"Fuckin' hell." I murmur under my breath ng marinig ko ang tunog ng doorbell ko. I look at myself on my full-length mirror once again pero hindi pa rin makuhang magustuhan ang damit na suot. This is my eighth pair of clothes and I'm still not fucking satisfied!
Padabog kong inabot ang phone ko at agad tinawagan si Emir.
"Hey-"
"Pumasok ka na I'll send my passcode. Hindi pa ako tapos magbihis. Umakyat ka rito sa kwarto ko." Diretso kong saad at agad pinatay ang tawag. I sent her the passcode of my door at binato na ulit ang phone sa kama.
Agad akong nabalik ng tingin sa salamin at tinignan ang suot.
I'm now currently wearing a brown crop top with a square neckline at white flared pants. I feel like it's so boring kaya naman hindi ko na alam. Nagkalat na ang mga damit ko sa sahig at maging sa kama ko yet I'm still not done picking my outfit! Nakakainis!
"Selena-" Napatigil ako sa pagtanggal ng crop top ko ng marinig ang tawag ni Emir.
Nang lingunin ko siya ay naka talikod na siya sa akin. Agad napakunot ang noo ko nang makita siya.
"What are you doing there? Get in!" Maarte at naiinis ko ng saad. I heard her cleared her throat bago bumaling sa akin. Isang taas naman ng kilay ang natanggap niya sa akin nang makita ang pamumula ng tenga niya.
What the hell???
"H-Hindi ka pa bat apos magbihis?"Mahinang tanong niya sabay iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"Obviously."
Agad kong pinulot ang isang black spaghetti strap dress at tinignan kung mas maganda ba iyon kesa sa suot ko na ngayon. I then turned back to Emir at nakitang nakasandal na siya sa gilid ng pintuan ko.
"Which is better? This outfit or this dress?" I ask her. The way her lips turned into a fine line makes me want to raise another eyebrow with her reaction.
Kanina pa siya nag-aalinlangan at naasiwa sa akin! Don't tell me nahihiya siyang nakitang nagbibihis ako. As if naman! Parehas naman kaming babae! Ang arte talaga!
"What makes you comfortable, Selena. Wear it." Simple niyang sagot kaya naman parang gusto ko na talagang bumusangot. Ano ba namang sagot iyon?!
"I want to wear this dress, simple and chic pero mamaya lamigin ako out of nowhere, I don't want to bring any jackets. Matatagalan pa ako sa pagpili." Saad ko at muling bumaling sa salamin para tignan ulit ang dress.
"I have a spare jacket on my car then, if that's your problem." Napabaling agad ako sa kanya ng marinig ang suhestyon at hindi na napigilan ang tuluyang pagtaas ng kilay. The sly smirk on her face shows as she shrugs her shoulders while looking back at me.
Doon ko lamang napagtuunan ng pansin ang suot niya. In a white unbuttoned polo shirt, a black crop sando as her top at isang simpleng maong pants and white statement shoes. Her black hair is in a low messy bun habang may iilang takas ng buhok mula roon.
Marahang akong napatingin sa black dress at muli sa suot ni Emir. I bit the inside of my cheeks when a stubborn idea crosses my mind pero agad ko iyong inalis sa isipan. I'll just wear the dress dahil mas comfortable ako roon, right? Right?
"Hey, you! Sit at couch or anywhere. Mag-aayos lang ako." Utos ko kay Emir bago pumasok ulit sa walk-in closet ko para makapag-ayos na, this time for real.
I immediately change into that black dress. Decided that my hair would look good with a claw clip. Nag-suot rin ako ng iilang subtle gold jewelries and settle for a black parachute platform heel.
"Are you done?" Iyon agad ang tanong ni Emir ng makalabas ako walk-in closet. I was a bit startled ng makitang wala na ang makalat na mga damit kanina. All of it were folded and stack on the side of my couch. Agad ko naman siyang pinanliitan ng mata ng makita iyon.
"I have nothing to do, I just tidy it up." Depensa niya sa kanyang sarili.
"Whatever you say. Let's go." I said and just didn't mind that minor gesture but still shock my inner core for a bit.
Who would have thought that someone like here is very conscious with tidiness, huh?
Nang makapasok kami sa loob ng sasakyan niya ay doon ko lamang naisip itanong kung saan kami mag kakape.
"I found this coffee shop near a light house sa Batangas. I heard they have good coffee."
"Batangas? Again? Saan naman doon"
"Sa Lobo. Then we can visit the lighthouse after having coffee."
