Author's note:
Sorry for not updating any sooner🙏 As an apology, have an extra long chapter <3
Enjoy~
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Ali's POV:
I've probably done dozens of laps around the house by now, checking every corner for hints or clues that could prove this was all just a giant training simulation. This has to be a simulation right? My supervisors and my teammates are probably just messing with me.
This has to be some form of punishment or a stupid prank.
But the more I explored the house, the more paranoid I got. I could feel panic bubbling up in my chest as I found nothing other than more evidence that proves this was the life I lived in the past.
The news on TV showing old events that have already happened as if they were new, the date on the flat screen, the lack of photo frames on the wall as well as furniture placement being off. Aside from that, there were magazines filled with old trends and some of my old toys were scattered all over the floor. Even my old scooter and yoyo have not been modified with MATA technology.
I stood in the middle of the living room, towering over the mess that I had created amidst my search for answers. Any answers that could make sense but nothing did. I dropped my hands to the side as I let my scrambled thoughts take over.
I'm just so confused...
What is happening?
What does this all mean?
Have I really been sent back to the past? Was this all just a dream? How did this happen? If I die again, will I be sent back here again or will I die for good?
Die.
A cold shiver suddenly ran down my spine and I hugged myself in an attempt to stay warm. That recent thought had started a wave of unwanted feelings. Now my memories were starting to play with me as I could still feel the imprinting pressure on my back from being crushed.
My breathing started to get quicker and my chest felt tight. I put my hand over my chest as I gradually went down on my knees and bent down with my forehead against the floor.
Hot tears were starting to blur my vision. I blinked a few times, letting droplets fall onto the floor as I tried to stop myself but it only led to more unwanted sobbing. Soon, my throat felt like it was closing up and I choked on my tears while I tried to gasp for as much air as possible.
I really did die... didn't I?
My head was pounding. All these thoughts were racing into my head at light speed and it hurt so bad that I wanted to slam my head to the floor in order to force my brain to go silent.
I could scream. I wanted to scream.
But I couldn't.
After staying in that position for what felt like hours, I started to calm down. My tears subsided and I could feel my body slowly relax as I naturally took the time to catch my breath again.
'Deep breath in, deep breath out..' I thought to myself as I breathed in through my nose and released the air through my mouth repeatedly.
I don't know what just happened or why I reacted like that but I know I needed to ground myself if I wanted to stop reacting like that again.
I know I needed to do something about this.
Taking the stairs, I rushed over to my room, ignoring the clutter I left behind in the living room. I closed the door behind me, ignoring the loud slam I made as I searched for an empty notebook in one of my drawers. It took me a while because it's been put out of place.
Hurriedly, I took a pen from my desk. I sat down in my chair and began to journal the things that happened before I died. I included the date of that mission, the day and any other related information. The team I was with, the location, the objective, the gadgets that I had on me and the opponent we were facing.
If this really was the past and that everything is going to go exactly like how I experienced it then there's no doubt that that terrible mission will happen again.
These details are the key to what I'm going to do next and I need to come up with a way to prepare for the worst. I need a strategy, a 4 year plan and it all needs to be made as soon as possible.
I can't risk forgetting everything, any memory I have of the future is essential and losing any of it will lead to my second downfall, one that could be worse than the last.
But I feel like it's not enough.
Looking over my notes and my rushed handwriting, none of it felt enough. None of it explained how I got there, none of it explained why I ended that way.
There has to be more.
There has to be more about what's going to happen!
I need answers.
The pen in my hand began to shake vigorously and without realising, I was trembling tremendously. I put the pen down on the table and sighed to myself tiredly.
Maybe the answer wasn't in that mission alone. Maybe I had to go even deeper, to the root of the situation. There had to be something in the past that caused this to happen and the only way to find it is to document it.
I flipped to the next page of my notebook and picked up the pen again as I continued writing. This time, I went backwards, rewinding the events to the days before it. I tried to fill the pages as much as I could, keeping the ones I found worthy while others were ripped out and tossed aside.
I kept this rhythm going as seamlessly as possible but I know there were things I had left out in my writing. Moments I had forgotten. Events I didn't want to remember. Occurrences that I felt were right but seemed misplaced or that I remembered them wrongly.
But I tried my best to write it all even if I didn't want to. I just had to. I needed to.
Soon, my writing hand was burning while the other gripped the desk. They both started to feel numb and I could feel my body yelling at me to stop.
But I know I have to keep going.
I need to keep going!
Third Person's POV:
Hours have passed since the shocking revelation from this morning. Dr. Ghazali had just finished a long day at work and returned to his home late in the night as he usually does. When he entered the house, he was shocked to find it in such a mess.
"Ish.. What happened to the house?" He scratched his head in frustration, setting down his briefcase beside the couch as he closed the slide door behind him.
