26.05.22
22:30
each night, i'm tossing and turning while staring up at the ceiling, back and forth, playing tug of war in my mind without a winning side. my starless eyes are bloodshot as i lie, paralyzed with these two am thoughts, the fear of being left behind slowly creeps in, seeping through my bedroom walls until it permeates my entire being. i have no energy left to give except for head nods and agreement. i fear that i don't possess anymore fake smiles to dispense nor advice to shed. so when they ask me how i am, i will tell them that i'm growing weary in my bones, that my soul is spent from pretending that i am somebody of sophistication, i will admit that i want back the life when i never felt the need to prove myself to anybody. the truth is, i am a hollow seashell, with the life drained from her on their shore. sinking rapidly beneath tidal waves, i feel a vacancy that won't easily be filled, and i fear it never will.