I tried not to seem too suspicious of him while listening, but it all went in one ear and out the other. I didn't care much for what he said, until he mentioned this.
"I broke up with Kaede, we got in an argument about it when I confronted her on the situation," he started. "It's the most angry I've ever seen her and now she's acting so normal."
I smirked, "A lover's quarrel? How cute! Maybe she just wasn't into the relationship like you were but who's to say." He scratched the back of his head, looking rather conflicted. I turned on my heel, back towards him, "Anywho, I can't keep Shuichi waiting. Bye Rantaro, and thanks for the info!"
I walked towards the cafeteria, thoughts overtaking my mind. Kaede was definitely someone to keep an eye on, however that could've been a one off. But... Something still felt off about it. Shuichi was way to shy anyway, plus I thought he was gay? Maybe he's bi? But I guess it didn't particularly matter at that moment.
I peeked in and watched Shuichi smiling with the group. He still had sad eyes, but at least he was trying. Kaede took notice of me standing in the corner and motioned for me to join. I figured I might as well, plus it would give me some insight to what Rantaro had been talking about.
Taking a seat next to Shuichi, I listened to their conversation. All the remaining people sat at the table, excluding Rantaro of course. They talked about the food Aimi had managed to make somehow. Though Kokoro mentioned how many of dishes were broken, laughing it off in the moment.
I didn't eat anything since I wasn't hungry but Shuichi looked at me with a glint of concern in his eyes. My own eyes were quite heavy and I had been nodding off the entire time I'd been there. Shuichi and Kaede exchanged glances.
She cleared her throat, "Alright, I think it's best if everyone heads back to their dorms for the night. It is late after all." One by one, people got up from their seats, yawning and waving before they exited.
Besides Shuichi and I, Kaede was the last to leave. My head swayed back and fourth, clearly I was exhausted. I vaguely remember him grabbing my hand and pulling me up the 17 flights of stairs. Stupid monokuma, taking away the elevator.
Once up, Shuichi opened the door to my dorm room and guided me to the bed. Which I, happily, flopped onto. He tucked me in like I was a child before starting to walk away. I grabbed him by the wrist.
"Stay!" I groggily remarked. He smiled and sat next to my tired form on the bed. He held my hand while I drifted to sleep.
I knew what was coming, more nightmares but what would it be this time? A familiar scene popped up. The same one from my previous dream, Shuichi in a hospital bed. I wept there. Don't die on me.
Hypocrite.
Shut it.
Wouldn't it have been better if you'd just died?
You say that every night. Like if I were dead sure, good for me but he'd still be here! You have no new angle to get on me.
If you'd just stayed alone, you wouldn't have to worry about this. She would've been your end instead of this pathetic place.
He would still be here.
Maybe he wouldn't, he wouldn't have had to protect you. You directly caused this.
Stop. I didn't-
Yeah sure, believe what you want. All you cause is pain, suffering, misery, and torment. Like always.
I-
Don't make excuses. People have died because of you. People have died FOR you. They shouldn't have wasted their time on you.
That's not-
Your fault. It is your fault. All of them, Kaito, Maki, Miu, Naoko, Eiko, Rika, Yua, Diachi, Himari, Akio, and Kuero. Dead because of you, some you could've been there. Others, you were but did nothing. You piece of shit.
All the thoughts I'd been holding in, he spat at me without any kind of restraint or hesitation. My heart beat was rapid, my breathe quickening. It was difficult to breathe, as the scenes I'd seen, the ones I imagined of their deaths played out in front of me. Tears cascaded down my face, silently panic setting in. Terror, guilt, sadness, anger, all of those emotion intertwined as I cried watching the replays.
The last one, hit hard.
A memory of my mother. Her weakened state in the hospital, smiling with sadness in her glassy eyes. She held my cheek telling me it would be okay. She'd pull through and live on with me.
Of course, it was a massive lie as us Oumas are known. Her funeral, dark and dreary, only me and a social worker attending the service. I pounded on the casket, begging for her to wake up but there was silence. I was so young then.
