[A/N: Hello my lovely readers! Here is the next chapter for you all! I apologize for the lateness, my day has been completely filled with errands and whatnot. I hope you all are prepared for what is on the way. Before you get started, just be aware that I have slightly altered this scene from the movie to better appropriate the plot! I love you all and hope you enjoy! -K 🖤]
[🌿This chapter contains swearing, perilous situations, and saddening angst.🌿]
***
The undeniable tension in the atmosphere was thick and suffocating as I observed Tom and Santi attempt to convince the civilians away from the net.
From my vantage point on the helo, I could only distinguish tragic shouts and accusations being ruthlessly thrown at both parties.
The people of the village weren't concerned about the money or the bursting money bags, but rather those that had been mercilessly gunned down next to them. It was proving to be impossible to separate the mourning families from their deceased loved ones.
In order to prevent more unnecessary death, I decided to leave my station on the side of the helicopter. With an adjustment of my legs, I positioned myself over the edge of the helo. Being as cautious as I could, I slid down the curved side as quickly as possible.
I landed on both feet with a pained groan and began to sprint towards the commotion ahead of me, followed by Will who was sprinting to keep up.
After his aggressive and inconsiderate quip just seconds earlier, I couldn't even look at him without feeling years of guilt and remorse for all death toll that I had been the cause of.
Maybe he was right. Maybe this was my fault too.
Screams and tense shouts continued to echo through the valley which caused my stomach to overturn uncomfortably. We were never intended to land or interfere in the farmer's valley, and we had no backup plan in case something like this happened.
Innocent civilians had been murdered.
I hurriedly wiped at my tears and hissed when I ignorantly rubbed my bruised skin. From my right, Benny was frantically approaching with a worried expression. He swung his rifle over his shoulder in a rushed morion. "What happened out there?"
"I-I don't know." I stated, shaking my head and fighting the tightening sensation settling in my chest. "Something went very...very wrong."
I had witnessed my brother shoot into a crowd of innocent farmers.
"Everything just went to shit." Suddenly exclaimed Fish who had caught up on my left side. "I'm- God, I can't fucking believe it..." He whispered, clutching his hat in desperation and trembling with regret.
I affectionately put a hand on each of their shoulders as we quickly walked, attempting to console them, yet feeling no consolation for myself. "We'll make it right. We're going to try our best." I declared, dropping my hands and finally approaching the backs of Santi and Tom.
"Fuck! Fuck, man!" Santi was yelling at Tom who was breathing heavily and staring at the screaming wives who were huddled over their deceased husbands. Santi was speaking rapidly in Spanish, trying to motion the people away from the bodies.
I slowly ventured towards Tom's idle figure. "Tom?" I whispered, watching his dirt-covered face turn towards me in shock. "W-what..." I couldn't ask what had gone wrong or who had shot first due to the tears that were choking me.
He shook his head and stressfully ran a hand through his hair. "I..." He struggled to respond, facing Santi who was looking over at us once more. "We need to get out of here, get the money packed onto mules, and get over the mountains to the ocean."
"Tom!" Santi interrupted, "We have to fix what we've done! This is- God! This is fucked up!" He raised his hands and ran them through his hair desperately.
"You think I don't know that?!" Tom returned, pointing at Santi and ignoring the widows that were continuously screaming in denial. "Ben, Fish, Will!" Tom ordered, motioning towards the women and the children that were curiously inspecting the scene. "Get them back to the village."
Without a word, the three men obeyed, leaving me with Tom and Santi. They began to usher the crowd back towards their homes with low voices and non-threatening gestures. "Santi...what do we do?" I questioned in uncertainty, glancing towards him sadly.
He took several steps toward me and sighed. "We can't offer anything except money." He squeezed his eyes closed and holstered his pistol. "Before that, we need to negotiate. I'll create some kind of peaceful terms and conditions with them." He nodded towards the men of the village who were staring at us menacingly.
They didn't want money or peaceful negotiation.
They wanted their family members.
They wanted revenge.
***
I stared into the small bonfire and attempted to shut out the world around me. I was suffering in silence, but my guilt could not be compared to the loss of lives that had occurred earlier.
We had been in the village for a few hours as Santi and Tom tried to repair and forge an understanding or a new relationship with the officials of the village.
The other civilians watched us in horror and fear, afraid that we were going to inhumanely target them next. They felt obliged to feed us and procure small fires for us, hoping that their acts of providence would act as their salvation from us.
