Kabanata 25: That Smile
"Shet!" bulong ko sa sarili ko habang nakakapit ako ng mahigpit sa seatbelt ng inuupuan ko.
I am scared.
I am nervous.
I just know I fucked up.
Balak kong itago yung sikreto na yun hanggang sa mahuli na namin yun Villanueva na yun.
I was going to burn that fucking letter but then we needed it just in case so we could figure out how similar that Villanueva's handwriting one day.
Sinigurado naming dalawa ni Silas na walang makakaalam, tinago pa namin sa pamilya naming dalawa, sa assistant, kulang na nga lang at itatago na rin namin yung sikreto mula sa tindero ng taho sa kabilang kalsada lang.
We made sure of that. It's so hard to keep it from my sisters dahil 'di mo alam kung iniimbestigahan ba kaming dalawa ni Silas o hinde, kakaiba rin si Karine kung magpaimbestiga.
Kaya ko pa naman, kaya pa naming dalawa ni Silas na itago yun hanggang sa mahuli namin yung Villanueva, we are trying so hard.
Kung kailan malapit na kaming ikasal tsaka pa may makakaalam sa kung ano mang nangyayari, at talagang si Dominic pa.
I would have understood if it was Cerine or one of my siblings-- or even our parents, but Dominic?
What the heck?
"Why, Dominic? Bakit mo binuksan yung bag ko, ha?" I asked, frustrated.
Dominic is driving next to me and it's been minutes since he found out about the letter, 'di ko siya masagot kung bakit may letter ako galing sa Villanueva na yun.
It was the fastest shopping I've ever done in my life, nabibwisit lang ako kung bakit niya binuksan yung bag ko.
"I didn't open it, it was slightly opened and it fell... and I saw it, Geneva. I guess it's heaven telling me that the woman I love is in some bullshit."
"Anong sabi mo?"
So 'di ko sinara ng maayos yung bag ko?
Natitimang na ba 'ko?
I'm so fucking stupid, what am I going to do now?
Alam na ni Dominic at sigurado akong galit pa rin siya sa tuwing naaalala niya yung mga Villanueva.
It looks like I just showed it to his face that I am connecting with some Villanueva, natatakot ako sa gagawin niya, sa sasabihin niya.
Huminto siya sa stop light at binigay niya sa'kin ang atensyon niya habang hawak niya yung manabela sa kaliwa niyang kamay.
The way he's looking at me is scaring me even more.
Ang talim, ang sakit, nakakanerbyos, parang hahatakin ka niya, yung gano'ng titig.
"You will answer my question, Aster."
Uh oh.
"You will tell me everything that's been happening."
"And... i-if I don't want to? Kung... 'di ko talaga al--"
"Oh, you know. Alam mo, Geneva. You've lied to me a few times already and I'm not going to let you do that to me again, there is no fucking way."
Ginalit ko talaga siya. Iba yung galit niya ngayon, parang ang dami niyang sabihin, ilabas, ang dami niya ring sama sa loob at yun ay dahil sa'kin.
'Di ko alam kung anong iniisip niya pero ang alam ko lang sa sarili ko ay kailangan ko ng maghanda ng magandang excuse o rason.
I have to fucking lie in front of him.
He caught me lying one time and this time I have to make sure that it makes sense, na kahit mukha akong nagsisinungaling sasabihin ko na lang na kinakabahan kasi ako sa reaksyon niya at sasabihin niya.
I think it would make sense, right?
I don't know what else to do, just fuck!
Pinagpapawisan nanaman yung kilikili ko, tangina naman.
'Di rin nakakatulong yung titig niya sa'kin, kailan ba magbeberde 'tong traffic light na 'to? Please lang, tama na, ayoko na!
"I will make you tell me everything."
Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya bago bumalik sa berde yung traffic light. Nagisip nanaman ako kung gagana ba yung rason ko sa kanya mamaya, I'm so nervous right now.
"Wait..."
Saan ba kami pupunta? This is not the way to the mansion, to my family house. Parang papunta kami sa hotel ko, I finished my work already!
Wala naman akong schedule hanggang bukas?
"Where are we going?"
"To the hotel."
"Why? Do we have work? A meeting na hindi ko alam?"
"Yes, a meeting with me." sagot niya.
Panginoon ko, tulungan niyo po ako. Ayokong magsinungaling, ayoko rin pong magtago ng sikreto sa kanya pero kailangan ko po talagang gawin 'to para sa kanya, sa pamilya ko, at pamilya ni Silas.
