Jun was right, Soonyoung was there.
- Hoshi what are y... Why are you smoking?
- Cause the cigarette is lit?
- Why did you light it?
- To smoke.
- Give that shit to me,- Jihoon stretched his hand to grab the cigarette from the older's hand but Soonyoung lifted his arm above his head.
- You can't reach it.
- I'll punch your balls.
- Let me smoke in peace, please!- Soonyoung was irritated, which made Jihoon feel a bit scared (he won't admit it of course).
- Do whatever you want.
- Thanks!
"I need to be nice"- Jihoon reminded himself.
- What's bothering you, Hoshi?
- Nothing,- Soonyoung smiled as if he wasn't the one ready to throw hands when Jihoon wanted to take his cigarette away.
- Cut the crap. Since when did you start smoking? I remember back in uni we invited you to smoke and you choked.
- I didn't have anything to smoke about back then.
- Do you have now? You dramatic ass.- Jihoon didn't sound very soft but the smile was.
- I'm gonna contradict myself if I say no, huh?
- Yes, so you better tell me what's been going on with you.
- I really really don't feel like sharing anything right now, Woozi.
Jihoon felt his heart clench. Not because Soonyoung doesn't want to share something with him specifically, that wasn't the deal. It was because of the fact that Soonyoung never had a problem with sharing anything with any of his friends. Jihoon doesn't know what must've happened, that Soonyoung doesn't want to share. Was he ashamed or afraid of something?
- Hoshi, I understand that you may not want to share with anyone and I, obviously respect your will but I can't help but get concerned. Because if you don't wanna share, you're either in danger or embarrassed. Please find someone to share with and don't face your problems alone, okay?
Soonyoung looked at this new, soft Jihoon and quickly blinked his eyes. "Why is he being so...normal?"- He thought.
- I'm not in danger. I'm fine.
- Are you embarrassed?
- Very much.
- Hoshi,- Jihoon put his hand on Soonyoung's shoulder making him face the shorter male, - there is absolutely nothing you can tell me, that will make me judge you. I'm sure the embarrassment you're feeling isn't even objective and I know you haven't done anything awful.
- How do you know, Woozi?! And isn't being a total loser something objectively embarrassing.
- You're not a total loser, even if you are, it's not embarrassing. What's going on, Hoshi?
- I keep getting kicked out of part time jobs and struggling to find a so-called place in this stupid society. If my place is being an employee, who always gets fired, then I don't want it! All I've been doing these few years was trying to earn some sort of money for basic human needs and I haven't felt happiness for some years now!
Jihoon's eyes widened. He had no idea Hoshi was going through all this with such problems. He knew that the older was changing part time jobs quite often but the last sentence made Jihoon want to cry.
- That doesn't make you a loser, Hoshi. Maybe you haven't felt happiness, because you're just not in the place your supposed to be?
- Where am I supposed to be?! In heaven?!
- No, that's not what I meant. Hoshi, you're the most talented person I know, you're made for big stages and for performing!
- I was talented Woozi, I'm not now. I'm just a lazy, useless loser, okay? People change!
- You can't lose your talents, Hoshi, you can get unaccustomed to them and then regain those talents after short practice!
- Well, maybe my real talent is losing talents!
- No it's not! I've seen you perform, there was no other situation that you looked so "natural" in.
- That was university me. He was a good kid with goals and ambitions. This me is a drained and burned out idiot, who isn't talking to his friend Woozi anymore.
Soonyoung was always a cheerful and bubbly member of their friend group, yet Jihoon knew how he might feel deeply inside. He also knew how he always followed his principles and how his stubbornness was unbeatable.
Jihoon decided to make the conversation more lighthearted.
- Aren't you too broke for cigarettes?
This made Soonyoung chuckle.
- I am but I'm also too weak to quit.
- I'll do that for you,- Jihoon took the cigarette from Soonyoung's fingers and put it out.
- Hey!
- Give me the rest of the packs you have.
- No!
- You'll get kicked in your balls in five, four, three...
- Take this, you aggressive man!- Soonyoung pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and handed it to Jihoon.
- Do you have any more?
- No, as you said, I'm too broke for that.
- Okay, good. You're not smoking from now on. And no drinking..
- How is that even any of your business?
Jihoon thought for a moment.
"Indeed, why is that my business?"
As Jihoon wasn't able to give an answer to that, Soonyoung shrugged and made a "as expected" face. He then continued looking at something in the distance, not knowing himself what he's staring at.
Jihoon went deep into thoughts. Sure, Soonyoung was his friend and friends are supposed to help each other but he was also an individual person and Jihoon wasn't supposed to help him if he didn't want it.
But Jihoon needed to help him. It was like an idee fix. But why did he want to help Soonyoung this much?
Jihoon thought a bit more and concluded to himself, that Soonyoung was actually his best friend. He was the one with whom Jihoon showed his weakest sides back in the days. Sure, there was also Seungcheol, but the oldest was more like an advisor. With Soonyoung, he often let his emotions show and the taller male never made him regret it. He also realized that he can trust Soonyoung with almost everything.
The short male looked at Soonyoung for a moment. He didn't know, what the older was thinking. But Jihoon liked the discovery he made just now- Soonyoung was his best friend.
- God, I hate myself and my useless existence so much,- Soonyoung suddenly pronounced rubbing his face.
Jihoon felt his heart sink. How could Soonyoung hate himself when he was this amazing?
The taller then started sniffing and Jihoon noticed he's crying. Soonyoung chuckled while tears were flowing down his face.
- Fuck, this is so embarrassing!
Jihoon was terrible at comforting people but he needed to do something so that Soonyoung feels a bit better.
- It's not embarrassing at all, Hoshi.- Jihoon rubbed the older's back with his hand,- I think you may need a hug now.
Not even a second passed until Soonyoung tightly wrapped his arms around Jihoon's small body. The shorter male softly hugged Soonyoung's waist.
"Hugging isn't even that bad"- Jihoon thought to himself, while the other male was crying and apologizing for crying.
Jihoon knew for sure he was gonna help Soonyoung. If he doesn't accept financial help, then Jihoon was going to find another way to help him. There was no way, Jihoon was going to sit with folded arms, when Soonyoung, the person who made everyone around him happy with just existing, was feeling like this.
The short male made a decision- He was going to make sure Soonyoung feels genuinely happy again. And not only he's going to witness it, he's also going to take Soonyoung's hand and walk with him to that happiness. He had already decided to be nice to Soonyoung and helping him feel happy again was an amazing way to do so.