I craned my neck and saw Ben who was being offered fruit by young children. He bent down to their level and smiled kindly, thanking them for their generosity.
Their kindness didn't venture further than what they felt their duty was, and their duty was to save themselves.
I bit my trembling lip and faced my own fire and small basket of fruit that a grieving mother had offered me. Because of my turning stomach and uneasiness with the entire situation, I dared not to eat.
What had I done so wrong in my life that led me to this moment?
Hadn't I suffered enough and paid my penance to free myself?
Hadn't I been broken irreparably already?
Suddenly, I remembered something that should have been on the forefront of my mind. I dragged my backpack close to me and unzipped it swiftly. I opened the material and reached into the protective siding and retrieved a paper-wrapped package.
With trembling hands, I hurriedly unwrapped the object and breathed in relief when I realized that the angel hadn't been broken any further.
The wings were still severed though, but the rest of the angel was still intact.
A hand on my shoulder startled me as I whipped my head upwards to identify the culprit. I tucked the angel into my chest, preventing any curious eyes from peering.
"You okay?" Santi asked before taking a seat beside me and warming his hands in front of the fire. His eyes scanned my face for an answer, but I only broke our eye contact and gazed into the flames once again.
I hated to lie to him, so why attempt to falsify the truth?
"No." I admitted, crossing my legs and breathing heavily. "This...wasn't supposed to happen, Santi. We were supposed to be crossing the ocean by now. The plan was supposed to work. We're not supposed to be here. Innocent people weren't supposed to die..." I covered my eyes with my hands, preventing him from seeing any tears escaping.
"Hey, hey..." He whispered, scooting closer and placing his hand on my knee gently. "We're almost done. I talked to the elders and they agreed to sell us their mules. The rest of the guys are loading them up now. I gave money to the affected families." He cleared his throat and sighed. "But you're right. This was never supposed to happen."
My breaths were shuddered cries and I realized that I couldn't hold my façade up any longer. I removed my hand and turned towards him with watering eyes. "What did I do wrong, Santi?" I asked, seeing his expression contort in confusion. "What did I do to get here?"
"I'm not sure what you mean, (Y/N)." His head tilted as his eyes took notice of my tears. "You did nothing wrong. But your question doesn't have to do with just today, does it?" He questioned, allowing his thumb to press into my skin and gently rub circles against my knee.
I rested my hand onto my mouth and breathed deeply, calming my shaking body before I could break down any further.
"Angel." Santi stated clearly, immediately gaining my attention. "Talk to me." He whispered desperately. "The guys aren't even over here." He looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "We're the only ones in this area of the village."
"Why do you hate me?" I blurted and finally turned to face him, allowing hot tears of years of sadness and bitterness to fall freely down my cheeks.
Santi swallowed harshly and angled his head towards the crackling fire at our feet. "I...don't hate you. I've never hated you." His eyes met mine again and his expression read nothing but brutal honesty.
"Don't lie to me, Santiago. It's been five years. Why did you do it?" I interrogated, needing to understand what I had done to secure his anger and vengeance.
"Why did I do what? What are you talking about?" He returned, his jaw clenched and frustrated. He removed his hand from my leg and turned towards me further.
I closed my eyes and licked my lips before opening them again to stare into his face. "Why did you start that rumor about me? It followed me for five years. Five fucking years." I nudged my backpack and released a sob. "No one ever called me by my actual name after hearing it."
Santi stared at me silently before reaching over my lap to grasp my backpack. "I..." He held the bag in front of his face, reading over every vandalistic scribble and marking. "What rumor are you talking about? I never started anything." He scoffed and gripped the bag with both hands, his knuckles clenching in aggravation. "I spent the past five years searching for you in every damn database, (Y/N)."
My eyes widened as I studied his sorrowful face and downcast expression. He turned the backpack over, face down on the ground and placed his elbows onto his knees as he covered his face with his palms. "You...it wasn't you?" I whispered lowly, "That is the only reason that..."
"That you hated me?" He finished, turning his reddening face towards me. "I've never fucking hated you. Hell, I fucking lo- I've been worried about you." He briskly continued, "I always thought you hated me because I kissed you the night before you disappeared, and... I thought you left because of me. I hated the idea of you leaving because of a stupid decision on my part, and it pissed me off for years."