I'm also thirsty and in need of something to drink but I don't have anything but me and this fear inside of me.
Nagpark siya sa private parking lot sa likod ng hotel.
He opened the door for me and he touched my hand for a few seconds while staring at me, I didn't stare at him back because I was preparing myself for what might happen between us.
Ang lambot at gaspang ng kamay niya na nakahawak sa kamay ko, 'di ko alam kung bakit niya 'to ginagawa pero handa na 'ko, handa na 'kong harapin siya sa nabasa niyang sulat sa store.
Inalis niya ang kamay niya at nagsimula na siyang naglakad papasok sa loob ng hotel at ako naman sumunod din.
The employees greeted us and we greeted them back.
We're basically acting as if everything is normal and we're just here for some other business ventures, it's the employees for the night shift until 6 a.m. in the morning.
"We'll be staying in the private room."
Natigilan ako sa bigla niyang sinabi sa empleyado sa may check-in station, anong private room?
Eh ang private room ay kwarto lang para sa'ming dalawa kung may meeting kami o may trabaho kami hanggang gabi, it's a room only for us when we have no choice but to stay until 12 or 1 a.m.
"Of course, sir. Here are the keys."
Kita ko rin sa mukha nung empleyado yung nerbyos niya, I'm guessing that Dominic looked pissed off right now and I did that shit to him.
May mga empleyado na ninenerbyos kapag seryosong seryoso ang titig o mukha ni Dominic.
He's so strict when it comes to business and everything in this hotel, kahit na ako ang may-ari at nag-mamanage, he's the one who checks everything and makes sure it is perfect.
He's like my right-hand man for some reason and I think it's cute.
Akala ko yung mga nababasa ko sa Wattpad o napapanood ko sa Netflix na rom-com series na may scene kung saan silang dalawa nung babae at ng lalaking gusto niya tapos may intensity sa pagitan nilang dalawa sa loob ng elevator was just a joke.
That I thought maybe there was really nothing to it, they're just riding the elevator daw pero may sexual tension.
And I didn't think it was true until now na nasa loob kaming dalawa ni Dominic dito sa elevator, naalala ko tuloy na ang daming floor dito sa hotel at nasa pinakataas yung private room.
Wala pa nga kami sa second floor at nababaliw na 'ko dahil ramdam ko yung titig niya sa likod ko.
He's behind me and if looks could cook an egg, baka kanina pa 'ko sunog.
Hindi luto, sunog, as in sunog talaga.
Yung sunog na itlog na 'di na pwedeng kainin kasi baka masuka ka lang o mapunta ka pa sa hospital.
"Stop it."
'Di na 'ko makahinga, I feel trapped, I can't do it.
I can't handle him behind me and the fact of how close I am to just letting all secrets go.
"What?"
"I said stop it, Dominic."
"I'm not doing anything." I hear him say with a hint of amusement in his voice.
"You are doing something, stop it."
"I'm not doing anything, Aster... I'm just looking at you, if I'm doing something then I would have..."
I stopped breathing when I felt his hand on both sides of my waist as he pulled me closer to his chest until there are no more distance between us.
His hand tightly held my waist to make sure he will not let go of me at all, I felt his breath on my neck as he left soft kisses on the back of my neck and down to my shoulders.
Ano nanamang balak niya?
Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko sa nararamdaman ko sa may dibdib ko at pababa sa tiyan ko, as if para bang may mga paru-paru na sa loob ng katawan ko dahil sa ginagawa niya.
"...done this." he adds.
"No... D-Dominic."
I am madly in love with this man and I did everything just to hold myself back from him so that this wedding would happen without me trying to end just so I could be with him.
I already promised to not do these things in respect for Silas and our marriage even though it would be a marriage without love.
But it's getting harder and harder to hold back.
I mean fuck, his touch, his hands, his eyes, his body, his breath, and just everything about him is driving me fucking crazy.
I am trying my best here.
"N-No!" sigaw ko at inialis ang kamay niya sa baywang ko at inalis ang sarili ko mula sa kanya.
Tiningnan ko siya ng masama at mas hinigpitan ang pagkakakapit ko sa bag ko. At siya naman nakatingin lang siya sa'kin na para bang gumana yung ginawa niya.
Like he caught me.
He got me.
And he's not even sorry about it.
"Di pa 'ko tapos..."
"Nababaliw ka na ba?"
"...o 'di pa yata ako nagsisimula." dagdag niya sabay tawa pagkatapos.
