Walking aimlessly around the city was rather lonely and cold at night. Although it was approaching summer, the spring nights still had a chill to them. I hugged my arms tightly around my body to attempt keeping myself warm despite the wind whistling around me. Not to mention the dangers of the city at night. I get so paranoid being a woman, alone at night that I could swear every man I see is following me. Better to be safe than sorry, I suppose.
I once again checked my phone that had been non-stop ringing since I left Sam with his mouth gaping like a fish. So much so that I had to shut it off for a while. Powering it on, my lock screen starts flooding with notifications.
9 missed calls from Sam
2 missed calls from Josh
1 missed call from Jakey Wakey
Text message from Sam:
Ivy, please let me explain. I hate the idea of you in the city, alone. Please just meet me back at your apartment.
Text message from Sam:
Please at least let me know you're okay
Text message from Sam:
Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. I know you're mad at me but it's no reason to put yourself in danger. It's getting dark outside now. We have to perform soon.
Text message from Josh:
Little Red, give me a call when you see this please
I'd forgotten all about the damn concert. The events of the evening had me completely zoned out of reality and it slipped my mind. I knew I wanted to go, though. Although, I don't really want to see Samuel right now. It's not fair that I take it out on the other boys who didn't sleep with the girl I love.
Speaking of Jude, my stomach churned at the lack of calls and texts from her. I'm not sure if Sam had told her he'd broken the news to me but either way, shouldn't she be the least bit concerned with my location? She hasn't heard from me in hours since we parted at the restaurant and not a single message from her.
I guess that makes sense though seeing as she was willing to sleep with my childhood friend behind my back all while having the nerve to behave possessive over me when Sam would get close to me. I think I fell too fast and I'm seeing it all too clearly now. I don't even know if what I feel for Jude is love or if it's simply infatuation. I think it could very well be a very strong crush or admiration. Either way, it hurts like hell all the same.
I send a text to Sam against my better judgment because guilt was setting in for being M.I.A. for hours. As I'm typing, I head down into a subway station to take a train up to 6th avenue where Radio City was. I wanted to wear a trendy outfit and do my makeup but now I'm going to be lucky to even see the first few songs.
Text message to Sam:
I'm fine. Tell Jake, Josh, and Danny not to worry and I'll see them soon.
Climbing on the subway cart, I take a seat near the door so I can make a quick exit. The subway is something I still haven't grown used to. It's filthy, loud, and almost always the scene a recent crime. I scroll through Instagram, not really paying attention, but doing to make myself look busy and unapproachable. That is, until I receive another message from Samuel.
Text message from Sam:
Will do. Thank you for responding.
I roll my eyes at his pathetic attempt at sucking up. This is one mistake he won't be easily forgiven for. I wish I could say I'll never speak to him again but I know that I couldn't do that. There's no use in lying to myself because I can't live a life without any of the Kiszka's. But especially him.
The subway screeches to a halt and I hop up, making my through the doors before anyone else even has time to get over to them. At this point I'm lightly jogging up the stairs and out on to the sidewalk. I can see the bright sign that read "Radio City" on the front. Finally making my way up to the ticket booth, I feel as if I'm in a movie when I see the girl at the booth is packing everything up.
"Wait, I need a ticket!" I rush the counter and give my most convincing smile.
"We're sold out, sorry.." she mumbles and continues to pack everything up, grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair.
"Well, actually that's the thing. I have a ticket already, or at least I should. It should be under the name Ivy Tyler.." I tell her and she pops her gum before finally looking up and meeting my eye-line.
"You're on the list?" she reiterated, sitting her jacket back down on the chair, pulling out a clipboard from a brown tote bag.
"Yes.." I nod, hoping the boys kept their end of the deal and left me a ticket at the front. I glance at the clock above her head that read 8:15 PM meaning their set had started fifteen minutes ago.
She takes her sweet time running through the list of names, licking her finger to turn the pages, until finally she seems to find it.
"Ivy Tyler, right?" she asks again, and I only nod in response, "Can I see an ID?"
I huff and pop my phone case off, pulling my license from the back, handing it to her through the sliding glass window. She once again scans it for seemingly hours before slowly sliding it back to me.
"Usually our VIP guests don't show up late so forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical.." she says, pulling out a roll of tickets from the same tote bag. All of them just say 'admit one' on them in red print.