"Wow, paladesisyon." I commented na sinuklian niya lamang ng isang halakhak bago tuluyang buhayin ang makina ng sasakyan niya.
And the whole ride was quite a bit conversational. Like always, she kept asking question, lalo na tungkol sa Fashion Week – err. Those times na we didn't contact each other. She even told me na there's a day that she just lay in bed waiting for my text but didn't receive any. Akala niya sobrang busy ko to even touch my phone and reach her out.
"I was hopeful that you've reached out, matapos iyong sa Batangas. But I then realized your Selene! You won't run after people." Agad akong napairap dahil sa biro niya. I don't even know if I should be offended because it's the truth.
Of course, I won't!
Ano naman din kasi ang sasabihin ko sa kanya? How is she? Anong ginagawa niya after the mini escapade that we had prior to the fashion week? That's to shallow! Shallow for me, at least!
"I don't like texting." Tanging sagot ko kaya naman mas nasundan pa ang mga tawa niya na mas nagpalukot sa mukha ko.
"Oh, yeah? I should take note of that." Ngiting-ngiti niyang saad habang nagpa-park. Agad ko naman siyang inirapan dahil sa tuwa sa mukha niya. She really enjoys pissing the hell out of me. Nakakirita!
When she opened the door for me ay agad bumungad sa akin ang coffee shop na tinutukoy niya.
The red roofs, the large lighthouse at the make makes it more nostalgic to look at. Halatang parte ito ng kasaysayan, not because it looks old but the air of elegance and class sips right through every corner.
The ivory-colored stone walls, the Spanish styled columns and windows, the stone pathway patungo sa pinaka entrance ng coffee shop. When I heard the distance sound of the clashing waves, I already knew the shop has an overlooking view of the ocean in the back of it. I'll bet my whole career that it's beautiful!
Tumulak na kami papasok at doon ko mas lalong napansin ang ganda ng coffee shop. The nearby buildings all look the same, so I guess this place is like memorabilia of the old times. Wow, that's immaculate.
"Here's their menu. If you want to eat, they also have cakes and pastries. Masarap iyong carrot cake nila." She said and helped me out with the menu.
"How did you find this place?" I ask out of curiosity.
"Well, I had a shoot here when you were away. Then when I was looking for a place where I can work and have coffee as well, I found this on the internet." She explained at marahang napahawak sa kanyang batok.
"It didn't fail me. Naisip ko agad to bring you here when you come back from Paris." Marahan akong nagulat ng marinig iyon. She immediately looks away from me at marahang kinagat ang pang ibabang labi. Napakurap-kurap pa ako just to make sure that she really said those words?
Ako? Wala ba itong kaibigan?
"I was actually finding a way to ask you for coffee, knowing your schedule."
"As if you're not as busy as me. Ang dami mong time to go sight-seeing." Komento ko.
"You're sched is by minute! Noong hingiin ko iyon kay Miss Georgianna-"
"I told you! You can just ask me directly!" Irita kong saad. Siya naman ngayon ang tila nagulat dahil sa sinabi ko. I was taken back to realize my sudden response kaya agad akong umirap sa kanya to hide the sudden embarrassment creeping inside of me.
"Just text me or whatever. Hindi mo na kailangan istorbohin si George, I'm a lot to deal already." An alibi I said to cover up my sudden rhetoric kasabay ng pakiramdam na parang umiikot ang sikmura ko habang nararamdaman ang paninitig ng kulay dagat niyang mga mata.
"Thought you hate texting tho." Mahina niyang bulong ngunit hindi nakatakas sa pandinig ko. Iyon na ang dahilan ng pag-init ng pisngi ko. When I took a quick glance at her ay kitang-kita ko ang ngisi sa mga labi niya. Mas lalong bumulusok ang inis ko dahil doon na agad niyang napansin at tinawanan!
See, the nerve!
We had a bit chaotic time while savoring our coffee and cakes. Totoo ngang masarap ang mga cake at pastries nila! I should take some home, tho I should definitely have an intense work out tomorrow sa calorie intake ko today.
"We still have atleast an hour. Gusto mong tignan iyong light house?"
"Hindi pa nakakapunta sa lighthouse?" I ask. I feel like it's off for her to go there again para lang ipakita sa akin. I'm already satisfied with the coffee and cake.
"Hindi pa, actually. I was waiting to go there with you." The sudden serene that crossed my ears when I heard those words ay parang automatic na nagpainit sa magkabilang tenga ko.
How?! How the hell can she tell me about those things with a straight face? She didn't even falter a little!
Hindi ko na nagawang sumagot sa kanya when she asked for our bill. Ni hindi ko nan ga nagawang mag-offer to pay for our food sa sobrang taken back sa sinabi niya.