My face blushed in remembrance of the night that I decided to leave. I hadn't told anyone of my plans, but suddenly left without explanation or warning. "I didn't hate you that night or when you kissed me, Santi." I admitted, causing his face to morph into a pained expression. "I thought you started the rumor because I left...after you kissed me. And I kissed you back."
"(Y/N)..." Santi sniffed, wiping his eye briefly before spearing his throat. "I'd never hurt you like that. What was it? What was the rumor? What were people saying about you?" He questioned as the fire grew brighter and more intense. "What did you think I said?"
I picked at the grass beside my leg and held my breath, blinking tears town my stained cheeks. "That I slept with you while I was engaged to William." My lip violently trembled as I covered my cheek. "And that...I was possibly pregnant with your child. And that was the only reason why I began another tour." My voice trailed off as I finished my phrase.
Santi's eyes never abandoned my face as more years of bottled emotions poured from my eyes. "Oh, sweet girl..."
"And it soon spread that I lost the baby because I was willing to sleep with everyone." I gritted, biting the skin on my lip as I remembered the horrendous and false rumors that spread like uncontainable wildfire.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. I can't imagine what that's done to you." Santi's hand rested in my cheek and I leaned my skin into his touch, deserted from human contact that wasn't torturous.
"It ruined my life." I weeped into his palm, to which he tenderly brushed my tears away. "I had to change my codename and become the Devil that everyone said I was. 'An Angel fallen from grace and tempted by the sins of the world' was what one of my commanding officers said to me, about me. It was never true and yet...believed by everyone. I'm sorry, Santi. I thought it was you...and that was the only reason that I thought I hated you."
Santi was silent for a moment, but never abandoned me nor let his palm fall from my face. "I'm sorry for not knowing what had happened. If I would have known, I never would have allowed it to continue. You never deserved that."
"I'm sure everyone got to a point where they knew that I didn't sleep with you. But it left the possibility for me sleeping with everybody else." I sniffed and closed my eyes in relief, feeling lighter that I had removed one harbored secret from my chest.
Many people had tried, multiple times.
"That shit pisses me off. Whoever started it wanted to ruin you, your image, your name. I promise that anytime I mentioned you by name was in every field office imaginable. I did everything in my power to try and find you." He whispered, leaning closer to my trembling figure. "Where did you go?"
I shook my head, unwilling to reveal the most horrific and nightmarish memories.
"What happened to my Angel?" He lowered his voice, caressing my cheek softly. I removed my hands from my chest and exposed the broken figurine to him, hoping to change the discussion. "Oh...the crash broke it, hm?" He inquired, his eyes landing on the glass figure in my hands.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Santi." The words spilled out of my mouth apologetically. "It was an accident, it was an accident and I broke it." My lip trembled and I shuddered into his chest.
His hand cascaded down my back as he consoled me. "Hey..." Santi comforted in my ear, "I remember how careful you were with your collection and the things that you loved. I know that you wouldn't have let it break, even accidentally." He quietly stated. "Who broke it?"
I looked over my shoulder and glanced for any witnesses or eavesdropping ears. I turned my face towards his again and sighed, admiring how the glow of the flames enunciated his features. "It was Will."
Santi's jaw clenched as he nodded and scrunched his nose. "Okay." He offered his hands towards me and I raised my eyebrows, unsure of his intentions. He leaned into me, "I can fix it baby, let me fix it..." His voice whispered into my ear softly.
My hands shook as I accepted his offer and placed the angel and the broken wings into his large palms. "I'm sorry, Santi..." The glass clinked as it settled in his hands. He carefully brought it to his lap and his eyes met mine again.
"Stop apologizing for that son of a bitch. What he did was not your fault, you understand me?" He tucked the angel into the compartment pocket on his pants gently. "It wasn't your fault."
It wasn't?
I nodded and turned away, finally feeling settled enough to eat. I leaned over to reach for one of the fruits from the basket, but was stopped at hearing Santi's breathless exclamation.
"What the hell is that?" I felt the back portion of my shirt raise, exposing the bottom section of my skin and the layers of scars that were only the beginning of a lengthy explanation. His fingers gently reached and caressed my skin, causing me to suddenly pull away from him in a conditioned reflex.
"That's nothing." I mumbled, feeling nauseous again and tossing the fruit back into the basket. I tugged the bottom of my shirt back down and ignored his burning stare.
"The hell it is." He responded with a disappointed sigh. "What are you hiding from me?" He painfully questioned, reaching for the bottom of my shirt again. "Are you trying to hide it from yourself too?"
