last was Thursday since she has been off ill yesterday. I knew she worked at the hardware store on Saturdays, I guess lying to my mum about starting work early today wouldn't be too bad...would it?
Shutting down the want to not speak to her, I went back downstairs and told her that I forgot I had to start work early today when she looked at me suspiciously but she agreed to take me.
The hour leading up to leaving for work came by slowly when my mum dropped me off as I walked into the coffee house, Jen giving me a strange look when the bell rang, about to tell me I don't start for near enough another two hours. I just hope Amanda would be there, even if she wasn't it would still be worth it. I approached the counter to make it look like I was about to get to work.
"I know I'm early, just tell me when mum is gone." Getting the words out in a rush when she gave me a confused look but did as I instructed with no questions asked.
"Okay, she's gone." She spoke after five minutes, her eyes looking from the window and back at me.
I walked over to the large window to look up and down the road just to makes sure she had gone and not just moved a little down the road.
"Thanks," I called behind me and left the building and started out walking quickly before it turned into a steady jog towards the hardware store, wanting to get there as quick as I could.
The run took me fifteen minutes and breathing was the hardest of it all while I stood outside the store, swallowing in as much air as I was breathing out, waiting until I wasn't panting like a dog and mouth wasn't trying to drown me in saliva. After wasting five minutes to stop me from going into cardiac arrest I walked through the automatic doors and went straight to customer service.
"How may I help you today?" the girl on the checkout asked politely with a smile.
"I was just wondering if Amanda DeCeno is in today." Answering her with a smile, when inside I felt like I was being desperate.
"She can be found in aisle six," pointing me in the right direction when I said my thanks.
I walked down the middle section, checking each aisle just in case she was down one of them. When I reached aisle six, she was there on her knees sorting out the bottom shelf, her hair tied up into a high ponytail. She had a bored expression on her face when she started to write something into a book, she took a glance up from the paperwork when I started to approach her, taking a few seconds to clock that it was me.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked in a hoarse voice, her hands resting on her thighs when I sat down on the floor next to her, my back leaning against the shelves.
"I have work in an hour, I thought I'd come here and see how you're feeling but from the way you sound, still no better." Pointing out the obvious when she gave me a heartfelt smile.
"I'll be fine. Do you have your car back now?"
"I wish." If I did have my car everything would be so much easier.
"How has your she been?" knowing she was referring to my mum.
"Well, this morning she said she has a business trip which is a good thing. However, she told me I'm not allowed to stay home and had been arranging for me to go stay with a relative I don't talk to. I honestly think she's trying to make my life miserable." Having a small rant.
"You should have told her you can stay with me," she joked sarcastically.
"Oh, she would have loved that." Rolling my eyes when she chuckled.
"Listen. Everything is going to be fine, I promise." She spoke softly, pressing her lips against mine before going back to her paperwork.
—
By the time I finished work and the evening came around, I had a bag packed before my mother could hound me about it, the two of us arguing over small things, the small was mainly to do with me. So basically, she had a huge problem with me but wouldn't say it. I hadn't spoken to Ryan since this morning, I bet if my mother knew his sister was gay, I wouldn't be staying there... Too many temptations. To hell with myself while I drag Leah down with me.
I could hear my mother calling my name, telling me to hurry up. With reluctance I slung my rucksack over my shoulder and marched my way down the stairs and out the front door, saluting her as I walked past to the car, slinging my bag inside and then myself.
The car drive to Ryan's was silent and uneventful. The atmosphere was heavy between the two of us, knowing if either commented it would erupt into an argument, I didn't have the energy to keep it up, finding it easier to keep quiet and just nod while agreeing. Our opinions and views will never be the same, it never has been.
"This is bullshit," I muttered under my breath as she pulled into the driveway.
Before she even had the chance to turn the engine off I was already out the door kicking it shut, Ryan standing on the porch step with a smile on his face. I'd like to say I was angry at him and upset, but if it wasn't for him I'd be coupled up with some relative I have only seen twice. That doesn't disregard the fact it felt like he was on her side in this.
Not saying anything to him, I shoved my backpack into his chest, saying a quick hello to his mum when I walked to the lounge, sitting on the sofa next to Leah, my head resting on her shoulder. I could hear my mum and Ryan's mum Rachael talking.
Rachael has only met my mother a handful of times out of the years Ryan and I had been friends, which just goes to show how much time she has invested into her daughter. While they both spoke Ryan came to find me and told me to follow him to the spare room, not understanding why I need a guided tour of a house I've been inside thousand of times.