Why would she even wait for me? What kind of sorcery is she cooking here? Normal pa ba ito?!
And before I could even take everything all in, we are already at the entrance of the lighthouse. The tall tower with ivory-colored stones stood still, almost at the edge of the cliff with the vast and endless ocean behind it.
"C'mon." Emir whisper at the tip of my ear when I stood there for a few seconds just to breathe in the view of the light house in front of me.
Inside the tower, agad na bumungad ang paikot na hagdan patungo sa tuktok. It was a long silver-colored staircase, long enough for me to study Emir as I follow her lead.
Ang kulay puti niyang polo ay bahagyang sumasayaw sa hangin habang humahakbang siya pataas. Her tan-colored skin shines on the orange sun ray of the setting sun, all while she looks so beautiful while looking at the whole structure of the lighthouse, even yet forgetting that I was still here. Her ocean-blue eyes glistened when we reach the top.
At nang tumama na ang papalubog na haring araw sa kanya, the sudden fade of the sounds of the crashing waves nor the whispers of the wind come through my ears. Suddenly everything became a blur when a bright smile showed upon her lips. Her eyes were turned slightly green because of the sun in front of us. She's... just so... breath taking
"Wow." She whispers under her breath. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin ng makita ang paninitig niya sa akin.
I directed my gazed on the endless sea infront of me. Ang kahel na langit, papalubog na araw, ingay ng alon at ang amoy ng hangin sa tabing dagat – everything feels so refreshing. A little part of me regrets to be someone as busy as me dahil hindi ko magawang ma-enjoy ang mga ganitong bagay.
"Did you enjoy today?" Mahinang tanong ni Emir, tama lamang para marinig ko iyon. Naramdaman ko ang marahang paglapit niya sa akin at ang pagtatama ng mga braso namin.
A short spark of electricity makes my heart thumps inside my chest. Hindi malaman kung bakit ako tinubuan ng kaba ng maramadaman siyang nakadikit sa akin.
"Yeah. Kahit nakakairita ka." I said in a low voice. Her laughs echoed and mixed with the sound of the brushing winds.
"You never ceased to amaze me, Selena." Mahina niyang bulong sa gilid ko. Nang marahan ko siyang tignan ay nakayuko na siya, nakapatong ang parehong braso sa baradilya ng lighthouse at umiiling-iling ng may mga ngiti sa labi.
Nang lumipas ang iilang Segundo ay marahan siyang tumingin sa akin. The slyness in her face disappeared into the thin air. Ang kulay dagat niyang mata ay tila gusting halukayin ang buong pagkatao ko, sending shivers on my bare back and making my stomach rumble into the unknown description of what I'm feeling.
"Let's take a picture." She said nonchalantly and fish her phone from her back pocket. Agad niya iyong itinutok sa akin, ready to shoot her photos.
I immediately felt self-conscious ng makita ang pag-angat ng tingin niya sa akin kaya naman tinakpan ko ang camera niya gamit ang palad ko.
"Abuso ka na sa pagkuha ng pictures ko. I told you, mahal ang TF ko." Pang-aasar ko sa kanya upang itago ang namuong hiya sa akin.
"I've worked really hard while you're not here. I think I can afford it." Seryoso niyang saad kaya naman agad akong napabaling sa kanya. Her whole focus is on her phone. Marahan namang napaawang ang labi ko ng ma-realizeang sinabi niya. Nang iangat niya ang tingin sa akin at magtama iyon sa mga titig ko ay agad akong napa-iwas.
"Stop taking pictures of me! Akala ko picture nating dalawa?!" Naiirita kong saad, pilit itinatago ang umuusbong na kaba sa dibdib ko habang patuloy na nanatili ang titig niya sa akin.
"Wow, are you asking for a picture with me, Miss Selena?" Agad akong nairap ng marinig ang kahanginan at pang-aasara sa tono niya.
"Oh, you wish." I said and rolled my eyes, nagbayang iiwan na siya roon but to only bounce back closer to her nang hilahin niya ang siko ko pabalik sa kanya. Her laughs resonated closer to me at parang tatalon na ang puso ko mula sa dibdib dahil sa mas malapit na distansya naming, giving me a cleared view of how beautiful she is.
"Don't spoil my fun, Selena. C'mon let's take a picture." She said at isinandal ang phone sa isa sa mga bintana ng lighthouse. It serves as the stand of her phone while she fiddles Something from her smartwatch.