Knowing who was behind this already, he called out to the young boy upstairs. "Ali! If you're still awake, come downstairs this instant!"
Ali exhausted himself so much on the issue he was dealing with that he didn't hear the sound of a car coming into the driveway. In fact, he was so stunned to hear his father's voice that it made him drop all the tossed out notes he's been collecting off the floor.
Disoriented, he dropped all the crumpled up paper balls and made his way downstairs. The boy went into the living room and froze in his spot.
Seeing his dad for the first time, he stood there speechlessly. Immediately his mind raced to the last of his moments, where he wondered how his dad would have felt if and when he found out the boy had died.
The man was picking up toys and magazines off the floor, holding them in his left arm as he began to give an earful to the young boy who he knew was there with him. "What have I told you about keeping the house tidy?!"
"I told you so many times, put away your toys when you're done playing with them-" Ghazali turned around and became quiet once he saw his son looking so un-put together. The boy looked like he saw a ghost or worse.
Did he even eat? He looked so pale and malnourished.
"Ali... Are you okay?" The man asked, his anger quickly replaced with worry once he noticed his son trembling. He set the objects in his arm aside and went over to the boy.
"You look so pale and sick" He noted, noticing how messy his son's hair was and how distraught the boy looked.
Ali wasn't expecting to see his dad yet and moreover, his dad is now the first person he's talking to since he died so the kid didn't know what words to say. He was barely out of his own trance.
"Y-yeah- I-I mean, no! I mean yes?" The boy answered when he realised he was being quiet for too long. He fumbled his words, causing his dad to get more concerned over his condition.
Ghazali put the back of his hand against his son's forehead. It was burning. Ali has spent way too much time writing, overthinking and stressing over his demise. That amount of forced activity caused a spike in his temperature.
"I'm okay.." The boy said quietly but it only caused a tired sigh from the man. He knew he failed to be convincing but he didn't want to worry the man with his condition.
"You should take some panadol just in case.. Take a fresh shower and rest early tonight" His dad advised, going back to pick up his bag off the floor. "No more video games until you feel better"
He gently patted the boy's back and guided him to the kitchen. "C'mon, I'll make you something to warm you up before you go to bed"
Ali didn't say anything in response. He simply followed his dad and carefully sat down at the kitchen stool, watching his dad getting to work on making two warm drinks at the counter near the fridge.
He kept watching and thought to himself about how his dad doesn't know the full story of his situation. He didn't know his son was an agent. Hell, he didn't know his wife and brother-in-law were agents too. The man has been blind about his family's whole situation, all the way up to his son's own death.
Should he tell him? Would he believe him?
Ghazali looked back and noticed how guilty his son looked. Not knowing the true cause of the stressed out expression his son made, he came over with the drinks and placed the boy's mug in front of him, startling him.
"Stop stressing yourself out" He said, patting his son's back once more which startled the boy. He sat down in his own stool, blew on his hot brew of coffee before taking a light sip of it. "And don't worry about the house, you can help me clean it up tomorrow"
After listening to what his dad said, the boy looked down at the drink in front of him. It was a warm mug of nestum and it smelled really good.
'Right, I've been stressing about this too much' Ali thought to himself, raising the cup close to his face as he took in the smell of the sweet milky aroma.
He realised that he barely consumed anything today and his stomach was begging him to drink the oatmeal like beverage. He took a small sip of the drink, letting his stomach get used to the feeling of warm food. 'I should calm down and let things process before I do anything irrational..'
'I'll think about it tomorrow...'
Ali's POV:
"—ALI! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"
That ringing. That damned ringing is back.
I look up from where I laid down, trapped underneath the rubble as my head and arm were the only parts of me free from the concrete. I was aware of the situation this time, my eyes were open and I could see everything happening around me.
The red blinding alarm. The fire scattered about. The smoke making its way up to the open ceiling above me.
My teammates ran to my aid, stumbling back every now and then as more parts of the ceiling started to collapse. They stopped in front of me, looking down at me in horror while I beckoned them to help me with my hand reaching out.
But I was ignored. My team acted like I wasn't talking to them, begging them to help me, as if my actions were never seen. It was like I was there but I was still invisible to them. I kept crying out for help, trying to reach out for them, trying to grab the hem of one of my teammate's outfits.
"...-It's no use! We need to leave him and go!" One of them exclaimed, grabbing my other teammates as they were forcefully dragged out of the area.
Once they left, the place began to crumble and the exit was covered by concrete and machines. I was left there alone again, tears flowing down my face as I kept trying to pull myself out of the rubble.
"Wait, g-guys...! I'm still here...!" I cried out, hoping for them to still come back and rescue me. But it was inevitable. I could feel the earth rumble beneath me and dust and sand were trickling down as the whole building started to collapse.
