In this chapter (and the next few chapters) I will be switching between Y/n and Tsukishima's pov, I hope it doesn't get too complicated for me or you! ⚠️ALSO MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS PLEASE BEWARE⚠️ (I will give you a warning when Eating disorders will be spoken about)
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Y/n's pov
Walking out of Tsukishima's house felt like a blur, all that was on my mind was the argument, playing it over and over again in my head, wondering if there was anything I could have done to stop it from getting that bad. I feel so guilty.
Stupid y/n, so stupid!
Why did you have to say that
I know I shouldn't have said what I said but Tsukishima and mines relationship is...complicated, we're mean to each other but not in a serious way and if I knew he would get upset over what I said I would have never of said it. It would have been weird to actually express how happy I was to spend the day with him but I would have done it...for him. I would have been terrified because what if he didn't feel the same, what if he was just asking me out of pity or because he feels like he has to.
No y/n don't be so stupid
Calm down
Stop overthinking
Kei isn't like that, if he didn't want to hang out with you he wouldn't of asked
...and he wouldn't have gotten so mad
I was trying to snap myself out of my thoughts and just focus on the way back home. I just wanna go home. Suddenly I felt this sting in my heart and my nose starting to itch and that's when I knew I was about to cry
Dammit Y/n don't cry
Don't cry.
I hate crying, my eyes go red and puffy and it makes me feel so weak, I know I'm an emotional person but crying over people and certainly a BOY just makes me feel so stupid
I can't believe that asshole has enough power to make me cry
I can't believe I'm crying over someone
The last person I cried over was my dad
I was wiping my tears away until I suddenly bumped into someone and fell back onto the ground
"Sorry!" I said panicking I then looked up to see who the person was and I was shocked to see that my eyes were locked with "KUROO??" I said confused
"Your crying? Why are you crying?" he said concerned as he crawled closer to me and started leaning over me
Shit
"It's hay-fever," I said with a nervous laugh as I leaned back since he was VERY close to my face
"I can tell when you're lying," he said and my eyes squinted in irritation
"No you can't," I said annoyed
"Yes I can, your eyes widen when you lie," he said and then I looked down at the position we were in I was sitting with my shoes on the floor and my knees slightly levitated with his knee right between my legs as he was practically on top of me, only inches from my face
"Yknow people probably think we're doing bad things," I said as I looked around and saw a lady gasping and then putting her hands over her son's eyes
"Oh right," he said as his face went red and he stood up and gave his hand for me to take I grabbed it nervously and stood up and felt my legs go wobbly
Classic
When my emotions get too much I always go "shaky"
Let's just hope I don't get a nose bleed. That also happens when my emotions are too high.
"Did I hurt you? Is that why you were crying?" he asked in a guilty tone
"No! No of course not," I said worriedly
"Come on tell me what happened," he said as he walked to a bench that was conveniently right beside us
I went over and sat next to him nervously
Just tell him Y/n
Remember what your therapist said it's ok to talk about your feelings. It's ok to open up.
I don't like talking about my feelings. Like at all. Therapy has helped with it but I still feel so nervous because I'm not paying Kuroo money to listen to my problems. I know he's my friend and I know he's asking me to tell him why I'm sad but what if he's only asking because he feels like he has to? What if he has way bigger problems going on in his life and instead of helping him we're wasting time talking about me? What if he's struggling and feels like he has no one to talk to and I'm just overloading him with my problems
"Y/n it's ok," Kuroo said in a kind tone dragging me out of my thoughts and reassuring me that it was all okay
"Thanks Kuroo," I said as I took a deep breath and he just nodded his head with a smile "do you remember the scary guy that showed up when you were delivering pizza to me?"
"You mean the one that looked like he wanted to kill me? How could I forget the day I thought I was gonna die," he said and I giggled
"Yes, that guy. Well, he's like my best friend I guess or well a close friend... actually no, he is probably my best friend. We got into an argument and I don't know if we will be friends again," I said as I fiddled my thumbs about
"What was the argument about?" He asked and I looked at him nervously
What if he thinks I'm a bad person
Of course he will
What if he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore
No one will after they all find out. You'll be all alone.
