"You okay?"
Nabalik ako sa katinuan ng iwagayway ni Eli ang kamay nya sa harap ko. I blinked a few times before nodding. Nasa cafeteria kami ngayon para mag lunch and I'm spacing out a lot.
Eli narrowed her eyes.
"I'm fine, Elizah. Gutom lang ako."
Agap ko, kahit hindi naman talaga ako gutom.
"Gutom? You did not even touch your food."
She raised a brow and point the plate in front of me. Crap.
"May nangyari ba? Is this about your boyfriend?"
Mahinang bulong ni Jace. Amor wiped his lips and raised a brow on me. Bumuntong hininga ako. Right, speaking of Clyde...
"Alam mo, hindi parin nag s-sink in sa'kin na almost 1 year na kayo. I mean, yung Tanya na kilala ko nung high school every week iba iba jowa! For the change naba ito sis?"
Biron ni Amor, na hindi ko magawang tawanan.
Medyo magulo talaga ang isip ko ngayon, idagdag pa ang nangyari kagabi.
Hunter is fucking my mind, real hard.
"Dalhin mo na kaya si Clyde sa psychiatrist, Tanya?"
Suhesyon naman ni Jace.
"Hindi sya baliw, Jace. Hindi nya lang talaga matanggap ang hiwalayan ng mga magulang nya."
"He's depressed, Tanya. Keeping him in his room would only worsen his condition." sabat ni Eli.
Pare-pareho kaming natahimik. Mariin akong pumikit at bumuntong hininga. Fine, she's got a point. The problem here is, I don't know if Clyde is willing to get treated.
"I'll visit him later." tanging sabi ko.
After class, I did visit Clyde on his condo. Wala si Jim pag dating ko, at maraming bote ng alak ang nagkalat sa may counter.
Kumunot ang noo ko at dumeretso sa sala at naabutan si Clyde na mag isang nag-iinom.
Malalim akong napabuntong hininga at dahan dahang lumapit. Sa sobrang tulala nya sa kawalan, ni hindi nya ako namalayang dumating.
Tinitigan ko sya at dahan dahang ngumiti.
"Clyde?"
No response.
Sinubukan kong agawin ang bote ng alak sa kamay nya pero marahas nya iyong iniwas.
"Nag dinner ka na ba? Kung hindi pa, magpapahatid ako ng pagkain dito."
Mahinahon kong sabi.
"Bakit ngayon ka lang?"
"Matagal natapos ang klase namin—"
"Why didn't you visited yesterday?"
He cutted of.
"We went to a birthday party. Kasosyo ni Daddy sa business ang celebrant. Gabi na natapos kaya hindi ako nakadalaw." sagot ko, sa mahinahon na tono.
Nga lang, padabog nyang nilapag ang bote sa coffee table kaya napaigtad ako.
"Really? You were enjoying yourself in times when I need you the most?"
"Our family was invited, and they expected my presence dahil kahapon nalang ulit ako nakadalo sa social gatherings—"
"Can't you decline, Tanya? Talagang inuuna mo pa ang social status mo imbes na damayan ako dito?"
Maanghang nyang sabi.
Oh wow, now I have to argue with him.
Kumunot ang noo ko at tumayo.
"Clyde, I have my own life too. I can't just nurse you all the time! I am dividing my time, pero sinisigurado ko pa rin naman na makakabisita ako sa'yo!" pagpapa intindi ko.
Given by the tone of his voice right now, I'm guessing he's drunk. Hindi ko alam kung kailan sya nagsimula but I have a hunch that he's drinking his ass all day.
"Can't you just prioritize me?! Mas kailangan kita ngayon, Tanya! You know my situation!"
he shouted. Tumayo sya at hinagis ang bote sa dingding dahilan kung bakit nabasag yun.
Napaigtad ako at kinabahan ng kaonti. Nanlilisik ang mamula mulang mata ni Clyde and that scares me. I feel like if I continue to justify myself, he'll lose his control and he might harm me.
He's drunk, but he was never like this before. Kalmado ang Clyde na kilala ko kahit lasing. Eli's right. His condition got even worse.
Bumuntong hininga ako. I am actually trembling at gusto ko nalang sanang lumabas. For goodness sake, I've had enough of stress yesterday and the least that I want right now is another stress!
"Clyde, chill. Fine, I'll visit you everyday, after my class. W-we'll have a date if you want—"
"Why don't you just live here with me?"
Oh, no thanks, please.
"Clyde—"
Hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko ng biglang bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Jim na may bitbit na supot ng pagkain. Aaminin ko, nakahinga ako ng maluwag doon dahil alam kong magpapatuloy ang alitan namin ni Clyde kung walang aawat.
"Nandito ka pala Tan. May...nangyari ba?"
Tiningnan nya ang mga basag na bote sa sahig, at kay Clyde na hindi nagbago ang itsura. He looked puzzled, and umcomfortable at the same time.
Napahilot ako ng noo at mariing pumikit.
"We, ahm, we just fought a little, Jim. Anyway, hindi nalang siguro ako magtatagal. Mag re-request nalang ako ng maglilinis sa condo nyo, please don't bother sa kalat." pagpapa umanhin ko.