My reached out hand trembled into a fist, fear shooting through every end of my nervous system, as I slammed it down to the ground with a scream.
"Please... Don't leave me!"
I rose up from my bed in a midst of panic. My heart was racing, thumping rapidly against my chest as if it threatened to break out.
Without realising, my breathing became heavy like my head was forced underwater. I could even feel a bead of cold sweat rolling down the side of my head until it reached my neck, then being absorbed by my shirt.
I wiped the trail of sweat with the neck of my shirt and checked myself first before scanning the room I was in. Nothing had changed except for the appearance of a glass half-filled of water and a tablet of pills on my right bedside table.
It was just a dream...?
My chest had fallen in relaxation so I reached out for my phone over at the bedside table. I checked the time on it and it was 2 in the morning. Not very long since my dad told me to rest.
Sighing, I tucked the phone underneath my pillow and laid back down with my eyes closed, trying to sleep again. Though, it was pointless. Sure, I was tired as hell but every time I tried to doze off, my heart started to jolt and startled me awake again.
After 5 minutes of silence and wasted effort, I stared at the ceiling for a while, trying to forget the dream that I had so I could get some proper rest.
I tried to think of other things, anything that could take my mind off that horrible nightmare. Not that I could anyway. Everytime I tried, my mind went straight back to that memory. That painful, awful, pointless memory.
A couple more minutes passed and I decided to look at my phone again. I checked the date on the lockscreen, squinting my eyes at the light flash.
29th March 2020.
Disappointed, I turned the phone off and stuffed it under my pillow again. Then I turned my body to the side to face away from it but my eyes landed on an old photo frame and I could feel a tight squeeze in my chest.
I know I've said this already but...
I really am back in the past.
Stop it.
I shook my head a little and covered myself with my blanket, putting it over half of my face as I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that I could force myself to fall asleep again.
But that never happened.
Instead, sounds of the night began to fill my ears. The crickets, the breeze and even the sound of my own breathing that had turned calm. It was so peaceful and quiet all of a sudden. It was as if a divine entity heard my cries and blessed me with something else to focus on.
However, that blessing had now turned into a trap because now I subconsciously let my thoughts take control and now they were allowed to speak out.
Am I going to end up dying like before?
My hand flinched so I gripped it with my other hand but when I put my hands together, it all felt cold. I could feel my fingers turning numb and my hands were shivering. I was also holding my breath without realising it.
The feeling was familiar. All too familiar for my liking.
When I noticed this behaviour, I quickly gasped for air and gripped my blanket tightly, holding the lump of fabric in my fists close to my chest. The shock made me turn to my right side once more, dragging the blanket along with me and letting it wrap me like a cocoon.
Don't think about it.
I just need to stop thinking about it.
But my thoughts didn't let me.
Like a sea of voices, the thoughts kept crashing onto me one by one like waves. They had absolutely no self-control as it mercilessly drowned its victim and it didn't waste any time to drag me further down into its waters against my will.
I fell deeper and deeper in the water, the sound of my thoughts turning into whispers as I was left floating in the dark watery void once more. Among the thoughts that have accumulated in me, a tiny bubble of light came floating towards me.
It shimmered in a golden hue as it radiated a warm glow in front of me. Then, out of nowhere, it popped.
Suddenly, the blanket around me softly unraveled from my body and I sat up again, looking lost in my mind as it all dawned on me like a hammer to the head.
Do I have to join MATA?
Just... what if all of my problems could be solved if I never got involved with them in the first place?
Yeah... it's not like I was welcomed into MATA in the first place. They'd probably be better off without me even. A lot of conflict was because of me anyway. It would be a win-win situation.
They don't have to deal with me, I don't have to deal with them.
Although, what about all the friends I made inside of MATA? All my allies, my mentors and the head pillars? Am I really going to leave them? Cut contact with them before even meeting them?
...Yes.
And then there were the people of Cyberaya and the people of the Pinggiran that I saved.. some of them might get hurt if I no longer become an agent. Though, I can't be responsible for their safety if I was no longer an agent.
MATA can handle it all by themselves anyway. They are an advanced agency after all. It's their job to protect Cyberaya and its people. It's their responsibility.
Besides, are the people really my problem anymore?
Wait... am I being selfish for thinking this way?
No, I deserve to be selfish.
I deserve to be free.
I used to protect people. I used to save people's lives. Yet, I was treated as a fool. I was a naive little kid, working hard for an agency that never wanted me to be apart of them in the first place. I wasn't being righteous nor was I being humble.
I was being used.
So if this is my chance to relive a life that was wasted in vain and meaningless responsibility, then I'll make sure every drop of this opportunity does not go to waste.
Yeah, I've decided...
I'll leave MATA and live the life I deserve.
=To Be Continued=