A/N: When I used to think about this chapter from Oliver's POV, the song that described it the most for me was,
“I don't care” by Ed Sheeran ft Justin Bieber.
And when I listened to I don't care on my playlist shuffle all I could think about was Oliver in this chapter.
*****
Oliver
I hate halloween. I don’t see the point of dressing up as someone else for one night and pretending to be cool. It’s just another excuse for teenagers to party, that’s all. I hate anything that involves a party.
I never took part in any of those, not the dressing up, not the stupid party. I’d rather stay in my room and do what I always do, coding.
But I could not, not tonight, since my great best friend Jason
Freaking Swindlers threatened me that I have to dress up.
Or else he would tell Gwen everything.
It’s the one weapon he has that can make me do anything.
I do know he would never tell Gwen the truth. But I entertain the idea anyway. So yeah, for the first time in my life I dressed up. As a vampire.
The things I would do for Gwen Bradbury.
Jason said he would go to Gwen’s and pick her up. I didn’t stop him. It would look more acceptable and less awkward if he went instead of me. It makes no sense for me to suddenly show up in front of her house dressing up like a vampire and drive her here.
So I sent Jason. He was more than ready to go.
I finally step out of my room. Not going to lie, I feel a little out of place but I totally shouldn’t. My costume made me fit right in.
At the end of the day, I know, no matter what I’m wearing or who I pretend to be, I’m the same old Oliver Carlson who’d never be Owen Carlson.
God, I hate Halloween.
I make it downstairs between the mob of people. The yard is filled with people all around and I am not friends-even acquainted-with any of them.
Sometimes I cannot believe that I have been living here for so long but I only have one friend.
I spot my brother right away. The girl in his arms, the girls standing around him, talking and laughing, the guys sitting on the couch and all of them talking and making jokes. So many people and my brother is the star of the show.
I breathe in and breathe out.
There is a reason why I hate parties so much.
I walk out of the living room and go straight to the yard. I look around standing in a corner with particularly nothing to do.
When will they be here?
There is this group of people standing right beside me. Their conversation reaches my ear.
“It’s such a shame. Emily totally should have hit on him…”
Okay, no. Don’t want to know anything about Emily and her love story.
Someone slaps me hard on my back. I turn around.
I don’t think I hate Halloween anymore.
Halloween is good.
It’s a nice idea.
Everyone should dress up once in a while.
This is what makes life worth living.
Gwen Bradbury should think about having some mercy on me.
Those fishnet stockings are doing nothing for her legs, absolutely nothing. That black silk dress should be illegal to wear for her. The little slit on the side? No. Just no. The red velvet cap hanging loosely is a treat and then when I look at her face, I am pretty sure my heart melts through my body.
That fucking red lipstick.
Then it hits me. She is dressed up as a vampire.
Just like me.
I see the realization in Gwen’s eyes too.
“You are-” She starts.
“I knew it was a bad idea,” I mumble.
It was the best idea I have ever had.
Gwen swallows and then says, “It’s like God giving us a sign we should be together.”
“Obviously!” Jason interrupts.
I almost laughed. Almost.
Nice save, Jason.
Gwen glares at Jason so I look at him too. He probably said something and I heard the word “Cullen.”
“I mean neither of you knew the other would be a vampire, and here we are.”
I glance at Gwen as Jason speaks nonsense.
I never thought she would look so-so-how should I put it?
That lipstick should be banned for Gwen. She should never be allowed to wear it.
I need to stop gawking at her lips.
“Oh no!” Gwen says suddenly as if she remembered something.
“What now?” I ask her.
“How could I!” She almost screams in despair. “That’s what I was forgetting! The blood! My canines! Mom knew it.”
As if she needs any more dressing up.
She looks bloody dangerous as she is.
“Where are your fake canines?” Gwen asks as we stare to head back towards the living room.
I believe they are called fangs but I don’t correct her.
“My own canines are enough,” I remind her.
Certain images flash through my mind as I say that.
Oliver, self control. Self. Control.
Jason takes the turn to compliment Gwen. I nod my head in agreement as Gwen is looking at him. Jason is good at voicing my thoughts.
“Well, I was supposed to have blood all over my face and lips,” Gwen says, sighing.
I glance at her lips, taking the opportunity right away, “It looks quite red.”
“Do they?” Gwen looks at me with her big brown eyes twinkling and then she bites on her lower lip.
I look away so quickly I think I snapped my neck.
“However, while setting my foundation and doing my hair, I forgot about it. Mom knew it, but she didn’t remind me,” Gwen complains.
“You look hotter than hell anyway. I am sure Oliver agrees.” Jason nudges me.
I don’t agree.
“I have never been to hell,” I think to myself.
I doubt hell can get close to Gwen Bradbury.
But I am surely in hell now because of how she has dressed up and decided to play a game with my feelings and the amount of self control I possess.
I am so close to losing it.
“Well, you look colder than ice. So I guess if you melt around me, it will prove how hot I am,” Gwen says.
