The second round of chemo goes a little better than the first one, which is to be expected.
The doctors say something about Laurent's body having gotten used to the treatment but it's hard to be enthusiastic when Laurent's body weight continues to drop at an alarming rate.
He's starting to look like a cancer patient with the bald head and the gaunt face and no matter how many layers of clothes he wears, it's easy to spot how skinny he has become. So much so, that people start shooting him looks when they're out and about. It would be a nuisance if they were just regular people, but the absolute worst part is when they're recognized by fans because they have a comparison. They know what Laurent used to look like before all of this started and they'll fawn over him and give him that pitiful, half-scared look that never fails to piss Larry off because non of it helps and he just wants them all gone.
Larry is more protective than ever before.
His brother is frail, not just physically but emotionally and somehow that's enough to send every single one of his protective instincts into hyper mode. He always walks a few feet ahead of Laurent when they're out, just in case anyone thinks they can snap a picture of his twin for their amusement. He shoots dirty looks at people when they stare at Laurent and he snaps at anyone stupid enough to comment on it, even children.
It's the first time in his life that he doesn't enjoy being in the presence of children because they don't have a filter and they will ask Laurent stupid questions like why don't you have hair and why do you look so tired? Where are those bruises from? How come you are so skinny?
Laurent, of course, can't help himself. He still picks the babies and toddlers up, despite his weakness, despite the way his arms tremble from the strain of their weight. He still plays with them and blows raspberry kisses against their cheeks, giving so much love and warmth even though their shrill voices are bad for his headaches, and the attention they demand saps at his last energy reserves. Larry hovers like an overprotective mama bear, ready to lift them out of his brother's hold and send them on their merry way.
And then one day the unthinkable happens. Laurent, being the children's magnet that he is, starts talking to a little girl at the corner store when one of his episodes hits him out of nowhere. It's a bad one. His nose starts bleeding and it coats his hands and chin, dripping onto his shirt. Larry tries to help him clean it, but Laurent is adamant to do it himself, swatting at his hands because he doesn't want to come off any weaker than he already is. Larry is worried, Laurent is swaying as he presses a bunched-up ball of tissues to his nose and the girl clings to her mama's leg. "Is he dying, mommy?"
For a second, Larry's mind goes blank right there.
His vision clouds over.
White noise.
He doesn't remember much after that, only Laurent's panicked voice as it calls out his name, trying to break through to him.
And then nothing.
That night, Larry locks himself in the bathroom and starts crying. He showers until the water turns cold and even then, he's still crying and it's like he suddenly can't stop. Like if only he keeps going long enough, maybe he'll drown in his tears and maybe this whole nightmare will finally come to an end. When he gets out, Laurent is sitting on the bed, waiting for him.
Larry's shaking all over and he can't get himself to move he knows Laurent heard him crying, he knows that his eyes probably look like he poured lemon juice into them, all bloodshot and swollen. And yet he still can't bring himself to say anything. Because he knows one word will be enough to send him over the edge again and he doesn't want Laurent to have to deal with that on top of everything else.
Laurent gets up and Larry takes a step back like he's about to run because fight or flight kicks in with a vengeance and Larry's not ready to have this conversation.
He's not.
He just had a freaking panic attack in a convenience store and then spent the past hour standing under the ice-cold shower spray, bawling his eyes out and he just wants to sleep and never get up again. He wants to wake up to a life where Laurent is healthy and where their biggest worry is how to arrange their appointments and trips so that they don't miss out on any family events. He wants to go back to fighting and dancing and not worrying about a thing because life is good and they're happy.
"Larry..."
Laurent takes another step forward and this time Larry doesn't move.
He takes another step and then a third one and suddenly his skinny arms are wrapped securely around Larry's back and shoulders until Larry knows how to breathe again.
"I can't lose you," Larry chokes out and he's got no place to hide anymore. Laurent knows every corner of his mind and heart anyway, because he owns all of it. Every single part of him. "I can't."
"Shh, Larry."
"I will die."
"Please stop."
"I will die," he repeats in a heartbroken whisper because he already feels like dying right now and if nothing else helps then maybe this will. It's not fair and he knows it's not but it's the only card he's got left to play and Larry knows if this doesn't kick Laurent's survival instinct into high gear then nothing else ever will. He digs his finger into Laurent's shoulder until he's sure it will leave bruises and he clenches his teeth so hard he thinks he'll break them. "If I lose you, I'll die. I'll die, Laurent, you can't, I don't—"
"Larry, please, it's gonna be okay," Laurent whispers, but Larry just shakes his head.
"It's NOT okay," Larry chokes and it's an ugly thing, the way his voice hitches, the way his legs are shaking like he's falling through a bottomless pit in the ground, like he'll never have halt again in this life. "It's never gonna be okay. I will NEVER be okay. B-because if you leave me— if y-you—"
"Larry." Laurent pleads with him, holding his face in his hands. His eyes are wide and intense as they stare deep into Larry's soul, as they search for the part of Larry that's still capable of rational thought. "Listen to me, right now, okay? I need you to listen."
Larry shakes his head, crying harder and his breath is hitching so hard, he's dizzy with it but Laurent's hands are warm against his tear-slick cheeks and his presence floods through Larry like a tidal wave of familiarity.
Laurent brings their foreheads together and feels Larry shudder against him.
He grabs Larry's right hand and brings it up to place it over his heart. "You feel that?" he breaths and Laurent sucks in a shuddering breath, curls his lips into his mouth and nods. He feels the steadiness of the rhythm he'd known before anything else in his life and he allows for the steady thudding to ground him to the here and now. "I'm right here, okay? I don't plan on going anywhere, alright? Not until we're at least eighty and your hair's turned all white and I'll beat you in a wheelchair race in our retirement home, okay?"
Larry tries to smile through the tears, but it comes out like more of a grimace.
He give a jerky nod and a sniffle and his heart is quivering with how scared he still is, how utterly terrified that for once in their lives, Laurent is promising something that he can't keep. But then Laurent places his hand over where Larry's is flattened over his heart and their fingers glide together effortlessly, like two puzzle pieces. "I'm not giving up. Now tell me you aren't, either."
Larry swallows hard and his throat is on fire, eyelashes clumpy with wetness as more tears well up in his eyes. His breath stutters and he curls his hand tight enough into Laurent's to bruise.
"Never."
"Okay, good," Laurent nods. "I didn't think so."
Laurent cups the back of his head and presses a quick kiss to his temple and Larry closes his eyes with a sigh.
He feels drained but also relieved somehow, like they've come to an understanding.
Things are still serious, of course and Larry's still scared out of his mind but he knows that Laurent won't stop fighting for him and for as long as there's a single breath left in his lungs, Larry won't either. So this will have to be a team effort. But together, they'll make it.
"We good?" Laurent asks and this time, when Larry offers up a wobbly smile, it's a hopeful one.
"No. But we will be."
fin.
A/N.: I have accidentally deleted this chapter and then it took me some time to gather enough motivation to rewrite it (so frustrating!!!!) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the last update to the story. I have received a few requests about a redo with their roles reversed so we'll see about that. Maybe I'll just do a chapter or two, just to see where the characters take me. Until then, you can hit me with requests/prompts as alwas...Thanks for reading/sending love! <3