"Moxie said she's sorry she couldn't make it but her endometriosis is acting up today."
I usher Mick inside. "Yeah, she texted me a few minutes ago. I'm having Jenny send over soup."
Emerging on the other side of space and time, Mick whistles. Our record label pulls out all the stops with tonight's party. Taking place in a grungy warehouse, the industrial details contrasts with the neon glow of the lights fixed around the room. Behind a large art piece is the stage set-up for our performance later; a handful of songs we think are the crown jewels of Escape Velocity.
"Here." I walk over to one of the tables. "Goodie bags. Album is in there so you and Moxie can listen before everyone else. Just don't spoil anything before midnight."
"No NDA?" he muses, rifling through the the bag. Most are gifts from our sponsors, but the shiny new album sits proudly in the center.
"I go more by a code of honor than a flimsy piece of paper," I laugh. "Do you want to check out the stage?"
"I actually need to go but I wanted to show you—" Mick pulls out his phone, followed by a pair of wired earphones. After fumbling with them for a few seconds, he hands both and instructs me to put them in. "Moxie wishes she could be here for this but—"
A song begins and from the opening notes I know what I'm listening to. After spending the day at his apartment with Moxie and Jun writing lyrics, composing melodies, and providing background vocals, the final product titled Ghosts is born. Up until now, I'venever heard the final product.
When I return his earphones, it takes me a second. "I'm...speechless. Genuinely."
"I don't think our producers have ever been as excited to hear a song before."
"Happy to be along for the ride."
"Moxie and I were wondering if you would be okay with us releasing it next month?" Mick asks.
Jun crosses my peripheral. "Sorry, let me just scream for him for a second."
Mick covers his ears while I call Jun over. He arrives out of breath and carrying a half-empty Capri Sun pouch.
"Hey, Mick. Thanks for stopping by."
He lifts the goodie bags. "Thanks for these. Moxie will be sending you both a strongly-worded but raving review, I'm sure."
"Mick brought us a surprise."
Mick replays his motions from earlier and Jun's face mimics the one on mine. By the time the song is finished, he's equally as speechless.
After accepting Jun's compliments, Mick relays the plan to release the song next month.
"Busy year for us." Jun bumps elbows.
"I gotta go before I miss my flight. Thanks again. Tell everyone I said congratulations." Mick leans in to hug us both. "Dinner before you go off for promo?"
"Definitely."
Mick disappears into the crowd of staff working on last-minute touches for the party.
I turn to Jun who's wearing a long-sleeved purple shirt and black pants. The invitations state one request for the dress code: pink, purple, and/or blue.
"Heads up: Jenny is on a mission tonight."
"Isn't she always?"
"Not like this."
Lauren's voice floats over to us until she's standing beside Jun.
I force my eyes up as her fingers cling to the bottom of his shirt. Knowing the two of them, they don't even realize how obvious they are. Most people in love don't.
"Was that Mick?" Lauren asks.
"Yeah." I clear my throat. "Said to tell you hi."
"Played us that song," Jun adds. "The one Stev and I helped them with when we hung out at his place."
Her eyes light up. "I should've come over earlier."
"Lauren! Jun! Stevie! Can one of you help me with something!" Jenny calls.
Before I have a chance to react, Lauren pulls Jun along with her. The gnawing part of my brain fixates on the way Jun doesn't even look back at me as he's whisked away.
"Sad Bash can't make it?"
I jump five feet into the air and spin to see Rami staring at me.
"How long have you been standing there, fucking hell."
"Long enough."
He kicks off from the wall and drifts over to me. His elbow rest against the bar top, and a Capri Sun lands in front of him before he can spit out another word.
"I don't actually—never mind," he says when the bartender turns away and walks into the backroom. "Guess, I'll take this."
"Gotta support our friend." I tap my pouch onto the counter once.
"Everyone is going to lose their shit when they realize what's happening."
"Marty sure works miracles. And yes, I am."
"I'm sure you'll see him soon."
