Rigid and shell-shocked, she stared at him as if she had never seen him before. Her reaction made his heartbeat quicken, but he had been expecting it. Hell, he was shocked, too. That did come out of nowhere...which was strange as he had never felt so certain in his life. He wasn't doubtful, not at all, but was rather astonished at his nerves for telling her just like that.
But he was in for a real surprise.
With bated breath, he watched her silent figure. Gradually, she grinned with disbelief, before uttering a single word – "No."
"What?"
"No, you don't." She steered her gaze away from him. "You...you can't."
"What are you talking about?"
"You can't say that, Harry!" she exclaimed, then sighed, her voice trailing off. "Y-you can't say that..."
"But why not?" He frowned, his arm reaching for her as she pulled away. "I mean it, Hermione. I...I love you. I do."
But she shook her head, baffling him. Why was she finding this so hard to believe?
"Look –"
"No, no," she interrupted him, still shaking her head. "You can't. You can't tell me that. Not...not after all this time."
"I know." He sighed. "It seems sudden, but, trust me! I-I really mean it."
And he did. He was in love with her. Maybe it had happened along the way. Or when they'd met for the first time. Or just right now. The timings of his feelings didn't matter to him. What mattered was their presence. They were there. He loved her. With every fibre of his being.
But then again, how could he not? She was the light to his darkness. The peace to his troubles. The blood to his veins. She showed him hope when he became blind to it, fought through his shell when he wanted to shut everyone out, and uplifted him at his lowest. She made life worth living. She made him believe that he could end this war if he really tried to.
She didn't know it, and neither did he until now, but she was more than just a best friend to him. She had become his heart and soul.
So he'd surely die if she stepped away.
"Hey," he said, catching hold of her hand while she refused to look at him. "Listen. I know this is all very...confusing. I–I'm confused, too. You're the most important person in my life, and well...you know how thick I can get when it comes to feelings. I don't know how to express them, but I did! For you. And I'm completely sure of what I've said. I just took a lot of time to realise it. It...it cost me to lose Ron to understand I'm in love with you, Hermione. I've always been in love with you."
He finished speaking and waited for her response. Nothing.
But she had listened to him. She was just thinking. Her breath had become hitched at his words. Oh, he sounded so sincere! When it came to him, she used to imagine a lot of things. She had lost count of how many times she would fantasise about him telling her he loved her. Getting lost in such dreams had become her favourite thing because a part of her knew they could never happen.
Until now.
Her body had turned frozen. She didn't know what to say, which was ironic because his confession was laced with her once wishful thinking. They had been best friends for so long. Brother and sister-like. Nothing else. Things were bound to become complicated.
So hearing him say he loved her out of the blue was more than she could process. Unlike him, she had always known it was love what she felt for him. He wasn't the most important person in her life for no reason at all. But now, seeing that his feelings were mutual...
Despite her vacillating mind, a part of her just wanted to erase all barriers and kiss him. How hard could it be? They loved each other.
But her logical side knew the solution wasn't that simple...
"What about Ginny?"
His heart jumped at his girlfriend's name. "What about her?"
"She's with you, and..." Her gaze dropped to the ground. "How can you think about loving me when you have a girlfriend?"
"Because I don't love her," he stated, "I love you."
"Harry, please..."
"What? It's true." He shook his head, sighing. "We...we can't click. I can't click with her. Believe me, I've tried. But I...I can't find the kind of connection with Ginny that I've found with you. Y-you've got to trust me, Hermione. Please. I don't want to hurt Ginny, and I think she's...she's better off without me."
"Really?" she asked, her eyes shining. She had gained a sudden urge to cry, but that was the last thing she wanted to do right now. "I don't think so, Harry. You should see the way she boasts about you. Says how you're an amazing boyfriend who doesn't talk back a lot –"
"Because she's a goddamn nuisance!" he suddenly shouted, his voice resounding in the otherwise silent tent. "She thinks the entire bloody world revolves around her and everyone else can just sod off!"
She flinched at the display of anger. He saw it and immediately lowered his tone.
"Sorry...it's just...she frustrates me, okay?"
She nodded, aware of her heart doing somersaults in her chest. Aware of the wretched lump in her throat, which was worsening by the minute. She couldn't understand why, but listening to him reveal all his pent-up feelings like that was making her sadder. But she didn't want to cry in front of him because she knew it would only make him angry. So she averted her gaze and tried to steady herself.
But he wouldn't let her.
"Hey, hey. Look at me," he said, pressing his hands on her shoulders and forcing her to match his stare. "I'm not a bad person, Hermione."
A gasp escaped her lips. "Of course not!"
"Trust me, I've tried. Tried very bloody hard, but I still can't feel happy with her," he declared, his eyes exhibiting an urgent look, "I'd always felt lonely when I'm with her, but I feel...complete when I'm with you."
"Oh, Harry..."
"So tell me, Hermione," he said, "Tell me whom I should care about more? Someone who doesn't give a fuck about me? Or someone who makes me think that every day can be a day well-spent if I face it head-on?" His grip on her shoulders loosened, but his eyes remained on hers. "You make me a better person, Hermione. A braver person. You make me believe in myself, so I...I can't help but love you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me..."
His confession had turned her mute – and had also enlargened the lump, which now felt like a boulder sitting in her throat.
She tried to speak – but ended up doing something else.
She burst into tears.
His mouth dropped open in shock when her little sniffles turned into fretful sobs.
"Oh no, Hermione. No, no, no, don't cry," he pleaded as she hid her face behind her hands. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean...not like that. Come here."
She didn't budge, so he pulled her into his arms again. He hated it when she cried; the sight made his heart hurt in the worst way possible.