I never wanted to see Shuichi in that same state. Unable to keep going because of something out of his control. And me? Being the direct cause, I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.
The scene returned of him in the bed. The monitor beeping every so often. Before- before it went off. My face was covered in my own tears, I walked over to his bedside. Looked at the dead boy on the bed, Shuichi. It's my fault. I held his hand and squeezed it, hoping for a response only to receive no such thing.
New tears emerged, I didn't hold in the sobs that time. My fault. I should've just stayed away from you. I'm sorry. Damn it, why couldn't you just stay away!
I woke up, being shaken awake by the person whom I'd been so afraid of losing. He pulled me into him, where I continued to cry on his shoulder. I was so scared, but he was right there all along.
If he stays there, he'll only get hurt.
I c-can't deal with you right now.
I'll be back, I am you afterall.
I was terrified, but he held me tightly while I clung to him. He didn't ask any questions, just sat in the room with me. Letting me, let everything I'd been holding out for the first time in a long time. They were gone, gone and not coming back. But he was still here. Anyone could die at any moment, so I had to stop thinking about the possibility. Everyone dies eventually, what is it they say? Cherish the moment? That seemed right.
I calmed down enough for him to pull away and look at my face. Snot and all. He wiped my tears away from under my eyes and I held that hand. I smiled slightly at him.
"Let me grab some tissues," He reeled back to the restroom. "Here." He held them out to me.
I grasped a few, blowing my nose. "Ew! Snot! Get it away from me Shumai!" He smiled at my statement and grabbed the tissues from a snot free area. Then threw them in the garbage.
He sat back down next to me, "You okay to talk about it. You were shaking, crying and mumbling in your sleep."
I stared for a few minutes. I wanted to talk to him about it, but if I did-
That guilt may be justified.
Y-yeah.
I locked eyes with him. "T-they're dead, and it's my fault." Such a simple statement for all the feelings I'd been embodying.
His eyes widened, "It's not your fault- none of this is! I'm sorry I blamed you- Maki did what she did. A-and Miu chose murder, I'm sorry-" My eyes welled up. "I'm so sorry-" He enveloped me in a hug once more.
"Y-you don't get it!" I screamed. He held a shocked expression. "Everyone I care for is dead. All gone! DICE is gone, my mother has been gone, all the friends from our game hated me. Miu tried to kill me, Eiko is dead, Sachio sees me as a pest, everyone else just tolerates me!" I pushed him away and cried into my own hands. I sounded so dumb, idiotic even.
Reminded me of a certain astronaut. He stayed quite, looking at me with pity it seemed. But also trying to piece something together.
I wiped my eyes. "You know, you're the only one who acts like they care anymore. I'm just a lying little bastard who should've died a long time ago. Only wish I'd realized sooner. I would've kept you far away, keep you away from all my issues. But I've got you way more involved than anyone else.
"If only Kaito hadn't invited me that day, or if I'd said no. Or have waited for the later bus. I would've got you in my mess of a life."
Tears fell silently from his eyes. "I-I wanted you in my life. So don't take all those times away! They may be gone but there are still people who care about you. T-the night y-you fell asleep in my lap during the movie, when you comforted me in the middle of the night. The ferris wheel, you remember? We rode it all the way to the top, watching the sunset. A-and the fireworks!
"Our dance in the cafeteria when we took a tour here. The night where we all celebrated being discharged. A-and the radio in your room in the hospital. When we sung together. Don't apologize for any of it. I won't let you apologize for it."
I leaned forward. "Then promise me Shumai." He nodded, "We'll go on that wheel again."
He rubbed his eyes, "It's a promise."
...
A/N
Woo day early update! I have a con tomorrow so I probably wouldn't remember to post this lol, hope everyone is doing well.
Also, any theories on the mastermind? I love seeing your comments whether I laugh or they influence the actually story, their a delight to see.
(For Example the science lab wasn't original planned to be there and someone commented about how it would probably be important to the trial, thus poison)
Hope you're having a good day/night or whenever you're reading!
~silliesgirlz out