"Not likely," I sigh. He's got back-to-back races coming up and we're traveling soon. Won't see each other again until his summer break."
Rami shrugs, a teasing smile on his lips. While it can mean a million different things, I don't have the time to consider all options.
"Some say miracles are possible. Maybe we'll see a few of them tonight."
...
When Maverick walks through the door on time for the first time in his life, I know miracles happen. And when Everleigh pulls up next to him, twin flames tethered together by a twisted string of fate, I realize some outcomes aren't miracles, just understandable realities.
"They've fucked."
Jun follows my eyes. "Yeah, probably."
"Everleigh looks—"
"Stop staring so hard, my god."
"What?" I scoff. "I'm not thinking about proposing to her or anything. Unless you think she would—"
Jun snatches the empty juice pouch out of my hand and pushes me away from the bar. "First thing you've noticed is they've moved to the next stage and you're already plotting to steal his girl away from him."
"Bold of you to think I haven't been doing that this entire time. What the—ouch, that is going to leave a mark."
His hand retreats from pinching me. "No trying to steal his girlfriend."
"But Stevie Meadowlark sounds so much better than Kingston Meadowlark."
"That's beside the point." He glances back at the bar. "Let me catch up. I'm going to grab another drink."
Since they're busy admiring the venue, they don't notice me walking up to them until I'm a few feet away.
"It's our favorite guest of honor."
"Thank—"
"I was talking about Everleigh," I cut Maverick off.
It's the eyeroll heard around the world. "Fine, no hug for you."
Already leaning in to hug Everleigh, I don't pay attention to what he's saying. "What was that?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Look at you, showing up somewhere on time for once in your life. Who knew you had it in you?"
Everleigh coughs. "He doesn't."
"I was early today—"
"Early?" I hum, looking between them. "That's...interesting."
Jun runs up sipping on another Capri Sun. "Sorry, did you say Mav was early to something?"
The man in question clears his throat. "I was...listening to Stevie. She told me to...try showing up a couple of hours earlier than normal. You know. We were all there for that....I think."
"Since when do you listen to Stevie?"
There might as well be a flashing neon sign above his head saying 'hey, I've got something I'm hiding from you!' by the way he looks.
"You alright there, Mav? Look a little... nervous."
All too staggered like staccato notes of an out-of-tune piano, he replies. "No. No. I'm good. Great. Good."
I turn to Jun. "I told you something happened."
"You said something a little less classy but I'll spare them."
Everleigh's face remains mutual, but the tone of her voice is teasing. "What do you think happened?"
"Something not-so pg-13 friendly has happened since New York. But that's just my uneducated guess."
"That's not what you really said," Jun laughs.
"Trying not to stress out ol' Mav here before he sweats straight through his nice pink jacket." I brush my fingers along his shoulder. "It's a good color on you."
"It's...body glitter."
Everleigh has to slap a hand over her mouth. A staff member walking by does a double-take while pushing a cart.
"Body glitter. On your shirt."
"I have...bad aim."
"Maver would disagree."
"You can't play dumb when you've got Leigh laughing like a hyena over a gross body glitter joke," Jun proclaims.
"I...am dumb."
Everleigh pulls herself together enough to manage a full sentence. "I'm going to go get a drink—"
Maverick grabs her arm. "No—"
"Then I think you owe me 100 quid, babes. She's clearly figured it out."
My mind goes into overdrive. "100 quid. Babes—I knew it!"
Jun turns to Maverick. "Did you really bet 100 bucks Stevie wouldn't be able to sniff you out as soon as you walked through the door?"
"No, I would never—" Maverick says as he hands a few bills to Everleigh who pockets the cash proudly.
"Never bet against Stevie."
Hearts form around her frame. "Marry me."
"You find out about us and immediately propose to my girlfriend—"
"Wanna bet who gets the girl?"
If the threat doesn't seal it, Everleigh leaning over to kiss my cheek does.