Clyde's eyes are now directed to me, and he even got another bottle, probably to throw it somewhere again.
"Clyde, look, you're drunk. Sa susunod na araw nalang ako bibisita, kapag hindi ka na lasing."
Sabi ko at pinulot ang mga gamit. When I was about to leave, I looked at Jim apologetically. Sa totoo lang, ako na ang nahihiya sa kanya.
He's not obliged to take care of Clyde, pero nadyan pa rin sya at handang tumulong.
"Sinaktan ka ba nya?"
Concern nyang tanong. Muntik, actually.
But, I shook my head.
"Wala naman. Kaya nga aalis muna ako para maibsan ang init ng ulo nya. He's wasted, Jim."
"Lasing na sya pagkarating ko dito kanina, kaya bumili na muna ako ng pagkain. Anyway, sige, sa susunod na araw ka na muna bumisita. Dumalaw kasi yung Tatay nya kanina kaya...naglasing."
We both sighed.
They really need to take serious actions towards Clyde's situation right now. Oo at kakahiwalay lang nila but looking at the impact on Clyde's health, maybe they should atleast talk to each other and help their son out.
Dahil sa totoo lang, ang dami ng naabala sa sitwasyon ni Clyde, lalo na si Jim. Paano kapag nagwala si Clyde dito at aksidenteng masaktan si Jim?
"Umiwas ka na muna siguro sa kanya, Jim. I know he needs us right now pero hindi mo 'to responsibilidad. If his drinking continues, he might harm you." concern kong sabi. Ngumiti lang sya ng maliit at tumango.
Nakahinga ako ng maluwag ng makalabas sa condo, pero mas lalo lang sumakit ang ulo ko kaka isip sa sitwasyon ni Clyde. I should probably talk to his Mom to address my concern.
Para maibsan ng kahit papaano ang stress ko, minaneho ko ang sasakyan papunta sa paborito kong café. I think I need a sip of carrot juice and a squash cake right now.
While driving, I got a text from Millicent. When I opened it, it was a candid pic of mine in the parking lot of the previous event I attended. At hindi lang 'yon, naghahalikan kami ni Hunter sa kuhang yun kaya halos maibato ko ang cellphone ko sa dashboard.
From: Millicent
A friend sent me this. Ginawan na to ng article, buti nalang naagapan ko pa kung hindi kanina pa to kumalat sa social media. Anyway, kayo na ba ulit?
Great. So, someone really saw us kissing.
Wala ako sa mood na lumabas ng sasakyan at pumasok sa café. I ordered my favourite at padarag na umupo sa usual spot ko. Habang hinihintay ang order, binasa ko ulit ang text ni Millicent. Thank God hindi nya sinabi ni Kuya at baka kasa kasama ko na naman ang mga naglalakihang bodyguards namin ngayon.
Me:
Thanks for that. At please, hindi kami nagkabalikan.
Matapos kong ma send, mabilis kaagad akong nakatanggap ng reply. I guess she's not that busy?
From: Millicent
Really? Why did u two kissed tho? I mean, it's not a big deal but u two had quite of a history so it's kinda...you know?
Me:
It's a long story and I wish not to tell it here in text. Keep that as a secret for now, we'll talk soon.
After that, I shut my phone at sakto ring dumating ang order ko. Nga lang, hindi pa nga ako nakakangalahati, may biglang umupo sa bakanteng upuan sa harap ko. At hindi ko na kailangang hulaan kung sino yun dahil pareho parin naman ang amoy nya three years ago.
"How's school?" he casually asked.
"How long are you going to pester me, Hunter?" walang gana ko namang tanong.
Tumaas ang kilay nya at nanghahamon. I stared blankly onto his eyes nang bigla kong maalala ang halikan namin.
Nanindig ang balahibo ko sa batok at samo't saring emosyon na naman ang naramdaman ko.
He's wearing a casual outfit, but he still look so hot because of his built.
"Alam mo kung hanggang kailan, Tanya."
Tumiim ang bagang ko. The more I try to push him, the more determined he is to get close to me. The more I exert effort in shooving him away, the harder it takes!
Matagal ko syang tinitigan. I've done countless of stupid decisions but guess I'll be doing one again today.
I sighed heavily and broke the eye contact I started. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba tong gagawin ko, o desperado lang akong patunayan na wala na talaga akong katiting na nararamdaman sa kanya. Niether the two, I am still doing this stupid choice!
"I don't know what's playing on your mind, Hunter, but fine. Pero sa isang kundisyon."
Nakitaan ko ng pagliwanag ang mga mata nya kaya mas lalo akong nagdalawang isip. Am I really giving him a chance?
"Spill."
"Once maramdaman mong wala na talaga akong nararamdaman sa'yo, ikaw mismo ang titigil. You'll willingly step back and leave me the fuck alone. Do we have a deal?"
Okay, whatever. I am stressed, and I'm tired of playing with my destiny so I'll just go with how life flows. I will probably regret this decision once my plans backfired and the tables will turn under his favor.
He smiled darkly and leaned forward. Nakaramdam ako ng kaba dahil mukhang simula pa lang, meron na syang pinapatunayan.
"Deal. But ones things goes out of your control, you'll submitt to me and you'll leave that boyfriend of yours."
*******