As she sobbed on his shoulder, he kept apologising – and that caused more tears to run down her cheeks. He was the sweetest, most amazing person ever. She had loved him for so long, but she couldn't imagine what it'd be like if he ever shared her feelings. Now that the secret was out, she didn't know what to think. Her emotions were overflowing, and she couldn't make sense of them. At all.
It didn't help that he'd confessed in probably their most vulnerable moment ever.
He was still holding her, still apologising, thinking he had done something wrong by the way she was crying. But she wasn't going to keep him in the dark.
"No! Stop. Stop it, Harry," she managed to say through an uneven voice and looked up at him. "Don't...don't apologise. You can never hurt me, okay? I'm just...it's a lot to process."
He sighed. Her eyes were wet. Because of him.
"I understand," he said, wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm sorry. I...I didn't want to burden you with this, but I wouldn't have gotten a chance later. I had to say it. Especially since...Ron's not here. He liked you, y'know?"
Her eyes widened. "What?"
"Yeah. He...he did. Or does. Might. I dunno." He shrugged, looking away. "But I could tell. The way he looked at you...I'm surprised you didn't notice."
"Ah..." She lowered her eyes. Ron might have liked her? True, she'd never noticed. Probably because she was too busy thinking about him. Ron only served as a distraction, so she didn't pay heed to his actual feelings.
She was just using him.
Something in her twisted at the thought, and before she knew it, guilt was overpowering her. Her eyes were tearing up again.
Suddenly, she started to miss him. His stupid jokes. His constant nagging. His ignorance. He was a great friend and an even greater companion on a dangerous journey like this one. But...he had left them like they didn't matter to him...
That made her even more miserable. "Harry, I...I don't know, okay? Even if he did like me, I'm sure such feelings would have disappeared when he started blaming us. But..." she trailed off, her eyes downcast.
He leaned down to peer at her face. "But?"
"But...we mustn't think of him as a bad person!" She claimed in a shrill voice, "He was in the wrong, yes, but he's just tired of the war, and...and must have felt betrayed by us. I mean, I can't blame –"
"Hang on," he interrupted, frowning at her, "Who said he was a bad person?"
"Us! I mean, me! I..." she trailed off, not daring to look at him. "Harry, just...don't...don't hate Ron, okay? He'll come around. You know how thick he is..."
As she babbled on, he stared at her, trying to make sense of this girl. She could be a puzzle sometimes, and for the life of him, he couldn't understand why she wanted to talk about Ron. He, a boy who was always bad at emotions, had confessed that he loved her, and she, a girl who's his best friend and was supposed to respond to him, had chosen to bring their conversation to the git who shouldn't even be mentioned right now. Was she aware that confessing to her required bravery? Because he knew their entire world would collapse? But he had still taken the risk, just for her. And what was she doing? Talking about the bloody nyaff and how he was fine and dandy.
He sighed. Well, he had her response. She liked the git, even though she had said she didn't.
Maybe telling her was a bad idea after all...
"Okay, fine! Fine!" he spoke up, interrupting her speech. "I get it. You like the bloody idiot. You still do."
Stunned, she stammered out, "What? No, I don't –"
"Yes. You do," he stated, then exhaled a little. "It's...all right, Hermione. You don't need to deny yourself to make me feel better." He tried to smile, but his heart was already starting to ache. "I...I hope you can find happiness with him. I just...wanted to tell you. Get it off my back, you know?" He sighed again before turning away from her. "We should go. Study those Horcruxes."
She didn't hear the last part. Something in her had broken down.
She watched him leave her in the middle of the tent. She wanted to stop him. Hold him. Tell him how wrong he was. But her insides had turned to ice and her voice box was not working.
The wretched silence was back...
He faced her, raising an eyebrow. "You coming?"
He didn't even sound angry. Just...sad
And that made it a thousand times worse.
She was still standing, stiff and poised, but her eyes had found a home on him. She watched him look through the parchments they were working on, his tongue peeking through his lips – his concentration habit.
The view made her recall a memory. The dance...
She was sad, and he had tried to cheer her up. Tried to make her forget their troubles, just for a little while. Tried to remain quiet for her sake. He was still trying, but underneath all that calm, she could see a storm.
Suddenly, she felt her heart break into a million pieces. Something in her shattered. She was miserable. Downhearted. Sorrowful. But not because of a boy who had left her behind. But because of a boy who stayed with her in her darkest moments.
And she wasn't going to hold back from him. Not anymore.
Like a miracle, her body started to move again, and before she knew it, she was dallying – then rushing to him. Her heart was beating fast. Her cheeks were flushed. Her breath was uneven.
But she had never felt so sure in her life.
"No, Harry!" she screamed, launching herself at him, almost knocking him off-balance. He regained his footing in the nick of time and held her as she burst into fresh tears.
"Hermione, what –"
"You've got it all wrong!" she cried, clutching his sweater, "You don't understand. I don't love Ron. I love you!"
His eyes widened. Now it was his turn to freeze up.
"W-what d'you mean?"
"I love you, too, okay?!" she said, her breath catching in her throat. "I do. I have always loved you. But I realised it sooner than you did. Oh, Harry...y–you don't know the heartbreak I had to face because of you! I've been hiding my feelings for so long, afraid of what might happen if they ever came to light..."
His mouth went dry at her words...but his hands gripped her tighter. "I...I didn't know. I'm sorry, Hermione."
"No, no. Please, don't be sorry." She shook her head, "I...I just...I..."
Oh, why did forming words have to be so difficult?
But she didn't have to speak anymore. They had said everything they needed to say.
Her heart pounded wildly in her chest as she gripped his shoulders. He was about to say something, but she wouldn't let him.
She leaned up and kissed him. Right on his lips. Tears and all.