Oh my god stop it Y/n
"Promise you won't hate me," I said as I put my pinky out with a serious face and he laughed
"I don't think it's possible for anyone to hate you," He said and I smiled
"It is, trust me," I said with a laugh
"Well then...I could never hate you" he said with sincere eyes and I reminded him that I needed him to shake my pinky by waving it about and he rolled his eyes before he intertwined his pinky with mine
"Ok, so mine and Tsukishima's relationship is weird. We're mean to each other but we don't actually mean it... I think- well I don't mean it and I'm pretty sure he doesn't." I said as I thought about it but shook my head and carried on "Anyway today we were gonna go shopping for his cat and I was acting like I wasn't excited although I was and then the guy I erm...like texted me and made plans to work on a project tonight and so I said to Tsukishima "the quicker we get this day over with the sooner I can do the project with Kageyama" and he got mad...like REALLY mad," I said as I avoided eye contact with him
"You mean Tobio Kageyama?" He said surprised and I nodded my head
"Do you know him?" I asked curiously
"Uh... no, no I don't, carry on," he said as he shook his head
"Well, he started going on by saying that I never talk to Kageyama because I'm always with him and even though that is true... I don't mind always being around Kei I actually like being around him all the time I mean I do like Kageyama but Tsukishima's company is different," I said as a smile crossed my lips as I remembered all of the memories I have with Kei one memory in particular was stuck in my head
*time skip to last Saturday at the sleepover*
Even though the whole team was asleep I just couldn't drift off into the great world of dreams. Maybe it was because of Tanaka and Hinata's snoring or the fact that my conversation with Kageyama kept circling around my head. Maybe it was because I just didn't want to.
I turned around and put my pillow over my ears, I opened my eyes for one last time but instead of seeing closed eyes like I was expecting, my eyes found Tsukishima's. For a few seconds, we looked at each other. It was so weird but it felt so comforting that my eyes were lost in his. A smile overtook my face and he whispered "follow me" I nodded my head and we crept our way into the back garden. The second the wind hit my face all my thoughts and worries disappeared and I felt... refreshed.
Me and Tsukki walked over to the steps of the porch and sat in silence for a few minutes.
"You look really weird without glasses," I said and he looked down at me annoyed
"You look weird all of the time," he said and I elbowed his side
"At this point, my kidney is probably bruised," he said as he grabbed his side and I giggled
"You're a big baby"
"Babysayswhat," he said really fast so I couldn't understand. I faced him confused.
"What?" I asked puzzled
"Exactly," he said with a smirk
"It's almost 4 am I don't need this annoyance from you," I said as I crossed my arms and leaned forward and laid my arms on my knees
"Tough luck," he said as he laid back and supported his body with his arms as he faced the moon
We both sat in silence as we stared at the moon I was getting lost in thought again until he said "why couldn't you get to sleep?"
I looked back at him for a split second and then faced the moon again
Why CANT I sleep?
What do I even say
Maybe if I just try to be as honest as possible
"I guess I just don't want this day to end," I said as I let out a sigh
"It already has idiot. It's 4 in the morning" he said and I turned my head so he can see my eye roll
"I know that! But...if I sleep then it's like pressing the restart button yknow? I'll never get this day back"
"But that's the thing, there is no restart button. No one can take this day away from you, not even yourself. Tomorrow you have the chance to have another great day"
"But what if it's not a great day?" I asked worriedly
"Then you get to go to sleep and hope the next day is better," he said as he looked at the moon the whole time
"But I don't like bad days," I said sadly
"If we didn't have any bad days then we wouldn't know what a great day was"
I sat in silence as I thought about what he said and he sat up from the almost lying down position that he was in
"What was keeping you up then?" I asked curiously he didn't answer for a few seconds or minutes. I couldn't really tell how long he paused for as I was too distracted by the look in his eyes that expressed the wheels turning in his head but then he looked down at me seriously
"Promise me that if we're both single by the time we're 35...we'll marry each other," he said as he out raised his pinky. I looked at him shocked and confused.
WHAT?
Maybe it was because I was sleep deprived or because of the fact that his face looked so hypnotic under the moonlight. Maybe it was because of the way his eyes looked like they had a sparkle in them as he looked down at me, his eyes told me so many things in that one moment. Maybe it was because my heart felt like it glowed from the way that he was looking at me or because of how soft his voice was when he asked me. For whatever the reason all I could say was "ok" and when my pinky connected with his I was surprised to find his pinky so warm, because all the other times my skin has touched Kei's he's always been so cold, but tonight... he was the one warming me up.
*back to the present*
"Hey snap out your thoughts," Kuroo said as he brought me back to reality
"I was paying attention!" I said panicking
"Liar," he said with a smirk and I rolled my eyes
"I was saying that maybe you should be honest with Tsukishima about how you feel. If you like being around him tell him that"
"I tried but he's so stubborn," I said as I shook my head in annoyance
"But so are you," Kuroo said and I looked at him shocked
"I AM NOT."