I immediately stood to my feet and backed away from him. My breaths were labored and forced as he stared up at me in shock and confusion.
Surely he would realize what a broken thing I was once he assessed the resulting damage.
Santi offered his hand again towards me and spoke softly, "...Let me fix it, sweetheart..." He lowly whispered, waiting for my response to his prose.
I stared at him in consideration, internally deliberating what to do. Never had I admitted nor revealed to anyone what he had accidentally witnessed.
I couldn't confess the sins of the past to Pope. He would disown me and toss me aside like everyone else. He would disregard me and ignore my cries for salvation.
Would he?
I slipped my hand into his and my heaving breaths calmed to a steady place. He tossed my backpack out of his lap and opened his legs for me to step into. I positioned myself between his legs and sat onto the grass with my back facing him.
Rarely did I allow my back to be exposed towards any man for any reason.
He allowed his hands to rest on either side of his legs, finding solace in the grass of the ground as he watched my fingers begin to un-velcro my bulletproof vest.
Tears stung my eyes as he didn't attempt to intervene or assume responsibility of helping me remove it. Santi respected my boundaries and never moved his hands to touch me when he was already aware of how difficult this was for me.
I handed my vest towards him and he accepted, taking it from my hands and setting it on the grass beside us. My hands trembled as I unzipped my black jacket. I peeled it from my shoulders but realized it was stuck. "Please help me, Santi..." I quietly requested, soon feeling his fingers assist my arms from the sleeves.
He folded my now removed jacket and situated it on top of my vest beside us. "Angel... Don't feel pressured. I don't want you to feel forced with me." His voice was in my ear as he leaned forward, careful to not overwhelm me.
"I-I need to confess, Pope. I need salvation. Please." I sniffed, turning my head towards his own where he was breathing softly by my ear. With the way that our mission was heading, I was inwardly terrified that I wouldn't have another chance to redeem myself.
Slowly, I reached over my shoulders and began to grasp at the greenish olive-covered material, raising it over my back. Tears poured down my face and I released a sob, now feeling the cool breeze gingerly brush across my uncovered back.
What Santi was expecting to be a lower portion of my back being scarred due a previous injury he was already suspicious of, was not what he expected at all.
Encasing my shoulders, to my neck, down every inch of once delicate skin and reaching towards the bottom of my spine was horrid burns, decrepit and mutilated scars, and permanently altered and forever discolored skin.
I had been repeatedly broken and branded by ruthless men with an agenda. Their malicious intentions were forever sealed into my skin, forever defining me as just another damaged thing.
In order to hide my past from the world and from myself, in my last year of service, once I had escaped confinement, I had sat for a days-long session for an entire back tattoo to be finished before returning home.
Two realistic wings had been expertly tattooed in black ink on my back, running the length from my shoulders to my lower back.
On my right side was a beautifully and ornately designed angelic wing, delicately framing the curves of the side of my body.
But on my left side was its opposite and yet equal partner, a ragged and utterly destroyed wing, more representative of a tortured and hellish nature.
The wings were the same, yet severely altered by different periods of my life and were the manifestations of my personal story.
The Angel and the Devil were one and the same.
"You couldn't find me because I requested to be wiped from any existing records. But you also couldn't find me because...I was held hostage for two years as a pawn." I brought my knees to my chest and leaned forwards onto them. My arms wrapped around my legs as my back was exposed to Santiago. "This is what they did to me for not complying. I was chained to an old couch, a sofa of sorts. It was just the metal frame, really..." I gasped with a heaving sob and buried my face into my knees.
A moment of silence passed before I felt a fingertip run down my spine softly. "Can I touch you, Angel?" Santi questioned as his voice faltered from
behind me. I nodded, desiring to feel the sanctuary that emanated from him.
Santi, over the course of the past few days, had become my safe place where I could find refuge and protection that I couldn't find anywhere else in the world.
His hands tenderly touched my skin, releasing a cry from my chest. He was the first person, beside my tattoo artist, to caress my mutilated skin.
Except he was touching my scars and broken wings with unaltered and unadulterated affection.
The brightly crackling fire warmed the front portion of my body, but it was from Santiago that I was finally regaining feeling and heat back into the disregarded nerves and ignored scars of my back.