If only she had any idea.
If we are really talking about melting, then I don’t really know how I am standing upright.
“Remember that time when I puked in your toilet?” Gwen asks.
“I wish I could forget,” I say.
I wish my life didn’t turn upside down after that night.
Gwen chuckles. She must be having so much fun torturing me with her tight black dress and her blood red lipstick.
“I really had fun annoying you. The look on your face when I invited you to join me in the bed. I won’t forget that, ever!”
Neither would I. I almost lost it then as well.
If only I listened to my heart instead of my head that night, I wonder what would have happened.
“Are you planning to do that again?” I turn to her finally, taking in all that she is.
“Why?” Gwen looks up at me, her eyes meeting mine, “Will you give me a different answer?”
My answer remains the same. It always would. If I can turn back time and relive that night again, I wouldn’t give her a different answer.
Because that night, that answer allowed me to be next to her for all this time. I am so glad, I held it in.
“No,” I reply. “By the way, I have some errands to do.”
But I have my limits. Tonight I am so close to crossing it.
I need to leave before I give up what little of self control I have left and give Gwen a heart attack.
Running away always works.
Jason asks me what errands I have and I say some nonsense in reply and I hurry to my room.
I survived. I release a sigh.
The memories of the night we met come back to me in pieces. And I remind myself why I held back.
I want Gwen. In all forms. I know that.
I want her to talk to me. Tell me what happened. Trust me enough to open up and say what’s on her mind all the time. I want her to tell me why she pretends to be okay.
It will take some time.
I can’t give that all up just because I can’t control myself.
What would make her open up to me? What would make her trust me?
I rake my brain trying to come up with something.
I remember Jason telling me how I have a poker face. It never shows how I am feeling. I think of that as a blessing sometimes. But it could also be a curse.
Gwen has no idea how I feel.
But maybe if she did, just a little, it wouldn’t hurt much, right?
Maybe if she had any idea how I really feel, about myself, about us, she would trust me.
Oh, I hope she does.
I will try. Tonight.
I can pretend to be someone else for tonight. I can show her a little about what I feel. I can be me. I can stop hiding. I can take this opportunity.
I hope and pray it will go right.
*****
I am sitting on the roof of the house. From here I can see everyone hanging around the pool. But I can’t see Gwen.
Where is she?
As if she heard me, Gwen appears at the scene right away. She is looking around searching for something.
She sits down on one of the empty beds around the pool.
A guy says something and I see Gwen looking up at him, saying something back. He jumps on the bed beside the one she is sitting on and offers her a hand.
My heart starts beating like I am in danger.
I close my eyes.
This is what I get for hiding.
When I open my eyes I see Gwen looking around, sitting right where she was before.
She didn’t take his hand.
I swear I am not smiling.
They talk some more and right on cue, the guy points his index at me. Gwen looks up.
She smiles.
Has she been looking for me all this time?
She stands up still talking to the guy. She takes off her cape and offers it to him before leaving.
She vanishes right into the crowd.
I wait. I didn’t know time moves so slow. How long would it take for her to find the ladder?
“Hey, Vamp buddy!”
I listen to her footsteps. She reaches me and sits down.
She is here. Right here. Sitting right beside me where I can feel the warmth of her body.
She is not ready for what I am about to do.
I am not ready for what I am about to show.
I turn around and for the first time since we met, I don’t hide what I feel. I don’t try to put on a poker face. I don’t pretend to be someone else. I don’t pretend not having feelings for her, not knowing her, not loving her all this time.
If she looks at me closely, she will know.
“And you’re finally here,” I say, while a lodge forms in my throat.
She looks around me, as if she is scared to meet my eyes.
“Are you drunk?” She asks in a whisper.
I wish I was that type of person who reveals all their secrets when they’re drunk. But I am not. I chose to be here. I chose to tell her what I am about to say.
This is my choice.
“Are you?” I say, eyeing the empty beer bottles lying there a few feet away from me. I don’t know who left them there.
“Yeah, had quite a few drinks downstairs, after you left,” Gwen says in a hurry.
Lying, like always.
I nod anyway.
She glances down. She knows. She is scared. But she chooses to turn towards me and meet my eyes.
“Took you long enough to come find me, didn’t it?”
One year. More than one year.
“Well, umm, how would I know you wanted me to find you?” Gwen accuses.
The poker face must really be a curse.
“The only thing you ever want is to get away from me.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” I ask right back, not thinking twice.
I won’t think at all. I will say what I want to say, what I have wanted to say all this time.
“Aren’t you?” Gwen says, her lips trembling, just a little.
I want to hug her so bad.
So I lean closer, our shoulders touching, our bodies inches apart, “What about now?”
Gwen swallows. She stares at my face searching for the meaning. It is what it is.
“Why don’t you tell me? I can never figure it out.”
“Neither can I,” I confess. It’s what I have been trying to do all this time. I have been trying to get closer in my shitty ways but I failed. I didn’t make much progress.
