A/N: Credit to Renowned Wolf, who was a huge help with this chapter.
Scene opens on a dark room with several monitors showcasing the events of past episodes and chapters being watched by two bumbling government agents only referred to as Agent 1 and Agent 2.
Agent 1 is a Caucasian male with Brown hair and side burns.
Agent 2 is a dark-skinned female with Blonde hair
They pause on a frame of Blitzo in front of horses with a derpy expression on his face.
Agent 1: Right there. That was the first sighting.
Agent 2: They are definitely from Hell. They must use this dark magic to cross over into our world... and they seem to be killing specifically-targeted people, but why?
Agent 1: They always attack at random, all over the country. There's no way to predict where they'll show up next.
He notices Agent 2 looking at a freeze-frame of you in your demon form.
Agent 1: What's wrong?
Agent 2: I can't place it...but that guy looks familiar to me.
A loud clattering noise is heard from outside, followed by an angry cat sound. The two agents immediately glance over to a hole in the wall that is covered with small wood planks. Forming a little peek hole to the outside. They then see the source of all the racket, Blitzo outside on top of some trash bags and dumpsters looking around.
Agent 2: Ah, well. That's convenient.
Blitzo: Remember, we can't be seen.
He falls into a trashcan, making another racket.
Y/N: You're the only one making noise, shithead.
Blitzo points at you with a used condom on his finger, causing you to recoil in disgust.
Blitzo: I said shush your pussy sucking lips, Y/N!
You give Blitzo a deadpan expression before backhanding him.
Moxxie heads towards the portal until he hears a gun cock.
Blitzo: Get down!
He tackles Moxxie to the ground as a net flies over their heads. You turn and see Agent 1 reloading his weapon while Agent 2 scales down the building.
Y/N: Shit! We're made!
You knock Agent 1's weapon away before kicking him square in the chest, causing him to land on a pile of trash bags.
Loona is shown holding the Grimoire with a conflicted expression while Millie has already made it through the portal.
Blitzo: Loona! Close it!
Millie: Wait! No!
Loona's eyes dart over to you. You are fighting against Agent 1, who has you in a headlock.
You make eye contact with her and nod. She exhales sadly and closes the portal.
Agent 2 hits Moxxie with a tranquilizer dart.
Y/N: Moxxie!
You elbow Agent 1 in the gut before flipping him over your shoulders and punch him in the face.
Blitzo picks up Moxxie and the three of you dart down another alleyway.
Moxxie: I smell...colors...
You and Blitzo stop at a dead end.
Blitzo: Back off, you tuxedo wearing fucks!
Agent 2 raises her weapon and tases the three of you. As you fall unconscious your slip back into your demon form. You look up at the woman's face and fully take in her appearance.
Y/N: ...Helen? (passes out)
Agent 1: I'd like to see the suits at corporate call us losers now, that was pretty badass.
Agent 2: Super badass.
Cut back to Hell where Millie is furiously pounding on the wall with tears in her eyes.
Millie: Shit! Shit, shit, shit!
Loona: You, uh...you okay over there?
Millie: Why are you just sitting there? The boys are in trouble, open it again!
Loona: I want to go back over there just as much as you do, but Blitzo was using a total of zero euphemisms, innuendos, or swears. That means it was serious, which means I don't open it until-
Millie grabs Loona by the shirt and pulls her down to her eye level.
Millie: Open the fucking portal NOW!
Sequence shows Loona packing Blitzo's "Emergen-C Bag" and transforming into her human disguise while Millie picks up a double-bladed axe. The two of them enter the same alleyway.
Millie: They aren't here...
Loona picks Millie up and sniffs at the ground.
Loona: Smells like they went this way. Come on, let's find Judge Dredd and the dumbass twins.
Scene cuts to an interrogation room in D.H.O.R.K.S's headquarters. Moxxie wakes up and notices that he, you, and Blitzo are tied up. Agent Two grabs an overhead light and shines it in Moxxie's face.
