Warnings: None
I'm seeing Multiverse of Madness tomorrow and I actually cannot wait
Pacing. Why was I pacing again? Oh yeah, I was nervous. No...not nervous. I was anxious and furious. Why was I furious you may ask? Well it's simple, I was furious with my girlfriend, Natasha.
Natasha and I met during one random afternoon. It would probably be considered boring to anyone else, but it was nice to me. We were both at a coffee shop, waiting for our orders. When our drinks came up, we accidentally took the other's drink. We both realized it and switched, also exchanging some small talk which evolved into whatever the hell it was today.
During our fifth or sixth date, I figured out who she really was and that she was an Avenger. Honestly, I found it cool that the Black Widow was dating me. She was such an amazing person, so sweet and caring that it was adorable.
A few weeks after we had become official, I had gone with her to meet her coworkers. They were...peculiar. They were all interesting in their own way, but most of them had their own unique qualities. Can you tell I'm trying to be positive about Natasha's weird family?
I had woken up this morning, excited to spend some time with her because it was one of her few days off. But she wasn't there, not in bed, not anywhere in our apartment. I had tried my best not to panic and left about a dozen voicemails and texts asking her where the hell she went. They started off very calm, just wanting to know if she was alright. Then they progressed, becoming more chaotic and worried. I got no response from her, which didn't help my case to stay calm.
So I tried a different approach. I dialed Steve's number and listened to the line ring.
"Hello?" the captain's voice called out through the phone.
"Hi, Steve. It's me, y/n." I responded, trying to keep myself polite for the old man's heart.
"What can I do for you, y/n?" Steve asked. I could tell he was smiling while talking.
"So, I woke up this morning and Nat wasn't here. I've tried calling and texting her several times but she hasn't replied. Do you know where she went?" I asked, wishing he had an answer for me.
"She's on a mission. I think Tony contacted her early this morning."
"Oh, okay. She didn't tell me but thank you Steve."
"It was assigned at an early hour. Maybe she didn't want to wake you."
"Yeah...probably. Thanks Steve." I said, hanging up before he could say anything further.
She left. She just got up and left without telling me. Scared the crap out of me and I had to go find out where the hell she had gone by calling her co-workers to check up on her. I knew that with the nature of her job, there were some things she couldn't tell me, either because it was classified or just to keep me safe. But the least she could do was tell me that she was leaving for work. I didn't care about details, I just wanted to know if she was leaving and when she would come back.
So all that landed me there in the living room, pacing back and forth, waiting for Natasha to return. I didn't exactly know what I would say or do when she got back. I knew the last thing I wanted to do was blow up and yell at her. That wasn't me when I was angry. Or at least, I tried not to be that way. All I wanted was some kind of communication.
I let out a frustrated sigh and sat down on the nearby couch. I couldn't keep the worst thoughts out of my mind. What if she was injured, or captured? What if she was just out there bleeding to death? I couldn't do anything to help save her. I hated this part of my life. I was used to her being away for days for work. I just hated that I couldn't be there to help protect her.
Truth was, this wasn't the first time she had done this. It was maybe the third or fourth time this has happened. Each time it was always the same story, that she had a mission but couldn't give me any details. She knew that I worried whenever she pulled a stunt like this, but I always dismissed it as a part of her job. I couldn't take this anymore.
Glancing at my phone, I caught the time. It was almost midnight. She had been gone all day, since early in the morning. The time didn't help my anxiety, in fact it probably made it worse.
That's when I heard the jingling of keys outside the door and the lock turned. I snapped my head up and watched Natasha shuffle in. When she turned around and met my eyes, she smiled.
"Oh my god, you're alive." I sigh as I practically run and tackle her into a hug.
"Yes, I'm alive." she chuckles and rubs my back in an attempt to sooth me.
"Are you okay? Are you injured?" I asked, worry flooding my voice. We pull away so I can get a good look at her. She looked tired, but overall uninjured.
"I'm good. Tired, but good." she tells me, giving me a reassuring smile.
I nod and my worries and frustration towards her for just running off returns, replacing the relief that had temporarily taken over.
"Where the hell were you? Why didn't you tell me you left?" I asked sternly, maybe too aggressively then I intended for it to be.
"I had a last minute mission." she says simply, moving away slightly to take off her shoes.
That's it? That's her explanation?
"Yeah, I know that. I had to call Steve to ask where you were after you wouldn't return my calls or texts." my frustration towards her was growing.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry about me. Plus you know I can't tell you about mission details." Natasha's voice slowly rose defensively.