"Are we talking about the same Y/n?" He said with a raised eyebrow
"BUT I'M NOT"
"That's what a stubborn person would say," he said as he laughed and I shoved him
"SOMETIMES I can be stubborn but IM not as stubborn as Tsukishima. He's just lost in the world of his own thoughts, he always thinks the worst so when you try to show him that he's wrong or that he's just blinded by his own negativity... it doesn't end well. He just falls deeper into the hole of his thoughts and it's hard to change what he's thinking." I said trying to find the right words
"Ok, so then instead of saying what your feeling...show him," he said and I looked at Kuroo confused
"HOW AM I MEANT TO SHOW HIM?" I asked and he shrugged
"I'm sure you'll figure it out," Kuroo said encouragingly
Tsukishima's Pov
I can't let her be alone
I can't let her be sad
As soon as I heard my front door shut I turned around and ran out my bedroom door I ran down my stairs almost falling but grabbing onto the bannister and continued running, I ran and ran down the street I was surprised she managed to walk this far in such little time. My legs felt like they were going to give up on me but picturing her crying made me go 10x faster and when I finally saw her she was lying on the ground with...Kuroo on top of her. I stood still as I watched them for a few seconds
She doesn't need you
She'll be okay
She's always okay
I took a deep breath and my eyes met with Kuroo's I squinted my eyes at him and gave him a scowl as he smirked, I adjusted my glasses before turning around and walking back to my house
What was that smirk for?
What a dirtbag
What if he does something to Y/n
No, I know he wouldn't, if Y/n trusts him then he must be a good guy
Or maybe he's not
Y/n is pretty naive but she's smarter than what she lets on
Ugh...
Why do I even care
Maybe I should take her advice and call Yachi
Back to Y/n's Pov
"I know it seems weird of me to say this Y/n but I know Tsukishima cares about you, maybe more than what he lets on. You guys need to talk about it and be honest with each other. It might be scary but it's that or just slowly hurting each other even if you guys don't mean it" Kuroo said and I nodded
"I know but I need some time to prepare myself for what I should say," I said in a sad tone "it's funny Kuroo because you're just always there to help me," I said with a little laugh and he looked at me confused
‼️WARNING MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS ARE ABOUT TO BE MENTIONED IF THIS MIGHT AFFECT YOU IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU SKIP THIS PART‼️
"Are you talking about last year?" He asked and my eyes widened in shock
"You...knew?" I asked as my heart started to race and my body went numb
"Well, it wasn't hard to notice Y/n it was obvious you were sick...I just wished I helped you back then instead of ignoring it," he said with a guilty face
"No, I'm glad you didn't mention it. I wasn't ready to talk about it and I don't think anyone could have helped me, I needed to help myself yknow?" I said and he smiled
"Do you...do you wanna talk about it?" He asked nervously and a lump formed in my throat as I slowly nodded my head
"It- it started when I went to wales" I choked out. I was trying to continue the story but the thoughts of what happened flashed in my head. The calorie counting, the weight checking, the guilt. I thought I was ready to talk about it but I'm not. My therapist is right. "Fuck, I'm sorry I'm just not ready yet," I said nervously
"That's fine I understand," he said with a reassuring smile
"Thanks, can you not tell anyone I really don't want anyone to know"
"I'm like a vault," he said and I laughed "can I ask you something though?" he asked nervously and I nodded my head
"Why did you push me away last year? When we were in wales we spent practically every second with each other and when you came back to Japan we spent most days together but then you stopped talking to me and I only saw you again when you were in Tokyo," he asked as his expression changed to a sad one
"I pushed everyone away... I just couldn't risk anyone finding out. You got lucky anyway because I wasn't much company during that time," I said with a guilty face
"I still would have been there for you, Y/n," he said as he took a deep breath
"I know and that was why I had to push you away"
‼️No longer mentions of ED‼️
"Do you think Tsukishima will forgive me?" I asked as I tried to change the subject
"I think he already has," said Kuroo and I gave him a side-eye of confusion "well I mean he's probably had time to think about it and is more than likely thinking about texting you"
"Well he won't, even if he was on his death bed he wouldn't text me," I said as I laid back into the bench as the crying caught up with me and I started feeling sleepy "I just hope they still have a sleepover tonight. Hopefully, Tsukki doesn't close everyone off cause he's in a bad mood"
"You still get tired after you cry?" He asked with a smile
"Yes! Got a problem?" I said defensively