Agent 2: (shining a light in Moxxie's face) Finally awake huh, little fella. Your partners have been for a while.
Blitzo: (groggy) Look, shit bag, it takes a lot to keep me down, alright. I took a fuck ton of tranquilizers at the college I dropped out of-
Y/N: I don't believe for one second that you went to College.
Blitzo: Also, I've been strapped nipple first to a car battery so I- ugh, okay. (Agent 1 shines a light in his face)
Agent 1: Tell us, demon scum. Who do you work for? Satan?
Agent 2: How did you get to our world from the afterlife?
Agent 1: Why are youse killing humans?
Agent 2: When did you show up here?
Blitzo: Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you fetch us some coffee before we get into this. I mean everyone gets coffees in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch. Y/N, you want anything?
You don't say anything, but give Agent 2 a death glare, making her uncomfortable.
Blitzo: ...Okaaay, we'll come back to you. Moxxie?
Moxxie: I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put "Foxxie" or "Roxxie", I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-
Agent 1: Enough! We aren't getting youse coffee!
Blitzo: Wow, I was getting massive douche chills just there, Mox, congrats.
Agent 2: (getting in your face) If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell beasts.
You glare back and spit in her face.
Agent 2: Ugh! Nasty!
Moxxie: When you say "tortured" you mean physical or psychological? Physical seems counterproductive, we would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain and you have no way of knowing what was true.
Blitzo: Or we might like it too much. And then you got a whole new thing to deal with.
Agent 1: What do you mean by that?
Y/N: (not breaking eye contact with Agent 2) What do you think, you fucking virgin?
Blitzo: Oh, you're stupid, huh. I could work with stupid, Daddy Likey Dummy.
Moxxie laughs while you continue glaring at Agent 2
Agent 2: You better stop laughing at us!
Y/N: You never were intimidating or authoritative.
Agent 2: What?
Agent 1: (grabbing Blitzo) You're the ones at our mercy!
Y/N: And you've accomplished only two things. Jack and shit. And Jack left town.
Moxxie: You've had us tied up for what, hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what we are yet.
Agent 2: What are you?
Moxxie:
Moxxie and Blitzo both laugh.
Agent 1: Ohhh, smart guy, huh?
Y/N: Not a difficult thing to do with you two retards.
Agent 2: One more quip out of you and we'll shut you up!
Blitzo: Ohh, getting kinky.
Agent 1: WHAT?!? We ain't playing any of your vile demon kinks!
Blitzo: I mean, that's what it sounds like back there. You sickos.
Moxxie: [sarcastically] PLEASE, don't give them ideas sir.
Blitzo: Why not? I know the shit you're into.
Y/N: Don't bother, Blitzo. This bitch never wanted to do anything outside of missionary, and on rare occasions, cowgirl.
Agent 2 looks shocked and more than a little disturbed that you know so much about her sex life.
Agent 2: How would you know that?!
Blitzo: Really? You're the most basic bitch aren't you, lady?
Agent 1: STAAHP! We are NOT getting kinky wit youse!
Blitzo: Hey, when do we get our phone call?
Y/N: That's a myth, you don't actually get a phone call.
Agent 1: Well that depends, who are you gonna call?
Blitzo: Your fat mom! Thanking her for a fat time!
Agent 2: Nice try, demon. His fat mom is DEAD!
Agent 1:
Y/N: We're from Hell, you two-bit skank. Her being dead isn't a deal breaker for him.
Agent 2: What is your problem with me?
Blitzo: I actually have to agree with the ho on this one.
Moxxie: Everything you've said in regards to her have been pretty personal.
Y/N: How about you tell them, Helen?
Agent 2: How do you know my name?!
Y/N: Take a good look at me, you sheep-brained skank. Look me in the eye!
Agent 2 takes a good look at you, taking in every detail, then comes to a shocking realization.
Agent 2: Y/N?!
Y/N: Didn't think you could forget someone who's heart you ripped out.
Moxxie, Blitzo, and Agent 1: What is going on?!