"Yeah, okay, you're welcome for dropping your girlfriend off on time. I'm gonna go—"
He turns around, ready to walk off when he stops before he can take one step. I follow his line of sight and see a figure with a pink jacket walk into the room with his hands tucked into his pockets, hair pushed back behind his ears, and the same warm eyes I find myself getting lost in. Whether they're right in front of me or on a pixelated screen doesn't matter. I recognize those eyes anywhere.
"If you're stealing her, I'm stealing him—
"I thought Bash couldn't make it?" Jun asks.
"I...thought so, too."
Oh, how the turns have tabled, Maverick would probably say. Right before I smack him.
Jun swoops in with a save. "I'll go grab him."
"Great! I need a drink. Anyone else want one?"
"Oh, I'd love one," Maverick says.
"Wow, no one? Really? Ok, I guess I'll go by myself, see you in a bit." Scurrying away without any subtly whatsoever.
"Stealthy!"
I step up to the bar. "Midori sour, please."
Maverick pulls up next to me. "Can I have a—does that say Capri Sun?"
"You're never going to believe this but Jun is an official brand partner of Capri Sun now."
"Are you serious?"
"We're very proud of him."
"He does have Capri Sun instead of blood, so it's about time."
"Drink?" I point at the bartender.
"Can I have a virgin rum and coke?"
The bartender hesitates. "So a coke with lime."
"Yes, please."
"Sure you don't a Capri Sun—"
"Maybe later."
The bartender shrugs. "Coming right up."
Beating Maverick to the punch, I ask. "So, when did it happen?"
"When did what happen?"
"Answer the question of I'm skipping the rest of the party to plan my and Everleigh's wedding."
I'm not naive enough to think my threat lands, but the mention of her name brings a smile to his face, one I don't think he even realizes is as dorky as it is.
"After we talked on the phone. Probably like two in the morning. Outside. There was some yelling. But it ended up okay. Good. I mean good. Great. Even. I can't—I'm actually stupid, Stevie, you can't ask me questions like this."
Maverick's eyes glaze over with flashes of his own supercut of a life filled with endless clips of Everleigh—moments which have passed and what is sure to come for a long time. Maybe forever. Maybe until the last star burns out and the earth has stopped spinning, and then even longer after that. I might joke around with the two of them, but that stumble of words says it all. Maverick will always be Everleigh's number one fan, even after the credits stop rolling. And though she may or may not be aware of it, Everleigh is Kingston's number one fan, too. The one I catch glimpses of each time we talk or through tears shed over long-distance calls. The Kingston that would smother himself just so Everleigh's shine could glow a little brighter.
"When did you and Bash—"
"Uh—a couple of weeks ago after the Monaco Grand Prix. Drove up to this lookout to look at the stars. There was champagne. I freaked out and now I'm being an awkward toad."
"You? awkward?" As if I didn't run in the opposite direction of my Aussie. "As if Bash hasn't been head over heels for you for—I was going to say as long as I've known him but we both should know it's been longer than that, you dork."
"Doing the whole relationship thing is lowke scary and I don't know if I can do that right now with how busy our next couple of years are going to be. And Brendon deserves someone that has the time to dedicate to him."
Maverick laughs. "You realize Brendon is one of the nicest people on the planet? And would understand you're both busy? And if you wanted to make it work, you could?" He pauses. "But it's also okay if you don't want to do that..."
I let my eyes wander to the trio floating in the center of the crowd..
"Do you ever just look at her and think wow, you're almost too good to be real? Like you might have been dreaming this entire time because how did she just land in your lap?"
Maverick sinks into his thoughts. "I told her she shone like the moon and she told me moons don't produce their own light and it's actually a reflection from the sun." He looks back at me with a soft smile. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." A beat passes between us. "He's worth whatever time it takes to figure out whatever you want your relationship to be. But don't count him out before you even figure out what that is."
"That's romantic as fuck, thank you for sharing."
"As long as you know your wedding vows better be scientifically accurate."