"You haven't changed at all," he said as he smiled wider and I smiled confused at his remark "Let's get you home sleepy head," he said as he stood up and I followed him as he started walking in the direction of my home
"So who is this Kageyama guy then?" Kuroo asked with a smirk and my face turned bright red from embarrassment
"He's no one" I said as I crossed my arms
"I'm surprised he managed to win you over Y/n, I thought you would just never like anyone," Kuroo said and sadness swallowed me up as I thought about the fact he doesn't like me back
"Yeah well, he doesn't like me back," I said as I tried to put on a brave face and smile
"How do you know that?" He asked as he raised his eyebrow
"I just do," I said and he shook his head
"You're so positive about everything else but yourself Y/n," he said as he looked down at me sadly
Crap
Distract distract distract
"Omg maybe Tsukishima's realistic ways are rubbing of on me," I said as I gasped
"Oh god let's hope not"
"So why are you here anyway?" I asked curiously
"My aunt is moving here so she asked me to help with the moving boxes and stuff," he said and I looked up at him excited
"Does that mean you'll be here more often?" I asked and he looked down at me smiling as he saw how happy I was
"Well my little cousin IS my best friend so I'll probably have to come here more often," he said as he chuckled a little and I squealed in happiness
"THIS IS AMAZING! THINK ABOUT HOW OFTEN WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE EACH OTHER!" I said and his chuckle turned into a laugh
"Your so... so just so... Y/n"
"I take that as a major compliment," I said as I crossed my arms "wait how did you even bump into me? I get why I bumped into you cause, yknow, tears, but how did you not see me?"
"Well... I was actually playing a game on my phone with my friend Kenma. I kinda got lost in the ga- WAIT A SECOND, KENMA PROBABLY THINKS IM DEAD OR SOMETHING," Kuroo said as he pulled out his phone and started typing away I sneaked a peek at his phone and saw that he was spammed with notifications from his friend
"What happened?"
"We lost the game cause u left"
"Did u get hit by a car?"
"Ok I'll start planning ur funeral then"
"Nvm my favourite game just released a new update"
"Anyway better not be dead because then I might have to be team captain"
"Or even worse Lev"
"K txt me when ur in the ambulance or whatever"
"Your friend seems very caring," I said sarcastically and Kuroo looked at me as he continued typing
"Oh, he is! Really! He's just... Kenma," Kuroo said as he smiled and nodded his head
"What does he mean by team captain?" I asked confused
"Uh... Uhm oh look we're outside your house" Kuroo said with a nervous laugh
"Oh yeah," I said as I turned and faced my house
"Well, bye Kuroo! Thanks for... helping me" I said as I smiled at him
"Always," he said as he dragged me into a hug before I could leave. At first, I was hesitant but after a few seconds, I hugged back.
He put one of his hands on my head and rested his head on his hand
"Thanks for being such a good friend" I whispered with a smile
"Ok, I better go now," he said as he pushed my head away and I giggled
We waved at each other the whole time as I walked up the steps and walked into my house I shouted bye as I shut my door
"Y/N!" said Emiko as she jumped up from the couch and ran over to me and clung to my waist I bent down and gave her a proper hug
"Did someone miss me?" I said with a laugh
"No I just missed all the extra apple juice you give me," she said as she still hugged me
"Aw I missed you too" I said sarcastically "Is mom up?" I asked curiously
"Yeah she's taking a shower"
"This early?" I asked surprised and Emiko finally let go of the hug
"Yup! We're going to the beach" Emiko said as she did a happy dance and my face twisted in disgust as I thought about sand
"Ew"
"Y/n, just cause you're weird and hate the beach doesn't mean you can diss it," Emiko said in a sassy way
"Where are you learning this language from?" I said horrified as she started walking back to the sofa, I stood up and walked to the kitchen
"Have you had breakfast yet?" I asked as I leaned on the kitchen counter
"Yup!" She said as she didn't take her eyes away from the TV
"You want some apple juice?" I asked with a little smile and her face looked at me surprised as she ran to the kitchen
"You can't tell mom" I whispered to her as I poured her some apple juice and gave it to her
She nodded her head as she drank the apple juice just as she was drinking it a dark energy appeared behind us and we turned around slowly to see mom
"Why does she have apple juice?" Mom asked in a fake kind tone and I grabbed the juice from Emiko
"Wait, that's apple juice? I thought it was water" I said with a smile
"What?" Emiko said as she looked up at me with a betrayed face
"I must have mixed the apple juice and water up," I said with a nervous laugh and Emiko nodded her head
"I- Fine, ok then," my mom said with a sigh as she started walking away and me and Emiko looked at each other relieved
"Wait a minute..." she said as she turned back around and me and Emiko's faces turned to scared ones "why are you here so early Y/n?"