"Look, whatever you're trying to do right now--"
"What? It's not going to work? The only way I'll stop is if you tell me the truth..." he paused as he took a step closer and I took a few steps backward until I felt the metal wall behind me.
"D-Di ko alam!" I exclaimed, trying to find a way out of this body and arms of his.
"Di mo alam?"
"Yeah! Ngayon ko lang natanggap yung sulat na yun! I was gonna tell you..."
"Really?" bulong niya.
This is a good lie. At least hindi siya malaki, kaso nga lang paano kung sasabihin sa kanya na hindi niya pwedeng sabihin sa iba lalo na kay Karine o Cerine.
Pero pakiramdam ko kapag sinabi ko yun sa kanya baka magtaka siya kung bakit.
Dominic is intelligent, and he is also smart, so I'm sure it would take him a few minutes to figure out this whole situation that I have with Silas.
"Yes."
Ng marinig ko ang tunog ng final floor sa elevator, agad ko siyang tinulak papalayo sa'kin at lumabas mula sa elevator.
Now I can breathe, finally!
"You're a terrible liar, Aster." tawa niyang sabi.
I stopped walking and in one second I immediately felt the oxygen just leave my fucking body and I was full of fear once again. No, he's just overthinking. I have to make him think that I am telling the truth.
"What liar? I'm telling you the truth, Domini--"
"You can't talk straight when you lie." he interrupts.
"Ha?"
"When you lie, you either cry, your rub a part of your body, you get angry, you increase the volume of your voice." dagdag niya at tsaka siya lumabas sa elevator.
"Hindi kalma kapag nagsisinungaling ka, Geneva."
"And what? Alam mo 'to kasi mahal na mahal mo 'ko? So you watch me all the fucking time?" I laugh at my own words.
"Yeah." agad niyang sagot.
Heto nanaman tayo, panginoon ko, I have to lie to him! I have to keep this secret from him or it will all be over!
"I am in love with you."
Oh, Dominic.
Why are you making this hard for me?
"I am so fucking in love with you that I know every single thing about you. From the time you blushed when our eyes met when I bumped into you the first time we met." he continued.
"Stop."
"I know your favorite color is orange or purple but it changes every year, I know you are in love with Stefan Salvatore more than Damon, I know that you have been in love with me for a very long time, I know your body language or your face whenever you lie, I know... everything."
"Stop, Domi--"
"I know every single thing about you... except, of course, that body."
Oh my g--
Ano raw?
Tama ba yung narinig ko sa kanya?
Timang na ba 'ko o bingi ako?
Imposibleng narinig ko yun galing kay Dominic!
Anong body?
Baliw na ba siya?
At ako naman gaga at kinikilig?
"Y-You--"
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, Geneva... ay alam ko ang lahat lahat tungkol sa'yo, kaya kahit ilang beses mo pang subukan na itago sa'kin ang katotohanan at mga sikreto mo, it's not going to work." he chuckled, taking a few steps forward towards me.
"So you better tell me the truth, please..."
No, I can't do this!
Hindi nga pwede! Masisira ang lahat at madadamay siya sa plano naming dalawa ni Silas.
This is a business strictly just between the two of us, me and Silas!
I don't want to talk about it either because it would only bring bad memories to Dominic and everything he had gone through because of that family.
"Please, Geneva. I need to know the truth. What is your connection with that family?" tanong niya ulet pero this time medyo malumanay ang pagtanong niya sa'kin.
"I can't..." naiiyak kong sagot sa kanya sabay kagat sa labi ko sa kaba at takot.
It's just too much.
"Please, I am begging you... please..."
He placed both of his hands on my cheeks and left a kiss on my forehead as he looked at me straight in the eyes, begging for the truth.
Fuck it.
"W-We... we're trying to catch them..." bulong ko.
It's all out now. Damn it.
"What?" bulong niya sa'kin.
Agad akong tumakbo papunta sa kaliwang private room, shit, nakalimutan ko na hawak pala niya yung susi! Dapat kinuha ko yung susi sa kanya! Pinikit ko ang mata ko sa inis, ginagago ko ang sarili ko talaga.
Doon na pumatak ang mga luha ko, ayoko nga kasing malaman niya eh! Bakit ba kasi gano'n? Ang lapit ko na ring ikasal tsaka pa niya nalaman!
Bwisit talaga!
I'm so frustrated with myself!
Why?
Just why?!
"I will say this once and once only..."
