( 2118 words)
Simon won't come to school. I really want...no, need to see him right now. I stare at my ceiling, like how I used to when I first got here. I would think about what Erik and I might do when I could go back home on the weekend, or what my life would be like here. Now I'm thinking about how my entire fucking life is ruined, and so is Simons' life.
I slide my phone out from underneath my pillow and decide to message him.
Please come? I know he won't reply, but it's worth a try. As I go to put my phone back underneath my pillow, it vibrates.
See you soon.
۞۞۞۞۞
I suddenly feel calm when I see him walk into class. I almost thought he had pussied out and decided not to come after all. He gives me a slight smile, trying to ignore all of the eyes on him and the whispers travelling around the room. I have kind of gotten used to all the stares. People can't really tell if it's me in the video, but everyone kind of took a guess that it was anyway.
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We walk into the boys locker room during class switches. I sit down on a bench, and he sits down on one that is across from me so that he can see me properly.
"Are you okay?" I ask him. I know it's a stupid question, but that's all I've got.
"I dont know," he stares at the floor while I fiddle with the sleeve of my sweater. "What are we going to do?" He looks up at me. I have never seen this expression on him. It worries me.
"I have to leave soon, to give my side to the public."
"Meaning what exactly?"
"I have to say whether or not I was the one in the video."
"What are you going to do?" He stands up and sits next to me.
"We're in this together," I hold his hand tightly. As if I will never get to hold it again...because I might not. I rest my head on his shoulder and we sit in comfortable silence for a while. I feel so at home.
"Together."
۞۞۞۞۞
Can you come over? I ask Simon. I want to see him one last time before I have to give my speech. I hope I will still be able to see him.
See you soon.
۞۞۞۞۞
"I like liking you," I say. I play with his hair while he lay in my lap. We don't have to say anything, we dont have to do anything, we just sit in silence. We both know that we're in this together and that we're together. I want him. My phone buzzes, so I try my hardest to reach for it on my bedside table from where I am so Simon doesn't have to move.
I am here. My mother is out the front, waiting for me.
"My mother is here."
"Can I walk out with you?" Simon sits up, looking like he is trying not to cry.
"Of course," I smile weakly.
We walk out the front, and I know my mother said not to be around or see Simon anymore, but I ignored her wishes, so she'll be angry. I dont care, though.
"Wilhelm," she looks to the left of me. "Simon," she nods at him, and gestures for me to get into the car. I hug Simon tightly before letting go and not looking back at him, because I know it will make me cry more than I already will.
۞۞۞۞۞
My heart is in my throat as I'm about to give my side. Although there is no one in front of me, there is still a microphone. This will be podcasted everywhere. I inhale deeply. The world feels like it has stopped spinning.
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As I'm walking through school, I keep an eye out for Simon. Every corner I turn I try to look for his head of curls, but there is no luck. Until I turn down the corridor I went down at the beginning. I see him walking towards the front doors, head hanging low. He is walking past a classroom, so I speed up and catch his arm before he can get any further and I drag him into the room.
"What the fuck are you doing?" He spits at me.
"Simon, please." I hold my hands out in front of me as if I'm surrendering my life.
"No, don't you fucking dare 'Simon' me. I thought we were 'in this together'?" Tears are falling down his cheeks, and all I want to do it hold him in my arms and wipe his tears away with my sleeve.
"Please, I can explain--" Just as I'm about to explain my reasoning for saying it wasn't me in the video, the door flies open.
"I know who recorded the video!" Simon and I look at each other and back at Felice.
"Who was it?" Simon and I say in unison.
"Simon I'm so sorry...it was Sara."
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The three of us run to where we think Sara might be -- the library -- as fast as we can. As expected, we see her sitting there reading a physics textbook.
"What the fuck!" Simon slams the book out of her hands and it falls to the ground.
"Simon!" Sara stands up harshly, causing the chair to fall backward.
"How could you do this?" I join in.
"What are you talking about!?" She looks distressed. I dont care, I just want to know why.
"You recorded the fucking video of us!" Simon sounds different. I've been seeing a new side of him recently, but I guess anything like this would make someone not themselves.
"What!" She gasps. "How could you think that, you asshole!" She pushes Simon roughly, and he trips over Felice's shoe, falling onto his ass. "All I have ever done has been there for you. Protecting you, entertaining you, and making you happy when dad left and became a drug addict!" She yells down at him.
"Exactly," Felice steps closer to Sara.
"What?"
"Exactly. That's why you recorded them. You got jealous that Simon had finally found someone else that can make him happy, entertained and safe. You tried to win him back by making him lose Wilhelm." What Felice is saying makes sense. Everything makes sense now; why Sara never seemed to like me and was almost always cold toward me, although she did begin warming up in the end.
