(2990 words)
As I walk into the breakfast room, hungover from last night, Nils is being cheered for as he stands up on his chair.
"Who was it!" someone yells from the opposite end of the table.
"Madison," Nils smirks, "She went down on me." The room roars again with cheers before August turns to me.
"Your turn to stand up, Wille."
I frown, "What are you talking about?" I laugh nervously, making eye contact with Simon.
"Well, the boys and I," he looks around at his friends for backup, "we went looking for you after you ran away from the party last night with a girl." Again, everyone cheers and chants for me to stand up.
"I dont know what youre talking about, I didnt run off with a girl." I lie. Technically theyre right, but I ran off with a guy. Not in that way though.
"Sure you did, cmon!"August stands over me. I sink further into my seat, hoping something will save me from having to spill the truth; I would never hear the end of it.
"Calm down!" the housemaster bursts into the room, "I can here you guys from down the hall." Everyone becomes quiet and sits down in their chairs. I sigh, looking at Simon who sighs too.
۞۞۞۞۞
As I stare down at my shoes and the pavement, Felice nudges me.
"Hey," she smiles, "how was your night last night?"
"Uh, it was alright." Although I have known her ever since I was little, our relationship still feels kind of weird. I have always guessed that she might have a crush on me, but I dont know. Maybe she is just weirdly touchy and nice.
"Good, good. So I heard you ran off with a girl last night?" I cant tell if she is asking or telling.
"Thats just a rumour, I just left the party because it was getting hectic." I remain looking down at my converse and I hear her sigh maybe with relief. She goes to say something, but August interrupts her.
"Can I talk to you for a minute, Felice?" As they stop to talk, I continue to walk. I dont take my eyes of the ground, causing me to run straight into someone.
"Shit, sorry." I look up to see Simon. We both laugh and start walking together.
"Why were you so drunk last night?" He asks. I dont know how to answer that.
"Alcohol?" I say sarcastically.
He pushes me, "ha-ha very funny." I feel like I have known Simon forever. Everything feels so right with him.
۞۞۞۞۞
I help Simon by tying his boat to the port and reaching my hand out for him to pull him out.
"I should give you rowing lessons."
"Get off your high horse, Wille, youre not so good yourself." He grabs onto my hand. While helping him onto the port, August shakes my shoulder.
"Come with me." He says, tugging my arm. I follow him behind a crowd of trees.
"Seriously? Why are you talking to him?"
"August, what is your problem?" I yank my arm out of his hand. "Youre such a dickhead; if someone doesnt have blue blood you hate them?"
"Yeah, Wilhelm, yeah."
"Fuck you, hes my friend and guess what! He is a normal person and doesnt act like a stuck up little bitch like you!" I storm away from him back to the building.
۞۞۞۞۞
I debate whether I am being a creep or not. I unlock my phone and go onto Instagram. Simon Eriksson. I scroll through his page for god knows how long. I smile at every one of the photos and I see a photo of him with his sister, Sara, from 2017. He doesnt look as happy, but he does. That doesnt make sense. My door bursts open and I jump up from my bed frantically.
"Holy shit, are you watching porn?" August jumps backwards. Before he can ask anymore, my phone rings.
"Give me that," he snatches the phone while answering it.
"Erik!" he yells, its August. I hear a faint voice on the other end of the line.
"Yeah, Ive been good. Yeah Wilhelm is fine, he just needs to learn when and where to watch porn!" He says punching my stomach playfully. He pisses me off.
"I wasnt watching porn!" I shout.
"Also, talk to Wille about his lack of motivation. Its becoming annoying." He hands me my phone back and smirks as he walks out the door.
"Erik, he is so annoying!" I groan.
"Give him a rest! He is trying to help you and his dad killed himself not too long ago."
"Wait what?" I didnt know that.
۞۞۞۞۞
My muscles ache.
"Keep doing push-ups! I will be back." August shouts. I look up from the grass and see Simon is already looking at me. We both try to hold in our laughs, but we collapse to the ground.
"Dude, you look like a tomato." Simon laughs. He looks over to where August is standing, drinking water. Without saying anything, he stands up and walks over to join him.
I follow Simon through the corridors to the studying hall.
"What were to talking to August about?" I ask.
"Uh, nothing much. Just reminding him how much he pisses me off." Simon grins at me while he sits down next to his sister. I take him saying that as a sign to not ask him what he was actually talking to August about, so I leave it.
"Hey Sara," I smile at her. I dont know why she doesnt really like me. Maybe its because she doesnt really know me, or maybe she is one of those over-protective sisters and she thinks Im stealing Simon. I go to make small talk with her, but August enters the room.