Humarap ako sa kanya at pinunasan ang mga luha ko na tumakbo pababa sa pisngi at baba ko.
Huminga ako ng malalim bago ko ipinagpatuloy ang sagot ko.
"There's a Villanueva infiltrating Silas' family, I had to help as a member of a family who is part of CREED."
"V-Villanueva? Wha--"
"It was the only way, to get married, to catch them off-guard so they won't continue their plans."
Now it's all coming back to me. That night. That night I read the letter they sent to Silas, it was horrifying to me, it was just scary, a dark place.
"If Silas and I get married, Diamantes will be part of the Nakamoto family and they would be scared because Diamantes know every single one of them."
"Geneva..." tawag niya pero 'di ko na siya pinakinggan pa, I need to get this off, this is just a lot.
I know that I'm trying to be alright but I'm scared, I'm always scared about what might happen to Silas, to his family, to me, and to Dominic.
"Gusto kong peke ang kasal pero... p-pero... close na sila sa pamilya ni Silas, i-if... we made it all fake then they would know immediately because they're this close, Dominic... they're close enough to ruin Silas' family... that's..."
Sa tuwing naiisip ko o naiimagine ko kung ano mang mangyayari sa pamilya ni Silas, takot lang ang pumapasok sa puso ko, natatakot ako.
Alam ko na involved na 'ko dito dahil sa sulat na binigay nila sa'kin pero wala na 'kong choice, I can't leave anymore.
I can't back out because Silas is involved too, I have a feeling that they would kill Silas first and I don't want that.
I don't want anyone to die in the hands of those fuckers.
I just don't want anyone to die in general.
"...masaya ka na?" iyak ko.
"Masaya ka na ba, Herrero? You got it! You caught my lie, my fucking secret, and it's all out! Sa palagay mo ba ginusto ko 'to? Naitago sa'yo? Na magpakasal sa iba? I did this not just as a Dixon but also for Silas, for his safety, and for you!" I exclaimed, pointing my index finger at him.
"The first thing I thought of when I found out about this Villanueva was you. Sinaktan ka nila, Dominic, they took you away and treated you like shit and I fucking know that you don't deserve that. Why? Oh, yeah, you're right... ikaw pa rin, mahal pa rin kita."
Naalala ko pa yung unang beses na nakita ko siya, ang dumi niya, sobrang haba ng buhok niya, meron din siyang mga sugat, sa tuwing naiisip ko yun nabibwisit ako.
Oo, espesyal ang araw na yun dahil yun ang unang beses na natagpuan namin ang isa't-isa, na nakilala ko ang lalaking mamahalin ko ng habang buhay, pero ang sakit pa rin na kailangan niyang maranasan yo'n.
"Yes, I fucking love you! It's still you! It hurts! Ang sakit na malaman na hindi ikaw ang pakakasalan ko, ang makakaharap ko sa altar, ang magiging asawa ko, ang magiging tatay ng mga anak ko! So it did hurt... so much."
I'm sure that I look like shit. 'Di rin waterproof ang eyeliner at mascara ko, 'di ko naman kasi ineexpect na iiyak ako ngayong araw.
"I just... I just want to protect your smile, your happiness, your... everything... your..."
But fuck, I love him so much.
This is the man I really want to marry.
"...I just want to protect you, Dominic." I cry once more.
Masama ba yun? Masama ba na gusto ko siyang maging masaya? Na maprotektahan ko siya mula sa mga taong nanakit sa kanya?
"Aster..."
Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa'kin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit.
Ngayon ko lang namalayan na kapag kinasal na kaming dalawa ni Silas baka 'di ko na siya mayayakap ng ganito o mahahawakan, I was hurt, I still am.
"It's alright, I... I... I shouldn't have forced it out of you... I didn't know you were suffering."
Paano naman niya malalaman? Eh sinigurado ko na 'd niya malalaman ang pinagdadaanan ko, nung nabasa ko yung sulat na natanggap ni Silas it was like I was hit by a car or a truck, it was bad.
"You're not alone anymore, Geneva." he added, pulling himself away from me and left a peck on my lips.
He then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me once more until there are no more space separating us.
"I'm here, you don't have to do this anymore, you don't have to suffer like this..." he paused, leaving another kiss on my lips.
"...mahal kita..."
I love you too, Dominic. I love you so much.
"...mahal na mahal kita."
This time, he leaned in not for a peck but for a kiss.
An intense, passionate kiss as if no one could stop us anymore.
Not even Villanuevas or my future husband.