I laid my cheek onto my knee and closed my eyes in a final peace. His delicately roaming hands were softer than I imagined, appreciating every mark and inked line. My bra physically barricaded a portion of my back and tattoo from his eyes, but it wasn't a concern for him as he gently ran his hands over my skin.
"My Angel..." Santi attempted to speak, but sobbed instead. Silence passed, only interrupted by the kindling fire in front of us.
Unfamiliarly, I felt a different sensation than before. I peeked over my shoulder to discover Santi had softly pressed his lips onto my shoulder while holding my sides carefully.
Knowing what had happened during previous intimate encounters with Will, I returned my shirt back and pulled it taught, preventing Santi from any more affection exploration and dedication of tenderness.
I didn't want to be used again.
But Will was never gentle like Santi had been.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just... I just want you know that it doesn't change the way I..." He stuttered and faltered to finish, adjusting my jacket as I struggled to pull it back over my shoulders.
"No, it's okay...I'm just... I'm not used to being touched like that." I offered, reaching for my zipper and pulling it snuggly up against my chest.
"I-I won't do it again." He stated in resolution, sniffing and nodding as I turned to face him directly. His eyes were reddened and his stubbled cheeks were dampened.
I cupped his face and brushed my thumb over his eyebrow. "I'm not asking that, Santi. I'm asking for time. Time to heal properly."
We stared at each other as we realized that we had never actually hated each other. Our perceptions of the other had been misconstrued and the misconceptions had blinded us to what we had been deeply aware to.
Hate wasn't what kept drawing us together.
"I've waited longer than five years, sweetheart." He chuckled, resting his hand on my waist carefully. "I can wait forever if you needed." He whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.
His words caused my lips to turn upward in happiness and realization.
I, too, had waited for him for longer than five years.
Santi's hand trailed up my back to rest between my shoulder blades, drawing me closer to him. His nose caressed my cheek softly as I closed my eyes in our intimate embrace.
I had allowed him into the most fractured and injured pieces of myself, and I didn't regret it.
He didn't break me like many had before him.
"Pope! Hades!" Fish beckoned, separating Santi and myself as we scrambled to our feet. I hurriedly donned my vest, lazily pulling the straps to tighten it. "The mules are ready!" His walking figure was illuminated by the flames as he appeared out of the darkness. "Tom wants us to leave now."
Santi and I nodded in agreement, and I grabbed my backpack and tossed it over my shoulder.
"I'm serious. I want you to burn that fucking thing." Santi spoke from beside me as we followed Fish through the village. "That bag is the only thing reminding you of the shit you didn't deserve to go through."
"I'll get rid of it, Santi." I returned, understanding that I had been punishing myself for years unintentionally by reminding myself of something that I never was.
A line of mules appeared as Santi and I caught up with Fish and the rest of the guys who were tightening the straps of the bags. Will's eyes met mine, and then immediately landed on Santi beside me. His jaw clenched as he angled himself to face the mule.
"Hey, kid!" Tom called, waving me over towards him. "You've got the second mule. You'll be between Pope and myself." He directed, pointing to the overloaded mule that was dusty brown in color. My rifles had been strapped alongside the bags of money. "Let's get going."
"Okay." I blankly agreed, grabbing the leading rope and positioning myself behind Tom's mule that began to walk as he lead the pack slowly.
The hooves of the mules clattered noisily as we began to retreat from the village. I averted my eyes from the staring populace, grateful that we were taking our leave.
Suddenly, Tom's mule stopped, causing me to stop and convince my mule to stop as well. I stepped out of the line to figure out what caused Tom to paralyze our train.
"I'm sorry, guys." He apologized to two teenagers who were blocking our path. One donned a bright, yellow shirt while the other was wearing a deep crimson shirt. They stared at Tom in irritation and frustration.
An older man shouted towards the young men, convincing them to remove themselves from the path of our exit. They scoffed and slowly walked out of the path, glaring as they freed the exit for us.
Tom continued to lead us past the two obviously upset boys.
My eyes met the one in the red shirt. He stared at Tom before squinting at me. He coughed into his elbow harshly before retreating back into the tent he stood in front of.
"Don't pay them any attention, sweetheart." Santi's voice encouraged me from behind as I followed Tom's commanding lead.
I silently nodded and only looked forward, preparing myself for the journey ahead.
The boys had a familiar look on their faces that I couldn't shake from my consciousness. It was familiar in the fact that I had seen it in my own face before.
It was the determined expression of a vengeance-possessed individual.