Agad naman siyang bumalik sa tabi ko ng maayos na niya. I stand beside her while she stands like a solid rock beside me. Nang makakuha siya ng tatlong retrato ay hindi man lang kami nagbago ng pose.
"What the hell? Bakit parang hindi ka naman photographer! Ayusin mo!" Bakas ang inis sa akin. I move closer to her to lessen the empty space between us. Nakita ko naman ang marahang gulat sa mukha niya sa screen ng phone niya kaya naman hindi ko na napigilan ang mapairap.
She talks so flawlessly with me and her words yet eto siya natutuod sa tabi ko, what is really the deal here Emirson?!
"Move closer!" utos ko sa kanya. She looks like a kitten as she follows me. I moved a little closer to her to, my bare back, touching her chest a little bit. Pakiramdam ko ay may dumaloy na kuryente sa likod ko dahil sa pagtatama ng mga bata namin.
"You can touch me! Wala man lang ka form-form ung katawan mo! You could replace this lighthouse, Emir!" I commented kaya nakita ko naman ang marahang pagkagat niya sa pang-ibabang labi bago tuluyang dumikit sa akin.
Her long fingers settled on my small waist, pulling me closer to her. Parang ako naman ngayon ang na-estatwa at nanatili ang titig sa kanya. The same with her as her ocean-blue eyes penetrate the shit out of me. Pakiramdam ko ay paulit-ulit akong nabibighani ng mga mata niya.
And when she licks her lower lips, close enough for me to witness such sinful scenery, far more dangerous than the loud waves coming from afar dahil pakiramdam ko ay umiikot ang sikmura ko at naghaharumentado ang dibdib ko.
"Let's look at the pictures." She whispers, making me take all that mint breath of hers!
I step back with hesitation at nang maramdaman ang pag-alis ng kamay niya sa bewang ko ay pakiramdam ko may nawawalang parte sa akin.
I watched her as she swipes through her phone and look intently on the pictures. Ang marahang pagbuntong hininga niya at pagkagat sa labi ang mas lalong nagpalakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.
Why am I even paying attention to every little damn thing that she does?!
"Patingin." I said and walked toward her. Nang magtama ang paningin naming ay para ayaw niya pang ipakita sa akin ang mga pictures. Bago pa siya makahindi ay agad ko ng kinuha ang phone mula sa kamay niya.
When I saw the first picture ay parang nabato ako. She was looking at me while I was standing idly beside her, seryosong nakatingin sa kamera at bahagyang hinahangin ang buhok. When I swipe next, we were both looking at each other now – her with a slight smirk on her lips habang ako ay kunot ang noong nakatingin sa kanya.
The next pictures were almost of the same set-up, if she's not looking at me alone ay magkatingin naman kaming dalawa as if something transpired through those eye contact that even I couldn't recall. It was a moment only captured by time, we could never remember and its lock into these pictures.
Ang huling retrato ay noong hinila niya ako papalapit. Our distance is too close, that I was already occupying a third of her body. Ang isang kamay ay nakapulupot sa bewang ko, ang buong mata ay nasa akin – No! Scratch that! She looks like she's looking at my lips! She looks like she wants to kiss me!
Ngunit bago ko pa ulit matitigan maigi ang picture ay kinuha niya na ang phone mula sa akin.
"Nah, this won't do. Not enough." Bulong niya bago patayin ang phone at ilagay iyon sa back pocket niya ulit.
"I was still looking at it!" protesta ko.
"I'm not posting those, not in this lifetime."
"At least airdrop those to me! Iyong mga pictures kong kinuha mo 'rin." Pagdadahilan ko.
"Later, besides you look good on those pictures. Wala ka bang tiwala sa skills ko?"
"Maganda naman pala eh, bakit ayaw mong ipakita sa akin? C'mon, Emir! I want to see!"
"Nope. Next time kapag ready na ako." Mahina niyang bulong
"What?!"
"Sabi ko 5 thousand kada picture."
"What? Oh, please! Sa lagay natin alam mong ikaw dapat ang nagbabayad sa akin."
"Ever so proud, Selena!" She said laughing.
"Let me see those pictures, Emir."
"I'll send you your pictures."
"Not my pictures, those pictures."
"C'mon, I look like a lovesick puppy there. Stop pushing it, Selena. I have a pride too." Swabe niyang saad.
The proudness in her face, those glistening eyes. She didn't even shake a bit when she said those, as if it's a fact she's acquainted to. Like she knew it all along?
What the fuck is this?!
Before I could even ask for another questions, Emir started going down the stairs, slowly fading away from my vision.
Goddamn her! Her and her moves, her words! Her whole existence!