"I'm sure Everleigh will appreciate my vows no matter what I write. Might even write her a song about joining the mile-high club."
Maverick laughs. "She's already told me she likes your verse better in The L so anything you write is icing on our wedding cake."
I thank the bartender for the new round and slide him a few bills. "Perpetually late to everything and you're the one in a relationship first. Who would've bet on that?"
"For the record, I was going to give up because she's stubborn as fuck." He moves his arm before I can smack it. "And that's fine. But, point of the matter, Brendon has patience. I'm sure you can figure it out."
"He keeps telling me we have time and I want to melt into a puddle every single time. I really am a toad."
Maverick taps his glass against mine. "You have to promise you're not going to kill me for not being over there talking to them when I say this because I'm enjoying this conversation."
"I can promise I won't slap you again."
"I'm trying to make you feel better by saying this, so please don't let it be my last words."
"No promises."
"I haven't seen Everleigh since March. So, when he says you have time, you really do. And it's not a bad thing. And you're not a toad."
"You know what's funny? I freak out after he kisses me and still want to drop everything and watch every single one of his races. I've woken up before eight to watch them, Mav. Maybe part of me just hates labels because that means admitting I actually care that much about someone. Also, toads are cute. The Mario Kart ones. I'll be a Mario Kart Toad."
He gives me a funny look. "You don't... have to have a label. Unless you're really into being Toad from Mario Kart, then fine." Maverick laughs. "Be Toad from Mario Kart but also be Brendon's whatever the fuck you want to be without defining it as a thing."
Being in an industry that defines everyone and everything so it can use those labels to define your worth makes it difficult to live a life that doesn't have to navigate that kind of judgment. But he's right. I shouldn't worry about defining anything. Brendon's made it clear he's not trying to force us into a mold; I shouldn't either.
"Yeah. I can just be....Brendon's Toad for now." I down the rest of my drink.
Maverick laughs. "Yeah, you should tell him that. I'm sure he'd love telling those journalists about his Toad. There you go. Problem solved. They'll think it's just a pet name. Who needs babe?"
"Yeah," I tease, "who needs babes."
"I got darling once, too. Very special. Most of the time it's dork. Sometimes it's dumbass."
"Surprised she hasn't incorporated spork more."
"How dare I forget about spoon? That's one of her favorites." Maverick laughs. "Can't believe we're Toad and spoon. Look at us go."
"Baby, we're the new romantics."
He clinks his glass against mine.
Taking one last look before we dive into the deep end, I check our surroundings. "Can I admit something that never leaves this bar?"
"Cross my heart I won't even tell Everleigh."
"I really need to take a cold shower later 'cause Brendon looks really good in pink."
Although Maverick and I would be an iconic couple of single friends, being tied down is a good look on us. He checks him out and nods his approval.
"He really pulls it off. I didn't think it'd work, but it does." He looks back at me. "Are you going to be okay or should I go kick him out?"
The last thing I ever want is to see Brendon leave. Our time together is more fleeting now, finding ways to travel back and forth when our schedules permit. Whenever he's back within my reach, I never want to let him go.
"I think I can survive a night without jumping his bones," I say, downplaying my nerves. "Should we get a Capri Sun for the road?"
"Sounds good. But let it be said I damn near died at the airport, so if you give me the signal, I will kick Bash out of the party for you."
"Thank you," I laugh, "but I think he can squash both of us so it's fine. I'm fine."
"No sneaking up on the tall ones, they'll flatten us."
"We'd be better off trying to get past Bullet Bill."
Maverick laughs. "Might be less painful for you."
"Toad's are delicate drivers after all." I pause. "Guess we should actually leave, right?"
"Unless you need another drink."
Embarrassingly, it takes genuine effort to not punch my fists into the air like Maverick hyping himself up in the recording booth. "Yeah, okay. Let's go. August Leo energy."
"Worst comes to worst," he says, following behind me, "you can just keep flirting with Everleigh instead."
