*PAST*
After graduating high school, she moved out. At that point, they were no different from other couples. After they had graduated, there was no need to be conscious of other people's gazes. They held hands as they walked together. They'd eat delicious food with the money they earned from part-time jobs. They attended different universities, but they'd visit each other's campuses to study for tests.
jungkook was so incredibly popular that whenever she visited his campus, she'd feel the intense gazes of the other students there. But other than that, they enjoyed a common, everyday relationship.
Things began to change a little when jungkook was discharged from his military service and began to properly pursue a life as a celebrity. He'd begun to receive bigger and bigger roles, and his domain as a celebrity began to broaden. More and more people would begin to recognize him in the streets.
At first, it was fun. Watching him achieve his dreams made her feel so happy. As if her own dreams were coming true. She wanted him to be successful, and she'd rewatch his programs over and over again. Jungkook would bashfully cover his face with his large hand as he mumbled, 'Why are you watching something like that so early in the morning?' lisa liked seeing this side of him as well.
His embarrassed face, the red tips of his ears, his large hand covering his eyes. But his lips were still stretched into a proud smile. This image of him was so beautiful in her eyes. lisa wished she could stop time as she gazed at him. Their lives were full of ups and downs, but whenever she saw him, she felt as if the day had grown sunny and bright. But this was before she found out that her existence was a hindrance to his success.
"I'm so sorry to say this, but please make the wise decision for his sake, lisa-ssi."
Jungkook's manager asked to see her secretly. He spoke with a sorry expression on his face. He nervously rubbed his hands together.
"It's not easy for me to say this either, but the CEO found out about you and jungkook. The CEO said that he'd give jungkook better roles and better opportunities if he broke up with you, but... jungkook is being stubborn."
"......"
"You know how it is. You're a model, too, so you know how the celebrity world is. If people find out that a newly debuted male actor has a lover, who would like him? That would be fatal to his career. So... Do you know what I'm saying?"
The manager seemed apologetic for having to say something like this. He continued to ramble on afterwards. Every time he did, lisa felt as if she were being pushed back.
'I'll leave it in your hands.' With that, the manager was finished. Lisa felt as if she were an impurity in jungkook's otherwise faultless life.
When lisa didn't say anything, the manager avoided her eyes and shortly left. Left alone, lisa's head was blank.
She wanted to see his dream come true, but in order to do that, she'd have to leave him. Maybe it was because it was such a contradiction, but not a single tear fell from lisa's eyes. She felt numb.
lisa remained sitting with a blank expression on her face. When the part-timer came up to her to inform her that the cafe was closing, lisa finally mustered the strength to get up.
That night, jungkook pounded on her door so fiercely that he almost broke it. When she opened the door, jungkook looked very angry. 'I heard you met with my manager-hyung.'
He was panting for breath as if he'd run all the way over here. She didn't know how he found out, but because it seemed that he already knew, she couldn't hide it.
"Yeah."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" jungkook ripped his scarf off of his neck as he asked.
"Just because. It wasn't a big deal." Although she said these words, the inside of her mouth felt prickly.
Actually, it was a big deal, jungkook. That's what she wanted to tell him.
"What did you two talk about?" jungkook still looked very angry.
"Nothing much. We just drank some tea."
"Why would Hyung drink tea with you?"
"Because we know each other."
lisa answered evasively. She didn't say, 'He told me to break up with you.' If she said those words out loud, she was afraid those words would act as a seed and actually take root.
Because I hate it. I hate it so much.
Instead, she swept back her long hair and lowered her eyes. lisadidn't say anything, so jungkook blurted out the following words.
"Let's go see a movie this Christmas." His voice sounded as low and sturdy as always. lisa froze when she heard his words. She slowly lifted her head and saw that his eyes were looking directly at her. He stretched out his hand and grasped hers.
"Next spring, let's go on a trip. And then let's go on a trip out of the country next year."
"......"
"And I'm also going to come and sleep over at your place tomorrow."
He looked determined. As if all those promises could tie up the dissolving love between them. From then on, the amount of promises he made to her increased.
lisa remained still as she listened to all those promises. She listened to him say that they'd marry and have a child as she nodded her head. She lowered her head because the tears were threatening to escape her eyes. But she couldn't hide the way the tip of her nose grew red.