Y/N: Everyone, I would like you to meet Helen. My good for nothing, unreliable, backstabbing ex-fiancee!
Moxxie, Blitzo, and Agent 1: WHAT?!
Moxxie: This is the woman who stabbed you in the back?!
Blitzo: I can kinda see the appeal.
Agent 2: Y/N, you don't-
Y/N: I don't want to hear anymore of your fucking excuses!
Agent 1: Hey now-
Y/N: Shut up!
Agent 1: (meekly) Yes, sir.
Blitzo: This the dude you're shacking up with now?
Moxxie: Definite downgrade, I must say.
Y/N: It was the most obvious frame job, and yet everyone believed it like gullible sheep. I thought at least the woman I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with would stand by my side, then you turned your back on me too. You're just another sheep.
Agent 2: We know it was all Jordan.
Y/N: Come again?
Agent 2: At first I believed them, but after I joined up with these guys, I was informed that the higher-ups knew the truth all along.
You, Moxxie, and Blitzo: 0_0
Agent 1: : We had a deal worked out with the triad boss and you busting him would have ruined the whole thing. We tried having you payed off but you didn't go for it so we had to take you out another way.
Y/N: And you're okay with this?
Agent 2: It had to be done, there was no other-
Y/N: You all fucked me over and hurt countless innocent lives all to protect a triad boss?! How many crimes have you permitted in the name of stopping crime?!
Agent 2: His knowledge helped law enforcement jail numerous other criminals!
Y/N: So that means he gets away scot free?! Where's the justice in that?!
Cut to Loona and Millie outside of DHORK headquarters, avoiding two guards on patrol.
Millie: This where they ended up?
Loona: I think so. Fuck, this looks intense. How are we gonna get in?
Millie: Lift me up to that vent.
Loona does so and Millie crawls through the vent before unlocking a door for Loona to enter. The two of them attempt to sneak through the building until they are caught on camera by an unnamed D.H.O.R.K. agent who spits his coffee on the agent next to him and sounds an alarm.
An agent holding a naginata runs toward Loona and Millie and swings the spear to them. The girls ducks, avoiding the spear. Loona jumps swinging the axe, causing an agent to have his right leg sliced while Millie shots his head twice. Loona throws the axe to another agent's face, Millie climbs the body picks the ax and slices another agent in half. Loona runs into an agent with nunchucks, ready to kick but he avoids, she rolls and jumps to avoid him. An agent swings a kusarigama to Loona but Loona ducks, slicing the nunchuck guy in the neck instead. Millie sneaks up to a surprised agent and breaks his neck, he falls down face first. Loona grabs Millie and Millie grabs the axe, running to another set of agents. A door opens revealing an agent, alerting the other agents. The set of agents reveal their shuriken and throws them to the girls.
Millie: Throw me!
She throws Millie into a group of agents as a door closes behind her labeled CAUTION BLAST DANGER. Screaming sound effects. The door lifts to show Millie surrounded by corpses and blood-spatter.
Loona: Damn, you're pretty agile for an old lady.
Millie: I'm like 5 years older than you.
Cut back to the interrogation room, where you and Agent 2 are still arguing.
Agent 2: There was no other way!
Y/N: Spoken like a true sheep.
Agent 2 looks at you with a mixture of anger and sadness.
Agent 1: (putting his hand on 2's shoulder) Hey, hey, let's just leave here till we've all calmed down and they're ready to talk.
They leave the room
Blitzo: : Alright, if we keep being obnoxious they'll eventually slip up and we can escape. Let's just keep fucking with them-
Y/N: They can hear every word you're saying, shit for brains.
Blitzo: And how would you know?
Y/N: Because I've done this multiple times before. Remember? Cop. Duh.
Agent 1: So the demons want to play games, huh? Well, we can play games.
Agent 2 hits a button labeled "truth bomb", filling the interrogation room with green gas.
Moxxie: I'm just worried about Millie; she'll be on her way by now, I'm sure.