He didn't say anything other than the word 'stop', telling me to wait until his mum had finished talking to my mum. A million questions going through my head, not sure what he was up to, he tried to make small talk while I was left standing in the hallway, the door in front of me closed.
"Okay," I heard Rachael call from downstairs, a smile on Ryans face when he gestured toward the door before walking away to head back downstairs.
With eyebrows knitted together, I felt a little bewildered about what was going on. Maybe I was going paranoid or maybe overthinking a situation that hasn't even happened yet.
With much reluctance I opened the door, slinging my bag into the corner when my eye caught a figure from the corner of my peripheral view making my heart skip a few beats, spinning around to face them. A smile pulled the corner of her lips up when she looked at me, my stance softened when I realised it was Amanda. My breath got caught in my throat when I closed the distance and pulled her into my body tightly.
When I pulled away I cupped her face into my hands, her dark eyes glancing into mine before I pressed my lips against hers, her hands grabbing the bottom of my shirt as she pulled me into her, our bodies flush when I hugged her tightly again. I had no idea what they did and what Ryan may have said and at this moment in time, I didn't care.
When we pulled away my eyes focused on her face, "you'll have to speak to Ryan." That was all she said when I pressed my lips to hers again.
After having some time to ourselves, we walked down the stairs when I had plenty of questions to ask, knowing that I owed Ryan big time. He must have taken a while to convince his mum since she's very much about not trying to upset people, knowing the fact that Leah being gay must have hit her somewhere if Ryan explained the situation.
When we got down the stairs and into the lounge I dropped myself next to Leah, Amanda sitting next to me as she cuddled into my side, feeling all three of them looking at mine and Amanda's way. I knew Ryan had questions and so did Leah, hopefully, it spells itself out, knowing at some point I was going to hear Ryan say he told me so.
"So, you two together?" Leah saying it out loud.
"Well, I guess cats out the bag," I deadpanned, Amanda, rolling her eyes at me.
For the time we spent in the lounge, they both took turns to ask me questions, Amanda looking amused at my answers, refusing to answer them because according to her I had this. Rachael felt the need to apologise on behalf of my mother, telling me that eventually, she will come around, even though in my heart I felt like they were words to comfort me rather than tell the truth. After the arguments we had been having since she has been home have been a whole new level with words being thrown around that you hope they don't mean but at the time held more truth than I'd like to think.
After speaking to them all and answering endless questioning with Amanda by my side, the evening carried on through to the night, Ryan's mum saying that Amanda can stay if she wanted to, to which she happily accepted. Missing the mornings where I would wake up next to her, snuggling into her back.
We all retired to our rooms, the day feeling like it left me feeling exhausted when I dropped back onto the bed to look up at the ceiling. I tried to wrap my head around what my mother thought she was doing and what she was going to accomplish at the end of this, other than her daughter not wanting to be around her, good job she's never home.
"Penny for your thought?" her voice spoke softly when she sat down next to my body, her hand resting on my forearm.
"I honestly have no idea," not having a collective thought, just thinking about everything all at once.
"I know I can't offer anything that will make this better, and words are easier said than done, but give her time, hopefully, she will have had time to think about it. A lot has happened these past few days." She spoke lying down on her side as propped herself up on her elbow, her head bead being held up by her left hand while the other played with the necklace I was wearing.
"And if she doesn't, then what?" just getting the question out there.
"Then we will deal with it as it happens." Trying to remain positive and supportive.
"We will see," I sighed.
She gave me a weak smile when she leant forward and kissed me on the lips before I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a cuddle. Getting each day over as it comes while I secretly hope my mother will change, or would that make me selfish for expecting her to change because I have.
Either way, most of the night Amanda and I spent it quietly talking about the most random subjects, playing a stupid game on who knows more than the other on general knowledge, having turned it into a drinking game before. Amanda getting passionate was kind of hot, but she will be adamant she knows more which usually ends up in us bickering followed suit with an argument.
When the next morning came my body felt groggy from staying awake so late talking to Amanda while she looks fresh and well-rested, always looking perfect. While we sat and ate breakfast I noticed that Leah couldn't stop looking at Amanda, unsure if she was trying to work her out or she was attracted to her. When it comes to Leah, her body language most of the time is the complete opposite to what it should be, she was one complicated girl but I do love her for being her.
Amanda excused herself from the table to go to work, I was about to offer her a ride when I realised I had no car and Ryan beat me to it when she declined politely and kissed me goodbye. The sibling's eyes on me with a questioning and confused look slapped on their faces.
"What?" started to feel self-conscious when they wouldn't quit looking at me.
"How long?" the words tumbling out of Ryan's mouth.
"How did you get her?" Leah's question coming out at the same time.