"...Okay. Let's do that."
Then she silently held jungkook's hand as well. The hand that she needed to let go... Ultimately, she couldn't. Others may say that she interfered in jungkook's life like an impurity, but it didn't matter to her. If jungkook still needed her, that was enough.
Most of the promises that jungkook made that day never came to be. That Christmas, the movie he had starred in was released. The movie theaters were packed with posters of his face, so they watched a movie at home. When that movie hit big, jungkook's popularity skyrocketed.
They gave up on the trip in the spring, and they spent the three days and two nights at home. They didn't go out at all. They weren't able to take the vacation out of the country. They were seeing each other in secret, and his every move was being monitored because he was now an up-and-coming actor.
In the end, they weren't able to make any special memories, but she was still happy. Whenever she stretched out her hand, jungkook was there. Whenever she lowered her head, she could smell his skin, and whenever she opened her eyes, his smiling eyes were looking right back at her.
To feel his warmth. To know that she was imprinted underneath his warm skin. That was enough for her.
As time passed, jungkook became a household name. And as his popularity grew, lisa gradually hid her existence.
She didn't contact him unless he contacted her first. She was worried that his manager would notice if she ever called him first. Whenever she met new people, she never told them that she was currently in a relationship. She was afraid that an observant reporter would notice her wearing any couple items.
She even moved into the same building as jungkook . Whenever he came home, he'd leave his apartment lights on and come downstairs to hers to spend time with her. When it was time for his manager to come back, he'd quickly run back upstairs.
If the manager was earlier than usual, he'd call jungkook. And when jungkook got that call, lisa would place some digestive medicine in his hand.
"Tell him you didn't feel well and went down to the convenience store to buy this." She'd even prepare an excuse for him.
"There's no need to go this far." jungkook would laugh as he took the digestive medicine upstairs. lisa would stare at the closed door and listen to his footsteps as he walked away.
This was all she could do for him. The only thing she could do was hide her existence. Because this was all she could do... She'd express her love for him by hiding it.
Their meetings were gradually only done at home. Every anniversary or holiday happened at home. They would rarely deviate from this routine by taking a walk around the neighborhood late at night.
In the end, lisa's job was to wait for him. That was it. When he couldn't make it because of work, she would clear the cooled food from the table. She'd have lost her appetite, so she'd eat a bowl of cereal as her dinner and fall asleep on the sofa. And when jungkook returned late at night, she'd quietly receive him.
Love turned into waiting, patience, endurance, and acceptance. She could take it. But the hardest thing to endure was to witness the things that changed. The times they could meet each other decreased. The time they had to talk to each other decreased. They'd tangle their bodies through sex, but they wouldn't be able to tangle their hearts.
Their anniversaries became a mere formality, and they turned into days full of apologies for being unable to celebrate it. The few days they'd meet turned into days of waiting, and they ultimately turned into obligatory routines. The heart flutters and excitement gradually transformed into boredom.
She couldn't bear to witness these changes any longer.
*PRESENT*
"Won't it be difficult?" Jisoo successfully finished off two shots of soju. She looked at lisa with worry on her face as she asked.
"It will be difficult. Because it's difficult right now."
"......"
When Jisoo heard lisa's reply, she closed her mouth. lisa's expression was full of despair as if her heart were being torn into pieces. It was the first time she'd seen this expression on her face in the ten years she'd known her.
"But I think it's better to end things now than watch our love cool." lisa lowered her eyes.
Until now, there hadn't been a specific reason to break up. No, that's what she wanted to believe. There were a few scandals here and there, but jungkook asserted his innocence. And because lisa knew that he never contacted other female celebrities when they were together, she believed him.
Whenever he had time, he'd always come to her home. They'd have sex, eat meals together, spend some time together before he had to return to his home. If he thought he'd have a difficult time keeping a promise, he'd contact her beforehand. Their relationship was a faithful one.
That's why the love continues.
That's what she believed.
Because no matter where she looked, there wasn't a period in sight to stamp an end to their relationship.
And then she saw jungkook from behind as he had his back to her. He hadn't realized that his back was to her, and whenever their eyes met, he would look away after a few seconds. The indifference in his eyes brought a shiver to her spine. That's when she knew.
.......We were already standing on the period. She couldn't see it because she was on top of it all along.