Blitzo: Ugh, she'll be fine, Moxxie. It would take a roided-up hippo to take down that woman when she's upset.
Moxxie: We've never dealt with the human government before! She's in danger!
Blitzo: Do you ever honestly shut up about Millie? It's always "oh, how's Millie?", "I can't tonight, I'm hanging with Millie." "I'm so worried about Millie."
Y/N: I mean come on, she's almost always five fucking feet away from you! It's kinda pathetic.
Moxxie: That was oddly personal.
Blitzo: You know what, you're right. I don't know why the fuck I let my guts spill like that.
Y/N: (noticing the gas) Guys?
Moxxie: They're filling this room with something!
Blitzo: Fuck! The hell is this?
Moxxie: I think it's some kind of airborne truth telling serum.
Y/N: How the fuck did you come to that conclusion?! It looks more like Joker's laughing gas!
Moxxie: Well, uh, just ask me something specific I wouldn't normally tell you.
Blitzo: Okay uh, does Millie ever peg you?
Moxxie: Sometimes. Wait, ew, fuck! Why that?
Blitzo: Heh, I knew it.
Y/N: HA! Charlie owes me five bucks.
Moxxie: Well your suit is tacky! Fuck, I'm sorry.
Blitzo: [gasps] How fuckin' dare you! You have shitty taste in music! I'm sorry!
Moxxie: Shit taste? You said you liked that musical I recommended to you!
Blitzo: I lied, I left half way through!
Moxxie: You- you said you loved it!
Blitzo: [In tears] It was awful Moxxie, it was about ugly, horny cats!
Both of them break down crying while you look indifferent.
Y/N: If I had a nickel for every time I encountered something worse than my death, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't much, but it's still weird that it happened twice.
Due to the truth gas, the three of you start tripping balls.
Moxxie finds himself in a Disney-esque Phantom of the Opera trip.
Moxxie: Blitzo? [coughs] I- I can't see you. God this smells awful! What's that music? Is that you? Is this a prank, because I swear to Satan -
Blitzo: It is no prank, bitch!
Moxxie: Hey! Why do you sound like that?
Blitzo (hallucination): Because you, my precious little bitch boy-
Moxxie: Stop it, Sir.
Blitzo (hallucination): -are tripping balls!
[The shiny organ pipes act as a spotlight and points to Moxxie as he begins to sing]
Moxxie: ♫ No, what? How could this be? I've never tried acid, shrooms, or DMT! It's a bad trip! Oy Gevault! Of course, Blitzo, this would be your fault! [A close up on Blitzo's gloved fingers as he plays the organ. The camera goes back to Moxxie] My lungs are full of honesty, would you promise me that you won't judge? ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Yes, bitch! ♫ [he dramatically plays the organ.]
Moxxie: ♫ Not trying to divulge too much, but I'm in too deep so first of all: FUCK YOU! ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ What? ♫
Moxxie: ♫ This is all just typical well two can play at this game of dismay 'cause if you're here causing frustration, I'm torturing you in your hallucination! ♫
Scene cuts to Blitzo's hallucination. He is wearing a clown suit and three specters are flying over him before he's approached by a doodle version of Moxxie.
Moxxie (doodle): I simply follow your orders, it isn't my fault if your orders are as nonsensical as a sun tanning bed left out on the cold rainy porch of a fresh April shower.
Blitzo: Why are you talking like that? What the fuck does that even mean?
Moxxie (doodle): I am simply speaking Satan's plain English - perhaps you should crack open a dictionary some time? And then maybe you can understand half of the frivolous things I carry on and on about on my many rants about-
He's gradually drowned out by the music.
Blitzo: Shut up!
Back in Moxxie's trip
Moxxie: ♫ Why do you hurt me so? ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I know! ♫
Moxxie: ♫ Why must you push your friends away? ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): [harmonizes] ♫ I push my friends away ♫
Moxxie: ♫ Why does it seem like a recurring theme that you alienate with your toxic routine? ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I don't know, eventually everyone goes! ♫
Moxxie: ♫ Cause you're thoughtless, and cruel and you'll end up alone! ♫
Back in Blitzo's trip
Moxxie (doodle): Admit it, my dear boss. You don't know what you are doing half the time, and you depend on me and the missus to manage your foolish flights of fancy.