"Aye! Wilhelm!" he shouts, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as if were best buddys. Simon and Sara stand up immediately and go to walk out of the room before Felice yells out to the both of them.
"You should both come to the horror movie night tomorrow!"
۞۞۞۞۞
I have decided I will get off my phone earlier tonight. Im trying to be healthier. Lately Ive noticed I have been on my phone way too much. I have been stalking people on Instagram too much. A certain person. As Im lying in the dark overthinking, I jump when my phone makes a loud dinging sound. I thought I turned it on mute. Its a message from Simon.
Hey, I thought I might invite you to my friends soccer game tonight? it reads. I ponder on whether or not I should go, and if I do, how will I get out of here?
There is a knock on my door, and August enters in before I can tell him come in.
"The boys and I are going to play some cards and drink, wanna join?" he says, still standing in my doorway.
I cough into my hand, "actually Im feeling a bit unwell." I sniff and rub my nose to make it more believable. I hold my stomach tight. Okay, Im not the best actor on earth, but give me some credit for the things I thought of.
"Oh, okay. I hope you feel better soon. If you feel better in the next half hour, come down and join." He shuts my door, and when it closes I release my hand from my stomach and role over to reply to Simon.
See you soon.
I pull on my coat, and slowly open the window. I crawl outside, falling out when I get my foot stuck on the windowsill. I make a sprint for the exit of the school and wait for the bus down the road in the shitty bus stop, but its just bits of metal pieced together.
As I step on, I hear whispers. I reassure myself, saying that theyre not talking about me. I stop trying to believe that when I hear someone say my name and something about the fight I had at my last school. I keep my head held down as I walk to the back of the bus and stare out of the window when I sit down. I hold the collar of my jacket over the side of my face so that no one can snap any photos.
۞۞۞۞۞
As Im walking off the bus, I see Simon waiting for me.
"Simon!" I run up and hug him. He hugs me back tightly and I pull away when I see someone else standing next to him. I get jealous.
"Who is this?" I give the guy standing next to him a fake smile.
"Ayub. I met him at the school I went to before Hillerska; were best friends." I shake Ayubs hand and smile for real this time.
We walk to the entrance to the field. I walk close to Simon. Hes my best friend. Can you call someone your best friend even if youve only known each other for a few days? My body feels heated when our hands touch accidentally. We both dont say anything. We stand at the edge of the field, and the game is about to start. My stomach rumbles when I smell food.
"Do you guys want me to get you a hotdog?" They take their eyes of the field and say yes immediately.
"Mustard or ketchup?" I ask, squinting my eyes. I am about to punch someone if they say mustard or both. Mustard is the most disgusting thing to be created. Ever.
"Ketchup," Ayub says, smiling. Okay...one down, one to go.
"Mustard," Simon tries to hand me a dollar.
I gasp, "I dont think we can be friends anymore. Anyone who likes mustard is not from this planet."
"Seriously? You dont like mustard?" Simon looks offended. I screw my face up while shaking my head violently.
"But," I push his hand away that is holding the money, "I guess I can accept you. My treat." I walk away before he can try to shove the dollar in my face or something.
As Im walking back, I see Ayub and Simon talking and laughing. Simons face is red, like how it always is when he is embarrassed or being called out for something. When Simon sees me coming, he hits Ayubs arm and returns his gaze to the game, pretending he doesnt know Im coming.
"Here is yours," I hand the ketchup covered hotdog to Ayub.
"And here is...this disgrace." I hand the mustard covered one to Simon, who scowls at me jokingly.
This is the most fun I have had in a while. I feel Im finally out from behind the bars. I look at Simons happy face when he cheers for his friend.
I follow the three back to Ayub and Roshs (Rosh is the friend that was playing soccer; she was really good out there) motorcycles. Ayub invites me to come on his with him, and Rosh helps Simon onto the back of hers. The roar of the engines reminds me of when Erik used to take me on ice-cream trips every day. Mother didnt like it because we shouldnt be going out like that to go to McDonalds to get ice-cream, but I didnt care what she said.
Ayub follows after Rosh as she turns onto the almost empty road. It kind of looks abandoned. The wind making that sound in my ears, and the feeling of it brushing through my hair makes me feel so free. Like I am leaving all of my problems behind, but I know as soon as I get back to Hillerska, theyre all going to come back chasing for me.
