Chapter 7 — smile boy
Josh finds himself on the half-built bridge that night. Unlike the previous time, he doesn't have any reservations about crossing over to the bridge. His head is filled to the brim with doubts and questions with no definitive answers, and so he seeks out the only place that can provide him with some sort of peace of mind — the bridge.
He will be lying if he said he doesn't hope he will run into the bridge boy, not that the boy constantly occupies his thoughts or anything.
When the blond arrives at the bridge, it is as unoccupied as it has always been. Josh's heart sinks, although he will never admit it out loud. It isn't as if the two boys have agreed to meet at the bridge every other night and Josh has to remind himself that he is the one to not show up first. He tells himself he shouldn't feel too disappointed if the bridge boy doesn't turn up.
Or maybe, he continues to tell himself, the bridge boy didn't show up the previous night either. Maybe it is the blond who is reading too much into a simple casual meeting of one night Maybe the bridge boy felt responsible to check up on him after his little antic of trying to jump off the bridge and that's what there was to it at all, really.
Josh sighs, rubbing his temple; he came to the bridge to find some serenity, not throw himself into more anxiety and over-thinking.
"Golden boy?" a voice the blond has only heard a handful of times but somehow has become too familiar with calls out.
Josh freezes, his heart slowly but surely picking up its pace, and a coy smile finds its way onto his lips, and all this just from hearing a voice. He hasn't even turned around.
"You're here,"
Josh can hear the blatant surprise in his voice, and only then the blond turns around. He can't get the stupid smile off of his face.
"Hey," Josh somehow manages to say.
The latter beams back at him, oddly electrified with joy.
The curly-haired boy has been at the bridge the previous night for hours, waiting eagerly, patiently for a certain blond to show up. However, as each hour passed, his hope deflated gradually and it was nearing dawn when he finally gave up and went back to his aunts' house. He too, went through the same thoughts Josh just had — that they hadn't made any agreement to meet up, and that he was the one who reading too much into casual things and has gotten his hopes up idiotically.
Even so, that doesn't stop the dark-haired boy from visiting the bridge once again, his hopes renewed for the day. It seems like he isn't deceived this time around and he can't be any gladder. He just can't describe it, the feeling that fills him once he spots the blond at the bridge.
He's here, the bridge boy thinks to himself, and the feeling inside him surges.
"Hi," he isn't even going to bother to hide the grin on his face.
He walks up to the golden boy and crouches down to sit beside him.
A few beats of silence pass between the dark-haired boy says, "Didn't think I'd see you here tonight," he admits out loud, sneaking a small look over at the boy beside before just as quickly averting his eyes away.
Josh, well, Josh is sucked into a new swirl of thoughts. Does that mean he was here last night? If so, should I apologise?
He mulls over his decision for a good minute, before then choosing to shrug in what he hopes to be a nonchalant manner. He doesn't want to reveal the confusion brewing inside him.
"So, what brings you here today?" the bridge boy asks instead.
"What — I can't come here just because I wanted to?" the blond questions in return mockingly.
Bridge boy doesn't answer immediately, and it is enough to send Josh into a momentary frenzied state. He starts to wonder if he has said something wrong, if he's come off as rude. He will have probably started apologising if the curly-haired boy didn't speak up.
"Frankly you don't seem like the type," he shrugs.
"What type?" Josh can't help but ask.
"The type who just does things," he says, and turns to look Josh in his eyes, not allowing him to look away, "You must have a reason behind every little thing that you do, don't you?"
It is crazy how rapidly Josh's heart is beating right then. It feels so much like he is about to have a panic attack, only it doesn't quite feel like that either. He masks his uncertainty of what he is feeling right then with a scoff, neither agreeing nor denying to the statement, then chuckles. It is true what he said and it is astonishing how quickly he's been able to put that together about him but Josh doesn't want him to know that — not yet, at least.
"So, why do you think I'm here?" Josh asks instead.
The bridge boy rolls his eyes, but there's no mistaking the smug smile playing at the corner of his lips, as if he has been expecting for Josh to ask him just that, "I'm not a mind reader," he states, pfft-ing, "I simply observe things," a small pause to consider if he's going to risk it, and screw it, yeah, he's going to risk it, "Especially things that I like,"
Josh jolts at that statement — did he hear him right? He eyes the boy beside him from the corner of his eyes, but the bridge boy remains quite calm and is looking straight ahead that it's impossible to get anything off of him.
"Oh," Josh practically chokes out, because it feels like his throat has constricted into a very, very, very narrow tunnel.
And what in the witchcraft — why is he blushing? His cheeks feel impossibly warm and Josh has to resist the urge to reach up and cup his cheeks. Instead, he focuses on rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, desperately searching for something, anything to fill the silence between them.
That is how he blurts out: "I broke up with my girlfriend,"
He doesn't know why he is talking about his ex-girlfriend right now — one that has never caused him to feel any of the things he is feeling right now, by the way. Why is that anyways? However, Josh quickly reels his thoughts back in; this is definitely not the time to be comparing whatever that he is feeling and not feeling.
"I'm sorry,"
"No, it's alright," the blond says — it is more than alright, he admits to himself guiltily, "It's just we dated for about two years, and I broke up with her right before school started by sending a stupid text,"
WHY AM I TELLING HIM ALL THIS? — but there's no use dwelling over that now, the words are already out there.
"Oh, wow. That's harsh,"
"I know," Josh groans, "And I feel bad about it, I really do. And it will be so much better if Val — that's my ex's name, if Val could just, I don't know, like yell at me, or slap me, just do anything instead of being completely radio silent about it,"
Josh still has no idea why he is telling this guy who's pretty much still a stranger to him about all this, but he has started talking about it, so he figures he may just as well get it all out there.
"She hasn't said anything?"
"No, not a single word. And that is the worst part about all this mess. Before she became my girlfriend, Val was actually one of my closest friends. And now.... I just don't want to lose her; she's been a really good friend to me,"
"Have you tried reaching her?" he asks after a moment.
"No?"
"Why not?"
"Didn't you hear what I said? I dumped her over a text. Why would I want to approach her after that?" Josh asks, raising a single eyebrow.
"No, dummy," the bridge boy shakes his head, chuckling a little, "Not your ex, your best friend,"
"What?"
"Didn't you just say she's your best friend too?"
"Yes?"
"So, forget that she's your ex or whatever and just go check on your best friend," he suggests.
"That's... actually a good idea," Josh nods, scratching the back of his head, smiling sheepishly, wondering why didn't he think of it sooner.
"You're welcome, golden boy," bridge boy replies in a sing-song voice.
"Oh, shut up," Josh tries to remain stoic but a smile breaks through anyways, "Don't make me regret allowing you to call me that," he tries to threaten, but it's of no use — the bridge boy catches on to the bluff.
"Okay, golden boy,"
The blond sighs loudly, but is still smiling. This is why, he realises. This is why he voluntarily discussed the one thing that has been bothering him at the back of his mind. Sure, he is still a stranger to him, but he also weirdly feels like someone Josh has known all along, as cliché as that sounds. It feels very easy to talk to him and just smile.
"So," the bridge boy starts after a while, "If you don't mind me asking, why did you break up with your girlfriend?"