- TAEHYUN -
After a day of sightseeing and trying delicious foods, the guys set off on their separate ways. Soobin and Huening Kai wanted to visit the arcade that he and Beomgyu had went to. Beomgyu also decided that he wanted to go to the arcade again, so it was just him and Yeonjun. They decided to go shopping at some of the nicer and more expensive stores in Los Angeles. Yeonjun was a fashionista, something that Taehyun couldn't relate to at all. He had a closet full of expensive and luxury clothing from back when his parents were rich, but he didn't really understand fashion like Yeonjun. Yeonjun would probably make more use of his closet than he would.
"Now this, this is a fashion statement," Yeonjun murmured as he held up a pink Balenciaga crop top sweater for Taehyun to inspect.
Taehyun stared at the crop top and chuckled some, saying, "I think Soobin would like to see you in that."
"Soobin would like to see me in anything," Yeonjun laughed before checking the price tag, "Over $800 dollars, super affordable, right?"
"Definitely, that's what I make in a day," Taehyun played along, "Why don't you try it on, I'll take a picture of you and we can act like you're gonna buy it."
"Yeah, that sounds good," Yeonjun nodded.
The two of them walked over to the fitting rooms and Taehyun waited outside while Yeonjun disappeared inside. He looked at his phone, noticing that Huening Kai had sent a picture to their group chat. Taehyun opened the notification, glancing at the picture and smiling as he seen Soobin, Beomgyu, and Huening Kai posing for a picture in the arcade. He focused on Beomgyu and smiled as he stared at him.
The fitting room door opened, distracting Taehyun from the picture. He glanced up, noticing Yeonjun had changed into the pink crop top sweater. It fit him well; Taehyun was shocked to admit that. He had his doubts on whether or not he would look good in a crop top, but he managed to pull it off extremely nicely. Yeonjun peered in the mirror beside him and lifted up his arms slightly, flashing his abs. Taehyun chuckled a bit as he watched Yeonjun strike a couple of poses. He was definitely passionate about fashion, that was for sure.
"Let me take your picture, I'll be your photographer," Taehyun said with a chuckle as he held up his phone.
Yeonjun struck a few more poses and Taehyun quickly snapped a bunch of pictures. After the picture spree was finished, he handed Yeonjun his phone to inspect the photos he took of him. Yeonjun's face lit up and he smiled widely as he swiped through the pictures. After a moment, he returned his phone to Taehyun.
"I sent some to the groupchat," Yeonjun chuckled.
"Now Soobin is going to be thirsting over you in the groupchat," Taehyun teased.
"That's not necessarily a bad thing," Yeonjun laughed.
-
After finishing up window shopping, the two of them found a smoothie cafe that was open during the evening hours. They sat outside, sipping their smoothies as they watched the sunset with the breeze flowing through their hair.
He sat back in his chair and began to reminisce. Taehyun found it hard to wrap his mind around sitting here in Los Angeles right now in this moment. It was a hard two months of being without Beomgyu and the others. He had finished the rest of his school year out strong, ranking at the top of his class, just like his father wanted. He visited his father quite frequently when they were first allowed to go see him. They didn't discuss the trial and there was no exchange about Taehyun's sexuality. That was fine by him; Taehyun already felt guilty enough for everything that went down that last day of the trial.
Taehyun and his mother worked out their differences. He stayed in his grandfather's mansion of a home studying harder than ever before. He embraced the more rigorous concepts he was learning in his private school. He helped around the house as much as possible, tolerated his grandfather's jabs at his sexuality, and focused on being a good kid. In a strange way, it reminded him of his old lifestyle before everything had happened with his father. The one major difference was Choi Beomgyu and his intense love and longing for him. That love, though not romantic, was spread with the other guys as well. Taehyun missed teasing Huening Kai, as well.
When it came to the trip to Los Angeles, Taehyun had been honest with his mother. He told her the truth about everything except that Beomgyu was also going to accompany him and the others. Her frustration was through the roof. First, she lectured him relentlessly about money, even when Taehyun and lied and told her that he won it at a boxing competition. Then, she had refused to talk to him for a few days, but eventually she came around. When his final grade report came in the mail, she had reluctantly agreed to letting him go, despite the disapproval from his grandparents. When she had discussed it with his father, he had somewhat agreed, as well. He was so lucky that she had let him go and didn't press him on every single detail of the trip.
In the days that followed, he grew closer to his mother and admitted that yes, he was in love with Beomgyu. Nothing was going to change that. His mother expressed hints of her disapproval before somewhat agreeing and deciding that she was not going to tell his father. To say the least, Taehyun was very lucky with how everything had turned out.
"So what do you think of it?" Yeonjun interrupted his thoughts.
"Of what?" Taehyun asked curiously.
"Los Angeles," Yeonjun asked, tipping his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.
"It's super awesome," Taehyun said with a smile, "I love the weather, especially."