"I do that anyway."
"And she follows you on Instagram. Can I be your best man?"
"After you admit defeat."
"Oh, I admit defeat," he says. "I admitted it a long time ago. I'm good with being second place."
"I like hearing you say it. Okay, for real, let's go before I change my mind." I push Maverick in front of me.
"Do you want to take the lead or do you want me to take the lead?"
"Feel like we're overthinking this...but you go first."
He twists to look at me. "You recognize I have a panic disorder and overthinking comes with the diagnosis—"
"I'm a bisexual with anxiety. How am I not supposed to panic?"
He waves his hands around. "Fine."
"Say hi first, too, please."
When we arrive at the group, I avoid making eye contact.
"Hi, Bash! How's it going? I thought you had a...race...thing..."
Brendon laughs, and I try to ignore the way my chest tightens. "Managed to sneak away for a day, but I have to fly to Italy very early tomorrow morning. Thought I'd surprise everyone."
I manage a meek wave in his direction. "Hi."
He laughs again. "Hi."
"Way to, uh, fit the dress code."
Everleigh and I elbow Maverick in the stomach.
"Ow."
"Did you try the new flavor?" Jun asks.
"Not yet."
He looks at Maverick. "Do you want to join this competition we're ha—"
Brendon and Everleigh both shout, "No."
Maverick jumps. "I—I think that's a no?"
"In unrelated news," Everleigh begins to say, "may I please have the Capri Sun from your goodie bag, Kingston?"
"Try it and I'm throwing it across the room," Brendon replies.
My eyes flick between them. "What—"
"I'm going with...no?"
"Hey," she says.
"I'm more scared of him than you. Sorry."
Seeing as I'm currently holding a pouch of the new flavor, I stretch my arm out to her. "Do you want—"
Brendon smacks it to the ground and it lands like a soggy pancake against the concrete. "Sorry. Had to."
Before I can reply, Rami chooses that moment to walk over. Stopping right beside me, he looks down at the Capri Sun and then back at us.
"I don't want to know but stop wasting these."
"It's still in the tetra pack—" Everleigh says.
Maverick flashes her a horrified look. "Don't drink juice off the floor—what the fuck is wrong with you—"
"The straw is wrapped in plastic," I point out.
Brendon steps on the juice pouch, making sure his shoe makes contact with the entire straw.
"Not safe for consumption."
Everleigh looks ready to pounce.
"I'm afraid to ask but what happened while we were gone?" Maverick braves.
I know there's nothing good that can come from an explanation. Ignorance is bliss. "Don't encourage them."
"You don't want to know why there's a turf war over juice?"
"Honestly, no. This seems...personal."
"I didn't start it," Jun declares.
Rami scoffs. "I know that's a damn lie."
"Whatever is not happening," Brendon says, "just know that I'm going to win."
"And, hypothetically of course, no you're not," Everleigh argues.
"Not that I'm encouraging anything," Jun says slowly, "but should we take bets—"
I smack his arm. "If you don't stop whatever you're doing right now—"
"Do we have to separate the two of you—" Maverick warns.
Brendon steps up to the plate. "I am a professional high-performance athlete—"
"Was that qualifier really necessary?" Everleigh scoffs.
"—I do not need to be put into time-out. I'm fine."
It's tempting to slowly back away to the bar so Maverick and I can get another drink, but I'm afraid of what will happen if we do. Jun doesn't look equipped to handle whatever beast he's unleashed.
"In theory, he might need consoling when he loses, though. In case anyone's up for it."
Maverick looks at me with a laugh that's very concerned, and I want to giggle at the thought of suggesting that she be the one to help him. Nurse Meadowlark and her side job of being everyone's favorite therapist.
"Leigh actually said she needs to leave early to finish up her homework so—"
I cut Brendon off. "Does anyone want to see this cool infinity mirror room they set up? It looks like fireflies floating on water."
"Please. Now." Maverick steers Everleigh through the crowd—more importantly, away from Brendon. "Lead the way."