"No, yeah-, I get it. I'm sorry," she slides the ticket across and I grab it, taking off into the building before she can reply, yelling a chaste "thank you!"
When I enter the grand lobby, it's mostly empty other than a few security guards and a few patrons who are on phone calls or just waiting on someone. I show my admit one ticket to the man at the double doors and he nods, opening the door for me.
"The VIP section is right up those stairs.." he gestured to the staircase immediately to the right when you enter the auditorium. I could hear a song playing, quickly recognizing it as Lover, Leaver. I head up the stairs that are rather dark other than a red string of lights along the bottom of the walls. When I reach the top, there's yet another security guard standing at a black door.
"Ticket?" he asks, a stony expression covering his face.
I show it to him and he takes it, pulling out a void stamp and rendering the ticket useless. I took a deep breath as the man turned the doorknob, pulling it towards us. I was mainly nervous because I assumed Jude was there and I wasn't ready to face her yet. If I could just avoid her, everything would be fine. There's no way I can look at her pretty face and pretend like everything is fine.
"Ivy, you're here!" I hear Mackenzie's voice in the small, dimly lit room. Her bright smile welcoming me into the small space.
"Yeah, I'm so sorry I'm late. I got here as fast as I could," I had no idea the extent of what everyone knew, so I played it cool as if nothing was going on. I seen Jita sitting down on a small loveseat by the balcony that overlooked the entire auditorium. Mackenzie filled the space beside her. I look over at the other couch where of course, Jude is perched.
She hasn't even looked away from the band since I entered the room. Causing a rage to light inside of me, and it's burning slowly. How dare she sleep with my friend and then ignore me? I take the initiative to have a seat beside her.
"Hey," I say, leaning down to force eye contact. Her dark brown eyes are shifting as she gives a short nod, looking past me to the band again.
I take this time to take in the scene, the boys stage presence taking over my senses. Josh was of course front and center, holding a tambourine and letting his bare feet smack the floor. Jake was stage left, going into a pretty gnarly guitar solo. Sweat glistened on his forehead where his long hair stuck to his face. Danny was upstage, taking a well deserved break from what I'm sure has been a gruesome set. He was squatted on the drummers stool, taking a sip of water. His hair was kept back by a single headband.
Although I fight it my eyes drift to stage right where Samuel is, also taking a break. His bass dangles loosely off his thin frame and he's watching in awe of his big brother as he shreds the guitar. It's so obvious how much he looks up to him. He's wearing a light blue suit, going without shoes yet again. In fact, everyone was wearing some shade of blue. Josh being adorned in a navy jumpsuit, hair wild and crazy. Danny in black slacks and a dark blue vest, his chest bare and shimmering. Jake had black slacks as well but he wore an Indigo blue blazer. Each outfit had jewels bedazzled on them, making the lights play against them in a fascinating way.
Jita was now standing, cheering loudly during the solo. Her beer spills a bit as she jumps up and down, showing how truly supportive she is. Jake is lucky to have her. I hum along to the rest of the song, which transitioned right into Watching Over. Sam strums the beginning chords expertly, holding his right calf with his left foot, his lips puckered as he focused on the music. Josh begins softly singing the lyrics, the greenish spotlight finding him on the stage.
I enjoy the concert thoroughly, so much so that I check the time and it's been about an hour and a half. They're going into their last song which this particular concert their choice is You're the One.
"They're going out after the show. You want to come?" Mackenzie asks me, yelling over the loud music.
"Probably not tonight. Thank you though," I give her a small smile before turning back to the stage where Josh was saying his farewells.
"We've so greatly enjoyed tonight. Being here with all of you beautiful people was the perfect way to end this tour. You've allowed my brothers and I to achieve every dream we've ever craved. For that, we're so incredibly grateful. Please be safe on your way home and take the love we found together, tonight, into the streets!" he grinned widely, his white teeth blinding as everyone screamed. I debate leaving so I can avoid any awkward situations but I don't want to be dramatic and cause unnecessary tension.
"They said we can just meet them backstage after the show. I'm ready if you guys are," Jita looks at us expectantly as she slowly opens the door. We all head down the corridor in silence. The girls seem to know the way so I just follow them. Jude follows behind me, still refusing to acknowledge my presence.
When we get down the stairs there's a couple doors open, Danny standing in the doorframe of one holding his drumsticks. As we approach, I see Jake inside sitting on the couch sipping from a water bottle.