Ayub pulls into the right lane, speeding up to get beside Rosh. Simon reaches his hand out for me, and I extend mine out towards him. Our fingers touch slightly, and we yell out loud. Not words. Just sounds of excitement. I havent smiled or laughed like this or even felt like this for..I have never felt like this. Even when going to get ice-cream in Eriks car with him.
۞۞۞۞۞
Ayub drops me off at the bus shack again, and I hug Simon goodbye.
"See you tomorrow," he waves. As Im walking back up to the building, I see the lights on in my room. I crouch, still walking towards it slowly. When I come closer, I realise Im busted.
"Shit," I say under my breath. I climb back into the window, again catching my foot on the windowsill and I wind myself when falling on my back on my carpet.
"Seriously?" August stands over me. "You know youre not allowed to leave the premises, right?"
I sigh, "yes I know, but I wasnt off the premises. I was taking a walk to get some fresh air." That sounds convincing, right? August gives me the youre-full-of-shit-and-I-know-it look. He turns his phone around so that the screen is facing me. Its a video of me eating my hotdog, looking out into the field. I read the username. Simon Eriksson.
"Lie to me again, and I will put you in deep shit. But for now, youre on dinner duty for the next week. Happens again, and it will be much worse." He looks down at me before slamming my door behind him.
Could you delete the Instagram story of me, please? I send. The typing bubble pops up, then disappears. Then it returns.
Oh, sorry. I guess I should have asked first, he replies.
It was fine with me, just not fine with August when he busted me and gave me dinner duty for a week. I reply quickly so Simon doesn't have enough time to start overthinking about something stupid. I receive a laughing emoji and go to type back again to thank him for inviting me along, but I feel as though thats overkill. I switch my phone off, this time muting it, and go to sleep.
۞۞۞۞۞
After doing dinner duty for the first night—6 more to go—I return to my bedroom to change into something comfortable for the movie night. I dont really like horror movies. Not because they scare me, only because they just are boring. I change into a blue sweatshirt and green sweatpants that have some brown stains from where I dropped food on them whilst Erik and I were having a food fight—of course it was cut short by my mother but was fun while it lasted. I slip on a pair of socks, not bothering to put shoes on, and leave my room. Its colder than expected, so I huddle in the back corner of the room. I purposely spread out to save Simon a spot; no one is going to tell me to move anyway.
When I see him enter the room, I wave for him to come over. He pretends that he doesnt see me and walks around the room. He laughs and jogs over to me.
"Hey!" he says. "How was your first night of dinner duty?" I remove my leg from the chair I saved for him, and groan before saying, "most fun Ive ever had!" I wave my arms around. Everyone hushes us because the movie starting. Its In the Tall Grass. Okay, so horror movies dont genuinely scare me, but jump scares do. Thats not the same thing.
About forty minutes into the movie, I can feel that there is going to be a jump scare—I hate when you know there is going to be a scare, and you expect it, but it still makes you jump. I tense with both my arms on the arm rests. I grip them tightly. There it is. I jump, and so does mostly everyone else, except for a few people who laugh. I find myself gripping Simons hand, and quickly let go, but dont move my hand to far away from his. He keeps his close too. I continue to watch the movie, trying to ignore the anxiety in my stomach and the voice in my head telling me to hold his hand. I slowly inch my hand closer to his, and I can tell he is watching from the corner of his eye. I wrap my little finger around his, and he grins. Simon turns his head to look at me and he doesnt say anything, but his eyes are giving me approval. I interlock my fingers with his, my heart beating fast. It feels like its going to jump out of my chest. Suddenly I feel the room spinning and my forehead burning. I jump up from my seat, ripping my hand from Simons and running out of the room. I gasp for air and sit on a nearby windowsill. I put my hand on my chest. I hear footsteps and expect to see August telling me off for sitting next to Simon, but its him.
"Are you okay?" Simon sits on the chair below me. I dont answer him. He stands up and turns my head to look at him. I twist my body around so Im fully facing him. We stay silent, until I cant see him anymore, only darkness. His lips are pressed up against mine. I dont pull away, but I dont kiss back. He pulls away and looks at me, waiting for me to say something. When I dont he kisses me again. Again, I dont kiss back. He pulls away, finally realising that Im not going to say or do anything. When he goes to walk away, I catch his arm.
"Wait," I call after him when he tries to pull his arm out of my grip. I pull him back to me, this time twisting him around, so he is looking at me. He stares at me, his eyes filling with embarrassed tears. I pull him in by his waist and gently kiss him. He kisses me back hesitantly, not knowing whether this is a trick or not. When I pull away he smiles, so do I.