Jun manages to sneak away as the four of us make our way over to the infinity mirror room. It's dark with flashes of our reflection jumping out at us when we look at just the right angle. All of the lights suspended around the entire room are an array of pinks, purples, and blues with small pathways jutting off in different directions.
Maverick and Everleigh walk ahead of us, and before I can follow them, Brendon tugs on my hand so we detour in the other direction.
With nowhere left to run, I'm stuck face-to-face with him, simultaneously happy to see him and feeling very much like an awkward toad. Sorry, Maverick.
"You're avoiding me."
"No, I'm not."
"Stevie."
I sigh. "Maybe a little."
Brendon lifts my chin. "Why?"
Without realizing it, without the ability to control my actions, my gaze drops to his lips and I force myself to look away. "I don't know."
I do know, actually. It's because all I want to do when he's near me is kiss him, touch him, feel his ivy grow along the wretched curves of my bones. But I can't tell him any of that.
"Penny for your thoughts," he says.
"I hate pennies. Annoying little things."
"Stevie, Stevie, Stevie," he sighs, his head dipping to rest on my shoulder.
"Brendon, Brendon, Brendon." I clutch the bottom of his jacket.
He smooths his finger across my bottom lip before pulling away, which I'm thankful for because it allows me to breathe again.
"You're brilliant but I need you to stop overthinking everything," he laughs.
"It would be easier if you weren't here. It's hard to think around you."
Brendon find this amusing. "Would you rather I leave?'
"Absolutely not. Hence the avoiding."
"Careful," he muses, "someone might think you like me."
"Stop enjoying this so much."
The smile remains on his face. Luckily for both of us, I happen to enjoy that smile. A lot. "This is the first time I've ever had the upper hand. I'm taking advantage of it."
I tilt my head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"Really?" He laughs. "I think you're the only person who hasn't seen it."
"Seen what—"
Brendon reaches out so gingerly his touch feels like a ghost against my skin. "I don't want to scare you away."
"You could never," I breathe. The only thing that scares me is myself and the silly thoughts I let flood my brain whenever I'm left to my own devices. Nothing about this conflict is a direct result of him.
He hesitates for a beat, weighing out the pros and cons of risking sending me hightailing it in the other direction. He looks everywhere but my eyes at first, lazily drifting over my features, committing them to memory, though part of me thinks he must already memorize every inch of my soul.
When his eyes land on mine once again, I lean into his touch. My insides turn sweet, unraveling like strings of cotton candy.
"Stevie," he says quietly. "You can take however long you want. Or you can decide you never want to see me again, though I would hate that. Really hate that. But it's whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want us to be. Today, tomorrow, twenty years from now. I'm the one wrapped around your finger. Don't stress yourself about anything. I promise."
I know, I want to tell him. I know because he's wrong. Whether he realizes it or not, I'm as wrapped around his finger as he says he is mine. And maybe I'm too foolish, too scared to act upon these feelings, but it doesn't change them. Doesn't make them any less hardwired into my DNA.
My heart might burn red inside my chest, the infallible power of a restless woman, but it seeks golden light, and Brendon is the gilded comfort I seek in life. I just wish I knew how to stop second-guessing everything I do.
My phone pings with a couple of texts and we break apart. Brendon waits next to me with his hands tucked into his pockets while I open them.
Fortunately, my phone is angled away from him so he doesn't see the first message which is a picture Everleigh has sent of the two of us looking at each other like it's the first time we've seen sunlight in months. Sparking lights frame us, but even when we're stuck in infinity, the only thing either of us is looking at is each other.
The next message is a strongly worded text from Jenny calling me backstage. After checking the time, I shoot her a quick message and tuck my phone away.
"I'm sorry," I tell Brendon, "but I'm being summoned. I promise, not me running away."
"Go," he instructs, pushing me toward the exit. I make it three steps when he calls back out to me,. "You look beautiful tonight, Stevie."