Archer: "Let me come with you." Y/n: "No." Archer: "I will tell the selkies." Y/n: "Still a no. I can't take any of you." Archer stands in front of the door in his horse form. Y/n: "Fine! You win!"
~Leaky Cauldron, Night~
The Knight Bus fishtails into view and squeals to a stop, centimeters from a parked car. The bus settles and -- tink! -- taps the bumper. Instantly, the car's alarm wails.
~Night bus~
The chandelier sways drunkenly as the bus doors open. The steps groan with heavy feet and a figure appears Tom, Innkeeper of the Leaky Cauldron pub. Tom: "Mr. Potter... at last."
~Outside the Leaky Cauldron~
As the Knight Bus rockets off, Tom and Harry are revealed, Harry glances up and reads the sign above THE LEAKY CAULDRON. Tom drags Harry's trunk inside, then pauses and, with a flick of his wand, silences the car alarm.
~Inside~
Harry trails Tom through the quiet room. The bartender glances up, his gaze lingering perhaps a bit too long. A solitary wizard reads a book while, at his elbow, his coffee cup stirs itself. Tom leads Harry upstairs.
~Backroom~
As Harry follows Tom inside, he finds a snow-white owl (Hedwig) perched atop a chair. Harry: "Hedwig!" Tom: "Right, smart bird you've got there, Mr. Potter. Arrived only minutes before yourself." ???: "Sorry, I'm late. This big boy..." Y/n points to the kelpie in his horse form standing next to her. Y/n: "Wouldn't let me leave without him." A man clears his throat. Harry turns, and finds a Pinstriped silhouette at the window, staring at the ghostly shadows beyond. Harry's reflection shivers in the glass, but the man doesn't turn. Tom takes a position against the wall, fishes a pair of walnuts from his pocket, and -- CRACK -- crushes the shells between his palms. Fudge: "Glad you could make it, Y/n. So, this is the famous kelpie that was giving us problems?" Y/n: "Archer." Fudge: "You really do have a way with these creatures. The more dangerous they are to other, the more docile they are to you." Y/n: "It's based off of respect." Fudge: "I should tell you, Mr. Potter, earlier this evening your uncle's sister was located just south of Sheffield, circling a chimney stack. The Accidental Magic Reversal Department was dispatched and she's been properly punctured and her memory modified. She has no recollection of the incident whatsoever." Y/n: "That's what you did?" Fudge: "I knew you would get a kick out of that." Y/n: "I 'accidently' changed all the clocks to be two hours earlier to make everyone two hours late." Harry giggles the waits. A man condemned. Then Fudge turns. Fudge: "So that's that, and no harm done. (smiling) Pea soup?" Harry glances warily from the steaming tureen of green to Tom, who works a grimy thumb into his gum, and frees a walnut sliver. Harry: "No thank you. Minister... I don't understand. I broke the law. Underage wizards aren't allowed to use magic at home --" Fudge: (dishing up a bowl) "Oh, come now, Harry. The Ministry doesn't send people to Azkaban for blowing up their aunts! On the other hand... running away like that... given the state of things... very, very irresponsible." Y/n: "I would've ran away a long time ago." Fudge: "Please don't." Y/n: "I'd still come to work..." Harry: "'The state of things' sir?" Fudge: "We have a killer on the loose." Y/n: "No. Don't tell me Bellatrix is loose." Fudge: "Why did the first person to come across your mind was Bellatrix?" Y/n: "She's crazy enough to try..." Harry: "Sirius Black, you mean. But... what's that got to do with me?" Y/n: "Don't talk abut one of the only good family members I have like that. Or there will be consequences." Regulus: "Deep breaths, Y/n. Getting angry here isn't good idea." Crack! Tom shatters another walnut. Fudge smiles nervously. Fudge: "Hm? Oh, nothing. You're safe, that's what matters. Tomorrow you'll be on your way to Hogwarts. These are your new schoolbooks. I took the liberty of having them brought here for you. Your as well, Y/n. Hopefully you'll finish your school years here." Y/n: "It's not my fault they couldn't keep up." Harry eyes the stack of books. One is bound by a rope. Fudge: "By the way, Harry. Whilst you're here it would be best if you didn't... wander." Y/n: "I have extra room." Fudge: "You always do. I'd like you to keep an eye on Mr. Potter. The ministry has room 12 booked for you."