"I missed you guys," I said with a laugh and my mom came over and gave me a hug
"We missed you too sweetheart!" My mom said as she suffocated me in her hug
"Speak for yourself," Emiko said as she drank the apple juice quickly and walked back to the sofa
"Don't listen to her she slept with one of your teddies because she missed you so much" my mom said as she finally let go of me and let me breath
"WHAT?" I said shocked "WE NEED TO WASH THAT!" my mom laughed at what I said and my panicking face
"Do you want to come to the beach with us?" She asked with an excited face
"Uhh- don't call me I'll call you," I said and my mom rolled her eyes (looking back I don't think this is a very known term as my grandad says it a lot and that's why I used it 😭 but it basically means no)
"I'm going to go get ready for some fun while you stay here in this gloomy house" my mom said as she done a little dance and I rolled my eyes
"I can have fun in this 'gloomy house'"
"Sure, sweetheart" my mom said as she turned around and walked up stairs
I went over and sat on the sofa next to Emiko "that was a close one" I said to her and she didn't take her eyes off the TV
"You have bad excuses," she said and my face turned into a confused one. Just as I was about to reply my phone lit up with a new notification
Y/n is annoying
Best frend 🕺🏻
When are we supposed to go to Tsukishima's?
I'm bored
I stared at my phone to see if Tsukishima would reply. He didn't. I wasn't sure if I should reply since I wouldn't be going to the sleepover
Suga 💕💕
What about 6? That way we can get dinner at Tsukishima's
Daichi 🥵
Are you sure Tsukishima is ok with this?
Y/n
He is
he's just grumpy at the moment so when you guys go to his house and he's mean to you guys just ignore him
Sid the sloth but with glasses
I don't need you to speak for me
Y/n
So then speak for yourself
Sid the sloth but with glasses
How can I when you always talk over me?
Best frend 🕺🏻
I'm sensing some tension here
Y/n
No, just classic Kei
Best frend 🕺🏻
Imma ask Yamaguchi to come
Yamaguchi 😶🌫️
Come where?
Best frend 🕺🏻
A sleepover at Tsukishima's!
Yamaguchi 😶🌫️
Oh, I cant. I have to babysit my cousin
Best frend 🕺🏻
That sucks!
Everyone else is going though, right?
Right
Y/n
I actually can't I'm not feeling well
Sorry guys!
Noya 👻
Whatttttt
Best frend 🕺🏻
Y/N
NO
HOW ARE WE GONNA HANDLE TSUKISHIMA WITHOUT YOU
Y/n
I've spent so much time around Kei that he's given me one of his many diseases
:(
Grandpa from UP
Ha
I'll be late for the sleepover I gotta do something first
Best frend 🕺🏻
THIS SLEEPOVER IS GONNA SUCK WITHOUT Y/N
Suga 💕💕
Don't worry Hinata we can still have a good sleepover!
Y/n
Yeah! Don't worry, I'll come to the next one
Sid the sloth but with glasses
There won't be a "next one"
Y/n
Whatever Kei
Tanaka 😎🤟🏻
IM TRYING TO SLEEP HERE GUYS
Daichi 🥵
It's 11 o'clock
Tanaka 😎🤟🏻
Exactly
I put my phone down as it continued to spam with notifications. Eventually, my mom and Emiko left for the beach, my mom tried to convince me to go with them because afterwards they were going to go out for dinner and although it was tempting, I still refused. I hate the beach. After a while of just staring at my TV but not really focusing on what was actually happening I gave up and went to my room to sleep. Hopefully, I can escape from all this madness in my dreams.
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
Hey guys!!! Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER but I've been going through my own heartbreak in real life lol. At least it's given me some writing experience for when Y/n gets heartbroken 😉 hahahaha I'm joking she won't get heartbroken... totally. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! The next one will be out as soon as possible but first I'm going to go over all my old chapters and change Y/n's personality a little bit she just seems so aggressive in some of the chapters I've gone over.
Anyway anyway, thanks so much for 700 reads I can't BELIEVE it! I never thought it would get that much reads. Thanks so much for reading! And if you can star this chapter that would be much appreciated! :)