"Ladies," Jake greets us all but naturally, his eyes fall on Jita. She rushes in the room, taking a seat beside him. He pulls her into a cozy side hug and she leans her head on his chest.
Mackenzie also finds her way to her partner, wrapping her arms around Danny's neck mumbling something like, "you did so fucking good tonight."
"Little Red, I'm glad you're here.." Josh's voice startles me as it come from behind me, his hands falling on my shoulders. My grin slowly forms as I turn around to face him.
"I told you I'd be here," I shrug. He should know if I make a promise, I keep it.
"Sammy is in the next room if you want to talk to him.." he whispers so no one else can here. My stomach drops as I wonder how much of the story did Sam indulge on the details of with them.
"I don't," I say sternly, not feeling like discussing that further, "I'm actually leaving soon, so.."
"No, you can't.." Josh argues, shaking his head, "we're going bar hopping again."
"I really don't feel like it tonight.." I disagree, pulling away slightly, heading back towards the other way, turning around before I get too far, "But you guys were absolutely fantastic tonight. All of you and I-," I stop as I see Jude open the door to Sam's dressing room.
Josh's eyes meet mine and I can tell he's pleading with me to let it go, at least for now, but I can't. Well, I probably could but I won't.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I somehow find a voice as I stare at the side of Jude's head as she leaned in to speak to Sam. Everyone in the hallway freezes, including Jude. She slowly turns her head to look at me.
"Are you talking to me?" Her voice comes out much more cowardly than how I'm sure she wants.
"Obviously," my eyes widen, "no one else here has stabbed me in the back. Excluding your little boyfriend in there," I gesture to the room where I'm sure Samuel is just around the corner, listening.
"W-what are you talking about?" her voice quivered, brown eyes pleading for me not to embarrass her like this but rage takes over and I just can't stop.
"I know we never said we were fully together, Jude, but you basically lived with me, we done everything together! You knew I loved you and you slept with my fucking childhood friend?" my voice breaks at the end, tears forming as well but I fight them every step of the way. Mackenzie and Jita let out light gasps at this revelation, whereas Jake, Danny, and Josh stay stony faced. They've all formed a half circle now, gawking at the sideshow that is my life.
"Then, I get here. You ignore me the entire time, as if I did something wrong! Then to put the cherry on top of the fucking cake, you go into his room!" I continue my rant, feeling my neck grow hot from the anger building inside me.
"Ivy, what I have with you is so special.." Jude makes her way towards me, "but it's not love. It's codependency if anything. You know I can't fall in love with one person.."
My heart starts to break as she admits it, "then why would you let me think I could be with you?" Giving her an incredulous look, I inch a step closer.
"Because you needed me. You got so happy when I started hanging out with you that I couldn't just turn you away. I couldn't hurt you like that because I do care about you.." She speaks so sincere, and I want to believe her but she's lied so often in the past that I don't know what to believe.
"Then explain the jealousy? I stopped hanging out with Tara because you claimed she had a crush on me. I felt guilty for being near my friend, you know, the same one you fucked behind my back.." Malice dripped from my tongue as I said the words, feeling the weight of this entire relationship lift from my shoulders as I spoke.
"I-I don't know, Ivy! I can't explain why I am the way I am.." she stumbled over her words, and pride rang in my chest as I finally was able to stump her. Me, the butterfly net. Her, the moth.
"Exactly. I hope you and Samuel make each other very happy, and I'm so sorry you guys had to see this.." I glance at the quiet group by the doorway.
"It's fine," Josh brushed it off as I turned around once more.
"Ivy, wait.." Sam's voice spoke out softly from behind me, making me groan in annoyance that I'll never get to leave.
"He finally shows his face," I let out a dry laugh, waiting on him to continue.
"I'm sorry, and I don't feel anything for Jude.." he admits.
"That's great, Sam. Truly, it is, but I don't give a fuck anymore.." I shrug, "I'm tired of being hurt by you.." I felt like the end held more weight than originally planned but I meant it all the same.
With that, I turn one last time and walk out of the exit door before anyone can respond. Needing to get the hell away from this environment. It's crazy to think Sam came back into my life two days ago and once again I'm leaving him with tears escaping my eyes. I don't think he's ever going to change.
AN: how do we feel about this chapter? are you happy with it? do you think Ivy is being dramatic at all? pls share your thoughts 💭
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