~The next morning, room 11~
Harry, standing with Hedwig. He turns and eyes his schoolbooks. Y/n knocks on the door. Harry: "Come in." Y/n: "Hey." He studies the growling tome-- The Monster Book of Monsters -- tugs at the rope. Instantly... ... the book leaps to the floor, pages flying, book cover snapping. Harry gives chase, then the book turns, and begins nipping viciously at his shoes. Harry vaults atop the bed and watches the book disappear underneath, then grabs a pillow. Seconds later, the book scuttles into view, and Harry pounces-- FLUMP! The book roars angrily, muffled beneath the pillow. Harry takes the rope and prepares to rebind it.
~Hallway~
A young witch in maid's robes pushes a cart down the hall. Harry exits his room as the witch knocks on a door. Young witch: "Housekeeping." As she opens the door, she's greeted by a thunderous roar and a rush of wind. The Young Witch: (unperturbed) "I'll come back later." Y/n: "Are you done, with your tantrum?" She crouches near the book and strokes its spine. The book immediately relaxed. She continues this until she reached Harry. Something small and fast dashes by Harry's feet. Looking, he spies a rather ragged-looking rat (Scabbers), pursued by an orange cat(Crookshanks). Y/n: "Kato! Archer! What the heck! No eating the rat, or no snacks." Both sulk and follow Y/n. Y/n: "Come here, little fella." Y/n picks up the rat.
~Stairway~
As Harry moves down the stairs, voices come from below. Harry: "Thanks, how did you calm the book?" Y/n: "Stroke the spine to open it." Ron: (Not seen) "I'm warning you, Hermione! Keep that bloody beast of yours away from Scabbers or I'll turn it into a tea cozy." Hermione: (Not seen) "He's a cat, Ronald! What do you expect? It's in his nature." As Harry reaches the bottom, he finds Ron Weasley angry, while Hermione Grander does her best to restrain a hissing Crookshanks. Y/n: "This your rat? Kato almost ate it." Ron: "Thanks. A cat! Is that what they told you? Looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me." Y/n: "Oh my god." Hermione: "That's rich coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush. (cooing to the cat) It's all right, Crookshanks. You just ignore the mean little boy..." Y/n: "Is that a Hansa Himalayan and Kneazle mix?! I've never seen that mix before!" Crookshanks recognized Peter because Crookshanks is part of Kneazle, a cat-like magical creature known for recognizing untrustworthy people. "Can I hold him? How much does he weigh? What do you put in his diet? Does he get plenty of exercises?" Hermione: "A what mix?" Y/n: "Kneazle, their known for recognizing untrustworthy people. I'm sorry, I'm Y/n. I work for the ministry I tame, wrangle, rehome, and or wrestle magical creatures." Ron: "You're Y/n?! The head of the relocation and protection agency?!" Hermione: "That's so cool! You're famous! I didn't expect you to be a teen though." Y/n: "15. I've been doing this since I was little. Got me away from home." Then, sensing another presence in the room, both turn. Hermione & Ron: "Harry." Y/n looks at a dog-eared clipping from The Daily Prophet. A HEADLINE SCREAMS: "GRAND PRIZE WINNER VISITS EGYPT!" In the accompanying PHOTO, the entire WEASLEY FAMILY stands before the GREAT PYRAMIDS, waving. Smack in the middle is Ron, Scabbers perched on his shoulder." As Ron smoothes the dog-eared clipping onto the table, Harry studies it. Hermione ignores it, stroking Crookshanks. Y/n: "Always a nice place to visit." Hermione: "You've been there?" Y/n: "Many times. The ministry pays for everything." Harry: "Egypt! What's it like?" Ron: "Brilliant. It's got loads of old stuff. Mummies. Death masks. Tombs --" Hermione: "You know, the ancient Egyptians of the Nile River delta worshipped the cat goddess Bast." Y/n: "Don't forget the crocodiles. Sebek the crocodile god whose chief sanctuary in Fayyūm province included a live sacred crocodile, Petsuchos, in whom the god was believed to be incarnate. They also eat rats." Ron glares stonily at Hermione, then turns back to Harry. Ron: "I also got a new wand." Just then, a commotion is heard. The Weasleys -- Percy, Fred, George, Ginny, Arthur, and Molly -- arrive en masse, laden with purchases from Diagon Alley. George: "Not flashing that clipping about again, are you, Ron?" Ron: "I haven't shown anyone!" Fred: "No, not a soul. Unless you count Tom. The day maid. The night maid. The