"Well guess what, I still worried. And I'm not asking for details. All I'm asking is that you tell me that you're leaving. That way I don't wake up scared half to death when you've suddenly disappeared and won't respond to me. That way I won't start thinking that you died!" I couldn't tell if I was angry with her or just extremely frustrated with her communication skills.
"I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me, y/n?" she asks, half yelling.
"All I want is some communication, Natasha. And don't say you're sorry if you don't really mean it. Don't say you're sorry if you're just going to do it again, because you always do." I finally snapped, all my manager and frustration evident in my voice.
A beat passed as my words hung in the air. I knew that she was trying to protect me with this behavior, but it was doing just the opposite.
"Y/n..." she starts, but I just brush her off.
"No, I can't do this right now." I say, turning to leave Natasha behind.
I walked into our bedroom and closed the door behind myself, careful not to slam it because I knew that would make the situation worse. Letting out a deep sigh, I sat down on the bed and got under the covers. It was late, I was frustrated with my girlfriend, and all I wanted to do was get some sleep. Turning off my nightstand lamp, I rolled over and replayed the argument that just took place.
I did feel slightly guilty for snapping at Natasha. I knew that her job was strenuous and required some secrets to be kept, but the least she could do was tell me that she was leaving for a mission. All I wanted was to make sure that she was alright, and not kidnapped from our apartment. I couldn't stay mad at Natasha forever, I just was at this moment.
About an hour later, I fell asleep, still thinking of Natasha and my regret for snapping at her.
It wasn't exactly a restful sleep. It was dreamless and didn't last long enough for my taste. It felt like I had only been sleeping for about five seconds before I stirred awake to sunlight seeping through the nearby curtains.
Groaning, I rolled over in bed to be met once again with cold sheets. Natasha must have slept on the couch last night.
Last night.
God...the argument, me snapping at Natasha.
I sat up on bed and rubbed my face. I should apologize to her. I need to. She tried to apologize and I threw it back at her, claiming that she didn't mean it. Plus, I just missed her.
I hate it when we argue.
As I threw off the covers and swung my legs around the side of the bed, I tried to figure out the right words to use to apologize. But what's to stop her from doing to me what I did to her, throwing the apology back at me, claiming I don't mean it.
I hate this.
A timid knock sounded from the door, causing me to look up from the spot where I zoned out thinking.
"Come in." I replied gently, knowing exactly who was on the other side.
Natasha poked her head in through the doorway, flashing me a nervous look.
"Hi," I said softly, looking over my shoulder and smiling at her.
Natasha smiled back as she came further into the room. That's when I noticed the tray she was holding.
"I uhh...I made you breakfast." Natasha said, her voice quiet and raspy, while motioning towards the tray in her hands.
"You did what now?" I asked with a playful smirk, shifting around so I could look at her better.
"I made you breakfast. Or, at least I tried to," Natasha said wearing her signature smirk as she came further into the room.
I shifted so I was sitting cross-legged on the bed, with my back resting against the headboard. Natasha came forward and placed the tray in front of my lap. It was a plate of pancakes with my favorite toppings and a cup of hot coffee, made just the way I like it.
"I made this as a sort of peace offering. I really am sorry about what I did." Natasha said kind of quietly.
I looked up at her and saw her sincerity written all over her face.
"Honestly, I should also apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." I hung my head, shifting my gaze down to my hands.
"No, it's ok. I kind of deserved it. You were right. I was wrong to just leave without telling you. I didn't want you to worry about me. You know how dangerous my job is and I was trying to protect you. I guess it didn't work out the way I thought it would." I could hear Natasha's guilt playing in her voice.
"Nat, I'll always worry about you. I'm your girlfriend and I love you. My love and concern for you kinda comes as a package deal." I laughed a little, then patted the spot next to me in bed.
Natasha's face lit up and sat down next to me as I opened my arms, allowing her to snuggle up. I pulled her into a tight hug and placed a gentle kiss on the crown of her head.
"I promise to try and communicate things better." she mumbled as she moved to plant a kiss on my neck. I just hummed in response, happy that we patched things up so quickly.
A few moments later, I released my hug on Natasha and pulled the tray of breakfast into my lap, being careful not to spill the cup of coffee. The food looked amazing
"So when did you learn to cook?" I asked sarcastically, remembering all her other failed attempts at cooking. Natasha wasn't exactly the best cook. Let's just say, if it was possible to burn water, she would find a way.
She slapped my arm playfully, laughing at my question.
"I know how to cook. It's just sometimes the food decides to catch fire." she smiles at me as I begin to stuff my face.
"Mhmm, sure you do." I replied between bites. The breakfast was surprisingly really good. It was honestly a surprise that she made an edible meal.
I let out a happy and content sigh, grateful for Natasha. Sure we argue from time to time, but we always make up at the end.