"You seriously believe this, Simon?" Sara looks disgusted, she turns to leave but hesitates. She waits for Simon to reply to her, but when he doesn't she continues to walk away.
"I'm so sorry guys, but I had to tell you." She sticks her bottom lip out and helps him off the ground.
"Thank you for letting us know who it was," I sigh. I hadn't really made any guesses of who it could have been, but Sara would never have crossed my mind, even though she has been weird around me.
۞۞۞۞۞
Simon and I are sharing the piano seat, but we aren't playing anything. We're both too focused on how his sister recorded us together, then posted it just because she was jealous her not-so-little brother found someone he liked that wasn't her. I go to open my mouth when the door swings open, putting a small dent in the wall.
"I have proof," Sara huffs, out of breathe from running.
"What?" I ask. She is hunched over and is holding her finger up telling us to wait.
"I have proof that it wasn't me."
Simon and I both stare over her shoulders to see her phone screen. She pulls up the video of me and Simon in bed, but before Simon can say something she zooms in on the slight part of the mirror you can see in my bathroom as the door is open a little. In the mirror you can see the side of Felice's face.
"What. The. Fuck." Simon whispers, staying concentrated.
"There's more," Sara holds up her finger again, gesturing for us to be patient. She changes over to her camera roll and presses on a video that features a black screen. It stays the same for a while before flashing white then showing Sara's shoes, the wooden flooring and the bottom of a door. There are muffled voices, and i move closer to the phone to see if i can make out what they're saying.
"He is fucking dead." August's voice raises a little bit, and someone hushes him.
"I have something to show you." It's Felice's voice. There is movement until silence, and i'm guessing she is showing him the video.
"Holy fucking shit," August gasps. Felice hushes him again harshly.
"Rough, right? He wouldn't be able to come back from that."
"Do it," August hisses, "Post it."
۞۞۞۞۞
"Where are you going?" Sara yells after me. "There's something you need to know, Wille!" I run from the room out to the front and into the woods. I need to tell my mother who it was.
"Mom!" I whisper.
"Wilhelm? What is it?"
"It was Felice!" I hiss. "Felice recorded me and Simon!"
There is a long silence before she speaks again. "I know."
"What the fuck do you mean?"
"I know Felice was the one that did it." She sounds annoyed as if i was meant to know this information ages ago.
"Okay, so what punishment is she going to get?" I begin pacing back and forth between two trees that seem like they're leaning toward each other.
"None." She sighs, obviously preparing herself for my yelling.
"What do you mean?" I say loudly, but quiet enough that no one else can hear me.
"I told her to."
The blood drains from my face. "You...what?"
She sighs again, "Felice and i have been talking for a while. She agreed to keep an eye on you and make sure you were behaving right, and when she reported on seeing you and Simon kissing at the movie night i told her to begin following you." She stops, and waits to see if i have anything to say. Not that she would care if i have anything to say. When i dont say anything, she continues. "So when she saw that, she recorded it and sent it to me."
"How could you? I fucking trusted you."
"Well i trusted you too, but obviously you're not who i thought you were."
"But she wasn't meant to post it on the internet was she?"
"I told August to tell her to, so she did." I feel faint. I dont know what's happening. It feels like the world is closing in on me. The leaning trees are leaning even more, maybe even about to snap. The wind swimming through the leaves becomes louder and i feel numbness rushing up my legs. My phone has ended up on the floor and i feel myself floating. Maybe falling? Just as I'm about to pass out, someone catches me from behind.
"Wille! What's happening?" Simon's voice surrounds me, and i smile.
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"Hey, can i talk to you for a minute?" I lean against Simon's door frame, playing with the sleeves of my coat.
"Yeah, out or in?"
"In, it's cold out here." He walks in and i follow him to his room. He sits down on the bed and looks over at me, as i'm standing in the corner of his room.
"Im so so sorry," I can't look at him. "I...my mother threatened i would never be allowed back at Hillerska if i had said it was me in the video, so then i wouldn't have been able to see you and then i would have had to go somewhere else and--" I hadn't noticed Simon had walked over to me, and he is now holding my face in his hands kissing me.
"Stop your nonsense," he whispers in my ear. He leans back and leans over to my other ear. "I love you." He pulls back, and before i can say anything he kisses me again. I push him back gently and smile at him, confused. Im laughing nervously and blushing...hard.
"Did you...you love me?" i stutter.
He puts one hand on his chest and the other in the air. "I, Simon Eriksson, love you, Prince Wilhelm." I double over with laughter. I never thought i would meet someone that makes me so happy. I never thought i would be this happy. Ever.
"I, Wilhelm--"
"Prince." Simon nudges me.
I roll my eyes. "I, Prince Wilhelm, love you, Simon Eriksson."