cook. The bloke that came to fix the toilet. That wizard from Belgium..." Y/n: "Head of the relocation and protection agency." Mr. Weasly: "What? Where? I've never met her before." Y/n: "Of course not. Why be in an office when you have a sanctuary to run. Hi, I'm Y/n, Head of the Relocation and Protection Agency. Yes, I'm 15. No, I'm not lying. Yes, Fudge knows. I work directly under him. Yes, I have been professionally doing this since I was little. Yes, that's a Kelpie and a tiger." Mr. Weasly: "Hi. I'm Arthur Weasley-" Y/n: "Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office. I'm a fan of that department. Always been my second favorite. My department taking the cake." Mrs. Weasley takes Harry's face in her hands and smiles. As if relieved to see him. Mrs. Weasley: "It's good to see you, Harry." Harry: "Good to see you too, Mrs. Weasley." Y/n: "Don't worry he was in good hands." Mr. Weasley: "Harry. I wonder if I might have a word." Harry: "Of course, Mr. Weasley. As Mr. Weasley pulls Harry away, the others continue to hover over the clipping in the b.g. Fred: "George's nose looks positively massive in that photograph." Ginny: "That's your nose, Fred." Fred: "Bloody hell. 'Tis, isn't it? Take after your side of the family, don't I, Mum?" Y/n: "You have a very lovely family-Fuck! I'm stuck." Archer snorts before trotting toward the poster. Y/n scans it. Harry notices Mr. Weasley glance edgily at a fugitive poster tacked to the wall. In it, SIRIUS BLACK glowers under the words, "Have You Seen This Man?" Mr. Weasely: "Harry-" Harry: "Are you okay?" Y/n: "Yeah, Archer is just being a dick." Mr. Weasely: "There are some within the Ministry who would strongly discourage me from divulging what I'm about to tell you. But I think you need to know the facts. Because you're in danger. Grave danger." Y/n: "He's not in grave danger. The only person who's in grave danger is Scabbers, and that fucking traitor Pettigrew!" Y/n finally gets her hand back. Y/n: "Who spiked my coffee?!" Regulus: "How did you know?" Y/n: "There was twice the usual amount of fire whiskey in it." Harry's eyes drift to the fugitive poster. Harry: "Has this anything to do with him, sir?" Mr. Weasely: "What do you know of Sirius Black, Harry?" Y/n: "I know a lot." Harry: "That he escaped from Azkaban. That he killed someone..." Mr. Weasley: "Harry, thirteen years ago, when you stopped..." Y/n: "Finish that thought. I will not let another person slander my uncle." Regulus: "It's okay. They'll soon learn of the truth. My brother would never join Voldemort." Y/n: (muttering) "With how much my parents hate me, I might just end up married to the guy." Regulus: "I'd kill them before they get to the point of arranged marriage." Mr. Weasley hesitates, unable to continue. Y/n: "Tom. Just fucking call him Tom. Tom Marvolo Riddle, for Merlins sake!" Harry: "Voldemort...?" Mr. Weasley: (nodding nervously) "Black lost everything. But he remains a loyal servant to this day. In his mind, only you stand in the way of..." Y/n: "Regulus! I'm seeking to punch Matthew in the face. Be back in five minutes." Y/n apparates to Tom and Lucius. Once again, Mr. Weasley hesitates. Harry: "Voldemort...?" Mr. Weasely: "Harry, I hate it when you say --" Harry: "I know, sorry. Ron hates it too." Regulus: "It's just a name. Sure it's different I worked for the guy to get to his horcruxes but still." Weasely: "In Black's mind, only you stand in the way of... You-Know-Who returning to power. That's why he's broken. That's why he's broken out of Azkaban. To find you. And..." Regulus: "Don't you dare. Y/n will kill you if you put false information in that kids head." Mr. Weasley hesitates yet again. Harry: "Kill me?" Regulus: "If he wanted you dead Harry. You would be dead right now. Why can't they hear me?" Mr. Weasley nods. Nervously. Mr. Weasley: "Harry. I want you to swear that -- whatever you might hear -- you won't go looking for Black." Archer: (In human form) "So, you have chosen death." Mr. Weasley: "Huh?" Y/n: "Ahhhh!" Tom: "Get back here!" Harry: "Mr. Weasley, why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?" Mr. Weasley nods, then claps Harry on the shoulder. Weasley: "Just watch yourself, will you, Harry?" Harry: "Did you punch him?" Y/n: "Yes. It made him pissed." Tom: "Get back here, bitch!" Y/n: "Bye-bye, love!" Tom: "Love?" Y/n runs faster. Tom: "Wait! I'm still angry."