The one thing that I've always despised about Nico Bradford is his ability to make me drop whatever it is that I'm doing in order to cater to him and his needs. At the same time though, I know that I can't hate him for it because - in all honesty - I never saw it as 'catering' to him. There was something in me that wanted to. And it happened a lot.
Like right now.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to sit with him. And after listening to him on the phone, I know that I had to. Something in his tone was asking for help. He sounded vulnerable and almost depleted, and while I won't pry, I know that Nico is looking to open up right now. He doesn't do that with many people. That's why I walk away from the door and towards him. I notice him take a gulp as I slowly move in his direction, and I don't know why I suddenly feel nervous.
Nico sits on the step with his arms resting along his knees. The slight breeze in the air causes his hair to move with it. I don't know how I didn't notice this before, but his face looks slimmer. Something tells me that that phone call has something to do with it.
I drop down beside him and take in his side profile before centering myself. Nico is staring ahead, and part of me is grateful for that. Whenever he looks at me - no matter how he's looking at me - my heart begins to race, and I don't think that I can handle those emotions right now.
"Remember when we used to sneak out of the house and go to the beach late at night?" he begins. His voice is low but I can hear him perfectly. "I'd bring the hot chocolate, you'd bring the blankets. You were so damn stubborn sometimes," he starts to laugh as he reminisces. "God forbid I bought the hot chocolate mix without the tiny marshmallows, it was like the end of the world." I start to laugh thinking about it. "We'd lay there for hours, just gazing at the stars. Remember?"
Bella, Age 12 / Nico, Age 14
"Hurry up, BC," Nico says as I descend the ladder that stands outside my bedroom window. I can't believe Grandma Ruby even agreed to letting me have one. I was expecting her to say something along the lines of, 'it's not safe'. But between us, she knew exactly why I wanted the ladder. It was for moments like these.
I never told Grandma Ruby about my feelings for Nico, but I didn't have to. She knew. She knew just like my mom did. Just like everyone did. Everyone besides him.
"I'm going as fast as I can, Nico. I don't want my foot to slip."
"It won't," he tries to assure me. "And if it does, I'm right here to catch you. I won't let you fall."
That was Nico...always saying and doing whatever he could to make me feel safe. Little did he know, he didn't have to try so hard. I already did.
My legs continue to shake as they hit each step.
"See? Wasn't so bad," Nico says once they hit the ground. "Did you bring the blankets?"
"Yup. They're in my backpack. Did you bring the hot chocolate?"
"Sure did," he says, lifting the bag that's in his grip. "Now, let's get out of here."
Nico and I walk back to his house, which sits on a private beach. At first, I was nervous that we'd get caught by his parents, but Gillian and Mark are vacationing in Tuscany. Nico didn't get the invite to Tuscany. Nico never gets the invite.
We picked the perfect night to do this. The sky is so clear it's almost translucent, and the only sound that I hear comes from the waves that keep tumbling.
I unzip my backpack and lay out the smiley-face towel onto the sand.
"Cute blanket," Nico chuckles.
"Shut up! It was the only one that I could find."
"Uh-huh," Nico continues to cutely mock. He removes a lantern from his bag and turns it on.
"Smart move," I tell him.
"How else would I be able to see your beautiful face?" he asks, and I look down, shyly smirking. "What?"
I shake my head, downplaying my inner emotions. "Nothing."
"C'mon, BC. What is it?"
"Just...," I pause. "Just don't say things like that if you don't mean them."
Nico looks at me intently. "But I mean them," he states.
I snap myself back to reality and change the subject. "Where's the hot chocolate?"
"Right," he reaches into his bag, "here." He pulls out two to-go cups, then pours the canteen of hot chocolate into them. He hands me mine and I look down into it.
"Nico!"
"What?"
"Where are the marshmallows?"
"Oh shit. I knew something felt wrong."
"Nicoooo," I whine.
"I'm sorry, BC. If you want I can run into the house and look for a pack of marshmallows."
I appreciate the offer, but I'm not going to make him do that. "I can assure you that Gillian Bradford does not keep marshmallows in her house." The woman is a health freak.
Nico thinks about the validity of my statement. "Yeah, you're probably right about that."
I take a sip of the hot chocolate, and it's still delicious. "Mhmmm," I say as I press my hands against the cup to warm them up.
"Still good?"
"Still good."
"Good," Nico nods. He lays his back down on the towel and looks up at the sky, pointing his finger at a cluster of stars. "What do you think those look like?"
I follow his motion and lay down on the towel, pointing my head at the sky. "Hm," I say, actually thinking about his question. "They kinda look like a sea of fish, don't you think?"
I turn to face him and see that he's still staring at the stars. "I guess I can kinda see that."
"Why? What were you thinking?"
"I don't know." He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, and then, "A heart."
I angle my head to try and see what he's seeing, but I can't. "I don't really see it," I tell him.
"Look closely."
I do what he says, even squinting my eyes to try and make out the picture. "Nope, still don't see it."
His hands are interlaced, resting on his stomach, and his legs are crossed. He seems so relaxed. I like seeing him this way. He has a small smile on his face and I wonder what he's going to say next.
"It might just be my imagination then."
"I remember," is all I say once my mind returns to the present moment.
"Life was so simple. What happened?"
"Time," I tell him, and he turns to look at me.
"It moves fast, doesn't it?"
I always wished I could read Nico's mind. I wanted to know what he was thinking. But he made it impossible. It didn't matter how well I knew Nico, there was a part of him that didn't let anyone in. Not Brooks, not me. No one.
"Is everything okay?" I ask him. "I heard you on the phone. You seemed up-"
"Everything's fine."
"Nico."
"I said everything's fine, Bella." I always know Nico's being serious when he calls me 'Bella'.
"You're lying." He sucks in his cheeks and flares his nostrils as he hands remain draped over his knees. "Nico, you can tell me." I reach for his hand and cover it with mine. "This is me that we're talking about."