Tess shivered as she walked into the park. The last few days had felt pretty weird and she needed to bounce off another person, just to convince her that she wasn't losing her mind. It was cold now, but the weather wasn't enough to keep her in the house anymore, not quite sure where she stood. When she saw the slightest excuse to go out, she had jumped on it. The package was in her bag now, and she couldn't stop wondering what it contained, but it hadn't really been the reason for her coming out. She just needed to step away before she could think clearly about what had happened.
Her substitute Christmas day had been a lot of fun. It had taken a day or two afterwards, analysing every moment as well as her own feelings about the events, to realise that. She had enjoyed it. Before, when she had discovered how completely the hypnosis could control her, she had been noth curious and excited. Afraid too, in a way, because she could imagine it going too far. Now that she'd experienced first-hand the joy of being able to control her baby sister's capabilities and emotions, she felt that it was the most wonderful thing in the world. This wasn't just curiosity; it was a need now.
She'd panicked when she felt herself start to poop in her diaper. And that panic had been enough to break the illusion and set her free. She was sure that given time and a few more repetitions, Ffrances would be able to make the suggestions irresistible. But Ffrances wouldn't do that, because she didn't want to be in control. The whole point was that Tess would feel what she was comfortable with.
Later in the evening, everything had been more subdued. Ffrances had seen a reason to yell about limits and boundaries, and she had been irate, but that didn't last long. Then she'd gone back to being a baby, and put Tess back in control. She was allowed to make Ffrances wet her diaper, Gabby had told her clearly. And it was just as clear that she didn't want to admit that. Gabby wanted to always be the one in control, and allowing Tess to take responsibility would never be her ideal.But this was a point she would concede. So Tess had been a little kid, just playing along even if it made her feel kind of small, while Ffrances went back to being a happy, hypnotised baby girl. Tess had resisted the urge to switch off her bladder control for nearly an hour, before giving her a slightly machiavellian suggestion which Ffrances later said she had loved.
It had been perfect for both of them, although Tess still didn't like being made to wet herself. If she could, she would have insisted that wasn't a part of her regression. But it seemed that Gabby wanted to change Tess's diapers as much as she hated the idea of doing the same for her girlfriend. There was something complex there, which Tess didn't have the faintest clue how to unravel. But that was something she could put up with. The childlike excitement, not knowing what was coming, feeling the helplessness when her thoughts and feelings were manipulated, and having all other responsibilities taken away so she could focus entirely on looking after the baby... Everything had come together to make a joy she had never expected.
The last few days had been a little weird, because those memories had been so fresh in her mind. Now she couldn't get angry when Gabby called her a baby, because it reminded her of what had ended up being a fun experience. Sometimes it was hard to separate the parts that she wanted, and the parts that she didn't like, from all the fluff that Gabby had packed around it to make the day feel like a single indivisible scenario. Talking to somebody else would probably help; but who could she talk to? Gabby was so determined to have a baby that she thought she knew Tess's opinions better than she did herself; and Ffrances was so happy about not making it to the potty in time that talking about serious things would have been like kicking a puppy.
Tess blushed again when she thought about that potty. It was hard to believe that Gabby had bought that for Ffrances; she only wanted Tess to be the baby. But it had worked out in the end. In the last couple of days, she'd occasionally thought about that. About how easily her thoughts could be changed, and she would be helpless. It was like that moment on a rollercoaster when the world seemed to hold its breath, hovering over a steep drop and knowing it's too late to change your mind. Ffrances had suggested they could try it one more time, to see how different it felt without Gabby's attempts to manipulate them. Tess didn't know if her curiosity was just a faint echo of all those triggers to be excited about the potty; but had agreed that it was an experiment worth trying. They'd tried it one evening when Gabby was working late, and maybe they would do it again before Tess had to go back to school.
But that wasn't what she needed to think about now. Today was supposed to be a break from the pervasive air of littleness, so that she could approach the new experience from a place closer to her normal state of mind. She was going to spend some time with her friends, chat about the normal parts of her trip to San Lorenzo, and find out what everyone else had been up to. Tess had already told Gabby that she planned to meet friends in Ashfields on Friday morning, but that was a white lie. She'd managed to book a doctor's appointment at an office that wasn't linked to her usual one, so that neither the school nurses nor Ffrances's workmates would have any chance of seeing the notes and letting something slip. Tess was really nervous about that as well, and felt that a good grounding in normalcy would make it easier to deal with.