I don’t know how. I have never been socially gifted.
“I have never been really enthusiastic to make friends, and, you know,” I realize I am speaking out loud, “I am just not like that.”
I don’t stop myself.
Gwen nods.
“It has become a habit, to be alone and just be all by myself,” I look at her, “So when you come barging in my life, just like that, I-”
I didn’t know what to make of it. I didn’t know what to do with you. I didn’t know how to hide my feelings. So I ran.
I don’t say that.
“I mean, I am the Queen of Entrances. Even Thor fails,” Gwen jokes, “Who else would get in your room puking their guts out? Only me.”
“Do you remember what you said to me when you saw me first?” I say.
I had to. I need to know. It's a scar, right there, that I need to take care of first.
Gwen shakes her head no. I hear my brother’s laughter from downstairs.
“You said, “You are not Owen,”” I tell her. “That’s like the tagline of my life, that I am not Owen.”
I look down at my brother where he is having fun with his friends.
It’s the truth. I can never be him. The perfect son. The popular guy. The fun guy. The helping hand. Everything everyone expects him to be.
I am everything no one wants.
“I mean, I could be a hundred different things. I could be anyone. I could be the best at what I love to do, but still, at the end of the day, to everyone, I am not Owen.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
Her words cut right through my haze of insecurity.
I look at her.
“Okay, umm, maybe at that moment, I did. I didn’t know you,” Gwen tells the truth.
“You didn’t know Owen either.” I know that much about her.
If she knew Owen, if she liked him or obsessed over him like everyone does then I would have blocked her away from my mind long ago. And I wouldn’t have thought twice.
“Yes, I didn’t know him either.” Gwen pauses for a moment as if she is trying to arrange her thoughts.
Then she speaks, “I didn’t know you when I met you that day. But I know you a little bit now. And I don’t think you need to be anyone else. Owen is Owen. You are you. Both of you are different people. It was so stupid of me to say that, “You are not Owen.” and I am sorry about that. I truly am. The truth is, if anyone cares about you, knows you, they won’t bother with the fact you are not someone else. They will get you. Understand you.”
“Where are those people?” I ask.
I don’t need anyone else to get me. Just you would do. I want to say.
And then she says, “Right here.”
I feel like I did that night almost a year ago. I never stopped. I realize that.
I have been falling for her all this time and it wasn’t in vain.
I knew there was a reason why I did, why I fell for this girl.
I think I am smiling because I see the surprise in Gwen’s eyes. I look away, still smiling.
“Don’t you think I know that?” Doesn't she think I know she is the one, the one person who says all the right words I want to hear?
“If you know that, then why do you make me say it?” Gwen accuses.
“Validation,” I reply right away and I need a lot of them. “It just sounds different coming from your mouth.”
Gwen huffs in annoyance. My smile gets bigger.
I look up at the stars finally being at peace. She healed something in me, right here, right then with her words. I don’t need to be anyone else. I don’t need to be Owen. I can be at peace with who I am, who I became.
I turn to her and find her staring at me, open mouthed.
“You should take a look at the mirror,” I say. I can’t stop smiling tonight.
“Why?” Gwen asks innocently.
“To see the way you’re blushing.”
Her cheeks are all red. I love that. Too much. To think that she has been blushing staring at me. I would like to pretend that is the truth.
Gwen Bradbury blushes staring at me.
She touches her cheeks. I give up all the self control I possess. I touch her soft hair and tuck that one strand behind her ear that has been distracting me all this time.
“And then you want to be my “friend”.” What a shame to that word.
Gwen looks at me with her eyes widened, “Wh-what do you mean? What’s wrong with wanting to be your friend?”
Everything. And I have been collecting proofs. I heard her when she said she has her eyes set on someone else while friendzoning Jason. I remember what she said on the day of halloween shopping while she tried out that red dress that made me want to sleep on a highway and give up on life, and I remember when she was here at our swimming pool ignoring Owen and practically gawking at me the whole time.
I didn’t want to think she was attracted to me and flatter myself because life is just not that easy.
But what if there’s a chance it is true that Gwen Bradbury is really attracted to me, even if it’s a small amount?
It would do. Honestly any amount would do. Her checking me out when I’m looking away would do. I can live with that.
Heck, I can thrive with that.
“Just because I don’t say anything,” I lean closer, not stopping my body, not holding back, “doesn’t mean I don’t see anything either, Gwen.”
I hear her breaths speeding up. I feel the heat radiating off of her body and I feel the little shudder.
Fuck self control.
I don’t stop myself when I find my lips touching her earlobe.
Something shifts underneath us and Gwen slides right to the corner of the roof. I don’t take a second before grabbing her and pulling her right towards me.
I should thank the loose tiles and my brother for not fixing it after all this time.
“Why do you always fall when you are around me?” I can’t help but ask.
“Fate,” Gwen blurts it out.
“For the first time, I am starting to like fate.” I say as my heart rejoices.
*****
A/N: Eeeeeee, i love him.