5th year. 1976
"Prongs?"
prongs prongs prongs prongs prongs prongs...
Their voices seems so far away.
" James? Darling? Are you ok?" a hand rest on his upper back and James finally looked up.
He saw his mother and father on either sides of him, warm and nurturing smiles. His mother's elegant hands were resting on his, one on his back and the other clutching his cold hands.
" I'm so sorry. We had no idea sweetheart." James' father said and took his other hand in his.
Their hands were so warm. He felt safe for just a second.
" It's ok. I never told you anything, how could you have even known." He said and stared down at the paper. His diagnosis written in red ink as if to taunt him.
Diagnosis: Post traumatic stress disorder, depression.
James gulped and took his hands from his parents grasp.
" Darling?" Euphemia asked and James turned back with a gentle smile.
" I just need some air. I'll be ok." He said and walked away, both his parents looking worried.
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Pills, papers, therapists and a million different appointments. Potions, creams, tranquilizers for the particularly bad nights. Sometimes he wakes up with bruises but doesn't bother. Some days he doesn't even wake up in the mornings, other days he does but stays in bed. He waits till the sky turns dark and his parents stop checking up on him. He waits till the house elves go to bed to get out of his and walk into the kitchen like a zombie.
He feels nothing anymore. The anti depressants keep him energized enough to be alive but not enough to get his old self back.
He still has the scars from the attack.
He hasn't attempted to shift since, shivering when he remembers how deep the claws went in. How he felt Lupin's paws kneed on his almost dead carcass, flesh bitten off in chunks. He remembers what his teeth felt like on his bones.
The milk dropped from his hand with a loud crash. The glass splitting into a million pieces.
" Honey?" His mothers voice rang and James broke down.
" James!" His father's strong arms went around him, James sobbing into the crook of his elbow.
Fleamont looked up at his wife from the kitchen floor, her eyes looking pained. She held a hand to her mouth and suppressed a gasp when she saw the remnants of James' scars.
18 hours of surgery could only do so much when your son was practically devoured by a werewolf.
It had happened before, many many scars left on his body from Lupins transformations.
He has three long lines going down his chest from the first transformation, a huge brown splotch on his side from when Lupin threw him into a tree. He thought it was getting better, lupin's wolf could finally recognize James' animagus form.
But nothing prepared him for that day, and nothing will prepare him for the consequences he'll have to live with for the rest of his life.
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" Look who's back!" Sirius said and wrapped his arms around his friend, his mother looking rather disgusted behind him.
" That's enough Sirius. Get on the train." Walburga said in her usual cool tone.
Sirius made a mocking face and took his trunk, hauling it in while talking to James with animation.
" You excited to see Moony and Wormtail? I know i am. Thanksgiving break at the house is always so dreadful." Sirius said and shivered at the thought of staying home.
oh right. Sirius has no idea does he?
" Sure. I'm really tired though, just want to sleep." James responded and Sirius laughed.
" Good luck with that." He snickered and James just sighed.
They walked down the corridor together, a million people around him. He felt so tired he could pass out, maybe the tranquilizer was too much last night.
" Oh here they are! Moony!" Sirius said and jumped into the arms of the very tall skinny boy.
Lupin smiled bright when he saw Sirius and laughed as he almost got tackled.
" Padfoot please! Not too tight." He laughed when Sirius squeezed him with all his might.
Lupin's eyes finally fell on James and his heart dropped.
" James...i'm-"
" Y'know what. I'm gonna go sit in an empty carriage, i'll see you guys when we get there ok?" James changed the subject and turned his eyes away from Lupin.
" Are you sure-?"
" Positive. Bye guys." He cut peter off and walked away.
His heart was racing, flashbacks of those amber eyes seared into his head. He frantically searched for an empty carriage but didn't find one. Every one was full.
Every..single...one.
" Hey is this carriage-?" He burst into one and stopped.
He exhaled and relaxed slightly when he saw who was sitting in the seats.
" full..." He finished and Lily' jaw was agape.
They were both reading books quietly, Severus not even looking up.
" Potter i dont know if this is the best carriage for you." Lily said with a smile and James gave the best smile he could, but even that was weak.
" i know. I can see that but-"
" go sit with your lackey." Severus said finally and James gulped.
He rubbed his arm with one hand and let out a shakey breath.
Severus finally looked up but his expression was the same.
" i just...need a place to sleep. And my friends are too loud and there are no other carriages. So please, just once." He said and Severus rose an eyebrow.
He and lily shared a look.
" fine." Severus said and James sighed in relief.
He put his trunk on top with the rest and was about to sit next to lily when she spoke up.
" um. Marlene is sitting here actually, she went to the bathroom. But if you want you could switch with her when she gets back-"
" no need. Theres a seat here." Severus said and put down his book.
James looked back and Severus was patting the seat next to him lightly.
" come on. Surely you're not gonna stand there forever." Severus said and James hesitated.
He then nodded and sat down, Severus looking him up and down before finally picking his book up again.
" Lily i found the trolley lady early, i got some sugar quills. Oh, hi james." Marlene said happily when she came in.
James smiled back and waves slightly.
" If you want to rest your head you can use my shoulder." Severus whispered while Marlene and Lily talked in the background.
" huh?" James asked and Severus closed his book again, looking at James with his full attention.
" i know you're not just tired. I can see the struggle on your face. I won't ask what's happened, ill just be here to lend comfort if you need it." Severus said quietly and gave him a reassuring look.
" why? I'm an ass to you." James said and Severus sighed.
" maybe. But im an ass to you too...just because we're enemies doesnt make me a horrible person that can't see when someone needs help." He explained simply and James gulped.
" thank you..." he said quietly and Severus nodded.
" no problem Potter."