Blitzo: I don't need you, I can do this shit on my own so easily!
He's attacked by an apparition of Striker.
Striker (hallucination): But you don't want to do things alone, Blitz-O!
He's grabbed by an apparition of Robo-Fizz.
Robo-Fizz (hallucination): You tried the solo act, it didn't work out so well! [laughs like a distorted robot]
He throws Blitzo to the ground, who's then approached by an apparition of Verosika.
Verosika (hallucination): Yet you still shove away anyone who gets too close until they resent you for being a selfish shitty shit fuck.
Blitzo gets up and bumps into a Staircase.
Stolas (hallucination): [voice-over] Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?
Moxxie (hallucination): I believe your subconscious is trying to tell you that you simply cannot fathom proper intimacy, but also crave it as well. It's rather unfortunate sir, considering it's often how you treat those who stand by you, such as myself. Are you worried, I may have enough of it one day as well?
Blitzo: Stop fucking talking! All of you!
Scene cuts back to reality. You, Blitzo, and Moxxie are shown drooling while Agents 1 and 2 watch with popcorn and soda.
Scene cuts to Blitzo's trip, where the hallucinations all say the same thing; "You're going to die alone"
Back in Moxxie's trip
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Why, Moxxie, why have you held your true feelings inside? ♫
Moxxie: ♫ I am scared of rejection. ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ Why, Moxxie, why do you have Millie put it in your butt? ♫
Moxxie: ♫ It gives me an erectio- ♫ Hey!
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ No need to hide, we accept your true feelings, so promise me - ♫
Moxxie: ♫ That I can do. ♫
Both: [harmonizing] ♫ To be true. ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ The world is your anus, so peg it with honesty. ♫
Moxxie: Oh...
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ I've been a jackass, it's true. ♫
Moxxie: ♫ You've been a jackass, it's true. ♫
Blitzo (hallucination): ♫ But soon as we're back as ourselves. ♫
Both: [harmonizing] ♫ I will be a better friend than I was before. ♫
Moxxie: ♫ Be better at speaking my mind~ and... ♫
Both: [harmonizing] ♫ Together we can begin to become... fine~. ♫
Cut to your trip
You are shown walking through a deserted street at night in your human form, when you're struck from behind with a tire iron.
Jordan: Miss me, partner?
You move to attack him, but are knocked to the ground by Agent 2.
Agent 2: I'm better off without you.
A legion of Cops, Criminals, and the people you've run afoul of as a member of IMP show up.
Random Criminal: Goddamn freak!
Random Cop: You're a disgrace to the Badge!
Martha: My family is dead because of you and those filthy creatures!
Cletus: You got us kicked out of Heaven!
They all move to attack you, with you dodging and counterattacking as best as you can, knocking numerous opponents to the side, until you're overwhelmed, all of them punching, kicking, or bludgeoning you.
Jordan: Just to everyone a favor and DIE!
You encase yourself in a barrier of Ice to deflect the blows.
Closing your eyes, you think back. To the people who care about you;
Charlie and Vaggie, who gave you a new home.
Loona. Fierce and badass one moment, the cutest thing in Hell the next.
Verosika. The first person in Hell who was genuinely nice to you, and deserved someone who would treat her right.
Y/N: No.
The ice barrier breaks apart, impaling several Cops and Criminals, and you emerge in your Demon form.
Y/N: If anyone is dying...it's all of you.
You punch Agent 2 across the jaw, knocking out a couple of her teeth and destroying her sunglasses.
You then vault behind Martha, using her as a shield as the Cherubs fire a barrage of holy arrows. They impale her before you throw her corpse into Keenie and Collin.
You then tackle Cletus before generating two icicles and stabbing him through the eyes.