So here she was, walking in the park and taking care not to slip where the bark chips on the path were interrupted by gleaming patches of ice. Realising how beautiful the trees were, when the smallest twigs were almost hidden in a forest of icicles, and frozen bridges linked branches to turn the normal tree structure into a complex maze with all kinds of loops. She wondered if the squirrels would be confused to see this; but of course she would never know while the little critters hibernated. As she paced around the clearing, she caught sight of a rainbow where the pale sunlight glinted through the ice, and then she knew she had to find it again. It was beautiful, and a sight that she had to send a photo of to her parents. But apparently that beautiful vision could only be captured from exactly the right angle, and after passing it by chance Tess just couldn't find it again.
"Interesting tree?" the voice made her jump, and all the words she'd been thinking of tangled together in her throat, coming out as a startled squawk. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. You're early."
"You too," Tess said, after consulting the clock on her phone. "It's like ten minutes before we arranged to meet."
"And you've been here at least a few minutes trying to take a photo," Spike said with a shrug. "Neither of us wanted to make the other wait. Or.. well, the trees are really pretty like this. When I think about a walk in the park I always imagine summer, but it's impressive in all seasons, isn't it?"
"Yeah. The ice is amazing. Glad I'm not the only one who sees that. My fingers are freezing, though."
"I got you something," he said, and then blushed as deeply as Tess ever did. He handed over a parcel, wrapped in the cheap paper she'd seen next to the checkout line in Discount Mart, with a cheery robin-and-santa-hat pattern. She tore it open quickly, and pulled out a pair of thermal gloves that looked a lot like the ones Kim always wore at this time of year. "I... I noticed you always share photos of the snowy weather, more than other seasons. And I guessed your hands are cold, but these ones have a special layer that lets you use a touchscreen with them on. Merry Christmas, Tess."
She jumped closer, and wrapped her arms tight around him on impulse. She'd missed him so much, and the way he always seemed to be considering what his friends wanted. What would be good for someone else. She knew that if he'd made that realisation when it wasn't the last week of the Christmas break, he would have given her the present just as soon as he could afford it. He wasn't rich, but he was generous with what he had, and always put in the effort to make it worth more.
"Thank you," she said, and only then noticed that he was still wearing the bracelet she had given him. It looked a little more worn now; not damaged, but softened at the edges like you would expect if a strip of leather had been wrapped around his wrist constantly for the last couple of weeks. "I missed you. And... I've got something for you too."
"You already gave me so much," he said, and his fingers brushed the edges of the bracelet like he didn't even realise he was doing it. Like this small thing had become a part of him.
"Well, this one's from Ffrances. She didn't tell me what it is, but I gather you've been waiting for it. She said she was pretty surprised. Is... is this something important so you have to dash off and open it? Because if it is, maybe I should hold onto it until after we chat with the others. Be sociable and all. If that's okay, I mean..."
"No," he said. "It's important, but so is spending time with you. I missed you too. And if it's what I hope it is, I think maybe I should tell you a little more. If it's more paperwork to confirm, I'll be sitting in a coffee shop somewhere to finish it. But if it's..." He stopped, and Tess saw a single tear form in his eye. She couldn't tell if the emotion there was just nerves, euphoria, or just relief at getting something he'd been thinking about for so long.
Neither of them said anything, but a moment later their hands met again. Tess squeezed his fingers gently, and hoped that conveyed the message that whatever he was feeling, she hoped to share it.
"It's embarrassing in a way," he said, calmer now. "And I'm scared to face the other things I need to do. Can you help me? I'll tell you the whole story, even if it's hard to remember. And we can do this together. I feel guilty asking, because I was brought up to always take responsibility. Be the man of the house, do everything that needs doing, and make sure everyone is happy. It seems weird to realise that after doing my family's taxes every year for so long, I'm not mature enough to face going into the school office by myself, but..."
"Shush," Tess said with a giggle. "I'm good at paperwork, remember? I learn rules so easily. And there's no shame in asking somebody to be there with you when you face the tyranny of the bureaucrats. And I'd do anything you asked, you should know that by now. You're my... my Spike. Trust me."
"Thanks," he answered. Tess couldn't help thinking how much she had sounded like Gabby then, or like her mum. Just slightly condescending, telling him that he didn't need to be the responsible one. It always annoyed Tess when adults did that, and yet she'd done it herself to somebody who wasn't even a year younger than her. And she was sure he didn't mind.
"So. Should we get moving and sit in a cozy café until Kim appears? Or watch the icebergs playing on the duck pond?"
They chose the latter; and were glad to see that the waterfowl had enough ice-free space to swim comfortably, although nobody was feeding them today. On a bench almost hidden in the bushes, where nobody would be walking past, Tess took the thick envelope out of her bag. Spike found papers in there, almost a whole book of them. But nestled in the middle was something else, and this time there was no doubt that those were tears of joy.
She couldn't wait to understand why a passport had such significance to the boy she liked.