Summary: Following the funeral, Cassie goes on a road trip with her brother to escape Boston and the guilt she holds.
The bird was back, its blue plumage bright against the fall sky outside her bedroom window.
Cassie Valentine watched her inconstant neighbor from her perch on the armchair propped against the windowsill. Dressed for warmth in a thick coat, boots, dark jeans and black turtleneck, she was still as the clock ticked in the distance.
It was early, just shy of seven a.m. Her brother, Max, wasn't coming to pick her up until ten. If she had been who she was before, the extra hours in bed would have been welcome and savored.
The person she had become in the aftermath spent sleepless nights, tossing and turning until she thought the covers would suffocate her.
She was afraid to close her eyes. Afraid that she'd wake to find herself back in the hospital room with its plastic walls, astringent antiseptic smells, and perpetual sense of dread.
She would see her friends at the window, their eyes trying to hide the fact that she was doomed. Ethan, her mentor, her lover, her inevitable, would put up a brave front but he had never had a good poker face.
"I'm a doctor, not an actor," he'd told her once with a wince.
As far as Cassie was concerned, that room was cursed. Two innocent people would never live to see dawn. All because of her.
When her phone pinged, she glanced down at the message that appeared on the lock screen before pressing the button to wipe it clear. She squeezed her eyes closed to hold in the tears she wasn't ready to shed.
Enough, she thought. Enough!
A couple of hours later she said goodbye to her roommate, Sienna, who was grieving too and taking a few days to visit her family.
Then she checked to make sure she had everything she needed. She always kept clothes and toiletries at her grandparent's estate in Newport, but those sufficed for a quick weekend.
This time around, she wasn't sure when she was coming back. If she was coming back.
The knock on her door shook her out of her reverie before she walked, face carefully schooled, to answer. She dropped her mask as soon as she saw her twin brother, Max, on the other side. She never had to put on a facade with him.
Good, bad or ugly, there was no one else in this world she could be herself with completely than with her brother. It wasn't just that they were twins, although that was a huge factor, it's that they were best friends, partners in crime; it was always them against the world.
He squeezed her hand in comfort, no words needed to be said. He looked over her shoulder at the luggage stacked in front of the bed.
"It's a good thing I rented an SUV and not the roadster," he grinned. "You never did learn the fine art of packing light."
When she just shook her head and started for the door, he asked, "Not saying goodbye to Sienna?"
"She left for the airport already," said Cassie, reading the new message on her phone before tucking it away in her purse.
"Here," said Max, handing her the keys. "Go settle in the car. It's the black Cayenne out front. I'll bring your stuff down."
By the time they left Boston city limits, she and Max had fallen back on old habits.
"No jazz or blues!" she protested, swiping the screen on the dash to find another channel on satellite radio. There were literally hundreds of options to choose from.
"Plebian," he complained, trying to push her hand away but failing because she'd always been sneaky.
"Today's top 40 or songs from this millennium," she said, giving him a beady eye. "Those are your two options."
"Fine," he griped. "Millennium."
When Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day came on, the twins glanced over at each other and then they were laughing.
"Remember when Jack was drunk and got up on stage to perform this song only to garble the lyrics so badly that it wasn't clear what he was singing?" asked Max, laughter in his voice.
"I remember the patrons of that bar booing so loud that I thought there was going to be a riot if he didn't shut up," howled Cassie, clutching her belly at the memories of her college boyfriend, drunk and baffled when he was greeted by jeers instead of cheers.
"Did he ever remember that night?"
"Maybe in his nightmares," said Cassie, wiping tears from the corner of her eyes.
"I swear, Jackson McAllister was the most clueless person in the world when it came to recognizing how bad he was at any type of performing. Bless his heart," she added remembering Jack's southern roots.
"Hey, look," said Max pointing at the sign up ahead.
"Friendly's!" exclaimed Cassie. "I thought they all closed down."
"I guess they still have some holdouts," said Max, checking the side mirrors before signaling a lane change. "Ice cream?"
"Like you have to ask," said Cassie, smiling at the memories of visiting the once ubiquitous chain when she and Max were children.
They placed their order and grabbed one of the tables in the picnic area near the parking lot. Despite the chill in the air, it was nice to be out under the sunny skies.
The siblings reminisced as they finished their dessert before getting back on the road. Cassie checked her phone's lock screen before placing the device screen down on her lap.
"You know it's okay to text Ethan," said Max, noticing her movement. "I'm sure he's wondering how the drive is going."
"He's busy at the hospital," said Cassie, looking away. "The team's down to three right now."
"We're only an hour out, so you can call him after," said Max after a few minutes of silence.
Cassie perked up at the next song, giving her brother a wide-eyed, sideways look.
"No!" he objected at her look.
"Come on. It's Miley and there's a party in the USA," she pleaded. "We have to!"
"Didn't we get enough of this shit at that stupid frat party at GW in our sophomore year?"
"But, Max," whined Cassie. "Songs like this are meant for carpool karaoke and for dancing."
"That was you and Eva," he complained. "The two of you just had to show off for those frat boys and then they wouldn't leave us alone all week."
"Fun times," she said with a smile, "especially when you and Jack tp'd their house."
"They deserved it," nodded Max. "Their hazing went too far."
By the time, the car passed through security gate and up the drive to the big house, she had convinced Max to participate in at least two sing-alongs and swapped countless memories that she shared only with him.
The road trip had been a good reminder of the person she had been then, and the carefree life she'd once lived. Maybe here, the home of her heart, she could begin to find herself again.