Before Keenie and Collin could fully recover, you freeze them solid before clenching your fist, shattering them.
Agent 2 barely manages to pick herself up before you snap her neck.
Jordan tries to run, but you fire two icicles, which impale his legs. He whimpers miserably before you wrap your hands around his throat and choke the life out of him.
Y/N: Good riddance to all you miserable fucks.
You wake up from your trip and catch the end of Blitzo and Moxxie having a heart to heart with each other.
Y/N: Enough of this shit.
Having regained your energy, you freeze the bonds, freeing the three of you just as Millie crashes through the ceiling.
Moxxie: There's my Millie!
Y/N: My southern belle!
Blitzo: How'd you get here by yourself?
As if to answer, Loona, using Agent 2's face, breaks through the two-way mirror.
Blitzo: Loonie?!
Loona: Hurry up before more fuckers show up!
She reverts back to her demon form and tosses a bag of weapons into the room before noticing you.
Loona: Y/N!
Y/N: Loona!
She pounces on you, bringing both of you to the ground, and nuzzles her cheek against yours, her tail wagging so fast it's become a blur.
Agent 1 presses a button to summon a swarm of agents
Y/N: This is gonna be fun.
You shove your fist into an agent's stomach, pull out their intestines, freeze them into an icicle, and stab the agent through the face, killing him. Another agent throws a kusarigama only for it to be caught and stolen by Loona who kills multiple agents.
Y/N: Alright, not gonna lie, I'm a little turned on.
Loona: Come here.
She wraps her legs around your waist and the two of you make out while killing multiple Agents.
Agent 2: Who is she?!
Loona: I'm his girlfriend, bitch.
Agent 2: What?!
Y/N: Loona, Millie, meet my ex-fiancee.
Millie: The one who abandoned you?
Loona: (cracking knuckles) I'm gonna love this.
Millie: We'll teach you to mistreat our man!
Agent 2: You're both dating him?!
Loona and Millie pounce on her and proceed to give her the grandfather of all beatdowns.
Y/N: I love those women. (freezes and shatters an agent)
Blitzo: Oh, they totally peg you, don't they?
Y/N: Do I look like Moxxie to you?
Moxxie: Hey!
Camera transitions to Millie butchering numerous guards with her axe before running off with an ecstatic expression.
Scene transitions to Blitzo and Moxxie back to back, gunning down their opponents.
Blitzo: Mox, cover me!
Moxxie: Yes, sir!
Blitzo runs over and he and Loona team up to kill a few agents.
Loona: Die motherfuckers! What?
Blitzo: I am just so damn proud of you Loonie! [kisses her cheek] Bye sweetie!
She growls in annoyance.
Y/N: Just accept it, babe. He's trying to be better.
Blitzo runs to partner with Millie.
Blitzo: Hey Mills!
Millie: Hey Blitzo! Just one sec!
She kills agents.
Blitzo: You need a gun or anything?
Millie: Nope. I'm good.
She starts crushing an agent's head between her thicc thighs.
Y/N: That's hot.
Blitzo: How about some water?
Millie: Sure!
He squirts a bottle of water in her mouth
Millie: Thanks Blitzo!
Blitzo: No problemy, Millie-Billie.
He pulls out more guns.
Blitzo: Now who wants some quality time with Daddy?
He kills more agents before hitting a grenade like a golf ball.
Blitzo: Fore!
A mangled corpse lands in front of Agents 1 and 2, the latter is bloody and limping, before a katana impales it.
Agent 1: Why, God, WHY do we only use the weapons from Japan's Edo Period?!
Agent 2: Hey! The Edo Period was badass and you know it!
Agent 1: Damn it, you're right!
Y/N: You always were the worst kind of Weeb!
You incase your knuckles in ice and punch out both of them.
You then generate a number of ice throwing stars and impale a number of agents, before ripping another's head clean off her shoulders.
Moxxie is shown blasting numerous agents with a shotgun.
Moxxie: BITCHES!
Blitzo: Hey, Mox!
