I had turned seventeen that airish January
Just days after tasting buttercream icing,
I wrote a goodbye letter and was content with it
- being my entire legacy
I feared adulthood and things never improving
I had grieved without mercy for four years straight
- and none of my friends could relate
to a motherless child with a brave face
I had been planning a great escape for a while
Weighing impulse, stubbornness, selfishness, and shame
I had been telling myself to just get through today for too long
- and I didn't know just how much pain a person could take
I laugh now, knowing I had only scratched the surface
Seeing my reflection in a frozen fond, but not knowing
- just how thick that ice is
I was in for a rude awakening when it would end up caving
"Much stronger than you anticipated", I whisper
- and I aim to keep proving myself wrong and have expectations surpassed
It's not so much about if things get better anymore,
but giving that child inside me that's healing that chance