"Yeah, it's super nice," Yeonjun murmured before continuing, "You know, I've been here a dozen times before, but I gotta say, this trip beats living in my cousin's cramped house for a week."
Taehyun chuckled a bit, taking a sip of his smoothie before saying, "So your point is that tolerating hyper Huening Kai on American soil is better than staying with your cousins?"
"It's a toss-up sometimes, but I much prefer sleeping in my boyfriend's arms than with my cousin's big, drooling dog ," Yeonjun laughed.
"Boyfriends," he murmured, "What would we do without them?"
"I don't know. Without Soobin, I'd be so lost."
"You don't give yourself enough credit," Taehyun murmured, staring at Yeonjun, "You're a great guy."
"I wish I knew that years ago, I could have saved myself a lot of suffering."
"Me too," Taehyun agreed quietly.
"You know, last summer, during the camp, I found some sense of clarity," Yeonjun told him suddenly.
Taehyun didn't know what to say. Clarity? How on Earth could Yeonjun have found clarity at the conversion camp that wanted to tarnish every single foundation of what they considered love to be? It didn't make sense to him.
"Clarity?" He questioned. "How so?"
"It sounds strange, I know," Yeonjun prefaced before continuing hesitantly, "I felt like I found myself when we, you know, had our moments over the summer."
Taehyun stared at him, feeling his mouth drop open on instinct. He didn't really understand what Yeonjun meant. For him, the summer was his lowest of lows. The only thing that saved him during that time was, well, Yeonjun. Yeonjun made him feel loved and appreciated, something he wasn't receiving from his parents during that time. He felt like he could be his true self around him, but that still didn't take away all of the painful thoughts that the conversion therapy put in his head.
"You're looking at me like I'm crazy," Yeonjun pointed out with a chuckle.
"I just, I don't understand," Taehyun murmured.
"I get it, it's hard to explain," Yeonjun said, "I mean, the whole camp was awful, don't get me wrong. Mr. Lee was a real delusional asshole, but I just understood myself when I was with you. It was easy to see why my sexuality was the way it was when we were together. It gave me reassurance and confidence, and I feel like I incorporate that now with Soobin."
Taehyun stared at him and nodded, telling him, "I always thought you were confident. Everything about you just exudes confidence, Yeonjun. If you never told me that, I would have always assumed that you knew exactly who you were and why your sexuality is what it is."
"I just didn't really understand myself until everything happened with us," Yeonjun admitted before staring at him, "I'm sorry I never told you that before, Taehyun, but I do want you to know that you helped me so much."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Taehyun murmured, "If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I just left you in the dark after the conversion camp ended. I completely ghosted you, knowing that it was a tough time for you. I mean, I was a shitty friend. I have a lot of guilt about that. You could've been in love with me and I jus-."
Taehyun stopped himself short suddenly and glanced up at Yeonjun. He was peering at him curiously with a twinkle in his eyes. It made Taehyun feel bad to go back and remember what had happened over their previous summer they spent together. He always wondered how Yeonjun felt. Did he fall in love with him? Taehyun knew that he couldn't have fell in love with the mindset he had that summer.
"I don't want to say this condescendingly, but I don't think we were ever in love," Yeonjun murmured, "It was a mutual attraction and we were supporting each other. It just happened to turn romantic. It hurt to know that you were gone at first, I felt like I had done something wrong or that the therapy had actually worked on you. Then, I realized that you could have been going through the same self-doubt that I had experienced before we got together. It was weird for me to see you at school for the first time, and I'm sorry for being distant to start off with."
"It was never because of you, Yeonjun," he sighed, "That summer was just a lot, and I tried to distance myself from everything I had known to be true. I tried to go back into the past, and that also meant I had to let go of what was going on in the present. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you."
"Like I said, don't worry about it, I understand," Yeonjun told him, "I was once that way, and I understood what you were going through. It was easy to get over my uneasiness, but I'm sorry if it came off a different way to you."
"You didn't, I promise. I was actually surprised that you approached me so quickly and basically just let me into the friend group, even after everything. You're so quick to forgive and give people another chance. I admire you for that."
"If I didn't let you in or approach you, there would have been a lot of regrets," Yeonjun told him with a smile, "In all my years of knowing Beomgyu, I've never seen him happier than he is with you. Soobin definitely appreciates your logic. Huening Kai, adores you like a brother. I truly do appreciate everything you've done for us. It's definitely not one-sided."
Taehyun nodded and smiled to himself. He felt a newfound sense of relief wash over him and he truly felt grateful for having this conversation with Yeonjun. They had talked quite a bit, but they never touched on what had happened over the summer. Yeonjun was a peacemaker, a perfect middle ground of reason that Taehyun strived to become. He was accepting, nonjudgmental, and most of all, understanding. It could've been so easy for him to be bitter about how they broke up, but he wasn't. He accepted Taehyun. Having this conversation was the perfect closure that he needed to finally put his mind at ease from at least some of the guilt over the last summer.
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