Moxxie fumbles and drops his shotgun, which goes off and shoots an agent in the crotch.
Blitzo: Oh, wow. Really going for the dick there, ain't ya? Here, I got it for ya (Kills agent). Now hold this.
He pulls out a rocket launcher labeled "My Dick" and fires a rocket labeled "Pussy Destroyer", which destroys a large portion of the room.
Moxxie: Oh crumbs. Is everyone alright?
Blitzo: Wooooo! How's that for demon scum?!
Agent 1 hits a button, causing the room to go into lockdown.
Moxxie: Quick, the book!
Loona: Shit! I-I can't read it in this light. I can't see dick!
Blitzo: Well shit. Looks like we've milked this weapon dick dry and now we're out of badassery.
Agent 2: Ha! You demons aren't goin' anywhere now.
The shadows in the room start to morph into demonic forms. A television flickers on with static on the screen before rattling and shutting off. Several monitors are flung off the wall.
Stolas/Octavia: Who dares threaten my Impish little plaything/my boyfriend?
Agent 1: Who said that?!
The Agents see two sets of foot prints walking towards them before a monitor strikes Agent 1, knocking him to the ground.
Agent 1: Agent 2?
He looks around, panicked, while corpse of an agent rises up and draws Voodoo symbols.
"Agent": I must say, this is one shindig I regret missing out on! This is what I call entertainment!
Y/N: ...Al?
Agent 2's head turns around 180 degrees, terrifying Agent 1.
Agent 2/Stolas/Octavia: What's the matter, demon hunter? Never seen a real demon before?
Agent 2 vomits up a torrent of blood and feathers and transform into two owl beasts while Alastor tears his way out of corpse he's possessing and eats his liver before transforming into a more monstrous version of himself.
The three of them roar in the Agents' faces before reverting back to their regular forms.
Blitzo: Stolas? Wha- hold on - How did you know that we needed help?
Stolas: I have my ways, darling. Are you alright?
Blitzo: Ugh, I'm fine, Stolas.
Stolas: Mm. Good. How the FUCK did you get caught by humans?! Are you little creatures not being careful up here? You know, if you get in trouble, I get in trouble. We don't want that.
Moxxie: They caught us off guard, your highness.
Blitzo: Yeah, you can unclench your bird-puss, Stolas. It's not gonna happen again, okay?
Stolas: Luckily for you, most don't believe the words of the demon-obsessed lunatics. They are seen as kooks! (chuckles) Kooks! Such a silly word. Now let us all return.
Moxxie: Yes please. I'd like to get back to the correct hellhole as soon as possible.
Stolas: Am I going to get any thank you for the rescue, Blitzy?
Blitzo: Well, I suppose you should. Want me to fuck your brains out tonight?
Stolas: Very much so.
Blitzo: Alright, but you're keeping quiet or I'm using those bear traps.
Stolas: (feathers puffed out) Ohhh! Please do.
The two of them start making out.
A/N: And as of Ozzie's, they become my least favorite ship because of how toxic and dysfunctional their relationship is. God, the Moxxie X Verosika ship somehow feels less toxic at this point.
Y/N: Not that I'm ungrateful, Alastor. But how did you know *I* was in danger?
Alastor: Charlie sensed you were in trouble through her seal and I offered to help.
Y/N: What's the catch?
Alastor: Just a favor that I'll cash in eventually. I may end up even keeping it. The idea that the Bad Cop owes me a favor is rather amusing.
Octavia: Oh, Y/N.
Loona: Don't we get a thank you for the rescue?
You carry both women over your shoulders and take them to a backroom for a hot gothic threesome.
Cut back to Earth.
Agent 2: So what now?
Agent 1: 'What now'?! We've finally got the evidence we need to be taken seriously!
He pulls up security camera footage of the massacre. The two of them smirk while putting their sunglasses back on.
Agent 1: Nobody in corporate is ignoring this. (evil laugh)
Agent 2: And one day, I'll get Y/N to see things my way.
End of Chapter.
Agent 1: